I am always writing about heartbreak, loneliness, and sadness that some boy has dawned upon me.
But lately, I've been feeling like
I had broken my heart long before any boy had the chance to.

When I feel the loneliness peak from the crevices of my heart,
I can't seem to find an explanation as to why
Other than, I feel like utter **** and I can't blame anyone else.

I love myself.. at least I think I do.
I am confident in who I am.
Yet again, I chase the boys who I know will hurt me in the end and long for the ones that don't give me the time of day.
I cry for people that are not worth my tears and write about people who don't think twice about me.

Why do I keep hurting myself?
I keep breaking my own heart again and again.
At the end, all I have is me, myself, and I.
If I keep breaking my own heart, who will be there to tell me it's okay when I'm wrapped up in my blankets crying my eyes? (the kind of crying where you can't breathe and it's a constant battle of letting everything go and calming yourself down)

I need to love myself profoundly and fiercely before I let another boy in.
Because when he leaves, I can pick myself up because I know he is not worth it.
Because for once, I love MYSELF more than I love him.

Right when you feel like you've got things figured out
Life twists and turns and
Leaves you in a rut

I thought I finally found someone that keeps me sane
I thought he was good for me, he doesn't take me on a roller coaster and doesn't let me go to sleep mad
I wanted this so bad and I finally thought I found it

But now I'm sitting here, crying my eyes out
Listening to sad love songs, wondering why I always **** everything up

I have an exam tomorrow but all I can think about is him
and it's ******* me up
I can't think straight

****
I can't even see straight

People can switch up on you real quick, blind-sighting you
Leaving you ****** up
So
Love yourself and always put yourself first

Because it's true that people are temporary
But so are your feelings
This will pass, but protect yourself baby
Know your worth
Know yourself

all i wanted was a simple apology
if you loved me it wouldn't be that hard
but i guess you didn't
they told me not to fall to hard but i never listen for i thought was different.
but you were exactly what they said and to my existence your malignant
but yet somehow you still are a stimulant
you set gasoline to my fire and it heats up resembling our heated arguments that end up with one of us in pain
for you were never the solution you were never my rain to exhaust my flames
your a poison and it's addictive yet my soul still survives
it hurts so much but my heart yearns for you it chimes
chimes in a irregular beat; wishing for you to care but its like i'm never there
i always end up suffering the ramifications
your my main cause of my dreary tribulations
yet, i stay
yet, i still care
yet, i'm still blamed
yet, i cant stop loving you
Where did i ever go so wrong?

I am an Aries.
You are a Pisces.

I am represented by fire.
You are represented by water.

I should have known that you would dampen my spark.

exactly 54 strangers around me
I counted
and you're still all I seem to think about

I have two word documents open
one about lack of youth voting in politics
and the other about Indigenous people and self government
I also have a Youtube tab open playing "Stay" by Rihanna

my mind is flustered
my heart hurts
I want to cry but I can't

I sit here and think about why you affect me the way you do
I'm almost 100% sure that you're doing just fine
yet here i am, emotionally distressed

your words **** me
but so does your silence
I feel like I can never win with you

I'm truly at a loss for words
because I have come to my senses
I have realized that we are completely two different people

how we talk is not the same
how we show affection is not the same
how we love is not the same

I want it to work so badly between us
but maybe that's the problem
that I want it so bad
and you don't want it eqaully

It *****
but it's the truth
and I'm just going to have to accept it and move on

I knew I loved him
When I realized
I didn't expect anything
From him;
Not even his love.