When you found me, I had never found my way
However, with you the darkness goes away

With you, I feel immoral, like nothing is ever grey
Now that time has passed, the thoughts of you fades away

Those times, I felt whole and happy. I wanted you to stay
Moments like those fills my head with words I dare not say today

“I love you” “I miss you” rolled off my tongue every other day
Now they are just letters that make up words that I cannot think to say

I hope you’re doing well, thoughts of you in my head
My mind still full of words I cannot say

Alone and afraid,
she grabs for a knife;
Depression will end,
this twelve-year old's life.
-
She places the blade,
against her small wrist;
Makes a small incision,
she could not resist.
-
She watches the blood;
as it runs down her arm;
She just can't go on,
they've done too much harm.
-
Her mind flashes back,
to a time and a place;
When they left her defiled,
and they made her ashamed.
-
She pushes down harder,
'til the blade meets the bone;
'Tis the only way,
she could escape from her home.

(PolyMyalgia Rheumatica)

I found her in the laundry room, her back to me.
I could tell something was wrong.
I asked, “How are you feeling?”
She replied, “Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”
As she turned to me, I could see she was crying.
She does not cry easily.

I saw her in the garden, trying to turn over one of the new beds.
I could tell by her body language she was not doing well.
I asked, “Would you like some help?”
She replied, “I would love it!”
And she wiped a tear from her eye.
She does not cry easily.

I rolled over in bed and put my arms around her
I could tell she was not right.
I asked in a whisper, “May I rub your back?”  
She replied, “That would be lovely”,
And she sniffed.
She does not cry easily.

I walked in when she was reading this poem.
I could see she was touched.
I asked, “Hope you didn’t mind my writing this?”
She replied, “I didn’t think you noticed.”
As her eyes filled with tears, we hugged.
She does not cry easily.

She lives with this painful disease.
It keeps her from living a full life.
She does as well as she can do.
It saps her strength and limits her day.
Sometimes, it makes her cry,
And she does not cry easily.

Like a soundless rain that fell in drops,
I shed my tears beneath a mask.
And behind a wall that hid my fears,
I made a vow to make it strong.
How else can my soul be safe,
if there's no mask to hide it all?

Brick by brick, through love and pain,
I saw it's use, and I saw it's bane.
For in love, the lies were wrought.
And in pain, they were none but shunned.
Then how else can my heart be safe,
if the mask I don is all but vague?

And then it came! As swift and deaf,
as the nightly wind. It wrought it's way
through the layers I built. Sham!
Brick by brick, the wall came down.
By love and pain, I learnt of life.
And the mask I wore, in pieces it fell.

I knew all about your heart.
That beat with love and endless mirth,
and so full of life, it felt no gloom.
But what do I remember?
I remember the day it stopped.

I knew all about your warmth.
With hugs that healed all of my hurts,
and arms that barred all of my fears.
But what do I remember?
I remember how cold and still you lay.

Your words resound around my head.
Too little I was for the wisdom you shared
That only made sense long after you left.
And what do I remember?
I remember the day you died.

The rain doesn't know it's falling,
Or that the night is warm enough
For us to sit out on the porch,
Discussing whether I should go,
Or if there's something still to do.

We used to make love in the rain.
We watch it fall like strangers now.

I put my trust in these hands
The hands that where meant to hold me
To guide me
Instead they are now the very things
That are harming me