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KnudsonK Feb 6
There I  was at Death's door,
I recognized it from years before-
I yelled," Hey it's me  again."
I heard "Hey Me,where the hell ya been?"@
KnudsonK Mar 2020
Alone one egg can be a meal.

Alone I can watch whatever I want on tv,
And no one is tellimg me to change the station.
Alone I can turn off the tv and read a book,
And no one is telling me to turn out the light.
Alone I can turn on the radio and sing as loud as I want to,
And no one is telling me I sing off key.
Alone I could stay up all night if I feel like it,
And no one is telling me to come to bed.
Alone I can sleepon which ever side of the bed Id like,
Icould run through the house naked ,screaming at the top of my lungs and no one would ever hear me.
I could curse outloud for just no reason what so ever.
I don't have to worry about putting onnmy makeup.
I dont even have to comb my hair.
Or put the cap back on the toothpaste
Alone I could eat a whole pint of icecream all to myself,
And  nobody would ever even know...
Or care.....
And alone....I....
....and I'm alone......
.........and I hate it!!
KnudsonK Feb 2020
Hide and Seek.....

  ..... Is no fun-


When they all go home....




    .....and leave you hiding!!
KnudsonK Feb 2020
There is sometimes-
   A Lock & Key....
  Between Heart.

That can only
   Be opened-
With a Word....
  If its Heard.

So-
   Dont Ask Me to Talk....
       ........Just LISTEN!!!
KnudsonK Feb 2020
There must be
     some measure
                of pleasure
                           in losing--
.......why else would anyone play solitaire?
KnudsonK Feb 2020
I found the Valentine you gave me in 2015,
Just a month before you "CONTRACTED THE 'MAN-MADE' AIR BORNE VIRUS (That everyone is exposed to but, that effects everyone differently )
In your case it effected your immune system to attack your own heart."
By the time we go to the Emergency Room they said that the damage done could not be repaired  and your heart was only functioning 10% of what a normal 44 year old. They told us without a heart transplant you were going to die. Then they told us that in order to qualify  for a heart transplant you would have had to be at least  20%or better.  
When the transplant team came in to see you and let you know that they were nolonger going to be a part of your  care...You wouldnt be needing their services. You were all smiles and shook every ones hand. T he phone rang and  you told your boss that " Yeah...the transplant team just left...they said that I dont need them after all... let everybody know and tell them all thanks for the prayers  and well wishes...as soon as they get me out of  ICU they will be allowed to vist."  You said you didnt know yet when but you'd call as soon as you found out.
You accepted the congradulations your boss made an announcement to your co workers and everybody cheered . "Right On!" Somebody yelled Clapping and whistling" Way to GO!!" We Love you Dave!"GetWell" ...
Love You Guys Ill See You Soon!"

I watched  from my chair by the window.  You with tubes and wires and hoses  hooked up to monitors  beeping and Machines a huge thing cslled a plasma blaster was trying to eliminate every single white blood cell to stop your immune systems attack... it was now after your liver and your kidneys. They were also using chemo . They were doing everything  they  could..
The heart surgeon was standing out side the room trying to get my attention when I caught him waving out the corner of my eye. I nodded to the doctor and raised my index finger  and tilted my head  in your direction.  
  A s I walked over to you  I had tunnel vision  I dont know how my legs were  making strides so that each foot  could rise and  fall  and create a step . All I could see was you with dark circles under both eyes, and sweat beaded  up on your brow and upper lip . A huge smile  the first time you smiled the whole time  wed been there.
 " Honey dial Art's number on speaker phone... I gotta  tell Art."
I dialed the number  and kissed your cheek and said Id be right back I needed to go have a drag off a smoke.
"OKAY ,YEAH ,YEAH GO AHEAD."
It wasn't forty minutes ago that you looked at me  in desparation and fear.
"PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME. PLEASE! Please just stay right here.. hold my hand  and dont let go..
I Promised, "It's  okay " I said, " I will not let you out of my sight. "
I turned to face the door ,still wondering how  my body was managing to function..All I really want3d to do was collaps...curl upand wrap my arms around my legs as tight as I could.
" Please God, Not again.WHY.?? HOW COULD YOU BE SO ******* CRUEL.? What is it that I need to learn for you to stop  hurting me like this??  NO...I GET IT NOW... it's not God at all....but Satan who is doing this...but then where is God??Hello??!! EXCUSE ME.?!!, I could use  a little help here...DO YA MIND.??? YA think maybe just this once,..  oh man....I have lost my mind completely
..this is an hallucination... BAD TRIP,!...... I had already tried  to convince myself that this was all just a crazy dream. Slapping water ******* my face! "COMMON...WAKE THE **** UP"
I Barely noticed the tears had begun to stream down my face. I heard "Hey Bud  Whats  going on we are just pulling into the parking garage,,whats happening now?,?!?!
I wondered what awful news the Dr .  had this time. This ******* was the one who came in to say , Even if we did everything exactly right  we were probly looking at 3 weeks tops  before  it would be  over. " I jumped up off the side of the bed where I was standing guard  and asking what medicine they were giving him ,what was it for, what  could go wrong if he took it what would happ en  if  he didnt.  What their name was, Nurse or doctor?  I had been writing everything down.

.I   startled him too, "ALRIGHT THATS IT,!" I marched to the door hung on to the handle with  one hand and pointed to the hallway with with the other "GET THE **** OUT!!" Who the **** do you think you are? Who the hell does he think he is I said to the nurse as she quickly  darted out into the hallway to the nurses station where all the nurse stood  with shocked looks ontheir faces. "DO YOU HAVE AN OUNCE OF COMPASSION  IN THAT  PEWNIE,LITTLE MAN,SMUG, SO FULL OF YOUR SELF THAT YOU CANT TREAT PEOPLE WITH A LITTLE DIGNITY....NO RESPECT FOR ANYBODY BUT THE GUY WHOSE CALLING THE SHOTS RIGHT.!? DAVE,?
.! Thats it we got to get you the hell out of here these people are ******* sociopaths!!"
  He looked as though they drew straws  to have to come again and he had lost.As long as they didnt stop  you from this tiny bit of hope, you were having ....I could  faintly hear you telling your best friend your great news.... I could hear the confusion in his voice as he questioned you. "What?!?! WAIT..NOW...WHAT DID THEY SAY ...EXACTLY...,!!"  You did say verbatim exactly what they said..To your boss too.
The Doctor had a picture of a human heart  and he is telling me that they  have had success with a mediicine called milrinone ....to help the heart  pump  strong enough  but that it can only be used for a short time and in order to give it a try they  would have to insert a catheter directly into  the small amount of his heart that isnt just dead tissue.."DEAD TISSUE.?? Its just dead??If its dead does that mean its going to rot in there?? Like gain green or something .  Youd going to take him and cut his heart out arent you?!?! Dead Tissue! " I said, Thats *******!! I have never in my life heard EVER of any of this ****!!!"
  " This is up to Dave, You talk...I will translate ...If he doesnr want to do it then we are going to get REAL second opinion!! "
   You were so happy younwerent going to have to have a heart transplanr that you agreed  to the milrinone. . You started feeling pretty good right away.. .They said you could b2 on thw mil3inone 6mo. Then they would wean you off and that would be it.
KnudsonK Feb 2020
Please dont worry.
  Don't be afraid.
You've done your best
  out of this mess...
This so called life
      has made.
Don't be  scared.
Go to the light ...
your angel's waiting there.
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