Benji...this is your conscience speaking...

"You'll never be good enough for her,
Who are you kidding?
You aren't attractive enough,
To obtain her love.
What are you thinking boy...?
Why are you trying to destroy
everything left inside yourself.
Do you want to be addicted to this drug?
Better stop praying to the sky above...
Get back up Benji, move a little faster
or this storm is going to catch up with ya.
I know you don't give a f**k,
But you better start
Or you'll end up back in that slump
and this time...I'm not sure you'll get back up
And pull yourself back out of that dump."

Resurrect everything inside of my soul
Reignite that light, that once shined
Bring me back
So I can fight, let me find
That parts of me that I lost
in the dark
Give me the spark
to restore life to my heart

Just can't seem to get a grip
People all around me
Are gritting their teeth
Waiting for my next slip
Trying to anticipate my next trip
That just ain't cool...
Why don't you worry about yourself?
I don't need your help.
I've dealt with everything else on my own
People catch me in public
speaking to myself
I'm just talking to the inner me
trying to work out my inner being
Haven't you ever been confused?
Feeling self-accused, hurt and bruised.

Resurrect everything inside of my soul
Reignite that light, that once shined
Bring me back
So I can fight, let me find
That parts of me that I lost
in the dark
Give me the spark
to restore life to my heart

"Benji look at you now...
You crashed yourself into the ground
You tried to rebound
Back from the darkness of life
You just drowned in the blackness inside
You are losing parts of yourself
Every time you're inflicted with pain
Your soul melts
You die a little more inside
You're trying to ride this tide
But you keep running out of time
So you better decide
If you're willing to climb
This jagged cliff edge
One last time."

Resurrect everything inside of my soul
Reignite that light, that once shined
Bring me back
So I can fight, let me find
That parts of me that I lost
in the dark
Give me the spark
to restore life to my heart

©2018 Written By Benji James

I was your crimson beauty
Your vermilion wish
Hold me as I burn
Your secret little fire
Burn, burn my letters
Burn, burn away the sins
As you burn the memories

Vermilion wish,
Crimson beauty,
Are you real? Are you real?
The way you make me feel,
You made it seem so real

What once was
Shall it be again?
Memories so vivid,
Colorful delight,
Arrangement to estrangement,
Will my memory then die?

Burn, burn my letters
Burn, burn away the sins
As you burn the memories

Vermilion wish, vermilion dream,
I know you are real,
You mean so much to me…
Now I don’t know, I don’t know what to do
The likes of you,
Left a reaching hand
Reaching out, reaching out…

Walking out the door,
Didn’t turn to look,
But I did, I did
As you left the room,
I turned back to look,
I did, I did

Burn, burn my letters
Burn, burn away the sins
As you burn the memories

I understand, leave the open flame,
Open heart, let me bleed,
It’s okay, I’ll be okay,
Maybe not today, give me time

I was your vermilion dream,
And you were mine,
Still you are, still you are

You burn away, burn away my sins
I burned away yours
All was open, it’s still open,
Just for you,
Vermilion wishes,
I keep them alive for you

Hold me, I hold you,
Never meant to last,
But I didn’t see the end
Just wasn’t looking,
Maybe I just wasn’t looking

Space, it’s yours,
Time, I’ll always give you
As much as you need,
It’s okay, we’ll be okay,
Okay?

You burn away, burn away my sins
I hid them in my skin
Far beneath, but you see through
Right through me
Through me like glass
Through me like glass

Vermilion wishes,
Songs secretly sung,
Hold my words,
Hold them in your hands
In your heart,
Keep them there,
Reignite them when you need
Reignite them when you need

Burn my letters,
Burn, burn away the sins
I was your vermilion dream,
Your vermilion wishes
Steady now, steady now
You are real, it was real
Dreams can always come true
Reignite them when you need,
Reignite them when you need
Your call I will always heed

It’s okay, it’s okay,
Reignite them when you need

You burn away, burn away my sins
I burned away yours
All was open, it’s still open
Just for you, just for you
Vermilion wishes,
I keep them alive for you

I was your vermilion dream
And you were mine,
Still you are, still you will be
Reignite it when you need,
Steady now, steady now,
We’ve got time, whenever you need,
Your call I’ll always heed,
Just for you,
My vermilion dream.

- Jay M
December 9th, 2022

Nothing turns this angel down
Excellence, in the flesh
And if they try, an evening gown
In satin works the best

Is beauty deeper than the skin?
Surely she'll impress
Instead of showing what's within
She forces you to guess

Eyes of gold been tarnished brown
By tears that have been wept
Dark and shining locks abound
Make up for shades not kept

Sin runs red in times of blue
Every angel's seen
Temptation's there to carry you
When you have lost your wings

Consider but the outside shell
For that is most well-known
Appearing to be straight from hell
To garnish feelings shown

How could she be so mean, you ask?
What makes her be so spiteful?
Why can't she see it's not a mask
That makes her feel delightful?

Lies frozen, held through time
In silent desperation
Hiding at the scene of crime
A ****** confrontation

To free the memories from her head
Would unleash such a fear
She'd rather end the night instead
As not to feel him near

Ah, here's the one; the big bad wolf
That's haunted all her dreams
Whom proved too well by wearing wool
All are not as they seem

But I am ****, but skin and fur
And showing her my core
And telling her the parts that hurt
While donning nothing more

He's changed her mind, she's cast astray
But I could be the shepherd
To keep the hungry wolves at bay
As countless dogs endeavored

One light can only shine so much
Before the flame has died
To reignite it just a touch
Of love might satisfy

Surely there is nothing worse
Than feeling left to dry
Entrapped within a lover's curse
And never knowing why

Well, in defense of self-defense
I must admit it's snide
To hang a face upon the fence
Until you've picked a side

It's safe, my friend, just be yourself
Strip down to nothing hidden
And let emotion feed your health
By eating the forbidden

A heart must be coaxed from its hide
With tenderness and passion
In order for the passersby
To notice what has happened

From way out here it's hard to tell
But underneath a soul
That liberates a girl of twelve
Longs for a soul to hold

To hold would mean to carry, too
When harsh times rear their heads
To be the one to follow through
When love needs to be fed

But most of all it means to dress
With confidence or loathing
Just make sure you can impress
A saint in Sinner's clothing

Moments lost,
Adrift in the sands of time
Regret stains the soul
As unlived dreams linger
Life erodes,
Memories fade to sepia
Worn and disillusioned
The spark of life wanes
She struggles
To reignite
Her lust for life

Kelly Rose
© April 12, 2017

At an unknown time of night at our cottage in northern Michigan…
My younger brother and I heard strange noises coming from the beach again…
We looked up at the ceiling and then the window…
As the voices from outside, in a lively allegro…
Grew softer and louder in repeating crescendos…
We skittered out the door and stared in fascination…
For what we saw must have been our imagination…

The door closed with a creak as our feet hit the grass…
It was at that moment we got a look at the mass…
Of stubby foot, hunchback creatures from which the sounds had amassed…

There was about six of them chanting like a choir…
They danced and paraded around our burnt out fire…
As we looked on, we saw our fire raise…
It got brighter as they lifted their hands in waves…
As light betook the blue beach night…
A crowd of colorfully masked gremlins caught us in their sights!

Their feet slowed to a stop and they quieted down…
They stood still as the fire flickered off their weird wooden frowns…
One reached out his hand in a come-here motion…
They seemed to stand and wait with an encouraging notion…
As the fire crackled and the waves tumbled onto the beach…

All I can remember, is for the rest of that summer…
My younger brother and I served as the drummers…
For that quirky marching band of lake sprites…
With which our burnt out fire we’d reignite…
At an unknown time of night at our cottage in northern Michigan…

Drapes for windows anew, imitating neighbourhood too,
Furniture rearranged, pictures too; all in blue,
Watchin’, dreamin’ lucid at the porch, of you;
Lay hanging on by the leash, I wait to let go,
Like magic birthday candles reignite, reignite,
Thoughts raced of rats and Tremor Christ,
Dried tears shed tumbling down as I cried;
With every moment I lay, I lay inspired;
I’ll make my yellow bucket list,
This’ll also include in it some of Budapest,
I’ll head off maybe from Scarborough,
Go all the way to Bali with packs of Marlboro,
And maybe then, I’d have answered;
All those questions that have lingered,
And maybe then, I’d have lived,
All those rights and wrongs, greeted and treated,
I’ll travel alone but not lonely,
My feet, my only carriage, I’ll carry;
I’ll carry me home one night!!

It’s been thirteen months and I’ve forgotten your scent. I don’t remember the way it feels for your fingertips to brush against my bare skin. I can’t recall the spark that would reignite every time our lips came in contact. I can’t remember the way your tongue would taste in the early hours of the day. I don’t even remember what your voice sounded like whispering through the phone at 5am. But it’s been thirteen months, and I won’t dare forget the way it felt to watch you walk out of my life just as quickly and unexpectedly as you walked into it.

Queen of passion
Broken through love
She who gives all
Surely loses it all

Passions burning flame
No other flame may withstand
Burning out
Flame versus flame

Sad socrpio
You let a dull match in
Twig with no spark
Stealing your fire
Dulling her shine

Sad Scorpio, you know
Flame dulled
Stolen fire, a burning rage
Sad scorpio

Broken by a dull stick
Dull stick
Calls you dull

Sad Scorpio
Sad, sad Scorpio
Wishing to burn
She has been robbed

Flame stolen
Flame that once burned
All who challenged

Sad Scorpio
Steal your flame back
No.
You let him burn

He won't reignite your flame
No.
He burns you
Burns you up
Yet you stay, sad Scorpio

Says he is the only one
Who will keep you warm
No.
He burns you

Sad Scorpio
Steal your flane
Let him dwindle
Shine again

Will a Phoenix doused in water reignite?
Should the Sun ever disturb the night?
As my eyes take their rest my mind takes flight
Then quickly plummets straight into blight
Straight into sorrow; reigniting my rage
And keeps me awake as if it were day
Awake to write my story/Awake to dwell on the last page
How dare I wallow over someone engaged?
Great Leviathan, Demon God of water and life
Lend me your strength as I overcome this strife
Baptize me in your waters and revitalize my sight
Clear away all the salt and callus to turn my scleras white
Drown the anger in my heart; cease its return!
**** the Phoenix, for its presence burns!
Drown the Sun so that the moon may take its turn
Allow my brain to rest so that I may have the capacity learn
How to fully move on…

It took me a while to realize that you were not my first love. Sure, my first time, my first older boyfriend, my first lover who was also my best friend. But not my first heartbreak. While discussing the argument between your girlfriend and me with a close friend, she said something that woke me up.

“Why is she so insecure if you two didn’t work out? Like, you two just don’t work, she shouldn’t be attacking you.”

At that moment I wanted to interrupt with a, “we did work out but-“ But what? I let what she said resonate through my brain. We didn’t work out. I was trying to keep every beautiful memory alive (there’s a lot of them) by ignoring the idea that we really did not work together. It was a slap in the face when everything clicked. We would still be together if everything worked.

Naturally, this led me to think of everyone I’d been with and why it never worked. I ignore Evan. Yes he was my first boyfriend and yes he was my first kiss, but that’s all it was. We were eleven years old with dorky crushes on each other. Hardly love at all. Then there was Gareth. He was my first love. It was one of those things where I saw him and I felt like 500 bees had stung me. Only their stingers left the healing sensation of honey. Right after the pain came the comfort. But with this also came with the reality that he was my first unrequited love, my first heartbreak. It took years to get over him. I dated Nick, I dated Hayden, I flirted with Jordan, and nothing sufficed. And then came you. Seeing you wasn’t the equivalent of a bee attack, but rather the feeling of floating in the ocean. Calm, tranquil, heavenly. We had a good run. I could write every amazing moment our relationship had but I’d die before it was finished. In the end, we were changing people that weren’t changing together. It hurt to realize this, as a Taurus I abhor change, but looking back on it years later it all makes sense. I tried for so long to get back what we had, but we never can. Burned out flames should never reignite.

After you came Jake. Now he’s an interesting one. He’s the first person that I was infatuated with. At the time I didn’t know this so I merely stuck the sticker “head over heels in love” onto him. I thought he was another repeat of Gareth. Unattainable and heartbreaking.  And in a way he was. I broke when he left. I completely shattered. But I’m thankful for this because most things that fall apart already have some sort of cracks in them. I realized that I didn’t shatter because of Jake, but because I had been living with depression. Jake was just the missing puzzle piece. And when he came back around, I felt nothing. And with that I found Rory smiling and lying in a pile of my shattered pride. We challenged each other, bettered each other. Until we carved and sculpted each other into the partner of our dreams. Our love was built on copious amounts of *** and drugs; Rory and Tia became a euphemism for Sid and Nancy. “I love you” became euphemism for “I'm not sober.” That’s how I knew it wasn’t love. But what was love however, was Daniel. Being with him was lava. Molten hot lava. This was the kind of love that grew out of proximity. Scientists say that if you look into someone’s eyes and tell them every deep part of yourself for thirty minutes, you’ll fall in love. And that’s basically what happened, except for the fact that it made Daniel feel nothing. I, on the other hand, was being consumed by him. It was a hookup gone wrong and I still have yet to learn the lesson that his role in my life will teach me.

Unofficially the love warrior
Locked jaw..inner locked hearts..
Exchanging pain..enduring smiles
Meaningless thoughts
Fading.. as I pull deeper..
What ...have ...I ...come ...to... be..
A
Love warrior
Spread...and conquer
Divide only to reignite...
Shots to the heart...close blank range..
Too Close for comfort
Never comfortable in self
Destruction... intolerable to the unforeseen to the forsaken eye..
Tip toe around passion..French kiss guilt trips..as
Intellectual passionately strokes my love warrior soul..war is an uproar of pain..hurt..love and never being logical..
Warmth with your sweet grace....bless my inner being for loving is always a warrior when attached to something so superficial, self reliance leads to deprivation..loving me takes a warrior.. I break you down only to uplift with greatness that overflow in the fountain of defeat..slowly losing...dying to to belong..love is killing me ...warrior  spirit never letting up...love secretly unfolding times of the essence of being the love warrior..
Nikki.the.goddess