Why didn't you
Say no
Why didn't you
Wear more clothes
Why didn't you
Push him away
Why didn't you
Not lead him on
Why didn't you
Stay sober
Be more strong
Tell the cops
Make it stop

Why is it always
Why didn't you?
And never why did you?
Why did you
Violate her
Why did you
Strip away all her strength
Why did you
Act like a monster
Why did you
Not believe her
Why did you
Judge her
Tell her she's a liar
Make his life more important
Blame the victims for everything
Why did you
Make her cry
Why did you
Victim shame
Make her the blame
Never let her say his name
Make her feel shame
Everyday
Let his hands crawl her way
Always to stay
Yet she's the one to blame?

Why is it always
Why didn't you?

I've been angry
I've been lying
I've been crying
For no reason
But again
I'm lying
The reason is

96
And camping
The reason is
It's raining and it's only  8 o'clock
The reason is your high pitched laugh
Making my brother annoyed
Letting me stay at your house
Holly and your dog
Making jokes
On all my posts
The reason is
You're nothing but a ghost
And that ****** me off
You're gone
When you belonged
Right here
With my mother
As her little brother

Griefs a *****
Life is a ***** too
For taking you
So young
You belonged here

My blood boils
It runs through me
Like fire
My heart is on the highway
Driving at full speed
Driving away from the sirens
The chaos
Yet it follows me
My veins pop out
They put on a show
They dance
And throw knives at the crowd
Everything is too loud

All my life
I've felt this way
All my life i ran and hid away
I always listened to the **** you would say
Be brave
Follow the rules
Be perfect
Be quiet

I stuck to your diet
For life
Perfect little girl
In a not so perfect little world
I was modest and meek
I took every beating
Every week

I was betrayed
Mocked
Ridiculed
Violated
Abandoned
Forgotten
And disrespected
Yet i stayed
Quiet
Yet i apologized
And never
Misbehaved

Every little infraction
Noticed by you
Yet you said it was god who cared
God who has shamed me
For being different
For dying my hair
For standing up for myself
But he doesn't shame you
For being a terrible parent
Or person
Or liar

My therapist says I'm too angry
But who wouldn't be?
If you were me?
Wouldn't you want the world on fire
If you were me?
Dealing with ****
Abandonment
Everyone crawling all over you
Seeping into your bones
Doing whatever they want
While i cry alone
While i waste my life away
And sacrifice myself to
Your hypocritical throne

Will my anger ever cease?
Will i ever find peace?
Will anyone ever stop disrespecting me?
Will anyone ever show they care?
Will god ever prove he's really there?
Will my loved ones stop dying young?
Will the world stop killing with such deep evil passion?
Can i ever make up for the missed life i lost?
Will i learn to be my own boss ?
To never apologize for my existence
To feel like i belong
To know I'm not wrong
To stand up for me
To become what i want to be
To know i deserve better
To burn every violent letter

Will i ever find peace?
Ever let my blood calm?
Ever feel the truth from psalms?
Only if the words in this poem
Become
My truth
My religion
If everything I asked for
If everything i can be
Happens
Maybe
Just maybe
I won't burn you all down

Maybe