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Glen Castillo Jul 2018
Sabi nila,kapag nahanap mo na daw ang tunay na pag-ibig ay nahanap mo na rin ang iyong langit dito sa lupa. Kaya't naniniwala akong langit din ang maghahatid sa'yo patungo sa akin. Pero naiinip na akong maghintay at nanghihinayang sa bawat sandaling lumilipas , na hindi ko man lang magawang hawakan ang iyong mga kamay sa mga panahong kailangan mo ng karamay.Na hindi ko man lang magawang damayan ka kung dumadanas ka ng lumbay.Alam kong katulad ko,pakiramdam mo minsan ay binitawan ka na din ng mundo.Kaya't patawarin mo ako kung sa mga pagkakataong nararanasan mo yan ay wala ako d'yan para ikaw ay aking ma-salo. Kung totoong ang pag-ibig at ang langit ay may malalim na kaugnayan sa isa’t-isa,malakas ang kutob ko na tayo din ay iginuhit na katulad nila. Minsan na din akong nagtanong,saang sulok ng langit ka kaya naroroon? Malapit ka kaya sa araw? O marahil nasa tabi ka lang ng buwan,na sa tuwing sasapit ang dilim ako ay binabantayan.Kaya pala kahit saan ako magpunta ako'y lagi niyang sinusundan. Pero maaari din na ika'y kapiling ng mga bituin na kay daming nais mag angkin. Kay palad kong pagdating ng araw ikaw ay napa sa-akin. Kaya habang wala ka pa,ako muna ay magiging kaisa ng mga mabubuting kawal ng ating bayan. Makikidigma kung kinakailangan,ipaglalaban kung ano ang makat'wiran. Upang sa iyong pagdating ay malaya nating tatamasahin ang payapang buhay. Kaya habang wala ka pa ako'y taos puso kung manalangin sa ating may likha. Na paghariin niya nawa ang kabutihan sa aking puso bilang isang tao at higit sa lahat ay bilang kanyang anak , upang sa sandaling tayo'y pagtagpuin ako rin sa iyo ay magiging isang mabuting kabiyak. Hindi pa man tayo nagtatagpo,nais kung malaman mo na laman kang palagi ng aking panalangin. At habambuhay kong itatangi ang iyong pag-ibig na siyang dahilan kung bakit maka ilang ulit kong nanaising mabuhay. Nais kong ipagsigawan sa mundo na iniibig kitang wagas,ngunit mas mamatamisin kong hintayin ka at kapag naglapat na ang ating mga dibdib,ibubulong ko sa'yo na ikaw ang aking daigdig. Maghihintay lang ako,habang wala ka pa.




© 2018 Glen Castillo
All Rights Reserved.
Pag-ibig sa tatlong salita (IKAW,BAYAN at DIYOS)
Marge Redelicia Feb 2014
Salo-salo ang lahat:
Nakaupo, nakadekuwatro
Sa isang mahabang bangko.
Ayos lang
Kahit medyo masikip
At nagkikiskisan ang mga siko.

Ang mesa'y nilatagan
Ng dahon ng saging.
Bawal ang maarte;
Walang mga pinggan
At iba pang kagamitan.

Nakakamay ang lahat sa pagkain
Ng maiging inihaw
Na sariwang malaman na tilapia.
Meron ding mga gulay
Na pinakuluan at nilaga:
May kangkong,
Okra, sitaw at talong.

Samahan mo pa
Ng hiniwa at tinadtad na
Pulang sibuyas at kamatis,
Na may halong bagoong
At piga ng kalamansi.
At sa wakas, ang panghimagas:
Mga gintong mangga
Na ubod ng tamis.

.   .   .   .   .

Napapasarap
Ang pinakasimpleng handa
Samahan lang ng kuwentuhang
Nagpapasaya at nagpapatawa
At siyempre kung salo-salo
Ang buong pamilya.
110916

Yugyugan, walang hele
Galit at poot, walang tuldok.
Bayan, Bayani at Rebolusyon
Dugo, Latay at Krus.

Pintasan sa saradong Libingan ng mga Bayani
Pasismo'y binabali
Demokrasya'y katunggali.
Hampasan ng Hustisya,
Latay ng Pagtutuligsa.
Kalampag ng mesang panay barya
Sigaw ng paghain ng kamatayan.

Bukas ang Pintuang tila batong hinati
Uhaw, sawing-palad,
May luwad na dalamhati.
Di makilala, suyod nang kaladkaran,
Saboy ng pighati.
Walang bahid, walang bisa --
Hindi maramot ang May Grasya.

Negosyo sa pulitika
Kalakal ng mga salita.
Palimos nang makaraos
Lusong, tapon, salo at ahon --
Yan ang pagtatapos --
Isa, dalawa, tatlo
Tatlumpu't tatlong taon.

Inihanay ba Siya sa mga Bayani? Hindi.
Nalimot ba ang Kasaysayan?
Hindi.
Ang natatanging Kasaysayan,
Tanging Kristo ang tutuldok
Tanging Kristo ang saysay
Walang iba, tapos na.
Ysa Pa Dec 2016
Habang nag-iisa
At walang kamalay-malay
Ako'y nadampot ng mga
Naghahanap ng karamay

Nayaya ng promotor
At hindi na makatatakas
Hinamon ng mga tomador
At nagkasukatan na ng angas

Marami nang bote ang walang laman
Nakabasag na rin ng mga baso
Paubos na ang mga pulutan
Amoy na rin ang halimuyak ng chiko

May di matapos-tapos na asaran
May mga pikon ngunit puno parin ng tawa
May mga tulog na at may nagkukulitan
Mayroon din namang nagkukwento ng paluha

Walang humpay rin ang kantahan
Punong-puno ang lamesa ng kwnetuhan
Rinig hanggang langit ang halakhakan
Tuloy-tuloy lang ang kasiyahan

Masayang salo-salo
Matibay na pagsasamahan
At ang highlight dito
Ay ang hangover kinabukasan

Sana'y king bilis mawala
Gaya ng hangover kinabukasan
Ang aking mga alaala
At ang sakit ng iyong paglisan
Oops! There goes my heart, splattered all over the place again.
kahel Oct 2016
Kahit hindi na ako yung maging una o yung huli mo
Kahit ako na lang yung na sa gitna niyo
Yung pwedeng sumagot ng oo o hindi
Yung madalas mang-aya gumala o mangtokis
Ituring bilang isang kaibigan, ka-ibigan o pareho, wala naman itong kaibahan

Ako na lang yung taga-salo ng mabibigat **** luha kapag hindi mo na kaya pigilan 'to
Ako na lang yung magpapaalala sayo kung gaano ka na kalayo mula sa pinanggalingan mo
Ako na lang yung magsisilbing checkpoint mo kung sakaling hindi mo pa kaya papuntang dulo
Ako na lang yung magiging gabay kapag hindi mo na alam kung saang daan tutungo
Ako na lang yung magbibigay liwanag pagkatapos ng gerang pinasok mo
Ako na lang yung taga-sabi sayo ng "tiwala lang, kaya yan" kapag tambak ka sa dami ng trabaho
Ako na lang yung magpupulot ng bawat piraso ng pagkatao mo na nadurog sa nagdaang mga bagyo
Ako na lang yung susuporta sayo sa laban kapag malapit ka ng matalo
Ako na lang yung mag-aabang sayo kapag malapit ka na sa may kanto
Ako na lang yung magpapayo kapag naguguluhan ka na sa pag-ikot ng mundo
Ako na lang yung mapagkakatiwalaan mo na pwedeng sabihan ng mga pinakatatagong sikreto

Ako na lang. Ako na lang yung gaganap sa parteng to
Yung di ganon ka-importante, hindi din kawalan
Laging maaasahan kaya ayun, laging umaasa
Ang magbabalanse sa daloy ng kwento
Kahit yun na lang tayo; sayo.
BJ Sep 2020
Are tumhe dekha aj to lga ye sab tumhe bta du.
Haq hai nhi mera koi phir b thoda haq jata du ..
Or kehdu tum behad khoobsurat **.
Ye jo tumne akhon ke kajal ko b palko ki had me dal rakha hai.
In aankhon ne jane kitna kehar sambhal rakha hai.
Kya chamak hai aankho me jaise ek choti si khush duniya ka sapna paal rakha hai.
Socha cheru thoda tumhe or thoda sata du.
Are tumhe dekha aj to lga ye sab tumhe bta du.
Haq hai nhi mera koi phir b thoda haq jata du ..
Or kehdu tum nazneen **.
Phir kuch tumhare galon k un khaddo ki gehrayi dekhi.
Na us se gehri koi khaayi dekhi.
Nazar htane wala tha k us muskan ne rok lia..
Muje aj sambhalne se pehle tere chehre nadan ne rok lia.
Jane tumhe ye sab kehna lagta hai khata kyu.
Are tumhe dekha aj to lga ye sab tumhe bta du.
Haq hai nhi mera koi phir b thoda haq jata du ..
Or kehdu tum dilnashi **.
Vo choti si kali bindi jo thik maathe k me kahi hai.
Vo b har shayar ko kheench rahi hai.
Jaise muje kehti ** idhar aao tumhe kano k jhumko ka pta du.
Are tumhe dekha aj to lga ye sab tumhe bta du.
Haq hai nhi mera koi phir b thoda haq jata du ..
Or kehdu tum dalkashi **.
Ye phir thode uljhe thode suljhe baal hai.
Inki to ada hi bemisal Hai
Tumhe tang karte hai.
Manmarji chalate hai jaise tujse jung karte hai.
Chere pe aate hai tum unhe phir peeche karti.
Kabhi clip se kabhi rubber se kheenche rakhti **.
Kabhi aaye chehre pe to shayad main b hta du.
Are tumhe dekha aj to lga ye sab tumhe bta du.
Haq hai nhi mera koi phir b thoda haq jata du ..
Or kehdu tum koi kehkasha **.
Or vo sone ki nath ko koi
kaise taal sakta hai.
Jise tumne apni teekhi si naak me daal rakha hai.
Or kuch batein in sab se pare hai.
Tera chutkan sa Gussa hai jane tu kaise handle kare hai.
Phir vo pyari si hasi vo sharm haya  vo bachpana vo nadaniya.
Samjhdari vo nasamjhi
Vo adayein vo shaitaniya.
Or sambko tumne brabar rakha hai.
Jane ye hisab kaise lagakar rakha hai.
Kya kehna hai kya sunna hai kya bolna hai kya btana.
Kab ruthna hai kab manana hai kab satana hai kab jatana hai.
Teri har ek choti moti khoobiyon ne dil me aatank macha rakha hu.
Jane tune kitne salo se khud ko ishq se bacha rakha hai.
Jane mujme kab se or kyu ye thode guroor k lakshan aaye hai
K tuje suna sabne hai samjh sirf hum paaye hai.
Tum jaisa or koi mere aas paas ni hai.
Phir kaise manliya jaye tum aam ladki ** tum me kuch  khas nahi hai.
Ha aj maine ek kadam apne beech ki sarhad se thoda bahar aaya.
Tumne apna hunar azmaya tha vo pic dalke use shayri bnake maine apna hunar aazmaya hai.
ye padhke tum socho k inam du is shayar ko ya koi saza du.
Are tumhe dekha aj to lga ye sab tumhe bta du.
Haq hai nhi mera koi phir b thoda haq jata du ..
Or kehdu tum afreen **.

Tum khoobsurat **.
majsrivas Jan 2023
Nitong nakaraan, naging nostalgic ako sa mga new year na nagdaan, mga new year nung bata kami, and sa new year na dadating pa.

Oo sobrang saya ngayon, hindi rin naman mapapantayan ang saya! Pero alam ko na iba na siya. Ibang-iba na siya―kasi noon, kumpleto pa kami at wala pang nawawala samin. Kumpleto pa ang mga lolo at lola namin. May mga fireworks display, sinturon ni hudas mula sa kanto hanggang kabilang kanto. Isinasampay pa ung sinturon ni hudas sa katawan namin tapos magppicture kami, may trumpilyo, luces tapos isusulat ang pangalan sa daan, maging yung ray-gun na paputok meron din. May mga pagkain pang nakalagay sa la mesa dahil naghahanda ang mga lola. May ham, tinapay, hot choco, at kung ano-ano pa na pati mga kapitbahay namin doon din kumakain salo-salo ang lahat! Meron din sayawan sa kalsada mga 90's na tugtugan "don't cry" sa gitna ng kalsada.

Habang sinasalubong ang taon, we played this game na "thankful for 2022, and looking forward in 2023" with cousins and titos and titas while drinking wine and alcohol til we drop. Ang saya mapakinggan yung mga bagay na pinagpapasalamat nila at mga bagay na nilo-look forward nila lalo yung mga things they share about our family. It means so much na pare-parehas kami na support sa isa't-isa at ramdam yung pagmamahal sa bawat isa.

Sabi ng isa kong tita, darating daw yung time na baka maiba na dahil siyempre magkakapamilya, career, ibang paths to take, na baka yung iba di na mag new year sa Clemente. Pero sabi niya sila ay nandiyan pa din dahil yun ang gusto nila. Oo alam ko pwedeng mangyari dahil na-experience ko na sa mga kaibigan ko. Dati palagi kaming magkakasama tuwing new year at pasko. Mahal namin ang isa't-isa na kung pwede nga lang palagi kaming magkakasama. Pero siyempre iba-iba kami ng mundong ginagalawan at tinatahak, may lumipat ng bahay, may mga pamilya na din kaya bihira na lang din kami magkasama sama. Nakakamiss!

Hindi ko alam ang future, pero sana lahat kami nandito pa din magkakasama, isang buong pamilya na magkakasamang haharap sa panibagong taon habang nabubuhay kaming lahat!

Masaya ako na na-experience ko ang pasko at new year sa Tondo! Marami akong ipinagpapasalamat hindi lang sa 2022, kundi magmula 1992! Alam ng puso ko kung ano yung mga bagay na yun hindi ko maisa-isa, basta alam ko masaya lahat at grateful ako sa family na ibinigay sa akin ni Lord. Hindi man kami mayaman, madami man kaming pagkakaiba-iba, pero solid mahal namin ang isa't-isa. Looking forward to 2023 and more! **
Glen Castillo Feb 2019
Sabi nila,kapag nahanap mo na daw ang tunay na pag-ibig ay nahanap mo na rin ang iyong langit dito sa lupa. Kaya't naniniwala akong langit din ang maghahatid sa'yo patungo sa akin. Pero naiinip na akong maghintay at nanghihinayang sa bawat sandaling lumilipas , na hindi ko man lang magawang hawakan ang iyong mga kamay sa mga panahong kailangan mo ng karamay.Na hindi ko man lang magawang damayan ka kung dumadanas ka ng lumbay.Alam kong katulad ko,pakiramdam mo minsan ay binitawan ka na din ng mundo.Kaya't patawarin mo ako kung sa mga pagkakataong nararanasan mo yan ay wala ako d'yan para ikaw ay aking ma-salo. Kung totoong ang pag-ibig at ang langit ay may malalim na kaugnayan sa isa’t-isa,malakas ang kutob ko na tayo din ay iginuhit na katulad nila. Minsan na din akong nagtanong,saang sulok ng langit ka kaya naroroon? Malapit ka kaya sa araw? O marahil nasa tabi ka lang ng buwan,na sa tuwing sasapit ang dilim ako ay binabantayan.Kaya pala kahit saan ako magpunta ako'y lagi niyang sinusundan. Pero maaari din na ika'y kapiling ng mga bituin na kay daming nais mag angkin. Kay palad kong pagdating ng araw ikaw ay napa sa-akin. Kaya habang wala ka pa,ako muna ay magiging kaisa ng mga mabubuting kawal ng ating bayan. Makikidigma kung kinakailangan,ipaglalaban kung ano ang makat'wiran. Upang sa iyong pagdating ay malaya nating tatamasahin ang payapang buhay. Kaya habang wala ka pa ako'y taos puso kung manalangin sa ating may likha. Na paghariin niya nawa ang kabutihan sa aking puso bilang isang tao at higit sa lahat ay bilang kanyang anak , upang sa sandaling tayo'y pagtagpuin ako rin sa iyo ay magiging isang mabuting kabiyak. Hindi pa man tayo nagtatagpo,nais kung malaman mo na laman kang palagi ng aking panalangin. At habambuhay kong itatangi ang iyong pag-ibig na siyang dahilan kung bakit maka ilang ulit kong nanaising mabuhay. Nais kong ipagsigawan sa mundo na iniibig kitang wagas,ngunit mas mamatamisin kong hintayin ka at kapag naglapat na ang ating mga dibdib,ibubulong ko sa'yo na ikaw ang aking daigdig. Maghihintay lang ako,habang wala ka pa.




© 2018 Glen Castillo
All Rights Reserved
Pag-ibig sa tatlong salita.DIYOS,BAYAN at IKAW
Rondu McPhee Sep 2010
...strolling down through the night,
Attacking innocence with a frown,
You've treaded through plastic and savages,
Your face buried beneath a gown,
The odd man in the corner says,
You look so down,
It means,
The forest seems black,
You're packed,
We're all long-gone.

You can kick and scream all you want,
But you'll get lost in the cold,
'Cause the Brave New Pathway is so old.

So you're a Good Man with,
all your Good Looks,
You're a manufacturer of,
Pretty Protest Books,
But your abiding venom is
So full of False Love
You're not a rebel, though you think not,
But you're just too many levels above.

You can kick and scream all you want,
But you'll get lost in the cold,
'Cause the Brave New Pathway is so old.

With your mass thinking codas, oh how you talk,
When you don't fall, there's still the straight bold lines that you walk,
With your gathered myths and conductors, in maths you all speak,
You ask yourself, is everyone so unique?
But by now, you're feeling ill,
You may not understand it,
Those hands of yours are too virginal,
You're not some natural-born bandit.

See, you can kick and scream all you want,
But you'll get lost in the cold,
'Cause the Brave New Pathway is so old.

You've strung some fallen multitude,
Some blind-eyed folks from lost and found,
Don't yet quit all the servitude,
Such groups can't be strung around,
You need respect,
You must check,
That everyone else is bound.
So you've gotten Anarchic Insurance,
Through all these Marxist hooks,
But what an abhorrence,
Your still safe and sound,
Just look at this mess, all of this!

You can kick and scream all you want,
But you'll get lost in the cold,
'Cause the Brave New Pathway is so old.

So you look down,
As you have on your hands,
A few clowns from a circus,
You phony philosopher,
You've let all your new fraud,
Work on us.
There should be some law,
Against having you claw
Your masquerades,
And magic through every one of these sold cities.
And even though you say,
Your imagination's not dead,
You've still read,
And forced every Order of Dictation.

You can kick and scream all you want,
But you'll get lost in the cold,
'Cause the Brave New Pathway is so old.

So you walk along with your pen down,
Past each fancy, carved stone column,
Then a voice says 'don't let your terms down'.
It's a naked fool looking solemn.
But you're still glaring and weeping,
You say 'I simply don't understand'
Then the man says, all out and fleeting,
'It's time for rebirth, When will you give a hand?'

So you're giving up,
You can see, you will stop,
So you can feel something now, if at all.

Now you're wandering past this site,
Of a landscape of metal and rust,
You're in the middle of some walkabout,
Your face coated in dust.
Now, thinking you're some Human Poet,
You go write on how you feel,
When the King Palate comes storming,
And you say 'Is this even real?'

But it's going too fast,
Any truth cannot last,
You're a lie by its own.
But you think you'll still find
Your Glittering Gold.

So you run through into this room,
With this Artist named Rome,
And with his lover, Salo,
They go off and buy you a home,
They have murals of circles,
And Open City souls,
They paint the 120 Days of Flesh,
And all these dead patrols.
They say, as they go about in a thresh,
Only Night has its fantasies,
Before burning your house down.
You won't see any end of dusk comin' around,
You're always a ***,
Your lawyers are decades gone,
Go back to all your Christs and El Dorados.

So when you weave yourself,
Out of that forest,
Don't be paid so attention to,
Don't be bleak,
As every night
Has its unabashed
Intellectual freak.
And before you go,
Between the statues under some sheik,
Remember, this very night
That's when you come...
marriegegirl Jul 2014
Ça a été une semaine de l'absurde jolis traits .mais puis-je vous laisser sur un petit secret ?Nous aurions enregistré un des meilleurs pour la fin.Judy Pak .Loli événements et Matthew Ree sont que quelques-uns des grands noms derrière ce printemps swoonfest .et vous pouvez visiter la galerie complète pour beaucoup.beaucoup plus .Vendredi heureux .mes enfants !xoxo\u003cp\u003ePartager cette superbe galerie ColorsSeasonsSpringSettingsGardenStylesRomantic de Lauren de Loli événements .Bien que brève .printemps à New York est toujours rajeunissant et passionnant .Tout semble plus lumineux .plus heureux et tout plein de vie .Ce tournage a capturé exactement cela avec une parfaite dose de glamour et de fantaisie .Les beaux motifs des jardins d'Old Westbury était une évidence comme toile de fond .Tout y est luxuriante .réfléchi et tout simplement magnifique .Notre objectif en tant que fournisseurs de mariage de luxe était de capturer une certaine beauté grave tout en s'amusant et profiter du moment .Il est si facile de se laisser prendre et d'oublier de faire une pause et de prendre dans votre environnement .Cette séance est consacrée à créer un peu d' esprit d'aventure et un besoin de juste prendre une profonde respiration lente .

Photographie : Judy Pak | Photographie : Matthew Ree | Floral Design : Tashi et Bobo | Robe : Jenny Packham | gâteau : Ana Parzych | Coiffeur : Seonghee Park | Bridal Boutique : Gabriella New York | Location de robe : petite robe empruntée |postiches : Emily Riggs | Maquillage : Seunghyn robes demoiselles d honneur Seo de KAKABOKA | Props / table : Caverne de coquelicots et Posies | Styling / Set de table design: Loli Evénements | mariage Lieu: Old Westbury Gardens

cadeaux COURS

Dernière chance pour entrer mariage Styles Modcloth Fonds ContestHoneymoon de Registre annuel rêve SweepstakesA collier pavé de diamants disque JoyWilliams - Sonoma de voyageurs " Les jeux de Clay PotTWO de détente à DEUX SMPers chanceux de Duffield Lanea ensemble de flashcards de Apprendre à parler de mariage

Ne manquez pas les remises de cette semaine .

PostableSquarespaceAbbey Malcolm typographique + DesignZola

Pour nos épouses Australie .Ne pas oublier de s'inscrire pour gagner une séance d'engagement à la plage sud de Curl Curl de Poli Mariages

Pour nos épouses Californie .Réductions de Jonathan jeunes Mariages et Dr Diaz .

Pour nos Brides.Discounts Canada de Blush \u0026Gray.Renata De Thomasis et Christine Arnold Photographie

Pour nos épouses Midwest .Réduction du restylage Locations de cru et La Belle Fleur événements

Pour nos Nouvelle-Angleterre Brides .Un rabais de Aster B. Fleurs

Pour notre Sud-Ouest Brides.Make sûr de confirmer Royal Occasion Chateau Cocomar nuptiale Open House ( Ce week-end ! )

Pour notre Tri-State brides.Don 't oublier de s'inscrire pour gagner Photographie + vidéographie Collection de NST Photos et réductions du New Museum .Femina photo + design.NY Sourire spécialistes et HowAboutWe pour les couples PLUS ne manquez pas Gabriella Newhiver échantillon Vente York !

Et bien sûr .heureux gagnant

http://modedomicile.com

de cette semaine .
Félicitations Alexis qui a gagné 100 Day Challenge paquet d'or de mariée corpsEmily Riggs est un membre de notre Look Book .Pour plus d'informations sur la façon dont robe de mariée 2014 les membres sont choisis .cliquez ici .Gabriella New York Bridal Salon .Loli événements et Judy Pak Photographie sont membres de notre Little Black Book .Découvrez comment les membres sont choisis en visitant notre page de FAQ .Gabriella New York Salo nuptiale ... Afficher les événements PORTEFEUILLE loli voir le portfolio Judy Pak Photographie voir le
Mateuš Conrad May 2022
i miss being a young man, in his late teens...
i don't know what happened to my 20s...
honestly: i really don't...
     i was out of the usual treadmill antics of
a boy's 20s...
    by the time i resolved all the difficulties that
can be associated with a psychotic breakdown:
women started telling their children:
mind this man walking past you...
man... man... i forgot being a boy...
        i was secluded in my boyhood of my early
and late 20s... i only came back to society: slowly...
cautiously... once i passed the mark of turning 30...
who said that they'd welcome the quick passing
on the tyranny of beauty? Plato...
   and who might add: the idiocy of youth?
    that bravado... that cockiness... self-assurance:
as false as they come? i guess i could be accredited with
uttering such words... there's this middle path
when life becomes bearable... after your 30s until
you hit 60... and then... those consolidation years...
  facing up to mortality...
                  not until then...
   but i miss the boy i was when i was 14 through to 21...
when women could and would mystify me...
when i wanted to pursue them...
           i was allocated the "tribe" of men:
women don't take a ****! women don't ****!
   don't be silly!
            they eat but they don't take a ****!
            don't be silly!
                     of the relationships i've had... ha ha!
"relationships": my grandparents (on my maternal side)
ended their relationship by sleeping in separate rooms
in separate beds...
   well... it was more of a fling: hell!
i had the chance to visit Russia for a month...
spend a month in St. Petersburg...
    visit the Russian version of Versailles...
         travel overnight to Moscow on the train
listening to Bob Dylan on the top bunk bed...
   managed to see Metallica...
      kiss the girl while everyone took out their
cigarette lighters when Fade to Black was being played...
i remember that song oh too well...
in my bedroom covered with posters of bands...
falling asleep to that song
   while dreaming of next day's commute with
the Ursuline girls... coming from... Hainault and beyond:
Debden... Loughton...
  
sure... she slapped me when she picked me up from
the airport... since that slap i punched
myself harsher... what was i going to do?
complain? she would have kicked me out of the house
and with as little of a knowledge of Russian as i had...
become a homeless person in St. Petersburg?
so i took the slap... i subsequently took it out on her
by ******* her for 7 hours one night...
i hope she felt a Spartan cohort of 300 having fun with
her... i hope i exhausted her...
i still remember that slap... i hope she remembers
those seven hours of bedroom antics...

i did behave in a "hypergamous" way... like a woman...
what are the chances of visiting Russia: these days?
i played nice...
                   i wouldn't mind returning to her to simply
slap her *** during *******...
but i was 21 and stupid back then...
i once heard a friend of my estranged uncle say:
slap her about at the beginning...
then she'll stay... i did that with my cats...
one of them was ******* in my bed...
i didn't know which one it was...
first time i saw **** in my bed i inquired
by slapping both of them...
the second time i caught the culprit! he was taking
a dump in my bed...
now? after slapping him...
       then washing him... then curling him into
a towel like a mummy and placing him in the sun?
we're the best of friends... he keeps slipping into
my bed from 10pm through to 1am...
i'd hate to do that with women...
     slapping a girl just to get some respect?
i don't need to: i don't want to do that...
i don't want to do what i did with my cats
to become translated to women...

              ergo? i miss the 14 through to 21 year old
boy's libido...
   i wish i could want that ******* Khedra more...
it has almost been 2 months since i last saw her...
i'm already due to get a haircut... and a shave at the Turk...
ergo? i need to trim my ***** hair elsewhere:
no, not the beard on my face...
   she stopped sending me selfies...
i stopped sending her pictures of flowers from my garden:
currently? the chives are in bloom...
pretty little purple flowers... reminiscent of
the Scottish thistle...
               it's not that i'm out of practice:
i just don't feel the need to feed the need for ***
anymore...
   i have lost the hunger for it...
     not that i'm impotent... but i just...
                 need it... sparingly: on a whim...
last time i was woken up from an asexual slumber...
god forgive me...
i was grooming my female cat... and she raised her
backside into my face...
i know! i know: *******...
ergo? i cycled like mad across the north eastern
part of London looking for a brothel...
i already knew where the brothel was...
but i cycled all the way to Tottenham Court High Road...
back to Stratford... £160 for an hour... pretty steep...
back to Goodmayes... £130 for an hour...

point being: when i was with this Russian girl...
oh man... sleeping in the same bed...
maybe that's why i never took relationships too seriously...
the sleeping arrangement...
it's already difficult sharing a bed with 10kg Maine ****
cat... imagine sharing it with a woman...
each and every, single, *******, night...
one side of me became: NUMB...
yeah... that B is a surd... it's silent: NUM' -
hello apostrophe...
                
because i couldn't possibly fall asleep not hugging her...
but by that "logic" half of me would
get cramps... and dead-meat numbing
effects...
   oh to hell with that!
why do all the rich people need so many bathrooms?!
you need at least three bedrooms!
one in which you sleep... one in which she sleeps...
and one in which you ****!

i miss being mystified by women, reading Stendhal...
that's not coming back...
too many practicalities came along...
me and a single mum?!
we're creatures of habit... before we are even
associated with politics or society...
man is a habitual creature....
by 30+? you have your habits...
and they are non-negotiable...
  
   personally? the most pristine distance to cycle
casually... i'd say... over the distance of a marathon...
so... 50+km... / 26+ miles... that's relaxing...
anything less is sort of boring...
that's why i forget the countryside from time to time...
and cycle into central London...
why?

a) i'm cycling in to... look at some girls...
   randomly... girls and architecture...
andy williams... music to watch the girls go by...
b) hmm...
           cliche, that point (a)...
    get ******* at traffic...
     being a traffic shepherd...
             elevated status of pedestrian...
   danger... leeching off buses and trucks...
leeching off ambulances... just the general
sense of commotion... people spotting...
bore and yawn and yawn and bore...
c) ah... spatial orientation...
if you start off at around Collier Row...
and cycle toward Barkingside...
and you take that B174 (Romford Rd.)
       route... you have that beautiful precursor
of a London skyline... and you start thinking:
well... i'll be there in about an hour and half an hour plus...

i found my favourite route "roundabout" today...
South London... i don't care what anyone says...
immediately: in the immediacy of cycling across
the bridge... London feels different in the south...
a little round around via London Bridge
and back up north again via Southwark Bridge...
and... whatever 20+ miles back home to do some
work in the garden...

****... no pretty girls along the way...
nothing that might stand out...

i know why i'm reluctant regarding visiting that brothel...
last time i wanted to perform oral ***
on a ******* she asked me to pay extra...
hell... if Khedra was willing to perform unprotected
***... because... the two of us...
are hygienic Nazis... i'm thinking...
slob... slob... the one time and place i can turn into
a slob... i want to pucker up my lips to those
other pair of lips...
but... i don't want to be paying extra...
i'm imagining... falling asleep on my stomach
and pushing my mouth into a pillow...

and hallucinating daffodils...
no... tulips! anything floral and the female genitals!
hmm... ha ha: yummy yuck!
maybe that's why i prefer to eat a rare beef steak...
lick, ****: but: if you're going to bite...
gently...

hell: if women can explore their sexuality...
can i, too, please?
i'll just word it... without having multiple partners...
but it's so much easier with prostitutes...
what dating apps?! never heard of them...
the money is on the table...
lucky for me i tried ******* for the first time
aged 35+ years old... and i was like:
i prefer coffee...

coffee an nicotine in the morning... first thing's first...
n'ah... nein nein... NO! i don't do powdered
crowds...
what m shift tomorrow? Wembley... play-offs...
whoever it playing i'm pretty sure i'll be looking for a
wife...
but i want my mojo back...
   i want to go back into that brothel and ****
like a 21 year old... i want to rekindle a hunger
for a female body...
          on the throne of thrones:
it really doesn't help... abstaining from all
that libido insomnia of over-exposure to *******...
sometimes... i tried a whole month dry...
it changed: **** all!
i need to be in the mood...
   i haven't been in the mood for about 2 months...

**** on me! cacas mihi on (take on me
variable wording ancients tongues etc.)
i fall back on something sinister...
Dante took Virgil as his guide...
    ******* from Horace! ******* from Horace!
he's mine!
i fall back on translating Latin texts...

Horace:

quid obserstis auribus fundis precces?
non saxa nudis surdiora navitis
Neptunus alto tundit hibernus salo.
inultus ut tu riseris Cotytia
volgata, sacrum liberi Cupidinis,
et Esquilini pontifex venefici
inpune ut urbem nomine inpleris meo?
  quid proderat ditasse Paelignas ****
verlociusve fata te votis manent:
          ingrata misero vita ducenda est in hoc,
novis ut usque suppetas laborisbus.
optat quietem Pelopis infidi pater
                egens benignae Tantalus semper dapis,
optat Prometheus obligatus aliti,
  optat supremo conlocare Sisyphus
in monte saxum; sed  vetant leges Iovis.
Voles modo altis desilire turribus,
                 modo ense pectus Norico recludere,
frustraque vincla gutturi nectes tuo
                    fastidiosa tristis aegrimonia.
vectabor umeris tunc ego inimicis eques
                meaeque terra cedet insolentiae.

an quae movere cerreas imagines,
ut ipse nosti curiosus, et polo
      deriepered lunam vocibus possim meis,
possim crematos excitare mortuous
desiderque temperare pocula,
      plorem artist in te nil agentis exitus?
    
you dare bring requests toward clogged ears?!
not so on the voice of naked sailors does the
deaf rock and not so during winter does Neptune
shakes his trident (three-tooth), like you with the word,
who so weighs himself by laughter serving up
Canidia's ******, slandering love, the holiness of
   Cupid.
               do you not call yourself the priest of
the Esquiline practices, you're not raving,
whatever the saliva will bring?
    haven't i overpaid the Paeligni(ne) witches?
do i no longer detect poisonous poisons?!
    even though the parks have extended your age,
you will feel death's pressure all the more.
Pelops' treacherous father Tantal(us),
emptied from the godly feasts, desires respite,
    Prometheus with an eagle by his liver lacquers,
without end, Sisyphus rolls the stone up the hill
endlessly - Jupiter doesn't allow a respite.
you're looking for an escape, jump from the highest
floors,
     with a Norico sword: a naked breast unravel
   (unravel a naked breast)
   or... tighten the rope, on the neck looped...
   chased by not-mind (misunderstanding),
with disgrace's stigma.
in the meantime: onto the back i'll jump on astride,
i'lll big back the earth - incredible joy.
wax(y) puppets will get up, into motion admired,
i will break off the moon from the sky,
    i will revenge satisfaction,
      i will, the dead and the burnt i will resurrect,
with desires' loving magic i will return tormenting,
these tears are for nothing -
      a phantom will enter the suicide.
are you still going to be able to
                               place resistance against art?    


of note:
- Cotytia - rendered Canidia in English
was the first witch of ancient Rome...
- Esquiline "practices?
   Rome was founded on the seven hills...
one of those hills was the Esquiline hill...
the other six are:
   Capitoline, Quirinal, Viminal, Caelian, and Aventine...
- the Paelignī? an Italic tribe - etymologically
associated with the words
    an cognate-mix of
       privignus (stepson) & paelex (concubine) -
most associated (wrongly) with the Sebine women...
mind you... step-parenthood was very prominent
in the upper eshelons of ancient Roman society...
- Pelops - a king of Pisa...
- Tantalus - father of Pelops...
- Noricum - a Celtic confederation of tribes
these days associated with the geographic region of
Austria and Slovenia

eh... language has changed so much...
how Latin didn't survive... i get it...
the modern tongue has many more prepositions...
a long time ago...
nouns / verbs could have inbuilt
conjunctions, prepositions... articles...
that changed with the atoms...
                oddly enough... certain languages haven't
changed that much... Kierkegaard mentions
this changelessness of God...
               English has changed beyond recognition...
******?! hasn't changed that much since
the 13th century...
how we managed to get Italian from Latin...
and... Spanish and French...
              well...
                      today i don't feel like being in awe...

— The End —