On Sunday mornings,she would clap her hands  and call on Jesus in Holy joy in church.But selfishness fueld her spirit,this nubile looking princess,who denied  within lust.Yet allowed the daugher of her youth to ride waves of fleshly passion in the bedroom and  moan  loudly next door.Soon,the call to Jesus within her grew faint and she rose up from prayerful knees ,went out into the world again.Casting aside the Savior for white wine and reggae music.And eat the stale apple  pie of indifference with a side order of meat and potatoes of sin.

I step outside taking a deep breath of shimmering heat pollution exhaust fueld by hot air escaping from age old trees that cradle night the open door of morning slams a closing  the house calls a goodbye footsteps slap city asphalt as cross streets draw near  pushing past a maze of houses silent as graves the opening mouth of the bus reaches out cutting off pouring thought crouded flesh with mixed attitude swallow space with indifferent looks time ticks on uncaring

Rain drops dropping on your dry soul
Wet hands now clap of laughter
Low in self-steem now flying higher
Weak in imagination
scared to see a future without her
She is deeper than the ocean floor
You shallow as a river filled with rocks
Emotions fueld by your insecurities
Now you are scared to be
who you are supposed to be
Stagnate in progression so you regress
Take a million steps backwards
Scared to move forward
Fearing the future
lacking the idea of growth
That one knee will never see the floor
Because you can't see a future with her
But you hold on to her like ransome
While her next one is dying to find her
Leave her be so she can be
free to find her one true love
Her next one

there's a jazz bone in my body
it moves with muscles taught to loose
and pull back on reaction
fueld by juice and passion
cooled and smoothd to prove
that what lasts is
momentary
and on the
spot

caught
in
passivity is not
to be mistaken for
sloth

i'll see you at three
the deal's not off

I got a jazz bone
I gotta pick whichyou
I don't know which one
don't know how to choose
If love's a gun
and happiness blue
than *** is a number
and 2 is a hue...

Im drowing in my own tears
Needing a helping hand
Needing saving from my own fears

Troubled by my demons I crawl into a ball
I scream out for help
But my voice is blocked out by a wall

My lungs begin to burn from the lack of air
My heart begins to ache from the lack of care

Tears gushing out of me like a waterfall
I begin to ******* own ending
My soul is detaching from my body and is descending

I will meet my tormentor
Look it in the eyes and ask it why it tormented me my whole life
Why it kept me from having kids and a wife

My life was never my own
I was a loner walking amongs demons
Without a place to call home

Reflecting on life in the after life
Seeing myself crying on my bed at night.
I was such a lonely boy who told everyone he was alright

It grabbed my hand and took me to me demise
I would be punished
Burnt with a fire fueld by all the lies

I could feel my skin being eaten away by the flames.
A memory comes to me.
I remember a sweet childhood full of candy and games

I was an innocent infant
Till it found me and consumed me
It was always in me and never let me be

I felt empty yes, but it was drinking from my soul
It was the reason why I felt so empty
It was the reason why I was never happy

I resented my life ever since it found me
I was broken and couldnt be helped
Now I stand in a fire about to melt

The pain seems familiar
Feels like home.

Screaming wouldnt help
Im lost now. With no way of coming back
At least my name would go up on a plaque

I made a difference in a few
I imprinted on the ones who mattered the most
They used me and overdosed

Made me feel even more empty than I already was
How could a being be so deceitful?
So cruel and so evil ?

Is that how you were made ?
Or was it part of the game you played ?

The game of heartbreak and tears
Fake people and smoke and mirrors

I lost that game a long time ago
I came back to reality
And the fire had  burnt me from head to toe

How was I still alive ?

Then I see the burnt flesh peel away
The fire eats my skin away again
Im beginning to go insane

It was my sentance
To burn in the fire forever
But in some way to me it brought pleasure

I was used to the pain
So as the torture repeated again and again
My face just remained plain

I was numb
And I looked up to earth
Looked all the way back to my birth

Maybe if I was born in a different time I would have turned out differently
It wouldnt have found me
I would have been a shut door without a key

Safe from the voices
I would have felt true happiness
My life wouldnt have been a mess

But it was inevitable for the ones I loved to hurt me
I watched them move on, find joy in someone else
To me it never made sense

Was I that bad of a person
I loved all. Cared for all. Sacrificed so much
But actually I destroyed everything by just a touch

Everything I loved , touched , encountered turned to dust
I never brought anyone happiness, just pain
I was a cloud full of it and showered it over everyone like rain

I was chasing love but ended up running away from the pain that came with it
Was love just abstract
I was never going to find it and that was a fact

I was always being played with
I was lied to and shown fake love
Love was just a myth

Or it was just not for me
At least thats what I thought

Until I met her.

A sublime beauty.
I was lovestruck .
And she had my heart .

She had her way with words
She had me wrapped around her fingers
She knew that I was forever going to be hers

I was addicted to her
She kept the pain away
I knew if I wanted to survive I had to make her stay

I wasnt going to let her go
She brought a new feeling
I didnt know I would fall so hard for a human being

Was it fait
Because it felt like she came into my life too late

I was a messed person with no future
But she overlooked all of that at loved me

The voices were still there but they were fading away
It wasnt tormenting as much anymore
Slowly it will close my door

And the key will  be thrown away
Ill be left alone, with her.

-T

Seems we're all searching for love
In a society fueld by heartbreak
Hope running dry in search of a better day
Before I take my life away

I just need a single reason
To wake up tomorrow