You didn't see me watching you
from above.
I was hidden from your view.
there wasn't much space between us..
Just a staircase, a living room and
a large window pane.

Through the reflective glass,
With grand mountains looming behind,
a splendid horizon
and the afternoon sun's gentle glow,
I watched as you spoke kindly to my father.

Unaware of my eyes on you
your mouth moved softly,
and words were silenced
by the space between us.
Suddenly I was overwhelmed with feeling..
a deep and warm satisfaction rose
up in me,
perched there in my safe spot,
realizing that I can still care for you.

You with that charming smile
and charismatic presence.
Cool, calm, and collected
in that moment.
Not wild and beastly
Or ragingly mad
Like, to my grave dismay,
you sometimes are..

I savored that moment!
Knowing full well
that, like all moments,
It wouldn't last.
Realizing that love is,
above all ,
forgiving.
that you are still attractive to me,
that I can still love you deeply...

from a  beautiful distance.

                  ----

You're in my blood.

Running through my veins,
while jumping to conclusions
And skipping over rationality.
•
slipping nakedly, ragingly, fearfully into that familiar muddy water
swirling with the same doubts,
The same resentment.
Floating in the heaviest way.
•
You're in search of the culprit,
shifting blame & igniting into terror
what was just mere fumes.
•
Your gravity seeping deeply through my sternum, my heart.
The subtle clenching, gnawing ache.
A swell welling up within my chest
•
And when the wave crashes,
It pulls you into the undertow
Drowning you with peaceful thoughts, saving my breath for breathing in life. Fastening anchors to your talons and casting you off without a second thought.
•
I regain myself when I throw you overboard. I again become purposeful, diligent, confident. And although I know you'll be back again periodically, one day I hope to find a way to forget your name.
•
Your name is Anxiety, Your name is Depression.

An intro which starts with a dramatic entry
An outburst of prologue will do the trick
suspensely reveals the theme of the literacy
A sudden emotion starts devouring

Sadness, a great weapon of the typical poet
The emoish feeling is spun into small fibrous pieces
And it is scattered everywhere
The tales from fragile broken heart
The melody from the failed dreams
The rhymes that accompanied the tears in the bedroom
Dark and Depressed
A dash of sorrow
A tiny hint of regret
A spoonful full of hope

Abstract sentences created mindlessly
"howl of heart in a burning forest where the greyish sky pours acid to the pavement"
Words spreaded meaninglessly
"To beyond I listen stars collide eternal nightmare"
Emotions flow out endlessly

An ending is crested on the blank
After all is poured out
Awaits for another day
To compile the emotion inside the chest
To be released ragingly

My skin goes up in flames
Incinerating the fine fibers

That hold too much history.
Too much pain!

The water rushes down like a modest waterfall
By the rocks, cleansing the shiny soapy edges.

The rocks hold their breath
Until bubbles germinate.

Those dews of contradicting virtues
Flow off my burning skin, gently crossing each other out.

Like warships in full reign,
They torpedo ragingly, missing their marks,

Bombing themselves. The ash suffocates the sea.
The fishes gossip and their ryes burn, burn, burn.

Oh, the agony of a misfire: incineration, gossip, untimely death.
Too much pain!

Shalini Nayar
© 2002

Ragingly mad
Obviously depressed
Reveals secretly that
I'm coming undone

The torturous divide
Between this waking lie
And the quiet inner life

A worrisome mind

And now I'm
Googling Suicide

I'm not scared of dying.
Living seems to be the
only frightening aspect of reality.
Just being is making foot prints at
all the places you been.
Your eyes are fixated on happiness
while the man in front of you has a
tool palpitating for you.
Grasping the tiny member is
like holding a baby carrot
his face was no better to
look at: scruffy face, double-chinned,
and ragingly *****.
Hands behind my neck curates
whats next ...
bobbing for apples and coughing
grudgingly
tearing eyes and exercised reflexes
give to the masterful art
of *******.
smiles are priceless, if met with
the supply of eye contact.
your heart isn't for sale, but
your orifices are.
Hyper-sexuality is the name of
the game.
your *** should be as big as your
ego, mouth wide enough to swallow
beer cans, and eyes sweet enough to
defile.
wiping your mouth
you find a hair.
"this means extra!" holding it
to him.
"I told you over the phone"
Man throws you the money and drops
you off at the local flea bag
hotel.
Waiting ... waiting ... waiting ...
the call of a stranger, can
be stranger than ever each time
you answer.
next guy wants you to play with his
****, while you humiliate him by
spitting in his face

I love the sea
The consistency in her waves
Lapping at the shore
Gently
Ragingly
Lazily
Whichever way she chooses to for that day
The inviting nature of her ability to reflect light in a blurry haze
The reverence she doesn’t demand but nonetheless receives from environmentally entitled humans who are at her mercy when they decide to tread in her waters
I love the sea
So why do I recoil so viscerally at her pungent smell of salt and seaweed today
I’ve smelt it before
Even was comforted by it at times
But now
It’s too much for me
I must say goodbye early today
And turn away

In a corner of the dark sky of heart
The only shining star is you

While Sun is fulgent in the sky
The darkness that dulls my heart
Is also you

The only poem that electrifies
My mind, day after day is you

While I enjoy that poem
The poison that burns my heart
Is also you.

In darkness, the lamp that brings
Light is you

When that lamp lights my heart
The wind that extinguishes it
Is also you

In a ragingly burning desert
The soothing cool breeze is you

While I relish in that cool breeze
The dust storm that suffocates me
Is also you

The night falls again,
and she's still feeding the stars with
memories and tales
tales of the old days
when peace used to run in her veins
instead of aches

she is whispering to the indifferent stars
how much she's scared
how she is getting drowned
in the river of her qualms and doubts
that is flowing in her heart ragingly.

She slept..
but the moonlight still could repeat
the everyday dialogue of her heart
the dialogue of how fear is making her
falling apart
how she's trying to find a beam of lantern
that will maybe rekindle her back
how she's waiting for the dawn
that will change her streaming tears
to a glassy dews
how she's terrified
that she even can hear heart beat
as a song with no rhyme.