no, I'm not a bad joke
this is me
I've obsessed over another girl's
Instagram
and I've thought myself
better
when I've been
worse
but what you don't know
is through it all
I've been the same
always the same
I'm not soft
and I'm not who you take home
but I've been happy
some people like me
and the others don't
all in all
here I am

make her
she lies incomplete

lies on the floor
somewhat butchered
but her eyes remain
daggers lit in
sunlight
but her face trembles
as a mirror i avoided
for two years while
i was dead

not dead
as i'd thought
but dreamed with
dusty morning eyes but
at night
with limbs thinner and
black
hiding shadows under
footsteps
heard in
the tunnels
she left

before me
pressed deep in
the eyes a
soft grandeur
in black ovals
where
i died as well again
and will die
for awhile

i dreamed
of rickety towers descending
downwards through
land
until able to
be jumped on
and awoken with
raucous stomps

Im not addicted
Im obsessed
And my drug of choice
Is one of the best

I owe you everything
And thats exactly what you took
The moment I met you
You enticed me with your look

I was dying to try you
Now im simply dying
Cause they took you away
And my insides are crying

You kept me safe
And always confidant
Now my friends are afraid
That I've lost my common sense

But if you got high
You'd put your morals aside
And if this brings me closer to death
I think im ready to die.

I grabbed the happiness
And choked you with my obsessiveness
My desperate attempt to keep you
Just pushed you away
And now I'm obsessing over the fact that I obsessed
I grabbed on to the only happiness in my sea of sad
Now I'm left here drowning
I guess I'm saying you were my life jacket
But I sunk myself trying to keep afloat
You wanted to stay and save me
Instead I just kept pushing myself under
With every obsessive thought
Every second guess
Every time I freaked out and sent you text after text
Asking the same questions over and over
I pushed you away as I pushed myself further under
And now I'm left in my sea of sadness
With only the memory of you

i get obsessed with things
until they make me sick
i love too hard
worry too well

i do this with everything
music, people, ideas, school

you need to
calm down
let go
honey

don't take hold of things
and let them in
with such a serious grip

you're ok
nothing is ever as bad as it seems
just let the anxiety fade
forget the sour aftertaste
and realize there's good
in everything

(you can love and want things to pieces
without falling to them yourself)

laughing laughing i love u laughing
         i’m scared of loving u
                          just joking. u’r scared
                                    i hope u understand
                                         love u
                                                   u
                                             just u wait
                                                      u’ll see
                                                        u fell into her arms
                                                          u’­ll fall into mine
                                     haha i’ll ask u out
                                                     just u wait
                                                            ­  u’r sweet
                                            have i told u that before? ;)
               how many times have i told u?
                                                  i’ll guess u’d say ‘lots’
                                                          ­          u need to loosen up.
                                       just joking. i like u
                                                                      u’r ******* gorgeous
                                        did i forget to tell u?
                                                              ­ well. u are
                                                   sorry. it’s all u’r fault
                                                           ­                u’r not pardoned
                                                      ki­dding yes u are
                                                             ­                u’r sweet
                                                           ­        (yeah u are)
                                                              sorry. it's ur fault i have butterflies
                                              in conclusion: i like u
                                                               ­       (sorry. u can’t avoid me)
                                                             ­             i like u, and
                                                         there’s nothing u can do about it
                           hahaha.
                                                         ­                   laughing laughing laughing.