Onward and Upward
Trending on mind-bending signals that send you on a trip to perfect love making
For the sake of awakening the inner child making a bad girl go wild
Letting her inner child out on her worst behavior
Save the Christian values for later
For now live in the moment of every lover’s dreams
Let your inhibitions roam free
Lets heat things up with rose pedals raining from the ceiling
On this cold crisp evening go see
What cupid has left you under the tree
Wrapped up in a bow
It’s time to let go and release the thing you’ve always been afraid of but wanted to be
Exalt intimate thoughts to heights beneath where the Holiest of Holies and great *** meet
Close your eyes
Follow each of my fingers on a ride
Each pushing electrical impulses pulsating until your body convulses and goes into a frenzy
Each one
Precludes the width and the tip of my tongue
And turnpikes all the way down until it touches the inner sides of your thighs then slides…
In and out
In and out of the walls of your gateway
Just point me in the direction of the pathway
The cove the place where I lay my suitcase and we make our case to fill the atmosphere
With rotating, rewinding, refilling
Our empty glasses with wine and no fear
A cycle of love making on relentless rotation being made...right here

Tell me every one of your issues
Lay them next to mine
I'll be your warmth for this cold world
I've got the medicine for your mind
All you have to do is yield your guard for a moment
and give in to the climb
Pressed up against you I'm getting hard
I
Can hear your heart beating see the sweat beading
Your tender knees trembling
In consent  I slip
My hands down your pants
Your head
leans back with your slightly opened eyes appearing closed almost
Your soft moaning only turns me onward commencing
Touching and teasing
Muscles clinching
Firm gripping I'm
Massaging and rubbing your ****
Circularly succulently ******* the taste of your juices off everyone of my fingertips
This is what's typically done
After a mental ****** and the ****** attraction of foreplay
It. Makes. You. ***.

... Selah ...

Sipping sweet melanin
Dripping off the lips of your *****
Bursting with ignition
The taste of your black...berry
Licking the overflow off your body
******* 'til spirits nod
'NAO' emanating from the iPod
Augmenting
Bending syncing your body with a mind despondent of time
No restrictions don't constrict
Just grab my **** and maneuver it like a guided ship
With the lights off find the throbbing swollen slit and put the head in
And dip the tip of my **** inside your ***** far afield
Only yield after you've had enough
But not until I'm deep enough...To Fill You Up

I keep you as a friend yet we’ve broken up
I get all choked up with every new post of
You and your fiancé in my news feed
My feelings are chicken feed and it’s all my fault
I know I have to stop
But I can’t bring myself to let go of this insatiable need to still need you
I feel if I let go I'll lose you
And all the memories of me and you
Despite how we ended
When I think about us I’m a lush
Because what we had was special
But...
While I sit reminiscing on what used to be
You’re busy moving forward with your life
Focusing on your new wife and being happy

Humility is a thorned crown.
It breaks you down.
It confounds arrogance
And runs it into the ground.

Humility is a perspective changer.
It changes you through and through.
Whether you like it or not, when it hits you
Humility brings about a new you.

Humility keeps you
From being so flippant with your judgments and false security.
Humility assures you, there are no sureties.

Humility is the opposite of invincibility.
It's subtle in its tranquility.
It teaches you when to fight a battle
Where to put your energy.

Thoughts
Mindless texts
Posts ending with emojis and hashtags
Billions of words randomly tweeted out
Ideas and conceptions
Time and space attaching themselves to certain perceptions
Relevancy belongs to truth being spoken through reality and fantasy

It reminds me of you the most
A sweetness that swells in the smell of a rose
I can't put my finger on it
But it feels like...
the Essence of your intellect
the Harmony of your cleverness
the Strength of your confidence

It makes me want you more

Like an orchestra noire
Playing a melody
That keeps me standing
And clapping
“Encore!”

It lets me know you're real

An indistinguishable signature
Beautiful & Nameless
It’s the core of you
I like to call
Fragrance

The ultimate hamster wheel of societal
Do's and don'ts
Manufactured fronts
Hallowed hellos
And awkward goodbyes

I am precious
Beauty flows out of me like water
Your idea of who I am is beyond useless
I belong to my Father
And he thinks I am wonderful
He tells everyday
His word anchors my confidence
I'm beautiful because he says I am
I don't care what you think of me
Your opinion matters not
You try to convince me its cold outside when it’s not
I’ve got my whole life ahead of me
My future is so bright
Negativity is the dimmer of dreams and Love lights my path
I will never let you steal my self-esteem

Rude and sarcastic
Egotistical and bombastic
Pretentious ******* thinking they know everything
When they're just full of ****

Born to a single mother
Four sons, three different men
One of those cowards beat her senseless
And at eight years old
I had the misfortune of having witnessed it

Public speaking no thank you I'll pass
The thought of being an orator makes me laugh...hysterically
Undoubtedly
Even if I wanted to speak publicly
My body wouldn't allow me
I think my voice would disappear and my tongue would atrophy

From the foods we eat
Beverages we drink
Down to the very air we breathe
Genetic modification breeds anomaly
Leading us slowly on a pathway to cancer and disease

Innocence replaced with a conceitful attitude
A mission fueled
By deep seated anger to show your mom she can’t tell you what to do
To prove you’re a child no more
If you took a second or little more you’d realize that at 29 no man should see himself as a child proving himself a man
At this stage you should be I am
But you stand in defense of you
Believing your family wants the worst for you
I’ve realized there is nothing further to reach for and admit too than the truth
And the truth is little brother you make poor decisions
Based on the immature childlike lifestyle you’re living
If someone comes along with a difference of opinion you demonize them
In your mind they’re bailing on their responsibility to support your foolishness
When it comes to you everyone is a hater
But could it be you who's full of hate?
Could it be your constant contrarianism which brings you in contention with everyone you come in contact with that keeps you in a state of constant void and anger?
I think you like residing on the outskirts of rationalism
A place where making concessions in the name of courtesy is as profane as cursing
A land of misery where those hurting go to feel sane
As long as you live in denial of your need to deal with your issues little brother
The abused asylum is where you’ll remain

Today all the eligible promotees find out if they get promoted
I've been working for this company for over 17 years and YES I feel like I'm owed
Those that got promoted got to hear from the CEO while the rest of us got a canned speech from the CEO's flunky:

He said: I’m sorry you didn’t make it...you’ll get’em next year”
I thought: "Whatever it's the same old routine year after year"
He said: "You’re all great workers, but for now we need you right here"

To this company I've given so much back
This time every year I can't sleep
I get anxiety attacks thinking about being left back...again
And it hurts
I sacrifice everything for my work
When I look back I think its been a nice run
But after all these years of not reaching the next rung
I’m beginning to think that perhaps my time in this job is done

We pray, we march yet nothing occurs
The line between love and hate remains a blurred
Line...
I...
Want to love them but their hate for me doesnt make the pain hurt less
When they put their bullets in my back, their knees in my back
Dead blacks in the street makes me want to attack
In defense of self
My pride for self
My love for self
Relishes not in useless killing or demeaning
I find myself grieving for every mother and father putting their child in a grave
In a day and age when social media shows the outrage live
The outcry just seems to embolden police officers lies
The 24 hour news, reminds us what we mean to Lady Liberty
And as her children sing the blues
Historical levels of un-education continue
Existential unemployment
Prison rates that makes for better business
The world witnesses police brutality and black fatalities in real time and does nothing about it
If you never walked a mile in my shoes then you know nothing about it
If you lived a day in my life you would never feel blessed
You would feel less vested in teaching your children that in the U.S. all men are created equal

The longer you see your way past those not-so-easy seasons
You and her will begin to form a language only the two you
can speak in
Verbal and non-verbal speech
Built on years of witnessing nuanced mannerisms
Optimistic and pessimistic rhythms
Built in the still conversations, volcanic eruptions, and joyful make-ups
The stuff lending itself to growth and never-ending levels of trust
Reveals a renewed commitment to the union
A vision that informs the reason you both got married in the first place
Sets the stage for the spirit of God to cover you and make its way near
With the ease of a mellow wind
Whispers in your ear
Where your heart lies there your treasure remains
Also. called. reciprocity
And its commands you to love one another for the rest of your days

She thought she was ready
But the consequence of having a good man got to be too heavy
So wrapped in her own head
She did what any scared woman would've did
She ran from that good man
Back to the arms of the kind of man she was comfortable with

Innocence
Trapped in the night
In the wilderness searching
For the meaning of life

As I watch my sister and brother in law unite in holy matrimony
I clap and smile through their ceremony with feelings so phony I can't believe I agree to attend  
In this gorgeous dress and these high heels going through the motions i can honestly say I'm even not here
As my sister walks down the aisle I clutch this bouquet of real flowers with a fake smile praying for my pain to sway
While everyone is danicing I'm praying for the wrench in my stomach to go away...

Last week you died and the realization that for seven days I still have yet to accept the truth is daunting
The ghost of what if I woulnt have let you drive haunts me
My eyes watering to the tears are heavy and my heart wrenches when I think about an unfortunate unintended incident that took the life of my best friend
I want to know why your life ended
But as time passes and I begin to process its gravity
I gravitate to what awaits a fate of healing begins
I know I need time for my heart mend
to allow me to forgive
I can't even recall my last thought before all the fog let  in...

Sweetheart what you gave me
You and your brother you saved me
And now that you're gone a part of me died too
And it's only thinking that youd want me to to on
Is how Air see my way through

Hands raised or placed in pockets
Is the black skin or the media chagrin
That makes a black men thugs and threatens societal authoritiarians

Planted in my own space
No time stamp  
Exiting pretending
Eliminating ribbing and quick witting
Sitting waiting no more
To banter back and forth
Alone you're just you
No guilt in liking you
Or the things you like
You can embrace
Self-acceptance
The tiny bit of innocence you still hold
Scoop, bottle, and carry it
Your opinion is valid your thoughts aligned
When I'm by myself I close my ears and open my mind
And choose to listen to my me and never adhere to the voices outside

Sometimes in my consciousness
I feel very little confidence
Feelings of low self-esteem
I continually have to fight against

A long tear streamed down the face of the once proud arrogant prince
He who had all the answers in his youth has since aged and the stage he finds himself at is
Packed with riddles that leave his thoughts crippled by simple questions like
When was the last time you were happy
Sounds kind of sappy but the gravity of the question
Created a sort of hesitation in his thought process
That left him confounded, dumbfounded
Drowning in the recess of his own ****** analytic mess

Theoretical problems
Social validations that never pass
Quantifiable shapes over gaps that never fit
Thoughts on any and everything
Self-created problems that never exist

True love lies somewhere between rage and serenity
The antithesis of anonymity
Exists on the paved roads of pain filled memories
Lodged amid warm thoughts
Childlike fantasies
For women it’s a strong masculinity
For men it’s an infinite dependability
On a woman who is both a nurturer and a lover
A best friend when there is no other
A confidant
Someone who’s shares
And keeps the insecurities of your thinking buried deep where no one can find it
This person carries a light so high that no one can outshine it
In a life where we are born with no favors
No waivers
That lessen the life lessons of the environments we live in
Like God forgave yours
Give your heart a break
Let love make amends for the sin of the world
And those that hurt you
Those that hit you
Those that abused you
While wrong
I pray you let me sing you a song that heals you
And fills you with a joy that you cannot explain
A love that confounds every theory and excuse you have not to love again
No matter how you found it
Or whether you deserve it
What matters now is that you are worth it
Love rests in the pain we live through
And the connections we seek
Tales of unrealistic expectations are lies we place on ourselves to be strong
But really make us weak

The possibilities of logic and hope
***** by liars and theives
Nature's reproach
The likelihood of making it to that house on a hill
Is unlikely when reality gives no real options
It demands you sacrifice everything you got just to survive
Potential unfulfilled an existence contrived
Life is the most engineered of games
An array of chess moves with the same conclusions
Babies having babies believing they can be good mothers
Prisonors phoning home in hopes of reaching their kids from behind that glass
Disillusions won't allow them to see the forest past the trees
And with instability neither with their seeds
Pictures are worth a thousand words
But if genocide is all these babies see
What else do you think they gon' grow up to be

In the recesses of my intellect
I possess all the changing seasons
The fallen leaves
Yesterdays memories
The gold mine of ignorance and naivety
The idea that out there in the expanse exists a far off potential
A potential I could grasp
A potential that was attainable despite the perils of my upbringing  
The fragility of those days gone by
Have become myths and stories in my own mind
Held together with the weary tape of an abused mentality
Due to the inertia and desire to remember how life was...

I'm mesmerized by what happened to the potentiality of our lives
And how it became comprised by complacency
Lazily dreamers egos age like worn clothes
Enclosed with institutionalized ethos where growth begins and ends with the inerrancy and arrogance of the ghetto

Sci-Fi loving
Movie watching
Poetry writing
Education pursuing
Socially reticent
Pain filled
Overthinking
Romantacized
Gym rat

How we treat ourselves
Is the tenor upon which we represent ourselves
The hell that raised us
Doesn't have to be the hell that sustains us
We are blessed to have our own minds
To choose the course we want for our own lives
Our course was meant to be a horizontal one
And it can only be undone by the One who called us to be his daughters and sons
We are not judges
We weren't put here to condemn
I believe it behooves all of us to leave that for Him
And while we may disagree whole heartedly by someone else's choices
What right do the rest of us have to be disrespectful and poisonous
We may have taken the traditional route and even made our lives better
But to make light of someone else's LIFE
Does little to make any of us better
It makes us lesser
Because in the end we are all the same
And we are all just one bad decision
From sharing the same blame

I sit here a dying flame
Bored out of my mind
Wondering how I a guy who just won employee of the year
Is sitting here with a title but no real role
Just 2 months ago I was on fire
But ever since I moved to this sink hole
I just sit my cubicle with nowhere to go

Liberator, liberate us from this unjust justice system
built on incarceration and cynics
mental prisms built like prisons
in the mind of so many of mankind
that thrives on the pain of the deprived and socially unequivocal
political nonsense
common sense is irrational
it's fashionable to agree with initiatives like H8
But hesitate when the circulation of hate toward blacks is tangible and so great
people see injustice and just turn away
yet they'll rally and support a LGBT mandate
now this is not to degrade or throw shade
but if I have to invade the space of the comfortable
and ruffle things up a bit
maybe I have a chance at confronting you cowards and hypocrites
who politicize equal rights but care nothing about it
you
who only want equal rights for a few
for you and people who look like you
but not for me and millions of black Americans
whose ancestry built this country
surviving while black in a country where every man is supposed to be free in an equal and cherished society

The great need for forgiveness is an order of life
An adage of reciprocity
That lies and thrives on our own cynical  behavior
The finiteness of our lives tells us that perfection escapes us
Emotionally as humans we're complex
Flaw-full creatures of an imperfect nature
Finding every reason
To mount our opinions and judgments on others so we can escape our own dread
By calling someone else's life
The night of the living dead
We see ourselves as clean instead of the filthy people we are
Because it allows us to see everyone else's trouble more easily
But are we not all troubled
Have we not all in our own ways
In our own minds
Each of us at different times
Needed God to rewind
Or fast forward past time
So we can get past that thing or two
We don't want anybody else to see
Or is it just me
Am I the only one
Who's book of life is chapter after chapter full of God's grace
Am I the only one
Who's hand God gave when I was **** near in my grave
You look down on others
But when it was us that were scathed
Did he not show compassion
And grace
And mercy
And love
And peace
Salvation
And kindness
Forgiving someone isn't all of a sudden suffering from a case of blindness
No, it's a change of the heart
Spiritual mindedness
Where the focus is about putting anger and bitterness aside
Forgiveness is not having to hide
Many people feel they’ve been so wronged
Angry for so long
They hate the world
And don’t know why

There a deeper place of self
A richer place than wealth
A place where the soul is kept
inept to pretense and precepts
Where being present is a gift

I was hardheaded
I didn't listen
I know now
Not having a dad in my life
Was a key aspect of my life that was missing

We work so hard for their acceptance
We work so hard to let them go
Learning to love yourself,
Is understanding that to be happy
Sometimes yes means you have to say no.

Creating, distancing myself from my own mind
Climbing stairs with no care of time
Completely submerged in the sublime
Flying above the veracity of war noire
No agenda
No ceiling or floor
Stop us not from exceeding expectations
Set by my own creation
No concept of death
I feel alive
Except when my hands tied
And not allowed to create

© Antywnn L. Jones 2016

A stacked life with the odds of the world against us
All the fuss over black lives matter is a matter of centuries of pent up frustration
Never mind the enslavement of our ancestors incarceration and prison yard gestations
I'm talking specifically about the manifestation of police brutality
A reality for black men and women who are seen as inhuman to certain police officers who have absorbed the institutionalized propaganda that says
black people
By virtue of being black are more dangerous and prone to attack, stealing, and committing violent offenses
This ignorant antiquated pervasive programming has convinced many police to see black people
and register in their senses a sense of threat and imminent danger
In a nation of immigrants, the only section of the population profiled and killed at this rate are the same people who have been brutalized for the better part of this nations history
And for what reason, what cause is there to be so afraid of the African American
A member of the human race who was kidnapped
beaten
*****
chained
enslaved
rip from their ancestry
hung
deprived
stripped of  humanity
brainwashed
so much so that our baby's are programmed to **** each other
So what cause is there to be so afraid of the African American
Perhaps the fear of retaliation
From a people wanting to aim
and inflict pain on those who took their very fiber
who's ire burns with a desire to see how it feels to be on the other side of power
But the truth is
no weapon can undo what's been done
The only thing that can belittle hatred is the unshackled
unbridled
emancipation
of love

A moratorium should be placed on the atypical consortium who are able to profit due to the likes of those who hold no punches, take other peoples lunches, all to destroy anyone who stands in their way, leaving bodies in the wake of their so called determination, slavers who vote no reparation leaving everyone else on life support with no respiration

Time to burn my black book
Time to miss my old flames
I've fell in love with the woman
That I'm giving my last name

Fighting against the current of my escape
Something grabs me and drags me
To a paralytic mind state
So heavy a weight
It feels like death's foot on my face
With all I can muster to get away
Gasping I suffocate
Apnea
Drowning me in rapid descent
Someone please wake me
I feel my spirit's ascent

My goal is to be the best version of myself that I can be
By exposing myself to people from varied walks of life
I'm provided with a greater vantage point to see
It’s humbling when I look in the mirror because I have to admit I’m not where I want to be
But if I recognize my own faults exposing the lie
I can challenge my own paradigm and make alive
Possibility
I thank God for giving me a greater sense of personal accountability
And the desire to no matter what
Always take care of my responsibilities

Time to unwind
The pain of this aching mind
Our time is taken up by constantly changing rules
Fueled by a constantly changing society
All of this time should be spent not saved
Gazing by the night fire diving in the ocean waves

Wakanda4Ever
For being a realization of a place, we’ve only ever seen in our dreams
For depicting the diaspora
Pan-Africa, futurism for the first time on the big screen
Wakanda4Ever
For ameliorating images of the continent revealing its beauty without reservation, or subjugation
For pulling from African nations imbuing African culture without ominous purpose or evasion
Wakanda4Ever
For providing representation that politics and cinema often lack
Revealing that in 2018, a man can be king, world leader, and protector
At the same time 100% black
Wakanda4Ever

when a mistake was made that wasn't meant,
When intentions were met with dogma and close mindedness,
The mindset of strength you need to have when someone doubts you and your capabilities,
When you doubt yourself,
When the overwhelming emotion of doubt and pity, negative energy that usually brings you down surrounds your spirit and mind
Knowing perfection is unattainable and the world doesn't end because you forgot a thing or two,
Truth helps you begin anew
Truth says no matter what someone else speaks, you reap the everlasting grace of The Most High
And despite how hard life gets
learning to shrug things off is wise
Learning from errors, admitting wrong
Humbling yourself without losing love of self

FB doesn't have a grave or a headstone
But its a blessing to have a place to go
And read a heartfelt post
Written like a decorated bouquet
And a well placed rose

We've been together a long time
A long wind
Down the slippery, trippy side of life
Time took long enough
For us
To touch and touch again
Sleeping in 'till the sun passes the torch to the moon
As soon as you're ready to touch again
I'm prepped for the race
With a yurning to taste
The trickle of rain dripping slowly between your waist