Sometimes when I really think about you,
I can feel the scar you imprinted on me reopening.
It doesn’t hurt the way it used to,
But it still hurts when it’s closing.

Sometimes when I think about you,
It hits me that there’s still so much I never said.
Because the few times I could speak to you,
I got too distracted by the tears we shed.

Sometimes when I think about you,
I wish that you could see who I am now.
It's not out of maturity that I want you to,
But so that you could see how you’re missing out.

Sometimes when I think about you,
I hope that you have feelings of regret.
Because you hurt me in ways I never prepared for you to,
And to think that you stand by that is too hard to accept.

Sometimes when I think about you,
I’m not filled with anger or pain.
I can appreciate the love that I had for you,
And I can accept that some things drown in the rain.

Sometimes when I think about you,
My heart doesn’t stammer or stop or bleed.
Instead I wonder what person you’ve grown into,
I wonder if you found your peace.

And maybe one day,
When my heart has learned that words are nothing until they are set in stone.
Maybe one day when my thoughts have matured with age,
Maybe instead of thinking of you,
I simply won’t.

Reason holds sense,
Reason holds knowledge
And dignity.
Reason protects,
Reason defends,
And I am left empty but with no wounds to mend.

Love holds me softly,
With delicate caresses to my skin.
Love holds warmth
And hope.
Love is passion,
Love is warmth,
But love burns.

You brush my skin with your own
And my thoughts lose all sense
And my insides are set alight.

I'm all out of love,
I'm all out of time.
I give you my best,
but you just decline.

How can I rise
when you stoop so low?
I'm already falling,
so take your last blow,
and I'll fall a little deeper
before I let you go

Sometimes I think your mind is an ocean,
A deep blue sea of emotion.
The waves of fear grow tall only to come crashing down,
And fill your thoughts with unease as you drown.

Sometimes I think your mind is a fire,
Your thoughts burn furiously with desire.
Desperate to let go of the self-doubt you hold,
That you burn to black the hope that used to be gold

Sometime I think your mind is a storm,
Where harmless actions maliciously transform.
What used to be part of your routine,
Is an action that paralyses you when you dream.

I see your war,
And I want to help you fight.
I want to see you roar,
I want to help you see the light.

I can see you’re terrified,
But I will remain by your side.
I want to help you but you're trying to hide,
Hide from your own mind.

Because your thoughts are oh so haunting,
But hold my hand and they will seem less daunting.
I know you're stronger than anyone can comprehend,
Strong enough to seek help and allow you to mend.

This is a long road you have to walk,
But you never have to walk it alone.
If you need a distraction then I’ll be the one to talk,
I’ll talk to you the whole way home.

I gave myself to you in pieces.
The first piece I gave when I was unaware,
you met my eye in a crowded room
and I handed you the first piece.

The second piece I gave
was when you held my hand as you walked me to my door,
not because you wanted to come inside,
but because you needed to know that I was safe.

The next piece I gave you
was when you showed up at my door with coffee and breakfast and a youthful grin.

And then piece by piece
I handed myself to you.
I handed you my broken parts and you kept them safe,
or at least that's what I thought.

The last piece I gave to you
I don't know when it happened.
We were laughing and I looked at you and realised I didn't ever want to be without you.
I realised that I couldn't be without you,
and that was when I knew.

I was in-love with you.

But you kept those pieces to yourself,
you didn't give me you,
or at least the parts of you that I craved to know,
and so when you left I felt empty.

You had taken all of me and I had to fill the gaping hole inside of my chest.

I filled it with thoughts of you.

But that didn't help.
It only reminded me of what we used to have,
it only reminded me of what we used to be.

You only remind me that I should have never given any of myself to you,
because giving yourself away is the most naive and imprudent act one can do.
When you give yourself away you lose yourself,
and when you're alone and only have yourself
you find yourself empty.

I hate empty.

You left me empty.
You filled my brain with only thoughts of you,
but now I know better than to lose myself in the fantasy of us.

So I now do everything that I should have done from the beginning.
Now I hold onto the pieces of myself and use them to put me back together.
And in doing that I found the most worthy and paramount object of my affection;

myself.

Lover I’m dying to know,
Where do you go?
When the lights dim low,
When you’re afraid of our home.

Lover I hate to see the light,
As it fades from your eyes.
I see the darkness from within,
Goose bumps rise across naked skin.

Lover I need you to tell me,
Where you hide when you don’t want me to see,
See the person you are afraid to be,
The darker side you want to hide from me.

Lover I’m not blind to your desire,
I felt the warm kisses of your fire.

But I also felt them fade.

I felt sunshine replaced by shadows,
And a cold wind whipping my form,
Your broken words erupting rain from above,
I watched as it poured.

Lover, it drowned me.

So lover, I’m begging you to tell me,
I’m screaming into the empty abyss where you shadow lies.
I’m crying out until my lungs burn,
with my fragile body on shaking knees.

Where is it that you hide?

Because the rain is ice,
And the wind is fire,
And it is too late to run.

So lover tell me please,
Where is it that you hide;
Could I stay there too?

Cute right,
How you would always visit me with a single red rose.
I used to add the delicate flower to the vase full from your previous visits.
Now I look to the single rose in the vase as its ghostly form dwindles.

Funny right,
How you would tell me you wanted to be better as you inhale from your cigarette.
I would always lecture you of the harm you were doing to yourself,
But now I stay silent as I twist my body away from the smoke that escapes your lips.

Ironic right,
How your lips would fill me with warmth when your finger tips felt so cold.
I used to describe you as more of a concept than a person.
Now I think of you as more of a metaphor than my boyfriend.

Peculiar right,
How you would hide your phone under your pillow as you promised transparency.
I used to toss and turn to get comfortable with that extra weight on our bed,
Now I sleep perfectly as I turn and settle facing away from you.

Bitter right,
How you’d smile as you would so cryptically point out my floors.
I used to look up at you as you critiqued me so detailedly,
Now I look to my shoes and let your words fly straight over me.

Curious right,
How you would tell me you were all mine as you moved your hands away to rest in your pockets.
I used to create intricate plans to gain your touch and affection,
Now I shift in my seat as my body instinctively flinches from your touch.

Reasonable right,
How I stood up, the chair scraping against the tiled floor as I placed my napkin on the table and turned to walk to the door.
Before you might have chased me to the door and led me back inside.
But now you remain seated as I leave and call a taxi home.

Pathetic right,
How I let one tear fall from my eyes as I watch the city pass my eyes through the window of a taxi.
Before I could never make it past the gates.
Now I inhale a deep breath and promise myself that I won’t look back as I throw the last red petal out of the car window.