She came in the night,
   I was caught off guard.
      Saw her beauty glimmer in the moonlight.
         She was different.
Now shes in my heart & in my bed,
   ***** so tight.
      For her I will do right.
         But that's then & this is now.
            For what I failed to see was her toxicity.
Night by night, she kissed on my neck.
******* out little bits of me, little bits of blood.
I began feeling more & more like her.
My heart was becoming black.
I swear she must have swapped some of her blood with mine because I'm the one that stays in the dark now... While she waltzes in the sun.
I'm the one that's scared to love while she doesn't need anyone.
Now I feel like the monster.

They say "get out your feelings" but the feelings are still going to be in me... I have a long & close relationship with them... they begin to miss me if I'm gone for too long. I lie for hours in the tub as I drift away into a bittersweet nothing.

I am drowning in myself.
I can't escape this torture of simply being.
Restless nights, Everything seems to weigh heavy on me.
My soul is tired & my heart is weak, Everything seems to come & go so fast.

Where do these horrible feelings that sit solid in the pit of my stomach come from?

Does everyone feel this way or is it just me?
I'm starting to think it's just me.

Though I do not wish to die, I'm struggling with the will to live.
Just because I am not suicidal doesn't mean I'm not withering away on the inside..doesn't mean that suffering through each day is any better.

I feel detached from the world & people & myself.
There is a constant aching in me.
I can't escape myself.

Where do I go to feel safe?
I never feel safe.

Where do I go to feel loved?
How can I feel it if I'm detached?

Everyone comes & goes.
Dynamics between people change.
People hurt people all the time.

What can I hold onto or trust that is stable?

What only makes me realize just how alone I really am in all of this is that if I do try & explain how I feel...
I get answers like eat more fruit,
think positive,
everyone feels this way.

I struggle so much to see where I fit in this whole grand scheme of life. What is my point of existence?

Literally no one can help me & that only makes me feel even more alone to deal with this heavy, heavy stone I carry around.

No one can see my pain at all. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it's not there.

I don't know why I've always felt so "sensitive" but I've felt this way for a long time.

I can't seem to find peace in myself.

I can't quite obtain my goals as easily as I think which take a unsurmountable amount of stress & uncomforting vibes.

I have to fight so hard for myself...I'm done fighting.
I Don't wanna fight.

I feel...
BROKEN INSIDE,
LIKE A MERE EXISTANCE.
POINTLESS,
LIKE THE SCRAPS OF A PERSON,
SUFFOCATED IN MYSELF,
MISUNDERSTOOD,
USELESS,
A LOT OF EMOTIONS, ALL THE TIME.

Nothing seems to help. If only it was that easy but nothing ever is,

I will lie myself down to rest for tonight, gather my broken bones & kiss my forehead. "Go to sleep babygirl, tomorrow will be a new day with new struggles, for now shhhhh, close your eyes."

"I'm walking away,
I'm starting a new.
You could of came with me
but that was on you.
I'll find a new world full of colors.
New memories, new smiles.
One foot after the other,
let bygones be bygones.
You were a beautiful soul,
gave me so much magic & knowledge.
So I'm at peace now with kissing you goodbye.
I'll take the lessons yout gave me & craft a boat that will take me to new heights.
I'll love yout forever but at a distance it's fine.
I'll take back my bruised heart & stich it up with time.
The last grain of sand in my hourglass has fell.
So I was slowly walk away with a heavy heart.
I'm pushing myself forward.
It's a start.
This must have been what you wanted all along,
to drift away & become strangers to one another..to forget the magic I felt.
Goodbye."

You're on my heart.
You're on my mind.
You've got a piece of my soul.

What is this fickle world,
where not everything is as it seems.
Who am I truly?
Forever changing & evolving into something more or less.
My world is as a sandstorm in a desert.
I flutter along with the motions,
nothing more & nothing less.
I call out to you from the deepest depths of my heart.
Do you feel me?
Do you hear my cries?
Come save me.
Wrap me up in you.
Come save me.
^.°♡°.^