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These secrets bled long ago
A four-hundred year candle blown out
Now separated
Your bedroom window
A hidden floor
Static sheets
Finding me flushed and infectious
Raw
And with power unreal
11:11
Make a wish, my love
Time binds us but it does not make us.
Consumes us.
All things
Are
Relative
To that
Tick tock
Ding
Of the clock.
Such is life
Such is us.
Allow it to shape us
Lift us
Bring us
Back
Push us
Forward
Bittersweet
Tick tock.
Traveling backwards only in memories
And dreams
Moving forward always
Never ending
You cannot choose it's course
Though
Your destination to the past is yours for tge choosing.
Allow this time
To clear
Your mind
Fill it
Only
With the
Present.
Nothing more.
What choice have we?ticktock
That time is lost.
The time
Is NOW.
WISHES
DREAMS
LUST
So much to say in such restrained time.
Man made
Ever present
Tick tock.
Loud and
Noisy
Fluid and
Graceful
Steady
Tick Tock.
Leave it
There
Be here
You
Me
Sheets and flesh.
We have
Such
Little
Time
Tick Tock
Rue the day and leave it behind.
A forgotten hole.
Gone
Forever.
We are now
Sweet Night
Tick Tock.
11:11
Wish
11:12
Sleep.
Breathe me in.
The present.
The love.
Tick Tock
Ding.
1.) You had more spiders in your house than friends, and you liked it that way.
You said they taught you not to fear the dead, but rather the living.
Sometimes I wish you never embraced death so much.

2.) I've collected memories of you like fireflies in glass jars and I hid them beneath the floorboards because I'm scared the glass will break
and I'll have to watch you fly away again.

3.) You were six foot and three inches of religious metaphors deeply rooted in your veins
and I think that's why you injected so much sin.

4.) I wish I could show you that the world is twice as big as we had thought
but there's still a lack of soil fertile enough for bodies like ours to grow.
I would have cut holes in the ozone if it meant I could give you the rain.

5.) It would have been your twenty third birthday on Monday and I just hope I finally get the courage to visit your grave.

6.) I don't believe much in the idea of god, but I believe firmly in your ghost.
I don't believe in hell, I think the concept is too fragile and the principal too impressionable.
But for your sake, I sure do hope there's a heaven.

7.) Sometimes I wake up at midnight and call your old number just praying that it was all a dream. But the only dream is the one where you tell me it wasn't my fault and the awakening is knowing that it was.

8.) I still don't have it in me to say your name out loud.

9.) I don't think I've been happy since 2011 and I miss you every day,
but I miss you most in the month of September because that's when it all just slipped away.
Dear Anxious People Pleaser,
I forgive you
for not being authentically you-
for worrying
about what others think,
hiding yourself
for the sake of others,
and for following
in the footsteps of others,
rather than walking your own path.

I forgive you.

To the Heart-On-My-Sleeve,
I forgive you for,
in the process of
deeply caring for others,
you neglected to care for yourself,
allowing yourself to be walked upon,
and drained to depletion.

I forgive you.

To the Optimistic, Ever Hopeful Mask,
I forgive you for putting on
that smile rather than displaying
what you truly felt,
covering everything with an
"It's all good!"

I forgive you.

To the insecure and frustrated boy,
I forgive you for
keeping everything buried,
locked up-
hidden,
and
by doing so,
you allowed yourself to grow
resentful, angry, and at times, cruel.

I forgive you.

To the Sacred Crying Child Inside,
I forgive you
for acting upon your anger,
and self-loathing,
that you hardened your heart
and treated others with harshness-
becoming those who wounded you.

I forgive you.

To the broken Soul,
and Healing Spirit,
I forgive you for being
"strong" for so long
that you failed
to revel in your own brokenness.

I forgive you.


I forgive you.
I forgive you.
I forgive you.
Ashé.
The original works and writings of Jason Deegan.
All Rights Reserved. ©2015
Twenty-seven pennies drop
One for every week we spent holding on to silent summer nights
To wishes made on cigarette ash
Your name catches in my throat
As you breathe those four words:
It all spells disaster

With your fingers embedded in my veins
**** me until I no longer hate myself
Make me *** to a revelation
Urges and surges, that pain in my chest
It offers me quick release, but I deny myself yet again
Purging my old ways
I shake, I scream
A mirror broken in child's play offers the only explanation
My head is heavy, but still I'll hold yours steady
Tears on your grave for you will never see her birthday cake.
You are the embodiment of the mistakes I've made, and will make.

I'm pretty messed up, but you've never seen a mirror.
When all's said and done I'll still be surviving over here.

Better off alone, I was better off alone.
So I'll let you drown. Go back to the ocean you escaped from.

I hooked you like a fish, but you were made of scales, filth, and disease.
So I let you back with pure ease.

I'll see a hungry day without you, I'll never feed into your manipulations.

I was the new toy you changed your mind on and put back on the shelf,
and that is why, I'm better off by myself.
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