OFF IN THE DISTANCE
A FADED MEMORY STILL REMAINS
HIDDEN DEEP WITHIN THESE VEINS
FLOWS THE WICKED DROWNED IN SHAME
MAKING HER WAY THROUGH THE HOLY
AS IF THEY DIDN'T KNOW THIER OWN DEMONS
STARING THEM IN THE FACE
DISGUISED THEY STAND TALL BEHIND THE CROSS
RIGHTEOUS AS THEY BE... I SAY
GO ON CAST THE FIRST STONE
WHEN THE DUST SETTLES
PAY ATTENTION
YOU SEE ME?
I STAND TALL ALL ALONE


Yesenia Acevedo

Shadows rise only to fall again
In this twisted delusion I live in
Phantoms of hope dance trying to tempt me
Haunting depression only taunts me
Reliving faded memories daily
Looking to the past relentlessly
Dwelling on regret with eyes of envy
Agony and despair lingers on my lips
Failure radiates through my soul
Shinning from head to toe
This veil separates me from the normal day to day
Alone by myself apart in this world I stay


Yesenia Acevedo

Dream, hate, bleed,
trust me and recede,  
Disband, never be seen,
lurking in the shadows to dream,
just trust me, descendant of time,
the transformation is complete,
drown in your sorrows and pain,
Disband, never be seen,

peace has come to me,
I no longer need you to breath,
peace has come to me,
I no longer need you to breath,

had to rise and fight,
your the essence of destruction,
eyes wide, seen this coming,
go on polluting your soul,
ruptured and evolved,
transformation complete,
drown in your pride,

peace has come to me,
no longer need you to breath,
peace has come to me,
no longer need you to breath,

like a child I saw,
none of your flaws,
relinquish, I've seen
Now you've failed me,

peace has come,
no longer need you, breath,
peace has come,
no longer need you, breath,
peace has come,
so dream.


Yesenia Acevedo

Today was a horrible day
Your memory lingered everywhere
I actually missed you
Felt the want bubble inside
Then I thought of her
Those feelings disappear
I reminded myself why I don't want you
That's when I packed your **** with a smile
Tha harm you caused is what helps me
God help me; no one else seems to want to
When did it become okay to hate someone who did nothing?
Just a poetic vent

Rays of beauty glisten through the crystal
Rekindling the intensity of her own complexion
As I glide perfection to my lips
I watch her dressed in sorts of red
She dances in such a motion,
Circulating, demanding my attention
Defenseless to her fragrance
Like an addict i inhale
The senses rush to my cortex
Now i'm under her spell
I welcome her warmth into my mouth
Savoring the velocity of her seduction  
She sends tiny explosions down my spine
Some call her mistress to her kind
Others know her simply as wine
I call her versatile and quite de-vine!



Yesenia Acevedo

Eve awoke to Jake knelled at her bedside, kissing her with a disparate force. Rough with his hand on her ******* and delicate with his pressing lips on hers. However, Eve was not fascinated by his actions. In fact she was quite offended. She had never gave Jake the idea it was okay to touch her, let alone kiss her awake or sleeping. But here he was groping her ******* and forcing the on going kiss. As quickly as her eyes opened her hands were at rejecting Jake. Eve slapped him while yelling,
"What makes you think you have my permission to kiss me while i'm sleeping, if you don't have it when i'm awake."
Jake smiled and shook his head, then traded glances with Eve and the floor. A faint giggle escaped his lips as he moistened them with tip of his tongue. He looked straight into Eve's eyes then said,
" I didn't need your permission."
Taken back by his statement she glared with hatred at him. He continued speaking,
"Eve you know i love you. You know i want you, but if you don't accept me now i will never beg you again."
She studied him carefully. His smoldering black curls resting on his cheeks. His smile faded then disappeared, straight and serious. His brown eyes glazed with tears, still searching and begging for a sign of acceptance. She felt such pity for him, he was incapable of understanding she did not want him. Sure he was attractive muscular and fit, but he was also arrogant and crude. Something she just did not take to. Eve swallowed her fear of angering him. With a firm even tone she gave her answer,
"No, i don't want you, i will not accept you now or ever."
His eyes changed instantly filling with rage. He punched the bed then grabbed her wrist pulling her close, tightening his grip.
"I can take care of you and your son better than anyone. You both will never want for anything, just say yes", he insisted.
"Let go of me Jake, i don't want you", she replied through clenched teeth.
He held his grip watching her then releasing her with new found disgust for her. He rose to his feet and turned towards the door. Taking each step slowly as if he was still clinging to hope that she'd change her mind and call out for him. Eve nursed her wrists where his grip had been. She watched the finally hint of his shadow disappear out the bedroom door.
"Well that was creepy", she said to herself.
Just then her son who had laid sleeping beside her in the middle of the bed let out a wail. He sat up rubbing his eyes and cried. Eve sighed,
"Oh great so much for sleeping."
Eve left the warm inviting bed. She scooped her son into her arms placing him off to the side so he could wrap his legs around her. Sam whimpered at her. In her mothering voice she told him,
"Hush Sam i'm going to get you a bottle just as fast as i can move."
Turning out the door of the bedroom and into the living-room she spotted Matt sitting in the recliner with his eyes fixated on the television.
"Where's your sister at?", she asked Matt.
He mumbled under his breath. Unable to make out his response she said,
"What?"
His head slightly Turned towards her but his eyes did not.
"How should i know, maybe she's with your boyfriend.", he snapped at her still refusing to properly look at her.
"Whats your problem Matt?", she questioned him.
"You should know.", he said rolling his eyes.
Eve tried to calm her hungry distraught son as she replayed the uncomfortable conversation with Jake in her mind. There it was, gone unnoticed at the time. But now it was so clear, Matt had been sleeping in the bed with her and Sam. She recalled the shift in the mattress when Matt had left it. His shadow sliding past her as she slapped Jake. How much did he see? Had he watched as Jake kissed her?
"Why Didn't Matt stop Jake from kissing me?", she thought.
Displeased by the memory and her thoughts she rolled her eyes and rudely said,
"Whatever Matt."
Had he defended her or stayed he would have known Jake's advancements towards her were unwelcome. She left the living-room entering the kitchen to fetch her sons bottle already prepared in the frig.
Eve headed towards the bedroom with her now content son. As she passed the living-room she noticed Matt's glare and reaction to hers. She stuck her tongue out at him. Matt inhaled deeply before returning his attention to the television. Eve climbed into bed with her son hoping he'd fall back asleep. After 45 minutes it was clear that was not going to happen.

Six hours later the sun rose in Peach Springs shinning down on the little busy police station in the middle of town. Eve sat in a tiny well lit room hand cuffed to a bar attached to the wall. She felt dizzy from the tears she had shed unsure how she could still produce them, one after another they fell. The door opened announcing the police officer who uncuffed her and lead her to a room with a table in the center surrounded with chairs. She sat silently gripping to what was left of her sanity as the tears continued to fall. Minutes later two detectives entered, one female, one male, they sat down looking at each other stating their names and titles. The female detective asked Eve her fist question,

"Do we have you permission to record this conversation?"

"Yes, you do."  

She pressed the record button and the interrogation had officially began.

"Tell us what happened prior to you arriving at the hospital."

Eve began to tell her truth fading in and out of the memory as she told the events before and after she decided to get out of bed with Sam. Six hours earlier...


Eve and Sam were restless unable to return to their dreams. She hoped Matt would come back to bed and realize he was being a ****.


He doesn't even know what the situation is between me and Jake.

Eve decided to leave the bed with her son oblivious to the consequences that awaited. She kept her shoulders square, her eyes on the path that lead to the kitchen as she passed Matt in the living room. She peeked in the master bedroom searching for Julie when Matt's  mother spoke in an overpowering voice,


"I'm in here, close the door."

Eve felt her son squeeze his legs around her and quickly closed the door. She walked towards the back door listening to faint voices coming from Matt's room. She joined them sitting across from Julie with her son in her lap she asked,

"What are you up to Jewels?"

Eve wished she would've stayed in bed when Julie pointed to the coke offering  her some. She refused it but knew it wouldn't be that easy to get away with. Like with most things Julie told her to try it and stop if she didn't like it. Eve asked her what it felt like then agreed when Julie told her it felt good. She placed her child on the bed opposite to Jake, she shooed Jake"s hand away when he tried to grab her. Agitated she walked over to Julie who held the foil steady while she inhaled her hit. As she exhaled she washed the taste clean from her lips. When she looked up she realized Matt was sitting on his bed drinking a beer. Eve shook her head at Matt agreeing with his sister who was telling stop or he'd go back to jail.

******* *******, he's doing this on purpose.

she told herself when he downed four more. Eve followed Julie's lead yelling at Jake not to  give Matt any of the ******* when he offered it to him. Eve held her anger while she watched him as he snorted the fine white powder. Julie told her brother,

"Your ******* stupid."

Eve shouted at him,

"Yeah you are."

"Why do you even care.",

he asked in voice that stabbed at Eve. Lost in her thoughts she barely notice when Amanda walked in. Eve heard her whining but couldn't make out what she was saying. She looked up in time to hear Julie invite her somewhere. Automatically she refused using the excuse that her son was awake. Amanda threw a fit telling Julie to leave Eve behind then she turned to Eve glaring at her as she left the room with Jake following behind her.

"Ignore her. Lets go.",

Julie insisted.

"I can't.",

Eve pointed to her son.

"Ask Matt to watch him",

she told her. Eve looked at Matt who was shaking his head with his answer no.

"It's only for a few minutes Matt."

Julie told him. Eve walked towards Matt telling Julie,

"It's okay Julie, Amanda doesn't want me to go, remember."

"**** her."

Julie said laughing. Eve reached for her son taking him from Matt, but Matt pulled him back telling her,

"I'll do it."

"No, it's okay, give me my baby."

Eve insisted pulling on Sam. Eve frowned at Matt when he refused to let go of Sam. They both tugged at him til he started crying, with sounds of his cries she let go of Sam.

"Are you sure Matt? I can take him, he's my baby, just give him to me. "  

Eve studied him, Matt pouted saying,

"I'll do it, I always do it anyway?"

Feeling uneasy Eve handed Sam's bottle to Matt then left the room with Julie. They met Amanda, Jake and Jeff at the curb where the cream colored Cadillac was parked in front of the house.  Immediately Amanda threw a fit at the sight of Eve. Eve shrugged her off as they drove to the store. Jake went in then returned empty handed explaining it was two a.m. and the store clerk refused to sell him alcohol. They drove the four blocks back to the house with Amanda pouting a fit that had them all in distress. Upon arriving to the house Eve smoked a cigarette on the front porch with Julie keeping her company. She finish the cigarette proceeded to the kitchen retrieving a yogurt from the fridge. Eve step out on the back porch listening for Sam. She stood there for several minute while she ate her yogurt thinking,

Sam's probably asleep. If i go in that room and end up waking him Matt will flip. I'll just wait a few more minutes and smoke another cigarette, if Sam cries i'll get him, if he doesn't i'll leave it be.

She finish her cigarette certain everything was perfectly fine. She believed Sam was sleeping in the safety of Matt's protection. Matt had always referred to Sam as his son ever since Eve's belly began to show she was pregnant with Sam, she trusted him. With her mind at ease she returned to the living-room and out the front door.  The Cadillac took off leaving Amanda behind. She watched Amanda walk along side of the house heading towards the back yard. Eve followed Amanda until she turned snapping her words she instructed Eve to leave her alone. Eve turned around entering the house through the front door.  Amanda entered the house through the back entrance minutes after eve had sat down next Julie. Amanda joined them in the living-room visibly upset making it clear she was not happy that Jeff left to take Jake home. Soon after Matt ran through back door yelling ,

"Help! He's not breathing, he's not breathing!"

The girls met him at the frame of the door leading to the kitchen. They shouted at him demanding to know what had happened. He told them Sam must have swallowed a rock. Everything swirled into a blur and Eve took her baby from him grabbing her coat on the way out running, following Julie.

Eve blinked through tears returning her to the room where the detectives sat in front of her. She shook head resting her arms on the table saying,

"That's all i know."

"Tell us again, from the beginning, what happened?"

The detectives took turns insisting she tell them over and over again what she knew. After the fifth time through the events of that night she lost her composer. Eve slammed her hands down on the table as she stood from the chair screaming,

"I already told you what happen. Why are you doing this? How many times do I have to tell you?"

She hung her head low clearing her mind making sense of the situation. She looked up at them, in a confused voice she said,

"You think i killed my baby?'

Her voice hardened raising slightly.

"Is that what you think? Is that why your doing this? I didn't **** my baby, I didn't **** him."

Defeated she fell into her chair. The detectives looked at each other then turned off the recorder.

"We're finished."

They both said softly standing then leaving the room. Some time later a police officer opened the door leading her to another room with a table in the center surrounded with chairs and a two-sided mirror next to it. Her eyes leaked endless amounts of sorrow flowing, falling with every step she took towards the chair she pulled out sitting so that she faced the mirror. The door closed with the officers exit and she let out a wail of enormous heartbreak, sorrow, and just flat out pain.

What happened? Oh god, bring him back. Tell me what happened. Why?

She pleaded silently with her God. She watched herself in the mirror thinking,

I should have never left the bed. I should have made him fall asleep.

Feeling faint her eyes throbbed making her head pound deeper pulsing down her neck. Eve pushed two chairs together curling on to them making her hands her pillow. She closed her eyes wishing that when she opened them she'd be next to Sam in bed. But she open her eyes and saw the carpet of the room, she began to sob. The door opened with the familiar face of the officer who lead her to the exit of the police station informing her she was free to go. The light of the sun blinded her sending her into a daze. Nora and Julie soon joined her and she asked Julie's mother Nora,

"Where's Matt?"

Nora turned to Eve shushing her with a finger to her lips. When they arrived home Nora requested the girl join her in her room. Once there Nora instructed the girls to sit on the bed. They did as asked then Nora faced the floor slowly and clearly she said,

"Matt killed Sam!"

With the sounds of those words Eve's world turned, crumbling. Nora informed the girls what Matt had done to the child. They all cried in pain knowing nothing could ever be the way it was before. Now those loving feeling she felt for Matt in the darkest corners of her mind echo'd, slithering, completely tainted by the unspeakable evil he committed against her son resonated throughout her being.

Eve tormented herself daily for the death of Sam. To her it was the not knowing what had lead Matt to **** Sam that really plunged the dagger of self hatred and regret into her repeatedly each second of each day. She had asked Matt countless times to tell her what had happened. He would either refused with an explanation of not wanting to upset her or he'd just avoid the question altogether. On one occasion she begged him for closure in the form of a written letter. His response was that maybe they should quit writing each other. Enduring his refusal fueled her further into depression leading her down a path of anger  towards destruction and with that she began to lose hope she'd ever know why. She had forgiven him, even told him she still loved him from the very first letter she sent him. Still he could not find it in his heart to tell her. At first each letter she received gave her hope it would contain an explanation, but at the end of each one she was left broken by the lack of information. Eve learned to smile for the people who surrounded her in her life including the friends she shared with Matt making them believe she was okay to an extent for the sake of knowing what Matt refused to tell her. She knew the autopsy listed the cause of death as aspiration and cardiac arrhythmia due to sudden impact to the chest supporting Nora's claim of what Matt had done. To her that was a cause of death not a reason why Matt killed her son. She needed to know why in order to let go and move on. So much had change since the night Sam had died on Oct 12th 2001 between the hours of 3-4 am. On Sept 23rd 2003 a letter would arrive to Nora's address for Eve finally giving her the answer why Sam was murdered.

Eve drag out that day just like any other, step by step, obsessing over the death of her son. She walked the sixteen blocks from her mothers house to Julie's apartment with her head low and her spirits lower. On her way a small Honda drove slow and close to the curb containing the woman that had once been her friend. Alice dove the Honda spitting hateful remarks at Eve,

"What's the matter *****, you ain't got a car?"

Eve glanced towards her with sad eyes that held the pain of her life refusing to let the tears hidden beneath make an appearance. Instead she glared offering Alice anger instead of sorrow before turning her attention to the pavement of the sidewalk ahead of her. Alice laughed with excitement as she continued to beat her words into Eve's reality,

"Keep walking *****. Just keep walking. You ain't **** ugly *** *****."

Alice's words were echo'd by the laughter of the passengers in her car. To Eve's relief Alice drove off leaving her to enjoy her misery alone. When she arrived to Julie's apartment she found the front door open. She stepped inside the apartment with Julie in her line of sight she made her way to and sat on the couch next to her.

"Hey girl. Watcha up to?"

Julie said as she dug through her purse. Eve answered with an even tone,

"Not much just bored."

"My mom gave me this for you. It's from Matt."

she said as she handed the envelope to Eve. Eve took it from her with glimmer of hope and an anchor of regret. She opened it and began to read the letter. When she arrived at the sentence that started the events of the night her son was murdered through Matts point of view she stop and headed to the bathroom. She closed the door then let herself fall to the floor as she continued to read the details. She arrived to words-I stopped and buried her head in her lap as she screamed with agony. Tears flowed as she lifted her head spilling and crashing onto the letter she had waited one year, eleven months, one week and one day to read. She gasped choking the air down her throat as Sams voice played through her mind hearing his last words. She could see her baby's face in the glare of her tears that continues to spill. Regardless she kept reading.

It was so quiet my ears were ringing. Then i took him inside and you left to the hospital. I got a ****** up mind and i went crazy, I lost it. Now i'm in here and I read the some strong signs of a ego disharmonious killer is abuse, cruelty to animals and arson. When I was little my mom and my uncle used to beat the **** out of me and I've burnt two houses that my mom was renting. When I moved to Peach Springs i burnt somebody's elses house, i burnt a garage like four cars and probably like twenty trash cans. I won't even start with how many animals i was cruel to. But all that ***** in my past. So ima stop talking about it. I'm sorry for the ****** up **** I've done but I am what I am. And I hope that my stay in prison will help me to change. I've been thinking about a lot of **** in here and I think I should have just walked away but i was so drawn to you. I should have just left you alone but I was drawn to you. By what? Love? I don't know and wish I did. But I'm not gonna start talking about love, because it's like you said love can hurt as we all know. So **** love, know what I'm saying? You said you loved me, did I believe it? No. I said i loved you, did you believe me? Probably ******* not, so **** love. About those letter you said you wrote, just get rid of them. Three year, two months, two weeks and four days that's how old he'd be now. I think about him all the time. I sit here and wonder what his voice would sound like. I would really like a picture of you. I haven't seen you since my court date and it wasn't really tryin to look you in the face then you were crying. Do you ever wonder what it would be like if I never did what I did? What would be up with you and me? I do, I think about what could've been, what might have been, and what would have never been. And I always ask myself, what were we? I can't put a name to it. What were we Eve? Do you even know? I hope you like the drawing on the envelope, i think it's good for you because i always thought you had beautiful eyes. Besides, all my other envelopes got hearts and roses on them. The one with the roses says love you and you don't want to hear that ****. So, bye                                                    

        September 17,2003                                                                Matt

P.S.
Would you please tell Julie to write me and I said Hi.

Eve felt lost and catastrophic. She sat on the bathroom floor for twenty minutes after she finished reading the letter without making a sound as she continued to release her sorrow.

In those twenty minutes Eve sat silently on the bathroom floor her sanity escaped drop by drop through the windows of her will to live. A labyrinth of oblivion exploding in darkness. Her mind had become a maze of confusion coated with denial. To reach reality and regain the urge to continue life it's self meant to follow the droplets of her memories. They represented her only hope radiating down the path of her past. Like breadcrumbs she followed them. She stopped before the first droplet allowing it to surge through her absorbing the memory she had buried deep...

"Help! He's not breathing, he's not breathing!"

The sound of Matt's voice shook and grounded Eve in the past. She blinked hard at Sam who lied limp in Matt's arms. The toddler was blinking rapidly while gasping for air his eyes rolled back displaying only the whites of his eyes.

"What happened to him Matt?"

Eve demanded to know as she scooped her son into her arms.

"He must of swallowed a rock."

Matt answered looking down at the floor.

"I'll go get mom."

Julie blurted then ran to her mothers room. Seconds later Julie returned with car keys in hand.

"Mom said to take him to the hospital now."

Julie grabbed her sweater then ran out the front door. Eve grabbed her coat and followed Julie. Amanda followed Eve yelling,

"I'm going with you."

Julie started the car put it in reverse, then drove down the back roads towards the hospital. Eve looked down at her son whose eyes were still fluttering clearly struggling to stay focused.  Sam wheezed through what would be his only words,

"Mum... mum,mum,mum,ma".

With the sound of his shaken voice he stopped fighting. His eyes closed and his body was still. Eve panicked.

"No, wake up!  Don't go to sleep, stay with me. SAM, WAKE UP!"

She continued to scream at the toddler while she slapped him repeatedly desperate to see  his eyes open. In the back seat Amanda stirred at the sight of Eves panic. Amanda insisted with a calm but firm loud tone,

"Give him to me, I know CPR."

Eve hesitated still begging her son to open his eyes. She let out hysterical laughter when he did open them again. He looked up at her weary and let out through wheezes followed by gasps of air his final words his mother would every hear.

"Mummum, mummum."

"Give him to me, I know CPR!"

Amanda continued to tell Eve and reluctantly she hand over her son to Amanda when Julie yelled at her,

"GIVE HER THE BABY!"

On the way Julie came to a red stop light with no traffic in sight she still stopped abiding the law even in this hectic situation. While Amanda continued to preform CPR on Sam, Eve turned to her friend yelling,

"ARE YOU ******* KIDDING ME? ******* GO. DRIVE NOW!"

Julie in her own state of panic floored the gas driving the final distance to the Out-reach Hospital. As they pulled into the the Emergency rooms round about Amanda open the door without the car at a complete stop she jumping out with ease still  holding Sam in her arms, she ran through the open sliding door. She screamed at the receptionist,

"He's not breathing."

Eve ran behind Amanda in time to see the Emergency double doors open exposing the emergency room and staff behind them.  Several staff member ran to Sam taking him to a room to began resuscitating the toddler. Eve ran behind them all. As she began to enter the room she was stopped by a nurse who instructed her to wait outside the room.

"But I'm his mom."

"We can not do our job to save him with you here, you are a distraction. Please take a seat over there."

She pointed to the chairs down the hall against the wall.

"Come on girl, let them do their job."

Julie tugged at her shirt. They sat waiting until a counselor showed up relocating them to a private room.


To be continued....

Eve took in the sent of darkness mixed with the light breeze pooling from the open bedroom window. Her restless child laid beside her squirming occasionally letting out whimper of dissatisfaction.

"Just go to bed, just go to bed."  

She repeated to her baby as irritation bubbled to the surface of her reality ravishing all other emotions stirring inside. Sam began to crawl to the edge of the bed then tuning around to slide off feet first the way his mother had taught him. When his feet touched the floor Eve caught him by the hand gently pulling him back into the bed. Sam began to cry struggling to break free from his mothers loving embrace. While praying in her mind Sam would just give in and fall asleep she began to sing his favorite lullaby holding him close. The frustrated toddler was determined to stay awake despite his mothers praying. He kicked his legs, shook his head, resorted to biting his warden. When Eve felt her sons teeth imprint on he breast she let out a horrendous echo of pain. She slapped down on the toddlers thigh only hard enough to stun Sam into releasing his clenched teeth. Sam cried profusely while his mother nursed the impression left by Sams baby teeth. She felt terrible after the pain resided. She cuddled Sam running her fingers through his hair. Singing she told the toddler,

'You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when sky's are gray, you'll never know dear how much I love you, so please don't take my sunshine away.'

She patted his back until silence was in the air. The corners of her mouth shifted into a smile at the spinning memory that began to manifest in her mind. Matt sat on his sisters bed watching Eve put on her make up. Blue eye shadow to match her shirt, black eyeliner her signature look. She fashioned every strand of hair into waves of curls. Eve watched Matt through the mirror. She loved how he looked at her with his pleading eyes in a trance completely lost at the sight of her. No one ever looked at her or made her feel the way he did.

"Why are you in here?", she asked.

Unsure how to reply he lied saying,

"Just waiting around to see if you wanted to smoke when you finished."

"I'm finished now, lets go."

Eve lead, Matt followed. They stepped outside, Eve lit the cigarette inhaling then passed it to Matt.

"When is Julie picking you up?" , he asked gently.

"Midnight, that's when the dance is over.", she answered with a smile.

"What, you don't like to dance?"

"Nope, just the after party."

Eve looked up at the stars amazed at the clear sky allowing every radiant star in sight to shine brilliantly.

Matt wore his sincerest look, swallowed, then spoke in his softest voice,

"Your beautiful."

Still gazing at the stars she heard him and her heart sank sending flutters through her body. For the first time she was unsure how to respond to him.

"Yeah they are.", she said pretending she misunderstood what he had said.

Tears surfaced in her eyes pulling her from the memory.

He still thinks i believe he was referring to the stars.

She laughed at her thought.Eve's next decision would impacted her for the rest of her life. There was absolutely no way she could have ever known what would follow an action of hers as thoughtless as breathing resulting in chaos. By sunrise two things would become a permanent truth in her existence. 1. She would forever blame herself for allowing Sam to stay awake that fate altering night. 2. She'd regret leaving the pacifying safety of that bed.

All it takes is a stroke of my pen
To find the words that hide deep within
To express what it is that I feel
Although they are thoughts it's the truth they reveal

As I sit and ponder on these thoughts
to much of my dismay
I realize sometime it's a word on word play
To tell a story, just a glimpse of the fantasy
I hide in and relive each day

To some it is a crime
If as a poet I do not rhyme
I write to express not to impress
And to my fellow poets
I dedicate this simple poem  


Yesenia Acevedo

Jake had just turned the corner of the bedroom leaving Eve behind with all his proclaimed love he had professed to her. He grind-ed his teeth as her words swam in his mind. He could still hear her say,


"No, i don't want you. I will never accept you now or ever."


Tears welled in his eyes spilling over and down his cheeks. He looked up as he entered the living-room. He spotted Matt sitting there in the recliner closest to the window facing the television in the dark. The light the television gave off made the living-room flicker in an eerie way. He felt his emotions building, anger, hatred, love, lust, then hatred again. He stood still for second watching Matt as he let anger explode into rage with in him.


Matt had been there laying next to my Eve.

He thought while envy followed  jealousy consuming him.


How could she prefer him to me? He's nothing but a boy, worthless and pathetic.

The thought made a smile appear on his face. Laughter began to build past his rage and a faint chuckle found its way past his lips and Matt turned in his recliner to face him. To Jake's amusement he saw in Matt's eyes feelings that matched his own. Jake's smile grew causing flames of rage, disgust, envy and jealousy to die down. Now those feelings were replaced by satisfaction, serenity and joy. Oh the joy he felt seeing Matt's rage stir deep inside. It was then he decided to befriend the boy.

Matt is young and impressionable, he could easily be used against Eve. If she doesn't want me then she will suffer.

While he thought silently to himself he noticed Julie waving to him. Past the kitchen the back door was open, she stood in the doorway still motioning him to walk over to her. He glanced  over at Matt noticing he had his hands balled into fists. He wondered if Matt actually had the courage to attack him. He flashed another smile at Matt before turning into the kitchen making his way toward Julie. He knew what she wanted and she was going to get it. Jake patted the pocket he had his ******* in reassuring himself it was still there.

Jake met Julie at the door way taking in her beauty lit under the glow of the moonlight.  He retrieved  the ******* from his pocket parading it in front of Julie.

"You want some?",

he asked tempting her.With ease she smiled at him.

"Come on, lets go in here.",

she answered leading him into Matt's bedroom. Upon entering the room Jake noticed it was an addition to the house. Three walls were made up of bare ply wood lacking insulation and paint. The fourth was the siding of the house painted Brown with a window  leading to the master bedroom. The room had a dirt floor with rocks scattered about. A few feet from the door there were two chairs across from each other leading to a tiny walk way between two beds lined up side by side. Curious about the master bedroom window he pointed to it asking,

"Where's the curtain?"

"Oh um, My mom likes to watch.",

she answered with laughter as she collected her hair pulling it to one side over her shoulder. She turned her head towards the window wondering if her mother was indeed watching them. Jake presented the fine white powder serving it  as if it were an appetizer.  Julie inhaled it feeling the surge of the high mixing in and with her blood. Jake took several hits himself trying to shake what remained of Eve's rejection. Several minutes later Eve entered the room holding Sam. She sat in the chair across from Julie with Jake to her left on the furthest from the brown wall. Ignoring Jake's presence she ask,

"What you up to Jewels?"

Julie pointed the coke saying,

"Just doing a little of this. You want some?"

"Uh no, i'm okay."

"Just try it you might like it?"

"What's it feel like?"

"Um, i don't know, GOOD. Just take little if you don't like it just stop."

"Okay."

Jake didn't mind that he sat silently listening to them talk. He was eager to supply his drugs to the girls. When Eve decided to take the hit Jake felt his mind race.He smiled kindly at Eve with a glimmer of hope twinkling in his eyes he thought,

I hope this ***** gets hooked, then she'll come to me willing.

Jake watched Eve stand then walk over to the bed across from  where he was sitting gently placing Sam in the center before walking over to Julie. As she passed Jake he reached out touching her hip. Eve jumped shooing him away. Jake loved seeing Eve uncomfortable and angry. In his mind it meant he could then be sweet and loving. Jake served up his drug of choice handing it to Julie, she then held it steady for Eve to inhale. Eve licked her lips spinning inside she felt the rush of the drug. Matt joined them, in a bitter frenzy he pulled beer after  beer from between his mattress til he had consumed five. Julie warned Matt he would end up in jail if he didn't stop. Her words only fueled him and Jake saw his opportunity. He offered Matt some of the ******* ignoring the girls as they yelled at him not to dare. Jake drank the rush that washed through him making two plump lines for Matt. Jake sat on the edge of the bed gripped by anticipation while Matt took a line in each nostril.

Mission complete. If Matt doesn't consider me a possible friend now, at least Eve isn't happy with him.

Matt opened his eyes when he felt the shift in the bed. He turn towards Eve frozen he watched Jake kissing what was suppose to be his. Eve laid there as Jake kissed her. With heartache accompanied by disbelief Matt regained his ability to react but instead he left the comfort of the warm bed. Just then Eve slapped Jake.


Typical, now that  she sees i'm awake she goes into defense mode. **** she always doing this, ******* with my head. God your such a ******* ****, Eve!


He left the room quickly making his way to the recliner. His head was pounding feeling the need of destruction rise with in him. Unwilling to give into the desire he settled his sights on the television. He turned it on flipping trough the channels and raising the volume wanting to drown out the sounds he knew would shortly follow from what he had witnessed. He covered his ears refusing to hear her moans penetrate his heart as Jake penetrated her.


She would, that *****. Just give herself to another man, another man who isn't me.

As the unfamiliar voice floated unclear from the man on the television to his ears he remembered the first time he had laid eyes on Eve. He was with his cousin visiting  his sister at her friends house. Matt and his cousin were entertaining with their playful rough housing.  He had his cousin in a head lock about to take him down when she stepped out from behind the bedroom door. Her eyes met his and he stood still. She flashed a smile at him as he unsuccessfully tried to do the same. He hadn't even realized his cousin had escaped his grasp. He felt the corners of his mouth begin to turn up into a smile and she turned her attention to the right of him. It was then he knew he was going down. He hit the ground hard feeling the vibration pulsing from the ground beneath him where his back made impact. He quickly rolled to his stomach rising up on his knees and hands. He looked up at Eve, she was laughing, her eyes where lit and he was in awe. Her expression change  to match the feeling of the impact of his cousin lunging himself up in the air and crashing down on his back. Matt's cheeks filled with heat as he focused in on his cousin. He pinned him down then scanned the room for Eve, but she was gone. The memory faded with a crash that startled him. He looked around the room then realized the noise had come from the television. He turned it down, way down deciding he wanted to hear if she would dare **** him in his sisters bed. He sat in the recliner balling his hand into fists waiting, listing for the faintest of sounds from Eve. Moments later he heard a distorted laugh and turned his upper body in its direction. Jake stood there staring back at him with smug amusement plastered on his face. Matt's already tense body began to flare engorged muscles. He was ready to take him when Jake sent a smile at him. Matt could feel his blood boiling, pounding, rushing through his veins reaching his heart quivering in anticipation waiting for the slightest movement in his direction. He studied Jake.


What does Eve see in this ******? He cant be that great, its only been five minutes. I'll bet she'll be on to the next guy by tomorrow, or back to Derek. Ah ****!


Images of Sam's father plagued Matt.


She ******* knows i hate Derek.

Flashes sparked in his eyes and he played the memory's tune. They had been arguing on the front porch while Matt's little brother ran circles around them.


"If you ever let Derek come over here, ill kick his ******* ***!" ,Matt informed Eve.


"Whatever Matt! He's Sams father and if he wants to see his son, he's gonna." , she countered.

Matt bounced up and down with anger. Eve dismissed his primitive dance and went inside. Matt blinked escaping the memory, fixating his eyes on Jake. Jake turned his attention down the kitchen then back at Matt. Matt narrowed his eyes when Jake dared another smile at him before going into the kitchen. The destructive desire with in him ignited and he beat his fists into the arm rests of the recliner. Shortly after Eve appeared.

"Where's your sister at?" , she asked.

"*******, you hateful *****, ******* ****." , he said in a whisper.

"What?" , she said.

Matt was over flowing with the urge to devour her with hateful slurs. He slightly turned his head to her refusing to look at her directly.

"How should i know, maybe she's with your boyfriend." ,he said.

"What's you problem Matt?" , she questioned him.

Matt took pleasure in the irritation in her voice and retaliated with, "You should know."

"Whatever Matt." , she sneered at him.

As Eve entered the kitchen Matt inhaled and swallowed his breath. He fought the desire to slap the **** out of Eve. Matt bathed in relief when he saw Eve out of the comer of his eye a few seconds later. She walked by heading to the bedroom with Sam and a bottle. She looked his way only to see his eyes piercing her with a glare. She tilted her head up at him calling him out on his **** and stuck her tongue out at him before she disappeared into the room. With that his jealousy was extinguished.

Matt had just finished reading the letter Eve wrote him. As always she said she loved him and forgave him among other things. Though he wasn't sure he believed her anymore about anything she said. Eve had asked him so many times why he had killed Sam. On September 17th, 2003 he decided if he just told her maybe she would finally hate him. He started to write the letter that would finally put an end to all of Eve's endless searching for answers that could never justify his actions. He began to stroke the tip of his pencil to the paper as the memory materialized claiming his mind leaving a simple fool behind with his empty eyes staring down at the prison floor.  

Eve sat on the couch that rested against the wall in the master bedroom that at the time had been Julie's room. Matt sat a few feet away from her in a folding chair babbling about anything he could to keep the conversation going with her. Eve invited Matt to accompany her outside to share a cigarette, with a smile of relief he agreed. Once finished they returned to the bedroom. This time they sat closer together with a small table between them. With a quick gesture he presented the deck of cards.

"Would you like me to tell you your future?"

he asked displaying a smile as cheesy as the idea that he could actually predict her future with playing cards.  His eyebrows shot up and down in a rhythm that prevented Eve from repressing the grin that surfaced mimicking  his own.

"You guys are ******* stupid."

The sound of Julie's voice penetrated the invisible bubble that had been cast by their foolish adolescence. Julie's laughter left their cheeks warm with embarrassment silencing their emotions. They both awkwardly searched the room unwilling to make eye contact. Matt combed through his hair with his hand resurrecting the nerve to look up at her with those lost eyes she enjoyed so much. When his nerve remained steady he spoke,

"Let's go to the living-room?"

She couldn't help but smile. Still flushed she eagerly agreed, happy to get away from Julie and the others in the bedroom. He carried the little table while she carried the folding chair following him to the living-room. They positioned the chair and table in front of the recliner where he sat across from her. He began to shuffle the cards telling her,

"I'm serious, i can read your future with these cards. Just ask me any question you wanna know about. Then pick a card from the deck and i'll answer it."

Knowing he was completely full of ****, once again, she smiled at him. He laid the cards out on the table spreading them out for her.

"Go on, ask. Pick one."

he said with a serious look that changed into a cocky grin. She leaned forward in her chair relaxing the muscles in her face. She brought her hand up allowing her chin to rest between her index finger and thumb then she squinted her eyes at the cards as she said,

"Hmmm... let me think.

When she knew what question to ask she spoke. While asking her question she released her chin pointing her index finger up towards the ceiling then at him. When she finished her sentence she placed her hand  on her lap.

Oh I know! Remember when I told you that I love to write?"

He swallowed hard and admitted,

"Yeah, I remember."

"Well, my question is, will i ever write a book?"

She folded her arms across her chest cocking her head to the side then lifting a brow at him waiting with anticipation for the answer to her question. His eyes widened and he inhaled deeply telling her in a flat tone,

"Pick a card".

She hovered her hand over the cards, scanning back and forth stopping in the center she pulled the card up handing it to him. He took it from her turning it over onto the table. He placed both arms on the table leaning down towards the table to studying the card. He then looked up at her with amazement and said,

"Oh this is interesting."

Her eyes brightened letting laughter fill the air around them.  

'Yeah? Tell me. What do you see?"

"Hold on. There's more."

He looked back down at the card. He began to tap his fingers on the table taking his time to respond.

"Okay, I think I got it all. You will write a book. As a matter of fact, you'll write more than one. You actually become quite good at writing. I can tell just by looking at this one card."

"Huh, is that right? And does the card tell you what i'm going to write about?"

"Yes, it does. But i think i'll let that be a mystery."

They both laughed. Matt crashed into reality as her laughter faded in his mind. He stared down at the blank piece of paper. Finally he began to write the letter he had been advised by his lawyer and his conscience not to write.

Eve,
  

Hello. uh, ****. I thought about writing this letter so many times and now that it's time, I can't figure out what I should say. I guess I should start out apologizing, but i won't.  There's no point in me saying I'm sorry because no matter how many times I say it, it will never be enough. And you don't have to apologize for taking a long time to write because in my mind it is truly a blessing to have ever gotten a letter from you, given the circumstances.  And i won't be getting my high school diploma because I got kicked out of the program. They kicked me out for no reason. I'm out with the adults now which is cool. I haven't gone to my unit yet because I'm in the hole and i get out the day after tomorrow, Friday the 19th. Well, since you asked, I've been in here being a hell raising down *** ***** ***** trying to make it seem as though I'm not scared of being locked in a cage with the rest of these murderers, thief's, **** o's and other type of bad guys. But I guess I'm one of them now. I'm not really that scared anymore. I got some nice size arms from doing push ups and I'm an okay fighter. I'm a real troublesome inmate. I've spent like 10 months in the hole in total. But before I continue let me say what I got to say. You've asked me in county jail and many other times so here it is... o.k. you Julie, Amanda, Jeff and Jake left somewhere and I was in my room with Sam. Sam starts crying like hell and I finally get him to stop so me and him are chilling, thinking where the hell you are and Amanda pops her head in the door then leaves. Sam probably thought it was you and he starts screaming and then i started to think about how someone stole my money, my cigarettes, most of my beers, screaming, my mom accuses me of stealing gum, ritain pills, ****, and robbing Katie's house, screaming, you treat me like I'm for you to use when your feel like it, broke one of my speakers, Derek comes out of no where and you love him, screaming, I don't got no money, probation officer never leaves me alone, radio is ****** up, school *****, about to go juvie for a ***** U.A.  All of those thoughts came to me at once and the next thing i know I'm watching me lift Sam by his neck, throw him on the bed and start punching him in the chest. I tried to stop myself but I was moving in slow motion while I'm punching as hard and as fast as I can and then i stopped.

Matt stopped reading the letter unable to relive the memory any further. He folded it and placed it  in the already addressed envelope.

Matt turned off the television in hopes peace would present its self in the shadows clinging to the silence of the living-room. He closed his eyes, filling his lungs, grasping that moment desiring to hold it prisoner.

Nope, no use, there it is rising again.

Matt soaked in the fury that slowly brewed into wrath savoring the delicate temper pulsing in his heart. He began to enjoy  himself entertaining all the things he could do to make Eve regret ever messing with his head. Matt watch scenario after scenario trading smirks of pleasure with each one. He welcomed them to appear, fade, then reappear, each one bringing a mending sliver of an antidote to his heartache. Sams crying followed by Eve's echo'd pain slapped Matt's plotting revenge leaving his heartache to thrive. Instinctively he felt the brief urge to know what was happening. He shook his head refusing to go to her.

Why should i give a ****? She doesn't.

Several minutes later Eve appeared from the bedroom holding Sam. This time he met her at eye level waiting to see if she would offer an explanation or sign of regret. Eve's face failed to demonstrate any emotion that might have laid beneath. She held her sight steady on her path passing refusing to look his way til she was gone from his view. Every scenario Matt had planned collided crashing against one another til they were just ruble being sweep away by his sadness. Without permission his emotions flooded spilling out, each tear represented a different one. He stood then paced from one end of the room to the next. He opened the front door needing fresh air to cool his head. He blinked through blurry tears then quickly closed the front door when the cream colored Cadillac came into focus. Wiping his tear he peered out the window. He recognized Amanda sitting in the front passenger seat sobbing uncontrollably. Matt didn't need to see the driver to know who he was. Jeff was never far behind Jake.

Jake and Jeff, ******* *******, always together.

He stepped away from the window and with a moments thought headed to his room. As he approached his bedroom door he could hear Julie, Jake, Eve and Sam from behind it. He walk through the door way looking from Julie to Jake before sitting down on his bed. Jake laughed sending Matt into his own life altering path. Left there for safe keeping Matt pulled out a Budweiser from between his mattress. He knew he had a probation appointment the next day that would result in a ***** UA, but that was the point. He didn't give a ****.

In the land of hidden wonders
Lives a girl without a heart
Rapid thoughts stirring evil plots
Provoked by the curiosity of her sanity
Malicious feelings embrace her pain
Cunning vice her new name
Unwanted torment by the "SANE"
Painting a vivid portrait of chaos
Embedded in her mind
She knows no longer can she be kind
Who is to blame?
After all, everyone, was GAME!

Yesenia Acevedo

Strokes reveal the heavens
Interpret it's meaning
written in my words
Facing the uncanny reality
burns tragedy
striking to the core
Abstract emanates
precipitates in your presences
Enervates demoralizes
completely corresponding
my soul
Derailed equivalent to
Exude the nature truly
intended above
I only have Tolerance for one true love


Yesenia Acevedo

NEVER FREE, NEVER ME, NEVER KNEW... I SHOULD HAVE SEEN
NEVER FREE, NEVER ME, THIS IS THE WAY IT HAS BEEN
AND SO THEY HAVE TAKEN THIS HEART
THAT ONCE LOVED ALL WITHOUT HESITATION
UNTIL ALL THAT IS LEFT
PURE BLACK BITTER DEPRESSION
UNFORGIVEN THIS HEART OF MINE
BLACKENED BY THE HATRED OF OTHERS
STAINED WITH TEARS IT HAS CRIED
THIS HEART HAS BEGGED, HAS PLEADED
FOR PEACE, FOR FORGIVENESS
NO PEACE SHALL BE GRANTED
NO REMORSE SHALL BE SHOWN
FOR IT IS UNFORIVEN BY ALL WHO HAVE KNOWN
THE DEEP DARK SECRET THAT IS HOLDS
CONTAINED; FOREVER HIDDEN, FOREVER JUDGED
BY THE ONES... THE VERY ONES IT HAS LOVED
UNFORGIVEN THIS BROKEN HEART OF MINE
NEVER FORGIVEN AS THE YEARS WENT BY
NEVER FORGIVEN POINTLESS THE TEARS IT HAS CRIED
NEVER FORGIVEN FOREVER DRILLED IN MY MIND
UNFORGIVEN AND EVEN ON THE DAY THAT IT DIED


Yesenia Acevedo

I loved you
You grinned
I bared my soul
You laughed

My heart turned black
I learned to hate you
You went silent

At night when I miss you
I remember how you treated me
It numbs the pain when I remember
And then I smile
Knowing everything is going to be okay


Yesenia Acevedo

Hope escapes the sanity of subtle essence drifting in the wind...
long ago, fused to the memory of your love. Caressing a dark bitter heart abused by betrayal of familiar faces within beating life, mirroring its own. Corruption spews from those tender lips; releases its venom into rushing crimson. Clovers wilt at the sight of you, unaware your beauty is your confliction. What is a sight of beauty when morals lack, sprits tainted, Stars extinguished overtaken... by desire of ones own will to rewrite them against a higher beings will. Is it possible to rewrite stars? Is this destiny to deny a dream dreamed sweetly amongst the clouds an plucked for an instant the light rendered pure...  manifesting darkness at ever turn? In the end, does the love I feel no matter how true really worth the heartache caused upon myself reflecting onto them?  Shall I end this? Do I continue such a darkened path with no ending in sight.  I crave these rusty chains turn to dust or the life drained from me.


Yesenia Acevedo