The CIA, The FBI
MI5
I don't know why
I'm still alive.

They've put a price on my head
an APB
Security services all
looking for me,

but I'll stay free long enough
for them to forget all
that stuff,
forget even my name,
I'm
playing the long game.

Last November, you gave me your heart
But a year to the day, you took it away
This year, to spare all the tears,
I'll save mine for someone special
But, baby, all I want for Christmas...
is you.

Through my cranial cavity I spear head
this needle of desperation unto the
vacant nasal spaces and without
another thought I hear the meaning
of pain in my solitude where no other
sees i inject the fluid pressing down.

This exhibit of denial that I'm an empty
shell, I'm more, I just need that shove to
ignite that stagnant membrane to existence.
I pull the empty needle out it descends
deceased in its use, as it rolls across the floor.

I can feel it filling the empty *** holes
in a road of thought which was to unstable
to traverse my wordings upon. Now all is
onyx and I have a seizure of unimaginable
reflections that spin in to a vortex of revelation.

The pages that were like suicidal white gowns
of nothingness now express the very essence
I am. But after hours of unknown dialogue
that even I am unsure of its complexity.
I feel a tear descend and its slashes on the page..

Smudging the white with abstract images that
have fallen from my being, I question there meaning
with but sight no words gain ground. That time of
ecstasy seems to be waning and I'm once again
becoming less than before as my heart writes me a message.

This last piece of white is crushed in my palm as
I fall silent to the floor, onyx bleeds from my being
and my eyes are cradled in soundless gazes.
The paper that I had whispered my words upon now
drift around a room of my muteness.
    
Ink dries upon the pages and my being and both
are now silent, my inspiration was exhumed but
now is once again buried within myself. I wrote
a masterpiece of stimulation that will never be
read as all is in a box of stillness and when the
ink fades once again there will only be white.

Thursday trips the
switch on pain,
almost there,
won't come again

the lights are on
my eyes are not.

but Friday comes with its big guns
it's war and don't I know it
Thursday's just a little spat
I've realised that,
but trip
the switches
anyway.

Thanks for always staying by my side
and making me laugh, when I'm ready to cry.
You're my best friend, from you, I'll never hide.
You're the only one I want to share with my
*"I love you, goodnights"

It seems yesterday
she lay four eggs by me
but didn't come to stay
she was soon a memory.

Her plume yellow green
eyes dark as sea
a short time she had been
then gone hastily.

She was not by my side
nor in the nesting ***
my heart was pierced wide
she was all I got.

Seeing me glum and hurt
they brought a bluish plume
I shunned her at the start
my heart was still in gloom.

Before long I fell for her
she preened me soft and sweet
helped me heal the scar
get back lost heartbeat.

Back to happy mood
I worked up one new nest
loved her best I could
putting the past to rest.

Rolled by fast the weeks
good times leave in haste
past few eggs and chicks
death laid her to rest.

Like this they came and went
seasons of joy and grief
the ones my love I lent
stayed but for too brief.

Now stalks me the claw of age
my plume are shedding fast
all I have is a cage
to ruminate loves of past.

I find it hard to open up
When the times I have, I get shut
Told to get over, deal with the pain
But what if I told you that I'm not the same?

There have been times when my heart burned
Because I pined, because I yearned
A lost love that was but my first
Eaten like acid, removed by hearse

Or times when I wake up and feel so empty
Like why am I here, please just forget me
Open your mind and be released
From the torturous memories that are me

Or times when anger flared up inside
And I dared you to try to hide
I wanted to end you for the lies that you told
For all of the ******* you offered, you sold

But don't forget I get depressed too
And I wondered if I really was something you could lose
If I had the worth, if I meant something
I'd hear sad songs and alone I'd sing

And everything hurts ten times more
Then what ever emotions you've had before
So don't put me down and say I ain't strong
When I've been carrying this burden all along....