I’m sorry to yell
I’m sorry to scream
I’m not quite well
So it seems

I’m sorry to say
I’m sorry today
I’m screaming
But you’re still beaming

Can you even hear me
Singing this song of three
Don’t worry it’s fine
It’s all mine

I feel like you should know
This isn’t for show
Can you hear thee
If I speak of centuries

Will you hear me

My eyes look
And all i can do is see
The demon sits on my chest
It plays with my hair
As tears roll
My brain wonders whats happening
My mind screams
But my mouth doesnt even open
My arms want to flail
But i can barely feel them
So im stuck
With a demon on my chest
And tears in my ears
Then i close my eyes
i can’t bare this anymore
Then i jump awake
And the demon is gone
I can move my limbs
And then i start to sob
i cant sleep anymore

All my life i have been devoted to a god of lust
There’s red flowing all around me
Images in my head of a body, beaten and ******
Burning me up like flames of agony
Like falling through your thorns
To get to the roses
Oh how i adore the scent of copper and pollen
As you overtake me again

I wake up the next day,
With bruises and swollen cuts
Admire my marks
Among my fading scars
This forbidden love
Eats me up, then spits me out
And leaves me starving

It's hard not to long for it
When it makes me feel so warm
When I have been cold for so long
I fall so easily
I love so completely
If you would just stay
If only someone would just stay they’d see it
I am perpetually in the honeymoon phase
The affection gets me high
And I spend the rest of my days wanting hit after hit
I am full of passion, full of desire
All-or-nothing behavior
Maybe that's why everyone leaves
I'm too much, always have been
I have been love-sick for as long as I can remember
Truly I hate my hopeless romantic nature
Its nothing but a pit to fall into again and again
Still, I walk on
Continue to prevail despite it all
But I’ll tell you a secret
I do not want to win this battle
Not at all

Gods arise and i hide behind the sun
What could a soul like me do in the presence of divinity?
Eyes of gold cut toward me
And i know the message they hold
But i, the coward, simply look away into the flames

Its fitting here, lying on the sun
I pretend my agony is from the flames
Even though a soul has no physical body
Yearning has scarred me like glimpses of the moon
And i remember life in solitude

****** hits like sinking deeper into the sun
I look past the sky into the heavens above
Clouded by a lazy orange haze
I watch the gods weep to make rain

Sorrowful existence with no real meaning
A star burns in the distance
I pull fire over me as if i could feel the heat
Like comfort could ever come to me

And when a god sends way for me
They lift me from the flames like a leaf on water
Like a shell from the sea
They mold me a body and toss me away to the earth
Says ‘come back to me, my child, when you can feel bliss’

And i grow up desperate for love
Desperate to feel pleasure in the midst of pain
Learn a thing or two about happiness
And false hope of a single god
Wander the earth and revel in its beauty
Scar the skin they so gracefully gave me

And when i have lived as much as i can
I become cowardly again
I see their face in my dreams
I get old yet stay the same
Die in my sleep one day

My soul rests on the sun again
And they come to greet me
Says ‘did you learn what you could be’
Hugs my scarred body
As i nod timidly

I learned of pleasure
I learned of love
I learned to feel
At home in the heavens above

Truly I often wonder
Can it be so wrong to love like this?
What was the harm?
in tasting her skin
When it was just a kiss
I could taste her ecstasy
But I cannot feast on her limbs?
Oh how I long to drown in her blood
And the taste of her lips

Could the finest of wines
Taste as sweet as her lungs?
Could I expel this desire
With illicit drugs?
I truly think its become too strong
Because I cannot replace my love
For her body
And how it feels deep inside of mine

I was outside in the cold for hours that day
thinking about how to end things
i passed your body
On my way upstairs
Before spreading out my saved pills
And unlocking a knife
Crimson spread along my thigh
And my stomach became upset
My water is now empty
And all that's left on the counter is dust
A little bit of red stains the blade
And i pull up my pants nonchalantly

The way you make me feel
I should go  
Steal your heart  
Keep it just out of reach
Take it away if you find it  
Just so you know  
How I felt
When I met you

Im scared of the night
I know thats not right
How do i say
Its not just the day
So many what ifs
So many what about this
All those compromises
Im getting tired of this
I’d rather be knocked out
Than live this out
I cant take this anymore
The night is no more

3am on the roof
Not suicidal just want proof
I can be sad with out dying
I can be mad without trying
So here i sit 3am
And i wonder when
In the little time that passed
From further back in the past
To now
I started to look down
My mind wandered to what would happen
If i just sadden
A little more
Would i say what for
Would I make a sound
As i hit the ground
So i looked over the edge
And hoped to pledge
Tonight Was the best
I see the dawn as i tumble over
I never once looked back over my shoulder

I tried to **** myself last week
But all did was throw up
And give you another medical bill
I made the school work pile up
and my friends mildly worried
gave myself a big bruise
And nearly cried from the emails
Explaining that i couldn't do the math quiz on Friday the 15th
Because i tried to **** myself last week

Unknown
My identity is unknown
Now i know you know
Who’s behind this show
But i have to say even if you know
You dont
You dont know me
If only
You could see
The real me

Let me walk along the roads like a wanderer
I’ll glance at the beggars
Side eye the kids walking home
Someone asks if i'm selling
I say not today
The nights are cold
Grass and dirt stain my old clothes
Traffic sounds
Anger and wrath
Where am I going?
Where will I go from here?
I don't know

Who cares about rules
Who cares about consequences
The point of life is not to save it
Its to live it

Here's the thing,
               You are a boy, not really but you try to be,
               You are a boy, addicted to masculine words, and pretty poetry
                                                                          About two boys falling in love
You enter a room and say,
                             “Hello i am a boy, and if you tell me i'm not ill show you.”
Your fists do the talking when your throat cant,
You come home to your mother,
                                  All black eye, and busted lip,
“I’m a boy!” You cry,
                           And she shakes her head, eyes wet like
                                                                                            Rain,
You are sent to your room,
                                           To wallow in your disgrace.
Your chest aches,
                      But you ignore it,
                                           Choosing instead to rest your weight.

I sit with my back to the wall
Hazy gaze on the wall in front of me
In the distance there's cries and shouts
My eyes are falling
My mind is somewhere else
Floating watching someone else
That's not me
Those aren't the words i meant to say
I lied so much I cant tell whats real anymore
Everything goes so slow
Yet the time ticks by faster and faster
Dread builds up in my stomach
Someone asks me for a dollar
But I can't find my voice to speak

Pained intake of breath
Hot air against my cheeks
You’re wrapping white cloth over my arms
I’m watching red seep in like ink bleeds

Faintly, behind a splotch of black
I see your eyes grow wet
And though I am barely holding on
I can feel the tremble in your fingers
And an echo of a voice
Calling my name

You’re desperately trying to push paper into the wound
And I’m feeling myself bleed out despite your efforts
You take me to a doctor but still I leak
Transfuse your own red into me
But it just leaves through my eyes and makes me feel weak

“What have you done to yourself?!” you cry
And I sigh through a fit of tears
You’re trying to take the pain out of me
And i'm disappointing you with every breath I take

Just like you cannot will another moon into existence
You cannot love someone out of an illness

sleep is scarce
now that i have said
those things
to you
i cannot explain
I'm scared
of you

Somebody said your name today
And i couldn't help but think of you
It's not a good thing
Not even a little
I'm trying to keep
From remembering the things you did
And i remember the terrible poetry
I wrote when i was fourteen and scared
When i would spend nights
Waking up from the nightmares
Shaking with fear
Those things you made me do
Do they not haunt you?