"whig" poems
**** why did you come to this dance
with a mask on? Why not the tin man
and his rainbow girl? Why not Racine,
his hair marcelled down to his chest?
Why not come as a stomach digesting
its worms? Why you little fellow
with your ears at attention and your
nose poking up like a microphone?
You whig emblem, you woman chaser,
who do you dance over the wide lawn tonight
clanging the garbage pail like great silver bells?
4.7k
The First. My great-grandfather spoke to Edmund Burke
In Grattan's house.
The Second. My great-grandfather shared
A pot-house bench with Oliver Goldsmith once.
The Third. My great-grandfather's father talked of music,
Drank tar-water with the Bishop of Cloyne.
The Fourth. But mine saw Stella once.
The Fifth. Whence came our thought?
The Sixth. From four great minds that hated Whiggery.
The Fifth. Burke was a Whig.
The Sixth. Whether they knew or not,
Goldsmith and Burke, Swift and the Bishop of Cloyne
All hated Whiggery; but what is Whiggery?
A levelling, rancorous, rational sort of mind
That never looked out of the eye of a saint
Or out of drunkard's eye.
The Seventh. All's Whiggery now,
But we old men are massed against the world.
The First. American colonies, Ireland, France and India
Harried, and Burke's great melody against it.
The Second. Oliver Goldsmith sang what he had seen,
Roads full of beggars, cattle in the fields,
But never saw the trefoil stained with blood,
The avenging leaf those fields raised up against it.
The Fourth. The tomb of Swift wears it away.
The Third. A voice
Soft as the rustle of a reed from Cloyne
That gathers volume; now a thunder-clap.
The Sixtb. What schooling had these four?
The Seventh. They walked the roads
Mimicking what they heard, as children mimic;
They understood that wisdom comes of beggary.
1.9k
#Anonymous (1730s ?)
In good King Charles's golden days,
When Loyalty no harm meant;
A Furious High-Church man I was,
And so I gain'd Preferment.
Unto my Flock I daily Preached,
Kings are by God appointed,
And Damn'd are those who dare resist,
Or touch the Lord's Anointed.
***And this is law, I will maintain
Unto my Dying Day, Sir.
That whatsoever King may reign,
I shall be Vicar of Bray, Sir!***
When Royal James possessed the crown,
And popery grew in fashion;
The Penal Law I hooted down,
And read the Declaration:
The Church of Rome I found would fit
Full well my Constitution,
And I had been a Jesuit,
But for the Revolution.
And this is Law, &c.
When William our Deliverer came,
To heal the Nation's Grievance,
I turned the Cat in Pan again,
And swore to him Allegiance:
Old Principles I did revoke,
Set conscience at a distance,
Passive Obedience is a Joke,
A Jest is non-resistance.
And this is Law, &c.;
When Royal Ann became our Queen,
Then Church of England's Glory,
Another face of things was seen,
And I became a Tory:
Occasional Conformists base
I Damn'd, and Moderation,
And thought the Church in danger was,
From such Prevarication.
And this is Law, &c.;
When George in Pudding time came o'er,
And Moderate Men looked big, Sir,
My Principles I changed once more,
And so became a Whig, Sir.
And thus Preferment I procured,
From our Faith's great Defender,
And almost every day abjur'd
The Pope, and the Pretender.
And this is Law, &c.;
The Illustrious House of Hanover,
And Protestant succession,
To these I lustily will swear,
Whilst they can keep possession:
For in my Faith, and Loyalty,
I never once will falter,
But George, my lawful king shall be,
Except the Times should alter.
And this is Law, &c;.
Mar 22, 2017
Mar 22, 2017 at 11:06 PM UTC
The Human Being never existed.
The Human Being is a complex computer program.
The Human Being is actually a Martian in disguise.
The Human Being is a lie, a hoax.
The government is covering it up,
Lying to us,
Protecting us.
Regardless, the Human Being never existed.
It crash landed on Tri-Alpha 1,
One of three nearby planetoids,
And stumbled out of its metal box,
All pink and yellow and brown,
Just like the cartoons said.
When asked for comment it claimed Tri-Alpha 1 for Earth
And for the Human Beings
And said it would nuke any who got in its way.
This could have been quite strange and scary,
Except that the Trians had never heard of Earth
Or nukes, which on Tri-Alpha is a type of sugary breakfast oatmeal,
But they had heard of the Human Being,
And everyone knows the Human Being never existed.
The Republican-Whig-Beebop-Triphop Conglomerate that is the Trian Government,
Quickly put it down to a drama student who’d had too much Sensurian ale.
The Human Being never existed.
Except, of course, it had.
Far within the confines of the Beebop Science Department,
The hairy creature was poked and prodded and pickled and preserved.
The Human Being never existed on Tri-Alpha 1,
But Jarred Hyuemahn is coming soon to an express shopway near you.
Jul 7, 2012
Jul 7, 2012 at 9:47 PM UTC
the thing's the same once you've told the story
putting the planet into normal mode
you've won power but never truly glory
you know it all is just transitory
each of us goes a short way on the road
the thing's the same once you've told the story
whether the ending's peaceful or gory
each must arrive at the one sole abode
you've won power but never truly glory
of no import whether whig or tory
for you the process is in no way slowed
the thing's the same once you've told the story
only message here's memento mori
the human network down to one last node
you've won power but never truly glory
answer now in words that are not hoary
explaining how you cracked the final code
the things the same once you've told the story
you've won power but never truly glory
Jan 8, 2012
Jan 8, 2012 at 4:31 PM UTC
Fully ambulatory with
onanist wrists,
neither whig,
nor tory,
nor communist,
he's loose lipped
loose hipped
quite well equipped,
he's bendy n trendy,
he's buff, n ripped.
not quite castrato
and gives good vibrato
to choirboys mulatto -
with belly button fluff.
Obi.
Nov 30, 2018
Nov 30, 2018 at 12:57 PM UTC
The literal worst.
Some might say Nixon- the criminal in charge
Martin for the tear he let the native’s tread
Hoover for the shanty towns that rose
Fillmore who let the escaped and finally free be returned to captivity.
John Taylor the whig who wasn't a whig but manifested his Ideas in us going west.
Warren G Harding and the Affairs
James Buchanan who started the war.
But the worst were the ones who never got to be.
The literal worst because I got to see a world that will remain unknown to me.
And they are:
Jessie
Charlene
Victoria and Shirley
Belva
Elaine
Carol ‘n Patsy and
Cynthia McKinney
And who can forget Joan Jett Blakk the black Drag Queen
Because Despite what the winners want you to think WE do not look like James Buchanan!
Warren Harding!
John Taylor and all the other men who have persisted to reign.
And still, we sit here and watch as all other make strides in the field we claim to have created.
Brazil
Germany
India
Israel
Iceland
Ireland
Liberia
Norway
Pakistan
The Philippines
Sri Lanka
South Korea
And the UK
I hope I live long enough to see America rise to the silent challenge of its peers.
To see a woman at the podium
To see a woman at the desk.
To see
The black woman
The trans woman
The bisexual woman
The old woman
The unmarried, unmothered woman
The minority woman
The asexual woman
The not so average American woman woman.
The bleeding woman.
Feb 9, 2018
Feb 9, 2018 at 11:32 AM UTC
an earl
of gray
in this
Whig from
Bombay made
tonight sapphic
in jeers
made polling
where higher
men defame
the titans
and the
doctrine of
the land
as sight
of indespicable
lancing boils
Jul 22, 2018
Jul 22, 2018 at 7:20 AM UTC