How is it so that friends come and go
some quick and some slow one minunte their here and the next they have disappeared

We'll all grow apart but only in the heart i wish people could maintain in their brain please don't fight or all this will be ****** right down the drain

And before you know it you cant remember your bestfriends name
this is how friends come and friends go before you know it your alone

Dont you wish friends could just be friends no Competition or jealousy this dont  exist it's just a myth

The word friendship means relationship and trust between people those who say it dont meen it best friend are the ones to stab you in the back and watch you bleed as you fall to your knees
they laugh with glee and trun their back to you and leave as if bestfriends didn't mean anything

My sweet misery I think thats what you are ..
You make me feel things i dont understand .. I do things i wouldn't do .. Im a whole different person with you .. I second guess myself when im with you dam i even dream about you ..
ITS ALL ABOUT YOU ..
I think to myself all the time
How can he have this power over my mind?
LOVE IS ??
I really dont know ...
It flips and turns in my head ..
Could i be loving him ? Or could it be lust?
It must be lust i cant be in love ..
Or could i be?
I dont know but all i know it cant happen to me ..
DENIAL !!!
Is that what im in ?
No cant be ! But am i ? Could i be ? Is he ?
MAN JUST LEAVE ME BE !
In my mind i say this cant be me .. But my heart says let it be ...
SHEESH !!!
He's just my sweet misery  
I never would have thought that misery could be so sweet it gets so deep it's something i wake up thinking about and sometimes
I cant eat ... Cant drink ... Cant sleep
The feeling of it is so great to explain it would take months .. Months that would trun in to years and soon to explain this misery could be impossible ..
Wow just to think impossible ???
Could it be with this sweet misery that ramains in my mind remain a mystery to my life ??
Dam
Will this go with me to my other life that god has planed for me ??
Man can some one answer these so i could be in peace ???
Or is it for somebody to answer or his?
The one im thinking about .. The one i dream about .. The one i ...
His smile his smell his face his lips against mine his wow wait ...!!??
My sweet misery remains a mystery ...

Make the cut, make it deep make it wide
There's nothing left, nothing to hide
Let all that's in me come outside

**** this life
**** this strife
**** everything that's rife

Give me the gun, I'll plant the bullet
In the head or in the gullet
Triggers stiff, but I'll still pull it

**** this life
**** this strife
**** everything that's rife

Theres no mercy on the edge of the blade
Look at the mess this life has made
All my dreams have been mislaid

**** this life
**** this strife
**** everything that's rife

I'm so lonely, in this hell
The darkness has me under it's spell
Can't you hear the toll of the bell

**** this life
**** this strife
**** everything that's rife

For this darkness I don't need to spread
So I'll just lay here in my bed
Watching the sheets trun red

A crime buried without justice is never laid to rest
Those that where responsible never addressed

The exploding bombs had chased them to the basments
They thought women and children would be safer in this containment

But these bombs that droped did not explode
It had a much deadlier payload

The gas it trun lose was Sarin by name
This nerve gas played no games

So much heavier than air, it's deadly fingers reached down
Right to where all the women and children could be found

Quit and deadly, they hadn't a prayer
They where all so caught unaware

Until their lungs wouldn't work
Then the muscles twitching and ****

Mothers agonizing screams filled the air
Me and my Children are dying they declared

Bombs delivered the gas
Now families and children twitch in deaths dance

No real hospital for miles
Poorly equipped clinics filled up, people laying in the aisles

Frothing at the mouth, pupils only pinpoints
Death came to many that day, it did not disappoint

The dead laid in rows in clinics, mosques, and streets
Over thirteen hundred the lord had to meet

And as the living took care of the dead, in their graves they lay
Still no one is punished for this crime upon them, not even to this day

Make the cut, make it deep make it wide
There's nothing left, nothing to hide
Let all that's in me come outside

**** this life
**** this strife
**** everything that's rife

Give me the gun, I'll plant the bullet
In the head or in the gullet
Triggers stiff, but I'll still pull it

**** this life
**** this strife
**** everything that's rife

Theres no mercy on the edge of the blade
Look at the mess this life has made
All my dreams have been mislaid

**** this life
**** this strife
**** everything that's rife

I'm so lonely, in this hell
The darkness has me under it's spell
Can't you hear the toll of the bell

**** this life
**** this strife
**** everything that's rife

For this darkness I don't need to spread
So I'll just lay here in my bed
Watching the sheets trun red

My seams are starting to fray
For your own good, you better stay away..

Like a car in hydroplane
Or a run away train
These thoughts of mine are off the track
Anxiety on top of anxiety stacked
There is no coming back

I keep the details dim
So on the outside looking in
Nothing is as at seems
Everything just beams
It all seems so copacetic
But it's so pathetic
Before long I'll need a paramedic
Cuz inside my head it's so chaotic

My thoughts race on and on
And none of it's good
My life has never been as it should
Mom would you of protected me if you could?
Or did you just trun a blind eye
It makes me want to cry
There is still so much left to say
But it all flew by with the days

Next chapter is my life in hell
God just watched as I fell
I was on my knees and ready to sell
I was broken of spirit
Just praying for preseverance
I was beaten into submission
Choked in such violation

Next chapter with a stupid man
That let me stay and stand
I just stayed at home and did the best I could
All alone I stood
Still evil struck
My whole family is ******.
Tried my hardest still I failed
It was years before it was all unveiled

Sadly my son will feel just like me
For him there will be no glee
Only destruction is left for me to see
And with my last breathe I'll plead
Demons let my son be

This life is so ****** up
I'm about to erupt
Would it be so corrupt
If this nightmare life ended abrupt!

I. from living under a rock to exploring the internet

well... isn't it nice...
me? i've greatly benefited from the existence
of the internet...
how else would i have found out about the origins
of Taoism if not thanks for the internet...

i just kept one maxim in my head from
a book i picked up in some bookshop near
Russell Sq., it was a book on Taoism...
but it was sort of like the Best of
   of a band...
                not good enough... but my modus operandi
became the Kantian categorical imperative:
in order to help the world -
forget the world and let the world forget you:
the crux of "not-doing": i.e. purely being...
hell not- is not the antonym of pure...
                 not could be coupled with just... simply...
pro?
                   one of those...

me? i greatly benefited from the internet...
as most "bears" / "loners" / solitary creatures have
found out to be true...
i have an entire world history and a body
of knowledge at my fingertips:
it's only a question of what you're wanting to find...

without the internet i would have never
bothered to spend £20 on a physical copy of a book...
the complete writings of the primo Taoist: Zhuangzi...
nor would i have spent £30 x 2 on Heidegger's
black notebooks...

but i understand that the people who make videos
and do not write are all "savvy" when it comes
to view-counts... they ignore them...
they are more into "interaction": the comment sections...
i don't remember the last time i commented
on something:
i mean, ****'s sake... it's not like you buy
a book and expect to leave a comment... where?
on the sleeve? who's going to read that?
the author? hardly...

                             i like my view counts...
obviously the comments come minimally...
why? i believe in the anonymity of the readership...
the anonymity of the reader...
i like the fact that ideas are equivalent
to gold-mining and lightning strikes...
and that thinking itself is subject to shadows acting...
that it can be the best: most worthwhile "thing"
that implores of a being: hide me! hide me!

but i'm never going to make a video...
videos attract all the wrong viral attention...
i like the filter process involved in writing:
people have to make an effort and?
therefore? i'm left to my devices and whims
and sarcasms...
i can entertain Ovid and Marquis de Sade...

tu mihi, tu certe, memini, Graecine, negabas
    uno posse aliquem tempore amare duas.
per te ego decipior, per te deprensus inermis -
    ecce, duas uno tempore turpis amo!

i remember that it was you, certainly you Graecinus,
who told me to deny the idea
that one could love two girls at once!
through you i'm deceived - unarmed -
reason (this be the reason): i'm in love with two
girls at the same time!

i did one over old Ovid... loved two girls when both
of them were loving me...
which is so much better that loving one when loving
one and loving another when loving
another...
might as well:

                ledo duas aves uno lapide

two birds one stone... hardly serving two masters:
being served up twice...
and we're not talking about masters and servants
either...

me? i greatly gained from the internet...
                 am i the only person to agree to the fact that
it's just a jolly decent tool to use...
in and out... in and out... the internet to me
is like a brothel... i'm there / "here" for an hour...
then i disappear... leave footprints in the sand
on the beach... the tide of humanity washes in...
i'm left diluted: but i don't mind...
i too wouldn't want to have written the Harry Potter
books and then be mistreated for some
trans-****** phobic insinuations...
but i give her the grammar...
and how about the grammar on
the lyrics from WHAT IS SOUL... the B-sides
of By The Way...
                                 Big-Pie (Bag-Pie from Trainspotting:
freaking about... did i just touch
a magic nugget... a leprechaun's nose?!
is there! is there! a rainbow on this "other" side?!
pretty please... hey! if i go to Thailand
i'm sort of expecting to get confused...
it's a Thai thing... it was originally a Thai thing...
those Thai ******* are crazy)...

'it's roaming the streets at 4 in the morning
finding your best friend making out with a trans-******
in an all-night diner in Cleveland in 1986!'

plenty of women... ingenious boys
will be outright butch or add some extra BLUSH...
i can't say that i never kissed a man
sensually like i might kiss a woman sensually...
to later brush up on my Mr. Slurp'y skills
in the garden of fleshy flowers...
located where i entered the world: hopefully head-first:
oh sure... plenty of dolphins too...
how's it hanging? how's it hanging in Dubai?
plenty of hanging in Dubai...

freakishly lean: a plentiful decent diet of literature...
me? i benefited from the internet...
hey presto! i can bypass the gatekeepers of literature!
i can forget about publishing houses...
sure... i don't earn any money from it...
but that also increases me drive to pursue
the spiral out of control...
for me the advent of the internet is akin to:
the invention of the Gutenberg Press...
                                                  
yes, i was a fan of buying cans of Pepsi
instead of those 2litre bottles...
hmm... how to keep the gas once opened!
aha! shake the bottle after having a refill!
shake shake!
keeps the pressure tight-knit... beautifully
bountiful!

- two songs get me these days....
ALLAROUND THE WORLD
and GO ROBOT...
i trun to the canvas with regret: great! more typing!
i just want to keep keeping the rhyhtm:
perched on the windowsill
tapping my leg and grooving with my neck
like an imitation-party-pooper-pigeon
who invented head-banging
as the Hebrews imitate before the Wailing Wall...
i should have never picked up the guitar...
what a lonely enterprise:
it's already haunting me...
i was born as a natural drummer...

huh?!
of course i gained all the things there
are gained from the internet...
minus the light-bulb...
i managed to bypass all the gatekeepers
of literature: the editors...
hello! you forgot the paper! there's no paper!
there's no spoon either!
forgot the pills! just focus on the spoon
that isn't there!
and it's the perfect filter...
no one is going to bother me when i'm writig
and slacking on making video confession...

videos can be ingested passively:
reading? oh wow! who would have thought
that it might take some effort!
mix into the whole affair some Katakana...
hell... mix in some Mandarin hieroglyphs...
perfect defences against "simpletons"...
who? you have rotten cabbage
agreed with to throw with your comrade
against against being disgruntled about some
poor acting actor? what?!
stealing shadows became mundane?!

i also managed to breed a higher purpose
while everyone else was slumping
in the "pandemic"... i couldn't tell the difference...
what a funny: he-he-ha-ha tickling breeze!
ooh... let's have another go!
come on! let's go, let's go!
           he-he-ha-ha!
or rather: hí-hí-h'ah-ah-haha!

                             the internet wa been great for me...
but recently i came across this trend...
hmm (emoji of the biggest SMILE)...
VABBING...
                     dabbing... people dab perfumes on themselves...
what's VABBING... ah... ah... ha ha...
this is the point where i feel like putting
on my clown make-up and going out to
party come Halloween...

i'm pretty sure i'lll grow old and irrelevant
at some point... pop culture will no longer
interest me...
             but until that time comes...
piglets! teases!
                   it's like that one time where
i thought it was a good idea to date a single mom....
brought her homemade wine...
brought her homemade banana loaf cake...
NO GOOD...
i'm good-crazy as one prostitutes remarked...
still NO GOOD...
                                   goo.. plenty of goo...
oh man... the arsenal of music i have to sieve through:
it makes sense to not have children...
sure.... i'd love a little kritter "here and there"...
but? come on... with so much music
made available: would you?

and how did that parody of my grandfather
and grandmother play out?
she kept his death a secret....
to the point where he was in AGONIA:
out of reach... **** that then!

****'s sake VABBING... i.e. inserting your fingers
into your genital regions...
and then... Orestes! save me!
pretending that these juices are sort of:
akin to: perfumes!

o.k.: i'll level with these women...
here goes:
i like... ******* on my leg...
when i'm having a shower?
i like the idea of being a child again:
unable: UNONSCIOUSLY to control his bladder...
once in a while: i like ******* on my leg...
but that's only when i'm having a shower...
i like the idea of being without control...
i wish i could **** my pants ever so often...
alas... i can't!
but then i relieve my tamed unconscious
inhibitions... i tend to **** on my leg...
while taking a shower....
          
what is left for man beside finding new avenues
to compete: for the crown and the jewel in
in it of losing reason?
hell... let's all become **** AUTOMATON!
i can wait...
i'm orientating myself around the internet
like i might orientate myself around
a phonebook, an encyclopoedia...
and the... sacred loss of the music store on
the high streets...

there's me imitating drummers on a windowsill...
robot-esque...
*****! i'm keeping rhythm...
with a squint of my eye watching NORMIES
sitting static with their static televisions...
entertained?!
i like brick walls: i think of chess...
i like the sea bashing the land come high night...
i think of playing cards with the boys...
and backgammon...
i also like the idea of interpreting the flute
by splitting a reed of grass and blowing through it...
i like the childhood memory
of catching cockchafers and throwing them
down girls' t-shirts...
         hmm! i liked a lot of things...
whiskey won... i like swimming in it: thoughtless...
it's like like: give me a drink of whiskey =
Cleopatra having a ******* bath of milk!

i love the minutes "concerning" an unlit cigarette
dangling in my mouth...
before the opening crescendo
of Led Zeppelin's IN THE EVENING...
kicks in... only because: SHARP OBJECTS
waas such a captivating t.v. show...

hate t.v. love t.v. most certainly loved the movies...
i hate the movies these days...
i sometimes think: i could replace
the t.v. with three "things":
the sky... a fireplace... or a... ooh!
a ******* aquarium!
                     yeah... that could  work!
then again.... candles or the sky...
either wait.... play shadow charades...
                  
             there are actually two ways to give stress
to a F-U... using the hand...
there's:
A. the clenched fist with the etended middle
finger... poison...
but there's also
B. ******* extended....
thumb also extended: NO FIST...
all the other fingers are "bowing":
but they're not clenched... there's no imitation
of a fist...

seriously, though? no wonder i ventured into the realm
of prostitution, no wonder so many people thought this
"pandemic" was a "fake"...
sure sure... let me just apply my *****
Jean-Paul Gautier sniff-sniffs
while you, girl, test out, your next best
found ******.... what the ****?!

how about we start off with... oiling ourselves
with molten pig fat and then, then asking:
kosher enough for you?
oh... but this craziness is not supposed to stop!
it's supposed to escalate!
didn't you know?!
                           no no!
                                 there are either the crazies
or the uber-crazies!
      there's no in-between!
                 as much as Ovid prescribes ****** love...
i find the most erotica in prescriving myself
a decent amount of sleep...
               perhaps in his days...
but... he wasn't a solider...
so he wouldn't have known about being stationed in
Britannia,., jumping ****-naked into
the feral bushes of... no! not mint!
              you ******* Forrest Gimp or something?
blushes of *******... ****'s sake... FENNELS!
POKRZYWY! FENNELS! not ******* BASIL...
not ROSEMARY... not TYHME
*******: Hamza: brain-drain-lord
of an otherwise working Latin BREEN!
call your ******* cousin Hah-med and Muha!
the lord of the flies! Muhammad!
Muha! FLY! Jesus is the lord of mosquitos...
Muhammad is the lord of the flies...

please tell me someone tried to tell them
that they were
the auxillaries of Hell?
the past 2000 years has been an advent
of Hell...
Hell... even more: the Hellenic original
thought project...
comme ci, comme ça... c'est la vie!
i.e. it's good when it's good...
and bad when it's bad...

the tired mountain: the eagerly waiting stone...
the tired sea... the ambitious droplet of water...
that eternal flame... but all the more eager
sparkle of an ignite!

time flies when you're not having any fun...
pretending to not having a stab at...
those Kenyan ivory slush-puppies
come the crocodiles and Muhammad types
moon-served plump almost juiced up...
hey ** hey... you're just my Macaque sort
of type...

II. a schematic of rugby

H15()15H
\ (pass back)
/ (kick forward)
and...
just run around
shuffling your
magic feet:
toying with the octopus
dance of
a dislocated shoulder.


III. leftovers from an afternoon

give me until tomorrow, i'm still figuring "things" out...
video: oh video V video... Deo. and Doo and Deus...
mighty Churchill's index and middle...
of the fork in the road...
          or akin to the crossroads of
Robert Johnson...
            i picked up playing the guitar but i'm
a natural drummer...
easily soothed but also easily irritated by a rhythm
and beat...
for all the protest of (search engine, hello...
back of the bus protest, i just need a name)
sitting at the back of the bus:
Rosa Parks and the Montgomery bus protest...
i just remember mornings on the no. 86
bus... reading Stendhal while all the black
boys "unconsciously" stashed themselves
to the back of the double-decker...
white-flight in reverse, i.e. all the white girls
could join them:
thank god for my Turkish and Japanese fetish...
a fact not frequently recited:
i don't own any woman under the sun,
it's just my turn, turn after turn...
perhaps happily a *****-donor...
what's ******* and what's surrogate
motherhood for a homosexual couple,
like for like: i can't tell the difference...
besides... i earn about £10 an hour...
she earns £120 an hour and all for what?
being given an ******
and soothing my ego...
amazing though... it's crystal clear...
i never liked the back of the bus...
double-deckers have their engines in their ***...
very much like VW beetles...
the black boys naturally migrated to
the back of the bus every trip to school i took...
loud, vociferous: like most post-African people...
still strapped to the gridlock of
VICTIM... but sure: thanks for the jazz...
thanks for the blues...
if certain Africans were not exposed
to the English tongue...
i fear we'd still be stuck in a Mozart epoch...

I KNOW THAT YOU GONING TO DEPART FROM ME FOR A LITTLE WHILE, BUT AS YOU GO REMEMBER ME BY THE SOUNDS OF THE BIRDS SINGING A LOVE SONG,WHEN THE SUN COMES OUT THAT SHINES SO BRIGHT AND WARM, TAKE ME IN YOUR HEART AND REMEMBER ME.
                                 AS THE GRASS AND FLOWERS TRUN MANY DIFFERENT COLORS TAKE LOOK ACROSS THE FIELD AND LOOK UP IN THE SKY AND DON'T FORGET ABOUT ME,BECAUSE I LOVE. LISTEN TO THE SOUNDS OF THE TREES AS THE WIND BLOW SOFT MUSIC TO YOR EARS AND REMEMBER ME, I LOVE YOU.
WHEN YOU HEAR THE WATER ROLLING OFF THE MOUNTAIN TOP, IT'S ONLY ME, LETTING YOU KNOW THAT I AM STILL HERE AND I WILL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU.
                                                                  WHO  AM I;
                                                                                      YOU MIGHT ASK;
                                                       I AM YOUR FRIEND AND MY NAME IS JESUS.
                                                                               SUBMIT BY: BESSIE MCGEE
                                                                   3-21-92

what could be more ridiculous than

this moment?the

sunmoon bloodfingers and

fucklovely

spate of effulgent  starlight; Darling that

your lips suddenly
seem to do? (my hands

the curling
of a cute cut
in clear water

a slendering
band of crimson

tracing the arcuate heap
of life's reeling–

caving to fill
in blistering flens
of brilliant
dying
instants–

,"I love you." the sand
a beach occasionally
the back seat of an old
car the sleep fitfully
morning of rising
too early into your mouth
a flower gleams by
broken of silence
sunburnt and smelling
of aloe rubs
with the cool rub of
coiled muscles , . ;                            (my Dear
                                                                  w
                                                                      e will die)
                                                            the night will
                                                            trun upon a blade
                                                            of light; our
                                                            skin will bunch
                                                            into delicate
                                                            rills of dry
                                                            coils and
                                                            dust become.    .          .                   .









                                                      BUT,

dear i will hold (you) that impossible violence of the first quiet moment of
your lips that i held slightly in my own i will hold it in my heart that
unbroken stem of your frail laughter of supple vibrance made my dear i will recall the hurt wildness of your eyes and bruise of your soft voice
my dear i will hold in my tiny hands the vast pulpit of your hairsong
and bloodpoem my dear i will forget not the dull and moments each
i will remember the early mornings and lashed travail of each lashing
voice.


                                   (My Dear I Will Hold You.
                                    I Will Carry You.
                                    INTO THAT NEAT DARKNESS
                                    . i will cup the serene mystery
                                     of every stupid minute of our
                                     body and dear
                                     i
                                     w
             i
              l        
                l

.

Make the cut, make it deep make it wide
There's nothing left, nothing to hide
Let all that's in me come outside

**** this life
**** this strife
**** everything that's rife

Give me the gun, I'll plant the bullet
In the head or in the gullet
Triggers stiff, but I'll still pull it

**** this life
**** this strife
**** everything that's rife

Theres no mercy on the edge of the blade
Look at the mess this life has made
All my dreams have been mislaid

**** this life
**** this strife
**** everything that's rife

I'm so lonely, in this hell
The darkness has me under it's spell
Can't you hear the toll of the bell

**** this life
**** this strife
**** everything that's rife

For this darkness I don't need to spread
So I'll just lay here in my bed
Watching the sheets trun red

Make the cut, make it deep make it wide
There's nothing left, nothing to hide
Let all that's in me come outside

**** this life
**** this strife
**** everything that's rife

Give me the gun, I'll plant the bullet
In the head or in the gullet
Triggers stiff, but I'll still pull it

**** this life
**** this strife
**** everything that's rife

Theres no mercy on the edge of the blade
Look at the mess this life has made
All my dreams have been mislaid

**** this life
**** this strife
**** everything that's rife

I'm so lonely, in this hell
The darkness has me under it's spell
Can't you hear the toll of the bell

**** this life
**** this strife
**** everything that's rife

For this darkness I don't need to spread
So I'll just lay here in my bed
Watching the sheets trun red

Hi i say

wait was that right
is that to informal
is it to formal
stop talking
your embarrassing yourself

How was your day?
No thats not right
ask them how they are
ask them if they are happy

"How are you?" they ask

Say fine
do they actully care
why are they talking to you
why are you standing there

"time to leave!"

Do you have your wallet
where is your mask
why do you look like that

(kids laghing in the hallway)

They are laghing at you
you should change
why do you dress like that

"bed time"

Did you trun off the light
did you brush your teeth
make sure you check under your bed 3 times
make sure the light is actually off
go check again

"hey how was you day. I'm so tired."

text back
but wait a secon
dont let them think your despreat to talk to them
wait do they actully want to talk to you

"Hello???..."
...
...
...

"good night"

Why didn't you respond
no they didn't want to talk to you anyway
go to sleep

(starts screaming)

wakes up in a cold sweat
you shouldn't have called your teacher mum in 3rd grade
why did you
re think that conversation

Looks at the blade

Don't do it
your freinds will worry
no they won't
they don't care

Pulls balde across

no  more pain

Good bye

The color of your lips
The pretty color of your lips
Trun grey when I see
What you have done to me
The moment my eyes opened
To the dim sunlight
In the morning of your death
I looked up to see your face
Covered in happiness
A smile up aimed at my grief
The shade of your mouth
Turned up toward the sky
Where I imagine you
I can't keep my eyes off this vision
Of the lovely person you were
Standing there waving me off
You would like for me to go to hell
But I'm holding on to the edge of the earth
Pondering your next move
Which will either pull me up
Or throw me down
Into the universe
Where I lost my heart
To the better part of myself
Where I keep swimming
In the ledge of truth
When I lie awake at night
Wishing for dreams to appear
But they will not
As all of my dreams swim in your eyes
Like a calm lake you watch over me
And smile again
Wondering when I will finally break
Break
Break
Break
Into an ocean of broken thoughts
And shattered dreams
That you mastered in destroying
Controlling and angry
Hot and cold
Sad and happy
I held my breath
The moment your lips turned blue
From me, choking you
OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I SEE
But I can't change the past
You have died by my hands
I have destroyed you
Like you destroyed me

Funny!
How they
Dream and make plans,
Knowing the end is
Like leaving forever,
You’re body won’t go,
You’re soul disappears,
You stinks,
The cold body pales;
It’s the end,
Naked body awaits to get burned and trun into  ashes.

they say what a beutiful day
they say it’s always your way
but they never say it will always be the other way
looking out at the beautiful day
seeing it all shatter like glass upon my eyes
bright blue skies turn to dusk
bright days are now gloomy
dreams are only dreams
and stars are no longer worth wishing on
they say live it up
so give em’ a cup
pour the drinks let’s see your bodies move
but every movement is in slow motion
to escape would be to live
but to live you need to escape
the happy face turns into a frown
the bright happy eyes are now pouring down
warm waters rolling down the cheecks
splatters onto the ground and splash
all is quiet, you can almost hear it, you’re alone
no where to go or run or even trun
and then they say life is an amazing thing

4 months ago my life changed
4 months ago you ripped my heart in 2
There are days I wish I never met you, and others I'm thankful I did.
You showed me what love was but you also showed me the pain.
I thought everything was fine, we was planning to move but then it changed, it was like a full 360 trun
You told me you loved me and would always love me, I thought I knew you I guess I was wrong

4 years was great the best of my life, maybe I was blind and couldnt see that your eyes fell on someone that wasnt me

I always wondered what love felt like. Then I met you. Best feeling ever but then again knowing you dont love me back is the worst feeling ever. I accept the fact we cant be but you dont get it. You are going to be that one person that I carry with me for the rest of my life. You are the story of my life. I am only a part of yours.You may say I'm cold-hearted,but I do have a heart.I just have a tendency to give it to the wrong people.You can thank my Ex's for making me who I am.

I miss you so much. All I wanna do is cry every time I think of you. I want to give up on love because I know we will never be the same as we use to be. I will never feel the love that I feel with you. It takes a second to like, it takes a minute to crush, it takes a week to love but it takes a life time to forget..I'm fighting back emotions that I've never fought before, cause I'm not suppose to LOVE you anymore... You said you wanted to be friends and I agreed it was best for you, but now i don't know if ill be able to, memories keep popping up and Im not sure if i can handle it To some people I love you means in this moment that's how I feel .To me it means ill fight for us to the end.Wish i had known you didn't mean it the same as I did Just once I wish I knew exactly what to say to you, how to say it and when to say it. There is no words to say. When what I want to say i cant.

It's because of her that I can't have you. It's because of her that I can't be happy with you.
It's because of her that everything has to stop.
It's because of her that you aren't mine
It's all because of her

You know we had a special kind of love since the 5th grade. It was puppy love back then. To the 9th grade when it trun to love till now it turn to us making love. Its a dream come true. A dream that girls dream of. A dream of mine that I will never have.

I say it's getting hard to handle being friends but deep down I know not being friends will hurt more. I often dreamed of you when you left me out the blue back in freshman year. Wonder where you were? How you was doing? Who was loving you?  If she was loving you right? Then you found me on facebook and everything had changed. My feeling stayed the same. I played it off like you finding me wasnt a big deal. Deep down I was happy and fill with excitement. Then you told me you had to tell me something. The world around me stopped by the tone of your voice I knew I wasnt about to like what was about to be told. You told me you was having a son and right then and there I knew. I had lost you for ever. That day killed me inside. It hurt so **** bad.

Then you stop talking to me and years later you contacted me on facebook. Told me you was back home and you wanted to see me. We met up and we made love. Looking into your eyes I saw the love , the feelings , the hurt in your eyes. Thats the moment I knew that we cant do it again. It isnt fair to me or to you. It will just hurt us in the long run. So once again im stuck here wondering what I am suppose to do. Because when I have a bad day all I want to do is talk to you. When I have I good day I wanna tell you about it first. This isnt how it suppose to be. Im not suppose to be stuck on you

Im not suppose to think of you 24/7. The first thing in the morning when I wake up to the middle of the day to the time I fall asleep. You are the first and last thing I think of. Why is this? It drives me insane. So what is a girl suppose to do?