You broke my heart
And threw it in a pile of dirt
I have no enemies
However, worse are you, than an enemy
Because, betrayal leaves scars
Which are even bigger than cars
And take as much time to heal
As it does, to complete a CA course
Which is of course, a huge deal!

You broke my heart
And caused me a lot of hurt
Truly did I care for you, you know
Thus, was it a massive blow
When we came to know the truth
Which destroyed the earth
On which my love was built
Since, loyal was I, to a fault

You broke my heart
And turned it into a shopping cart
You took advantage of my compassion
And used it as ammunition
For your deceitful modus operandi
However, thanks to the rescue operations
Led by my best friend and my sister
We put an end to the matter
However, rather protracted and tedious
Was the divorce process
And ultimately richer did you get, by a frigging four lakhs
For absolutely no fault of ours!!

You broke my heart
And ensured I nearly fell apart
However, healing am I
Slowly but surely
Thanks to my dear family
As well as my circle of friends
Not to mention, a few close cousins
All of whom ensure, I suffer not, for your sins
Our relationship may have had a bitter end
However, I am now free
And no longer, will I carry
The burden of a relationship
Which, in hindsight, was always going to be doomed
Even without all the cheating and manipulation
Of course, I may have to apply some caution
When it cometh to future relationships
However, I now understand the value of friendship
Better than ever!!

You broke my heart
However, I am making a conscious effort
To put all this behind
With the help of family, cousins and friends
As well as therapy
Of course, not always am I happy
But I am healing for sure
This experience having ensured
That I am working harder than ever
And allowing myself to be bored, never

I repeat, you broke my heart
However, you have made me more alert
I am now stronger than ever
And will allow myself to be cheated, never
What you did proved to be a blessing in disguise
Because, it has made me wise
And just a matter of time is it
Before my broken heart eventually heals!!

Who is the world to define mine right or wrong?
I am the one who decides it on my own
The world a crazy place, people so weird
Finding faults everywhere, while hiding in their beard
When you stand for the right,
They will advocate the wrong
Justifying the same
With million excuses in their thong
Nirbhaya *****, they say girl was characterless
Skirts, shorts, boyfriend, night shows - shameless
And inchoate, rightly arousing men to ****
One in coma now a four year old gang *****
Society mum when humanity disgraced???
Where are the people of so called decent family?
Who judge n criticize from hair to lamellae
If smoking kills, why is it not banned??
Beef eaters killed, man eaters praised on the land
Alcohol, marijuana bad for health
While more people die from terrorist attacks
Crores are spent to maintain a terrorist
To a soldier dying for the country, not even lakhs
A rich is a witch flaunting their gold
A poor a leech for things they cannot afford?
Without external beauty a person is a waste?
Your pennyless pocket how shall I grade?
Other’s loss is a righteous act of God?
Yours is a tragedy, unfortunate loss???
And then you have religion & morals
To justify your notions
Right or wrong, judgement filled oceans
I am a free spirit,
Born not to please your beliefs
Enough of hypocrite world I see
Killing and dividing on castes and creeds.
                 © Dr. PRERNA SINGLA, 13 Oct. 2015

Before I met you
Sorted, was my life
Though I had not a wife
Blessed was I, with a very supportive family
Felt insecure did I, very rarely
Then there were the friends
Of whom, was I very fond
Rather underrated, were the cousins
Thanks to whom, was I able to grin
Even when I had my backs to the wall
Rarely was my life dull

You changed everything
After our meeting
I didn't exactly fall head over heels in love
But a bond was beginning to form
And I saw no harm
In getting engaged to a person like you
Thought I knew not, much about you
Having met you only twice
On my part, it was rather unwise
But we'll come to that later
After all, you had not, any hater!

Well, slowly and steadily
Did I begin to develop an attachment towards you
Hence, I questioned you not
When you asked me to block a mutual Facebook friend
Which should have said a lot
But didn't, because; innocent was my mind
In fact, even financially did I help you
Again, without questioning you
By now, clear it should have been
That, on you, was I extremely keen!!

Just as I was looking forward to our nuptials
Did the pandemic strike
Never were you the same again
Something that gave me a lot of mental pain
The way you behaved with me and my family
Albeit for just about a week
It was as if WE had brought this on you
Though you DID know very well
That things were NOT in our control

Well, I let these things slide
After all, I am not one for pride
However, as mentioned earlier
You were definitely not the same person
Who used to care for me so much
That, on a few occasions, I felt you were overprotective!!
In a good way though

As the months passed
We continued to speak over the phone
On a daily basis
However, something seemed to be amiss
Thought what exactly, I knew not
Thus, in a trap was I caught
Because I cared for you
Much more than you cared for me

Eventually, the  marriage, which had been delayed indefinitely
Finally took place
Though on a small scale
So relieved was I
That we had finally become a couple
On an official basis, that is!!
However, again something was amiss
Having a sustained conversation with you
Turned out to be even more difficult
Than handling a venomous snake!!
What really took the cake
Was the fact that you kept saying
That it would take some time
For us to get to that stage
Something that could have filled me with rage
But didn't, since by now you had me under your thumb!!

All in all, far from happy was I
Still, nothing on Earth could have prepared me
For the shock that was about to follow
And from then, a changed person were you
As possessive as Lavender Brown
And as cunning as a serpent
You made me repent
For my mistake of marrying you
You even tried to turn me
Against my own family
Not to mention, one of my best friends
So, it was a massive relief
When this whole thing came to an end
Even as I continued to be numb with disbelief!!

While the eventual divorce process turned out to be rather tedious
You continued to be obnoxious
Draining us of four lakhs
For absolutely not fault of ours
And leaving on me scars
Which might take forever to heal!!

Before I met you
Sorted, was my life
You ruined it, by becoming my wife
However, I am stronger than you may think
And have achieved a lot more in life
Than you are even capable of achieving!!
So, you may keep dreaming
But just remember one thing
If you try to cheat others
It will end up making matters worse
Not for them
For YOU!!

When I met you for the first time
It could hardly be called "love at first sight"
But I thought you were a very decent human being
Someone whom I could trust
And after meeting your family
That feeling only deepened
And once we began speaking over the phone
On an almost daily basis
I felt as though we had established some sort of understanding
Therefore, I agreed to marry you
Our engagement was a very simple affair
But I got to know your family better
And after we took you on a tour, the very next day
My emotional attachment towards you only grew
And slowly and steadily
I began to like you in the romantic sense
In fact, I even helped you financially
And it was quite a significant amount
Then we met again
For the purpose of marriage registration
I took you out on a date
And we really enjoyed each other's company
Then the pandemic struck
And things were never the same again
Our marriage was postponed indefinitely
Naturally, you were very upset
But to start ignoring me and my family completely
Was way out of line
Nevertheless, we thought you needed some space
Hence we didn't complain
However, after you started speaking to me again
I noticed a significant change
You were not as enthusiastic
As you used to be earlier
And you were free to talk only after 9 PM
These were all red flags
But my heart couldn't acknowledge that
And I thought things would eventually work out
After we finally got married
How wrong I was!
I gave you as much attention as I could
Which included watching serials along with you
Frankly speaking, I have never been a fan of Indian serials
But I made an effort, just for your sake
I even combed my hair the way you suggested
And grew a beard and moustache
Even though I usually prefer to be clean shaven
I did all this
So that we could develop a deeper bond
And more importantly, you could be happier
But did you truly care?
Every time I made an effort to start a conversation
You told me the same thing
That is, we would eventually talk more over time
Your coldness was killing me from inside
But I kept mum
Because I thought you truly cared for me
The way I cared for you
Again, how wrong I was!!
You spent more time on the phone
Than talking to me
You even had the nerve
To mock my tummy
Usually I am very sensitive about such things
But I controlled my feelings
Again, for your sake!!
You were in bed most of the time
Of course, that was understandable to a certain extent
Because you were pregnant
But to protest every time I called you for dinner
Was simply too much
Nevertheless, I truly loved you
Hence, I made excuses for you
From time to time
Even after the shocking results of the ultrasound test
I believed that you were innocent
And that you were being discriminated against
On the basis of class and caste
When my best friend tried to open my eyes
To the hard and cold reality
That lay before me
You got super possessive
And forced me to stop talking to her
Meanwhile, your best friend tried to brainwash me
As to your innocence
And both of you did your very best
To try and turn me against my family
Because of you, I was trapped in a prison
And had no idea how to escape
Until you finally admitted your wrongdoings
But you still had the nerve
To ask us to take you back
After all that you did
And, worst of all, you lied about me
To my mother and my best friend
And played the victim card
I loved you and you betrayed me
But that is only the tip of the iceberg
You took advantage of my autism
And manipulated me in such a manner
That it destroyed my self-confidence
I was in a state of depression
For more than a month
And had to go through a rather painful divorce process
During which, you played not only the victim card
But also the caste card
And on top of that
Your cunning lawyer tried to deceive you
In order to obtain a truckload of cash
And it was us who set things right
By convincing you to go for mutual consent
Nevertheless, we still had to pay you four lakhs
On "humanitarian" grounds
And you never returned the jewels we gave you
Anyway, you may now be leading a normal life
Like any other person
Who knows, you might even have got married again
There is absolutely nothing to stop you
From telling people a pack of lies about our divorce
However, as long as I live
I can never forgive you
For using me the way you did
And throwing my love back on my face
There is a famous quote
"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"
Well, it applies to men too
Especially me

All of us, at some stage or the other
Have had certain experiences
Which have changed our lives forever
For the better, or for the worse
Of course, if it were the latter
We would have developed scars
Some of these scars
Take as much time to heal
As it takes, to place a human being on the Moon!!

Look at me, for example
Happy being single, at the age of thirty
Except for some work stress, of course
All it took, for everything to change
Was that infernal M-word

Well, it was but natural
That I would be apprehensive at first
However, as I got to know the girl
My heart told me
That I was on the right track

A couple of meetings
At my place
And then at her place
Followed by a month full of daily phone calls
And my decision was made

Our engagement was quite the tiny affair
My heart though, told me
That we were a cute couple
My brain was sure not
Of course, you all know
That I always follow my heart
And so it was, in this case too

Well, there were a few red flags
However, overruled was my brain, once more
On a roll, was my heart
I had everything in life
Or so did I think

Just was I getting ready
To tie the knot
When the pandemic struck
Suddenly, did everything look uncertain

So upset did my fiancee become
She stopped talking to me
Nor was my family spared
Though hardly was it our fault

Well, after a week or so
The silence was finally broken
However, never were things the same again

Often would we run out of topics to discuss
Except for a few mundane ones
For instance, what we had for dinner etc etc
And would she make herself available
Only around 9 PM
This was but a red flag
Which did I fail to recognise, yet again
Because she had lost her job, due to COVID19

As always, did my heart overrule my brain, yet again
And thus did we go ahead with the wedding
Much to my relief, must I say
Since it was but almost five months
Post that accursed lockdown

So, again did I think
That I had everything in life
How wrong was I to be

Right from the beginning
Her lack of interest was obvious
Even on my birthday
Did she fail to spend time with me
However, as always
Did my heart give her the benefit of doubt
Paying absolutely no heed
To the objections raised by my poor brain

Well, this was just the tip of the iceberg
Compared to what was about to follow
When her infidelity was exposed
Never once, did she let me out of her sight
Far from not showing interest
Did she become super possessive
As sudden as a heart attack

My best friend did her best to warn me
Which only ended up turning my wife
Into a jealous ******
Forcing me to cut my bestie off
Which was but one of the worst moments
In my entire life

However, so determined was my best friend
That she gave up not
And, along with my sister
Ended up saving me from total disaster

Though I was ultimately relieved
My now estranged wife's behaviour
Still did prove to be enough
To induce in me, a state of depression
Which lasted for more than a month

Apart from my best friend
And a few close relatives
No one was to know this
Thus, every time was the topic of my marriage raised
Did I have to keep up the facade
And pretend everything was fine
Which failed not, to **** me from the inside

Also, it helped not
That, tedious to the extreme
Was the divorce process
Not to mention, getting further delayed
Thanks to that infernal pandemic

Nor did it help
That my to-be-divorced wife
Threw a few tantrums
Every now and then
In the form of a few messages
Which reeked of utter desperation
Also was I forced, by my lawyer
To maintain a strict silence
Even if it, as always
Killed me from the inside

There was but a silver lining
In all this darkness
Finally, did my brain come to the fore
After being overruled many a time
By my rather naive and impulsive heart

Well, ultimately was the divorce done
But not before we were forced
To pay that wretched girl
A frigging four lakhs
On "humanitarian" grounds
That too, after her outrageous refusal
To return all the jewellery
That we had bestowed upon her
Out of sheer love and compassion

Well, this entire experience has failed not
To leave inside me a few scars
That run rather deep
And may take as much time to heal
As it does for England
To win a Football World Cup!!

My therapist calls this experience "traumatic"
I agree not with her
However, I can equally deny not
That it has indeed affected my life
In a rather adverse manner
My self-confidence, in particular
Has taken a bigger beating
Than did Pakistan's bowlers yesterday
At the hands of Warner and Marsh!!

Yes, we must indeed embrace our scars
However, to expect that to happen
Within a span of two years
Is like asking India to win a Football World Cup
Given that, at present
They are not even able to qualify in the first place!!

Yes, we must indeed embrace our scars
Because they doth prepare us
For mightier challenges ahead
And life is full of such things
However, the first thing to do
Would be, to accept them in the first place
And more importantly, acknowledge them
Because, only when are we kind to ourselves
Can we truly heal
And this doth apply
Even to the tiniest of wounds!!

These love filled pools of your eyes
I would forsake my life for them
intoxicating like lakhs of goblets of wine
these love filled pools of your eyes

Roses of love blossom in your cheeks
the audacious wind dances kissing your lips
the faint smile that is hinted by your lips
is one for which lovers would willingly die
these love filled pools of your eyes

Your youth is as pure and daring as drops of rain
wonder how many secrets your thoughtless, languid, eyelashes contain
waves of the river maybe likened to your walk
looking at its gracefulness, others would stand still
these love filled pools of your eyes

Your form, like a doe, is innocent and playful
your spirit is fragrant as a branch laden with flowers
your hair spill into waves and coil serpentine
looking at them, could you tell me why not to bear lovesickness?
these love filled pools of your eyes

ये प्यार भरे आँखों के प्याले
इनपर है कुर्बान मेरी जाँ,
लाखों-लाखों मधुशालें
ये प्यार भरे आँखों के प्याले।

प्रणय पुष्प का लाल रंग गालों पर खेल रहा झूम-झूम,
झूम रहा गुस्ताख पवन तेरे मस्त लबों को चूम-चूम,
ईन चटख गुलाबी होठो पर पतली सी मुस्कान है जो,
इस मुस्कान के कारण तो मीट-मीट जाएँ दिलवाले,
ये प्यार भरे आँखों के प्याले......

सावन के उच्चश्रृंखल बूंदों सा यौवन है बेबाक तेरा,
बेपरवाह अलसाये पलकों में जाने कितना राज भरा,
चंचल सरिता की इठलाती लहर सी मतवाली तेरी चाल है जो,
देख के ऐसी चाल को दिलवर ठिठके ना क्यूं चलने वाले,
ये प्यार भरे आँखों के प्याले.....

अल्हड़ वन हिरनी सी चंचल कमनीय कमर मलवाली,
सुरभित हो तुम ऐसे जैसे लदी फूलों की डाली,
नागिन जैसे इतराते बलखाते तेरे काले केश हैं जो,
देख इन्हें तुम ही कहो क्यों रोग मोहब्बत का ना पालें,
ये प्यार भरे आँखों के प्याले...........

English translation is given by Karishma ji
Thanks to her

Or, I Loved You.

The clouds did not look in any way oppressed that morning
when a table held teacups and saucers all scattered about,
Staining light brown on the fine bone china.
Scraping cutlery, cutting deep.
Leaves of a crisping newspaper thumbed through.
Polite guffaws and 'gentle' conversation.
A man lay out a map
at the table and smoothed it down.

Slurp, clink, ah.

Whips lash, sweat breaks.
     Backs break.
Skin glistens, brown grunts muffle into screams across millions of miles.
Lakhs of kilometres?
It's the weather that's oppressive, I'm sure.
     while: "Spices and gold b y  t h e  f i s t f u l,
                  get your bags of gold and spices here!"

Tea, poured into saucers from cups.
Thickly accented words, in a foreign dialect,
sitting oddly on strange, dark tongues.
Men that, years later, were imprisoned for keeping silent
Hanged those that did not.
What are we aping?, echoing in the streets.

Shattered cups and splintered saucers,
strewn neglected on the ground.
A heel crushes out a stub of ashy clove
and the bitter smell of stale coffee
lingers overheard.

When I left forever what I had with me was nothing..
Remembering the past I had no single day taking rest..
My days were filled with conferences, appointments and parties..
Spending lakhs per month for my pet dog is the happiest thing I ever did.
Turning face away from the needy became my daily routine.
Seeing people eating from the trash  or sleeping with stray dogs never made my heart broken.
When ugly hands came in through the glass asking to feed the starved,
I feared if the ***** hands touch my white silky cloths.
So I looked up to see the signal light turning green and to accelerate my high-end car, while loads of delectable foods were thrown out of my bunglow untasted.
Leading such a royal life did never remind me the value of humanity.
I thought my life remain luxurious forever .
Moving fast again rose the numbers of my lockers but couldn't see that the signal was red once.
I saw everyone running away from me taking my lockers' key when I fell out of the window.
Drenched in red I saw no dark clouds coming together to shed tears letting my silky cloths become white.
I kept mum and listened everywhere.
Heard only silence.
No weeping no sorrows.
They placed a white towel on my face so not even a single kiss of them made me wake up.
I rememebered the day my mom read psalm 49 for me.
Tears cascaded my cheeks for the first time.
Lying in the dark narrow suffocated box I requested them
"Be my hands out of the coffin ! Let others know what I take with me is nothing."
--Wake up and be kind--

One....., two......, five......, ten.....,
I count this over and over again.

twenty....., fifty......, one hundred......., and two......,
how many times you said that you loved me true.

one thousand....., six hundred....., and five.....,
how many times you stood there and lied.

four billion....., nine thousand....., six hundred.....,and ten.....,
how many chances I've given you over and over again.

eleven million....., six billion....., nine million......,then some,
how many feelings have you undone.

seven lakhs....., nine hundred......, five lakhs to read,
with this breakup will forever bleed

although it was not all before,
and it can't be ever restored.

Yesterday while sitting at the doorsteps of my house, my eyes fell upon a girl
Standing few yards away, wearing a frock with twirl.
Face withered as a rootless sapling, and curly was her hair
Shabby was her appearance, feet rough and bare.
Moistened were her eyes, down was her head
She looked famished, and deprived of bread.

Her gleaming and glittering eyes, melted my heart
In a flash, my soul was torn apart.
I went to her, and asked her name
She wanted to tell but couldn't exclaim.
I gently held her skinny handand asked again
She told her name, and shared her pain.
I sat with her like a five year old child
Her voice was tender, meek and mild.
Her little eyes were wet, staring at me blankly
Gotoverwhelmed by her words, that she told me frankly.

What is this COVID 19? why are we in lockdown?
My family has nothing to eat, what'shappening all around?
Lakhs of people are affected, hundreds are dying
Since yesterday I haven't had anything, therefore I am crying.
Her face had blank expressions, tears welled up her eyes
When will this problem end? How did it arise?

I had kept mum, and patiently listened to her
This epidemic is transient, soon we'd conquer.
With a smiling face, I assured that girl
Never cry again, tears are precious like pearl
The core of my heart shattered,and soul was crushed
Blood rushed through my veins, and face got flushed
I gave her some money, and some fruit
She smiled tenderly, and looked very cute
I bade adieu to the girl, she rushed from there
I felt in my heart, that I had done something fair.