A tap on my left shoulder
I am roused from my sleep
I turn and see my daughter
Who's been dead 3 years last week

She pulls me from my slumber
Humming broken lullabies
"Where're we going, dear?"
"Hush, it's a surprise"

She brings me to the subway
Down abandoned tracks
Graffitied walls like bathroom stalls
It's too late to turn back

She stops me in a room
Where people stand in wait
Silence presses in on the ceiling
Words that can't escape

My daughter sits on the tracks
And beckons me to as well
The people engrave words on brick
Like they're under a sort of spell

"Watch as it spreads"
She said in a hushed tone
I was about to ask what she meant
But then I felt it in my bones

The silence of the elders
Crashed through my throat and lungs
I felt the air thicken
Acid burned my tongue

Darkness pressed around me
A suffocating mass
I could not make a noise
She laid me on the tracks

It was all dimly familiar
The rumble without noise
The ghosts gathered around me
It was time to make a choice

Fools, I tried to say
But I choked on my own air
A shudder swept my body
I closed my eyes in prayer

I woke up in my bed
Sore from head to toe
Shaking from the recollection
Of what happened so long ago

Emotions boom
like unhinged stereo equipment
                                      pushing gusts of wind waves through the room, disturbing epic stillness,
inciting wicked rage that ricochets;
                                             fingers scrape my face,
                                             figures lose their shape as vision fades,
pain transforms to passion;
                             two broken hearts took each other captive.

I hear voices,
Sounds are striking the inner walls of my head.
Alot is going in my life,
But I'm happy to wait.
I'm happy to wait,
For the things to be okay again.
My mind needs some peace,
I wanna throw out the pieces that are piercing it.
I wanna shut the voices up that I hear,
But I'm afraid to dare.
I'm afraid of being lost in this vast world,
That is full of fake people with fakeness in everything.

Today, I am awake
Reminding myself how to be gentle
It’s a process, it takes time
Remembering how to co-create

Yesterday, I did not stir
I could barely even function
Perturbed, or disturbed it seemed
I never thought I would begin

In those days, all was still
Even the ghosts dare not speak
But even still, my house was warm
Every book held its own space

Back then, the thunder shook
And cracks became unglued
But slowly, a light poured in
Giving hope for what should have been

Now, the words come slowly
However they do not hesitate
To fill my aching heart with wonder
Heavily, a stone set into place

Today, I am noticing
Familiars that have always been
So much older than any tome
Faith works miracles out of sight