Im so Alone..     ..... .on my own .
Im bent....Iam spent..... darkness my only friend.
Another secret we will share.
Inot sure when and I dont know where.
But I dont care. Im glad Im there.
It    Whispers  Images that come in waves...
Each appearing  in it own unique way.
In a  vibrant white and yellow glow..
A silhouette of a man...   I do not know.
The outline of a  very high bridge....
That spans across a narrow ridge.
Letters, numbers a bass guitar....
A lined highway road that  goes straight ,very far.

Each image manifests,and dissipates...
into the pitch black, empty space.
Illuminated in electric light.
Shifting shape before my eyes.
They see all ,theyre opened wide.
What happened to gravity.?Why do they glide?


What I thought was a loud buzzing hum...
Accompanied  by the pound of a  drum.
Is  the silence that  echos in  my head.
 It courses my   veins...Like the blood I have bled.
Only it  holds me here instead,as if im incased  in a ton of lead
To  my bed and pillow held under this weight.
 Only I could be fragile glass about to break
Until  I reminded myself that what I feel is fake.
Then my mind is pulled to a quiet hush. 
Where my  head sinks down in  inviting plush

Suddenly I feel as if  I'm floating  in time.....   
Forward yet I'm moving into mine.
Theses images -that  continue to fade in....  
Then changing as it fades right back out again.
 While others make there way with a pop
That flashes  down low and shifts up to the top....
And lingers for a moment til its shape forms  another to take its place.
 What omce  vague I come to realize that what actually fades in and out is  I.
In and out but forward into myself .I wonder how thought  it was anything else.
 Am I in flight or am I floating ...into the images I go through.?
Should I question if what I see if false or true?
I won't look down for fear the view.
It might will let me drop and'.I dont know if I want to start.

As I go forward   into my self I move  on- In this current  Im carried it pulls me  along .
Through a timeless space of nowhere.
Every thing is as meaningful  as it  is pointless  there.
 I m drifting.... I drift in a slow steady pace. 
Not just watching .....but Ive become part of the space 
Not only within.... but all over the place.

Interacting with each scene - that I see - as I glide.
Looking from inside .....but also within.
When what I watch ends....another begins.

As if it is the most normal thing in my whole life
What seems strangely familiar, Is too vague to realize.
While It escapes all  logic  Its so incredibly wise.
I even ask myself not to believe my eyes.
But Im true to myself I tell no lies.?..Not this time....
Not  to me myself and I.
I f  there were times , surely, this is not one.
  I see myself  doing things I've done
 And doing these things.... things I'd never do.
Yet Im continueing to do them all the way through.
And Im feeling the same emotions I see me haveing too.
They come and go as quickly as what surrounds me.
Whatevers around me..
. Laughter, surprise,embarrassment they go on and on.... 
Anger, contentment.....but  I feel mostly mostly calm.
  In a hum of  energy that  sometimes snaps and sparks.
But It continues in motion even when I dont want it.
 In a current pulled away  but within it ....Im on it.

In a flash I stop. It lets me drop...
With that halt - I m in a fall .
Gravity ****** me heavily away.
It pulls my body and stretches my face.....
It tosses my tummy like a carnival ride.
And me, with this awful fear of heights...
Thats when I remember- I know how to fly.
I dont end in a crash....I soar to  the skies....
Im an expert at this I barely have to try.

I feel so safe, so free from harm.Oh great ,Whats the noise coming out of my arm?
I this sound ,'What is it ?
Why...thats my alarm!!!
                       Eyes open wide.What a ride!
MEDITATION Astro glide.
    
                                      

                        ­          -

yeah im having a bad day
actually im haveing a bad week
no actually im having a bad month
maybe even a bad year
but thats ok
because i know oneday
maybe in a year
or in 5
maybe even in 10
that ill have a good life

I cant help it.
being short of breath
Being light headed
Haveing my hands shake so much I need to hold on to
any surface I can reach.

I can't help it
Getting confused
Getting jittery
If I dont get my daily dose of you.

I stutter or mumble if someone asks me about you
I constantly day dream of you.
of every thing you've said to me
Everything we've done together

I cant help feeling
like my souls found its better half.
like ive found my better half

I cant help
anticipating what comes next
Because I know you will be there next to me.

We used to be friends
       Now your lost in my heart
                Only if that night never happened
I miss your hugs, and your touch
       The one thing i hate is haveing to see you everyday.
               I hate being called your name
Our last hug was an awkward one
        I've had a crush on you for awhile
               That night on the bus was fun
Truth or dare doesnt last forever
           I had a feeling this would fail
               But i was hoping it would last forever
Now our fling is gone and you took our friendship with you :(

I can see myself a NHL hockey player
I can see me haveing millions of fans
I can see me scoreing the game winning goal


We will all see me as a superstar
We will all see a huge smile on my face when I win the Stanley cup
We will all hear the crowd chanting my name


You feel like a god at the end of the day for giving that kid your autograph
You feel completed when your coach tells you great game kid
You feel amazed at the end of the day for who you are

I read and reread
Again and a again
Each time finding something new
Each time wondering about somthing different
When I can't think
When I can't clear my head
When I'm bored
When I need inspiration
When I'm haveing a bad day
Or when I'm in an awkward social situation
I scroll down as far as it will load
Then I start to read
I could read almost anything you've written a thousand times and never get bored
I wish I could write them all down and make a book
I'd call it the The Golden One and take it with me where ever I go
There's somthing more comforting about pulling out a book instead of a phone

Thinking about her , everyday and everynight , its like  being followed , I try so much to get her off my mind , but I can't , she is just there , everything I do reminds me of her , when I sleep she is in my dreams , when I'm awake I wonder how she is , I miss her company ,  her by my side , the sound of her laugh ,  the sight of her smile , both beautiful things like herself , I just can't stop , I wish I could just fly away , both of us and be together , but its impossible , mehhh ..... She's all I can think about , maybe its  because I felt love , I knew it was gonna end , but I loved her and wanted to make it last , and it did bit now I'm broke like an old record , what do I do , everygirl I see  I want them to be her ,  I miss her , just everything about her , the memories just keep flowing through my mind like a raging river , the photos I see make me smile , I look so happy , from haveing the best birthday in the last 5 years , to looking at the photo we last took togather ,  I'm excited to see her again but also nervouse I wonder if she misses me , or if she dosent even think of me , I don't know anymore , I just want time to play its game faster so mabey one day ill end up with her or I won't.... ,  I just want to know and I can't stop thinking I miss her ....

Did you ever cut your skin? Not just the surface but the layers under nether. The important stuff. Whell if you haven't it's kinda scary. You know it's ganna be bad because it didn't start bleeding yet. I have a stabb wound in the middle of my hand. My whole hand is swollen. I can't move my fingers and inch by inch my pigment is turning black with shades of purple and red. It reminds me of a darkest sunrise, the way the clouds hold liquid colors that no one has been able to recreate such beauty. My hand hurts ... Bad but you know what really hurts haveing someone you thought cared treat you like ****. someone that made you feel like it was ok for once but then turns into pain that doesn't feel like a knife It doesn't feel the a stabb but it feels the the biggest stabb in the back. I'm not the same person you once know there's a lot of **** that has changed and no it's not for the better you should be scared because the stabb wound in my hand hurts but I don't mine it... I can barly move it and it doesn't bother me. I'd rather be stabbed in the hand and take injury to me body than take your ******* **** and a famous pop punk band once said "we are never ganna be the same again, burry me I'm not your friend."

Trying to find the right passage in every verse that leads to the better ending
The one where all the characters survive with peace of mind, no consultation
I can't keep consantration
I need to keep this pace
No hesitation
Keep turning the page no matter what bookmarks get in the way
I'm a none believer in the yelnats curse
I need to keep this pace
Every unpronounceable word like a three legged race
My body is screaming determination while my mind is saying just give up
Sometimes the screams black out the counterparts but sometimes it's just not enough
I'll make it through these mind fields
Take a chance on these steady hands
Keep turning the page no matter what book marks get in the way
I find no refuge in the blurb on the back
I feel the nostalgia of being at school and not haveing the best grasp on life to tell the truth
I know it sounds strange but I'm getting the hang of turning the page

We live a life were..
   Kids are distracted from crying by phones
      A little kid knows the moms password be for he can speak
  Were kids instead of going outside
We'll they'd rather stay in,
     Playing on Facebook or Twitter
Whatever that is.
And I'll admit I spend some of my time
   On my Facebook doing nothing
But scrolling down.
Being board
     When we all could go out and bike
Or skate, or take a walk
     When instead of useing our phones
Witch is a trapped society in its own
    We could ask a stranger for directions
   We could use what god has given us
It's called speech and our hands
  Use the words you know
Or the hands to sign.
Put the phone and the laptops down
   Take in the relization
That there's a world to be descoverd
Look at the sky and listen to the birds  
   Not saying musice is bad becase I'm **** to say it's something I love
   But putting it aside the other day
I relized just how much I missed..
Just being out side.
Yea......
This is our society
We can always change it
     But not unless we want to
So instead of haveing your musice in
Or being on Facebook
Or twitter or other media sites
Go be with a Frieand
Go for a walk and talk
Like when you were 10
Playing out side on the playground
Amazing your never to old for that :)
   Don't listen to the haters
Belive in what you want and go have a good time with some Frieands
I know our parents always Say stranger danger
     But howed you get to know the kids you call friends now?
Good luck out there and smile tomorrow's a new day it isent over.

it hurts
it hurts seeing you
it hurts seeing you in old pics
it hurts so bad
it hurts not knowing if your happy with me
i cant take it no more
i dont want to do this any more
i dont want to brake ur hart
it hurts so bad
it hurts not haveing you
it hurts being with out you
IT HURTS NOT KNOWING IF YOUR HAPPY WITH ME AT ALL

Sometimes the only pay off
For haveing any faith
Is when it’s tested again, and again every day.

i sit still in my room
haveing planned out
my future

believing
i have a gift to predict it

i sit still in my mind
as the light
of the hopefulness
slowly fades

to a flicker in the sky
far away

Today I had my first kiss,
It lasted about a second, but it was such bliss.
My face grew hot and red,
Fog filling my head.
My eyes grew wide,
My heart jumping inside.
My cheek he gave a peck,
While my head was nestled by his neck.
I tried to return the gesture,
Then he tricked me like a jester.
He kissed me gently but quickly,
My stomach felt tickly.
I love him with all my heart,
And I know we'll never be apart.
Holding his hand,
It’s like haveing my own private island.
He’s my world,
My emotions always in a whirl.
I wish I could be with him every minute,
I stand by his side every second I get.
He was my first kiss,
And I will always remember this.

What's the difference?

If any then there's plenty

Of many tears shared

Wear none of the brand labor

All my **** was hand me down

Thundercats drawers brawling in the halls

Four in the afternoon call for a ride home

Having poured from my cup a better potion

Love is a mixture of pain

Fed through a line in my vain

Of in these waken hours

Haveing to make believe in a convenient lie told

It's the old routine of long rides on short bus

Pride is usually just some cheap trinket pull out of pockets and shown

Once had a colorful backpack that had a blue dinosaurs on it with sunglasses

There was no running in the hall

A converted stager closet was my homeroom

The Image stuck in my head of bottles label with crossbones in the corner

The owners of what will become my inherit hurt

It not worth much these days

Said an old Jewish man at the pawn shop

He told me of the fights he once had in his front lawn as a boy

And sold me a toy gun

I talk funny and was thought of as queer

Left here cause I wasn't right

Led to believe that my existing was the product of American greatness

Said that if this was China I would be abraded at the age of twelve

If ever you could be love without never wanting to know pain

They mainstream you

Pick you first for their team

You ask a girl out on a whim

Her words wasn't meant to be kind

You hide behind head nods

Finding excuses not to read out loud

Used the one where there's something in your eye

And in the boys stall you stood till they call upon who ever next

Backwards written text

You're package as special

Lucky if you meet minimum wage of the age eighty

Taught by teachers that we was the product of crack fiends parents

Why even bother with college?

The fatherless ******* of slaves owners

A truth known to whites and blacks alike

Those of who you claim lack your intellect

Tell of none of my hurt

A lone inhabitant of a bitter earth

I bit of it sour fruit

Pour a cup of tea

That was neither hot or cold

I hold it to my lips

It not warmth or comfort I seek

But rather an uninvited truth

All that's known are the inherit lies of a puppet frog

For I am not the owner of sorrow but rather the borrower

Waiting for tomorrow as it only a day away

Who might I be then

A me that's slow but yet still flow from a stream out into a river

For I am the son who's the giver of his mother love

None of your words will be the sum of my faults

The vault that seal such memories that pain

And the healing words of a cartoon turtle

No matter how slow I travel I near ever closer in my journey