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idyllicrainydays Mar 2015
Howcome you find it so easy to let go of me?
   You didn't even fought for me to stay.
Even if I'm the one who's gonna leave,
    I didn't find it easy leaving you.

In the days like this that I'm not sure,
     If you really liked me or it's just for show.
But this spark in my heart is real,
     And i think it will take centuries to disappear.
Aarya Jan 2014
To be truthful, I have never understood why
So many of us have crave to look this way
Tell me that this really is not what we
Consider to be beautiful, but in fact
I think it looks rather sickening
Someone please tell me
why such a need
and urgency
to be shaped as this?
I don’t understand why
An empty stomach is worth such a
Thin waist, and thousands of money on
Transplants and surgeries are of such high
Value to you. Do you feel beautiful? Do you
Feel accepted in society? Because this is shaped like
This and this is shaped like that? Howcome you allow yourself
To fall to such conformism in a society that makes you need to be
Molded in a certain way; I think that the only curves you need to worry
About is the one on your face. Smile and I promise you that it will be more
Beautiful and worthy than such a rotten shape that you work too hard to preserve
AFJ Mar 2015
Goodbyes are never good.
And hellos are never hell...
Well..
Howcome its always hard to tell?

When i met Amy..
she waved, like the ocean in the horizon view.
i mean, picture a Goddess herself, locking her eyes on you,
hypnotizing you,
Telling you all infinity lies in you,
Her heart hides in you,
Her vocal tone rises you...
Like the tide..

under the horizon view..

but her theory was dark. Like the side of the moon we don't see..
Weird, *** most of the time she was joyous and joke-sy.

But she had a mental intent.
to rent, an individuals mind until her emotion was spent.

Pitched up her tent,
Now she lives in my head.
i cant get rid of her, feeling blue when shes wearing red.
i cant get ahead..

i need her,
I bleed her.
i read her.
i see her.
She runs thru my mind mind so much,
even my feet hurt.

but shes evil.
Reveling in my chaos and depression.
her sole mission is to leave me well wishin..
fishing for hope, with nothing in my view.
except the horizon.
i cant forget her eyes'n....
the way she caressed my hand in the midst of my anger.
but its sad to say her theory just brings me danger..

she says she cant be happy if im happy.

i cant believe she can say that,
I mean,
sure shes a Ten..
sure shes a friend..
sure when i ask her to come over she always says, when..
i mean i dont ever wanna put her down...
Amy's my PEN.
the pen that stood beside me when i wrote my lifestory.
the pen that stays truthful even if it gets gory.
the pen that keeps me sane and even takes over for me,
The pen that allows me the hope to reach glory..and see..
the same pen that forces me write daily im trapped,
Confined in this desk, Hennessy spilled on my lap,
lost in life, blank map im tryna fill in the gap,
Last thing i needs a fucken object that keeps giving me crap!

Still ill love her forever, and never ever leave, thatll never occur...
my pen, i named her amy and sometimes i feel that i write for her.



-afj
Cecilie Engelund Jun 2015
Every time I'm on my own I feel lost, does that mean I'm twisted?
Even tough I feel lost I don't crave company. Is that twisted?
Howcome I feel this empty with no one by my side?
Why can't I be on my own without this feeling?
I hate this. I hate that I need company to feel alive. I hate that in order to make decisions I need people's opinion. I hate everything about the way I'm living right now. I hate it.
But am I being twisted for feeling like this?
Camilla Nov 2013
I promised myself I would not write to you again.
But how can I? Barely breathing with the weight of your shadow upon me, I can't help but think about you.
When the thinking gets too heavy to endure, I write. I hadn't written in a long time.
But howcome everytime you come around I just get a desperate need to write about you, and only you?
And over all, why do you keep coming around? I mean nothing to you and I suppose you thought you didn't mean to me too.
Maybe now you know. And maybe now you will never come back around. And as sad as this makes me, I can't do anything about it. I will never allow myself to call you or search for you. I will think about you and how I miss you and how I miss your smile, your voice, your touch. But then again I will have to force myself to remember how I hate what you do to me, how I hate what you do to her, how I hate all of your lies and how I am just sick of the bad person you act like you are.
There is the problem: I know you're just pretending. Deep down your heart is huge, and although your hunger for women is insatiable, I prefer to believe that you lie simply out of instinct.
You've been hurt and you have loved. You know what it feels like. Even so, you keep hurting people who care about you.
I never gave you a reason to treat me in any way other than the way you do, like I don't deserve nothing.
But I gave you my most sincere words, thoughts and confessions. I opened up my heart to you and so did you. This got lost somewhere between your myriad of lies, but I know it existed at some point.
As hard as it is to admit, I let you into my heart. Silently, so not you or anyone would notice. Maybe not even me.
It's hard to admit, but I'm just trying to forget.
I'm writing to let it out.

I hope you're happier in her arms.
K Alexys Sep 2015
something really bad took place.
wasnt the first time it happened.
you can tell by the event i am not the same.
i wont bother smiling or laughing.
nobody will believe me
simply because i couldnt count
how many times these things
happen to me and look now...
im ****** up.
im worthy of every pleasure
but love.
howcome its so hard to care for me?
even i cant do it enough to be smart.
why is it impossible to be there for me?
maybe cuz i been through too ******* much...
i cant handle another crack in my chest.
i cant keep another secret for anyone elses

best interest

i cant ******* sleep at night so im deprived of rest that i need cuz i cant live with life being so...
unfair...

do i really put myself in these situations?

theres nothing that hasnt happened to me that i wasnt able to get away from.

yet im still running and the problems are chasing...

and they're all right there i didnt know they were waiting...

i cant think of suicide one more ******* time.
i cant ignore the fact that every one thinks every word i say is a lie.

i cant live with myself being the most ****** up when all i ever do is help every one else...

why do i feel so compelled to make others happy...

when inside its ******* killing me its ******* tearing at me...

im falling apart in my own head i really am..
i cant live through another fall i just cant...
i feel so dead inside and its bound to show itself.
if it hasnt already.
i need to get something to help me survive.
if life'll let me.

theres nothing in this world or out that could put me together in one piece again...

the contemplation of wanting to continue this life breaks the peace again....

everything was settling down and my thoughts were finally silent

until the gun shots went off trigger to my head and it was me behind it.
The man in the raincoat tuts and mutters
stares at he puddles that form in the street
that splash up upon his cold angry feet
from the gathering streams that flow in the gutters

Tomorrow s a time like far away
and memory a knife like ice
and hope a sun to sink again
when London winter clips the skin

He turns again the pavement then
spins up glaring like a grimace
and thinking of some fonder place
he ascends the creaking stairs to the kitchen

Water boiled for tea and heat
he hates the furniture and tends
to wait for some fair-weather friend
the window rataplans with wind and wet.

Murdering a cigarette
in the saucer filled with ends
They say that God is always good
so howcome  it rain on weekends ?

Copyright London 1990
(10 Shades of Blue)
I give up, the pain was
gained.
I grew up from the bottom
of the soil,
not heavy, just weighty

How many sand does a sack, on the scale of 10kgs cost, no idea,
just so many crystals could build
a sculpture or a plant right down from a seed.

Dogs and Squirrels got to have the same taste,
and I do mean same taste, Doggy Carnivore,
crazy over bones.
Mousy mousy love them acorns,
sometimes I wonder why they live in trees???

Sometimes you have to stick to your roots like glue.
These blue boots called Timberlands,
has a name, a brand, that's like a grand stand,
Who ever joins themselves as an alliance,Me,
Myself and I

(15 Shades of Green)
Break through, Breakdown, Broken down
and broken hearts
Clueless faces, loose lace on my sneakers, sneak my feet through the beat, I'm beat down.
I need oxygen, I can't breathe from all these burdens.

Five more years, until I live a quarter century,
This has to be amazing, I'm amazed by growth,
like they had everything destructable for me,
but what can I say.
At the end of the day.
I'm the Superman immune to Kryptonite, only one thing kills me, and That's Life.

Whilst I **** death, no ducks from life,
whom ever transfer ****.
****** life, ****** person, I'm double crossed,
what I wanted, my existence  turnt out white,
vision amids to the negative turnt out black,
numb and dumb, how painful.

**** disposed amongst violets and roses,
now I smell good, but they say I'm cute and a sweet little baby,
howcome do I know so much that everyone
has to experience, but one observation and creation has no power over me,
so I let my light shine in Reign, no pain in vein.

(15 Shades of Yellow)
My Religion is my dream,
loyalty, I possess.
The power from my Royalty is golden.
What's mine is mine,
don't forget to nine what you want, own that with a passion.

From the globe, that's called, world how heavy the gravity.
Well with the chick I attract,
I'm just lookin' for Isaac Newton to Discover me, like a God, creation is my ammunition.
Invention is my Intervention, so
I defined, and refined, Profound, Freedom to the end.

Pathological, no Psychos out here be killin' me.
I'm Insane.
Stick to my roots,
I love boots, I'm Sick!

Tick in the cheque box,
Maybe you'll get rich.
Out of Nowhere you see gold as money,
But the health in the wealth got you buzzin' like Bee Movie.

(10 Shades of Red)
My back fills, tight and struck from a Blood Suckers evidence,
leaking to death.
The antidote I'm searching for is at a local store,
where a secret agency connects me to clinics to Read my vitality status.
I felt weak, I'm sneaking through the window,
so that nobody could ever see me leave.
Now they looking for me, I was reported missing.
Paint vivid Pictures, in all your Poems.
Artistry is Key.

— The End —