"snl" poems
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Talk nerdy to me
It's my thing!
Use words so pedantic
They're obtusely romantic
Let's politick and homilize
(For philosophy use French and Chinese)
We'll ramble until we're halfway wise
Or let's invent a new word, at least
Talk nerdy to me
SNL and X-Men
Then note the plot holes
With a trendy quill pen
If you can't talk nerdy to me,
Just be yourself. That's also gutsy
Dec 20, 2014
Dec 20, 2014 at 12:52 AM UTC
if you care to know what
life was like
for a teenage girl,
in Buffalo, NY
i would have to tell you,
that indeed,
stonewash jeans were HOT
and even more so,
if they were rolled up,
folded, and p i n n e d.
it was the tail end
of punks,
with the rise of grunge,
pearl jam
s o u n d g a r d e n and
REM
michael jackson
and
p r i n c e.
SNL, chicken wings,
and
the phantom of the opera
the world was sad
the middle east was sad
and the president was
a pervert.
what more is there to say?
other than the
driveway and porch parties
and of course,
computers
pagers and
andy warhol.
there really wan't
much to it.
camping,
stars in the country and
crisp fall air and
winters that never ended.
brutal sun,
freezie pops and
dance routines.
i was a girl.
what more can i say?
Oct 7, 2018
Oct 7, 2018 at 8:31 PM UTC
Morning
the alarm goes off
I wake up
I turn it off
I go back to sleep
My mom or dad comes in
they wake me back up
I lie in bed
for 10 more minutes
then I get up
I go to the bathroom
and stare at myself in the mirror
I sigh...
I pretend to wash my face
I go back to my room
I stare at my closet
and decide what I'm going to wear
I get dressed
I go down stairs
I eat one of the following items:
oat meal
-Chocolate chip
-Maple brown sugar
-apple cinnamon
Whole wheat bagel with almond butter, peanut butter, cinnamon, and/or jam
cereal if there are any good options
-Peanut butter bumpers
-GOOD granola
-organic chocolate *****
with coconut milk
toast with the same things as bagels
I say good morning to parents
I argue with my sister
I drink my orange juice
eat my vitamins
bring my stuff up to the sink
go up stairs
I lie on my bed
I go into the bathroom
I brush my teeth
I go downstairs
I pack my backpack
I pick out some shoes
I yawn
I go to school
School
I go to advisory
We play cake(a game)
First class
I space out
I draw pictures
unless that class is of the following:
PE
Writing lab (if it's not about grammer or spelling)
Art
Music(Because all the string instruments make it impossible)
I go to math
I get too confused to know what the hell is going on
I go to writing lab
we write and then teacher goes into some speech about commas
I go to french
I have no idea what the teachers talking about
I go to PE
If we aren't playing soccer, basketball, dodgeball, batmitten, capture the flag, or volleyball than I ****
Lunch
Yay!
I eat
I talk
I chill
More classes
Art
I tell my teacher how much I love her outfit
I read the board
and I make art
Music
UGHHHH
THE TEACHER IS SUCH A GRUMP!!!
I listen to her yell at people
I play my instrument
Study
Almost done with school
I finish a bit of homework
Going home (Or going nordic skiing)
I get a snack
I do homework
I have dinner with the family
I do more homework
I get ready for bed
I read
I go to bed
Every day is the same
the weekend is just a bunch of chores
hanging with friends some times
and stay up late watching my favorite shows:
Bones
Glee
CSI NY
CONAN
SNL
Ugh I need a change.
Jan 13, 2011
Jan 13, 2011 at 1:12 PM UTC
Listening to “The Chieftains” again,
Their Long Black Veil CD: a gift to
Marijuana smokers. N'est-ce pas?
**** Jagger singing the title track,
A sweet, lugubrious ode to black widows.
Could there be such creatures?
Women you would **** for,
Offing your best friend for?
She had better be as good as it gets.
Could such women exist?
Beautiful & toxic;
Duplicitous, cunning,
Cunnilingus-worthy.
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**** would have licked her **** as
They led him up the scaffold steps,
She was a woman worth dying for, to be sure.
And Sinéad Marie Bernadette O'Connor?
Isn’t it time we forgave her?
So she shaved her head.
So she shredded the Pope’s photo on SNL.
He was, after all, the Polish Pope,
The one that kissed the ground
Whenever he got off an airplane.
How could you not love the guy?
Shot while riding in his Pope Mobile,
He later visited Mehmet Ali Ağca in prison,
Forgiving his would-be assassin face-to-face,
Exonerating the Bulgarian kreplach, for all
Special Victims Unit “especially heinous offenses” &
Proto-Islamic terror.
Surely, he could forgive the little Irish ****
Can’t we? Leading by example?
I don’t know what you’d call it.
In any language: powerful.
Oh, Sinead, my sweet Sinead,
We miss your sweet sad dulcet tones.
Consider yourself exonerated.
Consider yourself free to be loved again.
And let’s not forget Tom Jones,
Come on ladies: you threw your sopping
Wet ******* to the stage for him.
His “Tennessee Waltz” breaking my heart,
Losing my wife to my best friend.
No wonder I shot the Sheriff.
Surprised I did not also shoot the Deputy.
And “The Chieftains” themselves,
Transporting us to the Coast of Malabar.
We are all Irish sailors
Infatuated, hopelessly enchanted by a
Swarthy Dravidian shiksa.
May 5, 2017
May 5, 2017 at 5:05 PM UTC
-13-
I've been reading the diary I kept
an entry for everyday I lived
each night before I slept.
Elton John was my everything
cherry lip gloss n' faded jeans
winning my first spelling bee
my first kiss/his first slap
made the boy step on back.
Laughy taffy with good friends
Bubble Gum/Cracker Jacks
First Crush/Late Night
(gave my mom a total fright)
-14-
"Kenny Johnson"
Just three words...
"Oh, my god!"
I'm gonna die..
I'm in love with his blue eyes.
Ice Skating/Track Meets
hungry all the time
First job really bit...
worked so hard to be a hit
Fast forward...
-15-
Innocence
I want a Prince
Tough year/Tons of fear
(Does everyone feel this weird?)
Football games/Friday nights
SNL, and Popcorn Fights
Mean Girls show up here
I kick their bums to the curb
(They don't ever cross this nerd)
Summer Camp way out West
College Boys are the best!
J.D. Salinger made me cry
when I read..
"The Catcher In The Rye"
-16-
No more entries after this...
Just these memories of when I was..
just a young girl in search of love.
and read a ton of books...
I dreamed of being a writer someday
(extremely kind with a complex mind)
and sporting killer looks.
Apr 4, 2014
Apr 4, 2014 at 8:47 PM UTC
Hello World,
If you could taste my isolation
you would ***** fifty shades
of I wish I were as easily pleased
as you.
If I could be happy with simplicity
and the birds and the bees
and the SNL and cable
and the drone, drone, drone.
commercial break
I have no channels left
all flowing into the image
of the middle finger I hold
to the past.
you will know me
as the disaster
who tried.
I will throne above
the artificial sunshine
coming through
the window of your
domestic screens.
-r0
May 9, 2014
May 9, 2014 at 12:42 AM UTC
Laughter
as we watch our comedies on
nbc nightly tuesdays
Ben and kate
two broke girls
what the ****
As a secret slaughter goes on
And the genocide of a million minds
happens without us evening knowing what's going on
we laugh and we laugh
as our children get fater
our oceans get dirtier with foriegn oil
our earth aches in pain
our tv keeps distracting us
as the sun is waiting to explode
I hope a solar storm happens
so it knocks out every network
so our minds are free
and then maybe we will look outside our window again
maybe then we will see what is truly going on
the true terroism is just a click away
Fox news and media flaunting there depression pills
and the main predator is these pharmaceutical companies
telling us were sick and need help
so we rush to get the fix
when really its a sick twisted david copperfield trick
but whatever
let's keep watching 30 rock and snl
as our lives slowly fall into a hell
a living hell
a living comedy
what a disgrace
what a waste
take a look in your community
poverty is next door
its funny how we think were so safe
in america were like a mouse in a maze
cept there is no exit
were trapped
were trapped
not me I free my mind
and spread the word
threw words and writes
because if anything
Ill make this right
ill carry on the fight
ill make it right
and ill open that door
to shine light into this blind folded world
Feb 8, 2013
Feb 8, 2013 at 11:28 AM UTC
here i've prepared a couple of jokes
why did the girl cross the road?
because she thought she was being followed home by the boy who threatened her that he would hang her and so she ran five blocks to get away from him
ok here's a better one
why didn't the girl go to the party?
because she was told she was worthless seven times that day and that everyone is secretly laughing at her
here's my last one
what did the cruel middle school boys do when they got bored?
spit on me, push me around, threaten me, spread rumours about me, and more!
wait why aren't you guys laughing?
see, i didn't think that was that funny but then
when i begged for help
they asked if maybe the people who did that stuff to me were just joking
apparently they were just kidding so they shouldn't be punished
boys will be boys right?
i was probably just too sensitive, too thin skinned to understand their humour,
maybe you guys are too
or maybe i said something that made them say that?
but that makes no sense...
how would you provoke a joke to be told?
oh i know
it wasn't a joke
that's why you're not laughing right?
see daily death threats really don't get five star reviews in the comedy clubs
and i don't think there's been any skits on snl about being spit on because people thought you were garbage
so why did all the adults assume that the boys weren't to blame because they were just messing around?
messing around implies there's a mess and when there's a mess you clean it up but it's hard to clean up a mess that everyone thinks you made up
and I don't think clorox is going to wipe up the feeling that all of the people i trusted the most thought i deserved to be bullied
so i guess what i'm trying to say
is that people shouldn't have to walk through the hallways everyday knowing that in a few short hours, the boy in their p.e class will tell them that they shouldn't be alive
and when they tell five separate teachers
the teachers will all ask
are you sure they weren't joking
are you sure you didn't deserve it
i'm pretty sure that when he pushed me to the ground i didn't break out laughing afterwards
and their laughter wasn't contagious when they made fun of how i looked
their stand up comedy made me back down
sometimes i hear people say
oh bullying is stupid, how could it actually you
why wouldn't they just tell someone
and here's my answer
have you ever shouted so loud that you lost your voice?
probably shouldn't do that again right
well I screamed so loud that when i lost my voice I never really got it back
it's because you want to learn from your mistakes
learn that when people say that you can always tell someone, you should keep in mind that "always" is apparently conditional
don't assume that if you were in their shoes you would just tell someone
and everything would be fixed
some situations can't be fixed with a talk to an adult you trust
some situations you actually did nothing to deserve it
some people make the messes and some people can never clean them up
some jokes aren't funny
some jokes aren't jokes
I don't want any more back down comedy
this is my stand up piece but only this time I don't care who's laughing
Jan 5, 2016
Jan 5, 2016 at 1:11 AM UTC
Nothing fancy
Just little stuff.
Using our real voices
Not the shallow mockery
To sing in the car.
Confessing our crushes
Honestly and gleefully
Dreaming and scheming.
Shoving our cold feet
Under each others' warm butts
With ice cream and SNL.
Nobody's perfect
(Least of all us)
But we certainly have our moments.
Nov 3, 2017
Nov 3, 2017 at 8:41 PM UTC