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arin May 2018
Just a little
Tiny tiny tiny
Don't let them see
It's just a small-medium-large cut
Don't let them know
Throw out your breakfast-lunch-dinner
If they know, they'll scream
Your glass foundation will shatter
They'll leave you behind
You'll be locked away
Do you want to be alone again?
All alone in the dark?
It's quite scary isn't it,
Being alone with me
You know what you must do
Smile
Make promises
Lie
Act calm
Make up excuses
Do what you need to do
Stay out of the spotlight
Avoid
Avoid
Avoid
AVOID
DON'T LET THEM SEE
IT WAS THE ONE RULE
THEY SAW
THEY SAW!
RUN
YOU MUST RUN
GET AWAY
HIDE HIDE HIDE DISAPPEAR
DON'T LET THE FIND YOU
SHRINK SHRINK SHRINK
BECOME SO SMALL THAT YOU CANNOT BE SEEN
KEEP RUNNING
YOU'RE SO CLOSE
JUST A LITTLE CLOSER
LOOK DOWN AT THE CRASHING WAVES
TAKE A DEEP BREATH
RELAX YOUR MUSCLES
J U M P


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OPEN FILE

[YES]             NO


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OPENING FILE


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Name: Alec Crawford
Diagnosis: Depression. Anxiety. Violent Outbursts. Anorexia. Impulse Control Disorder.
Side Notes: Self Mutilation; Keep Patient Away From Objects Capable Of Harm. Occasional Ticks And Fidgets.
DOD: May 14, 2018.
Cause Of Death: Suicide; After Jumping Off Oceanside Cliff, Went Unconscious Upon Impact, Drowned.


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DELETE FILE?


[YES]             NO


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Deletion Complete.


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I said to disappear, right?

Now I'll make sure they never know you even existed.
I think I'm going to continue making little character writings and have multiple parts for each character. Each part will be numbered.

Edit: I never expected this to get as popular as it did... I've been wanting to explain this one for a while now. The DOD was the most recent night that I planned to commit suicide. Instead, I made a character that was a spit image of me and let him do it instead...
brandon nagley Mar 2016
i.

A sapphire raceme, Symbolic dimples,
Radiciform, Ak-Shabreeze, consecrated;
Impeccable temple's.

ii.

None remembrance, of bygone vice,
Resumption of the new; perpetual
Life. Ramate by ourn rib's, sedated
By the paradisiacal.

iii.

Levitating toes, aloft the colored covenant,
O'er the bended bow, of God's plan's that
Art meant. We yaw the pleasant valley's,
We strum the lyre's of ahava; taking
Slowly to ourn peach rim's, desired
Coconut and guava.

iv.

Yealing's of another time, artist's of the
third peculiar mind, by the creator's
Design; finding another, amid the
Pearlescent hue.


©Brandon Nagley
©Lonesome poets poetry
©Earl Jane Nagley ( ahava) dedication
Raceme- central stem with flowers on small stalks.
Radiciform- means- like a root.
Ak-shabreeze- word I made meaning ( riding the storm's)
Bygone- past or former times
Vice- immoral or wicked behaviors. ( sins)
Resumption- the action of beginning something again after a pause or interruption.
Ramate- branched.
paradisiacal- of or relationship to or like or paradise.
Aloft- up above
Colored covenant I mean the covenant God gave to man kind with a rainbow telling man he's never gonna flood us again as he did. Though in the end renewal comes by fire...
O'er the bended bow. - means over the bended rainbow.
Yaw- means to move side to side.
Lyre- is an ancient like harp thing that would have been played in ancient Israel during king David's time...it's heavenly!!!!
Ahava- Hebrew word for love.
Peach rims- me and Jane lips... .
Yealings- are people of same age. I dont mean earth wise I mean in heaven. Everyone looks about same age alot of stories I've heard and when die old you go to about thirties or so. Quite amazing!!! Of course if in heaven!!!!
Pearlescent- resembles pearl like colors. Or resembles Pearl...



Note- this is second spoken one I posted on SoundCloud as well.
Just look me up Brandon Nagley  on SoundCloud.com you can find this title of the poem. At end of poem speaking one I sing a bit... Romantically of course lol. Enjoy thanks for reading poets!!!
Below is what to look up on SoundCloud. Thanks everyone.
(Finding another, amid the pearlescent hue) SoundCloud. Com
"Between the Judicial, Legislative and Executive branches
as well as the DMV , DOD, and our failing Public Schools,
it's a ******* wonder I abide by the Government at all."
The Forest Apr 2013
squidgy swish squish pish posh peeled pretend I don't dingo ding **** diddled dod  dead dig stick still silent silence screaming softly silly

.....SOUP


pretend I don't
pretend to fly

dreaming and flying
dreaming
rêver de vous

diving in the deep end
rêver de vous

walking under an
             umbrella patterned umbrella
rêver de vous


fly
fly
fall
sky
rêver de vous
rêver de vous


and always eating chocolate

      rêver de vous
rêver de vous
Robert Guerrero May 2013
One cut
Two cut
Deeper and deeper
The blade almost disappears in my wrist
My depression has gotten worse
My suicidal tendencies increased
Wonder how fast the ambulance will take
If no one else is home
No one even close
I'm in the middle of nowhere
Your God doesn't even know I'm here
No wonder my prayers were ever answered
One reason why I'm an atheist
One swig
Two swig
Pain still isn't numbed
Why must I suffer
Why am I bleeding so slowly
I think I lost a lot
What a shame it is
I was beginning to think I was happy
Guess I was wrong
When am I ever right
One pill
Two pill
Maybe I should think about this
What am I leaving behind
What am I doing
**** it
Nobody ever saw my pain
I wore this mask for too long
It became a permant reflection
Why couldn't it have been transparent
Hello my name is "Suicidal"
I wish you could of gotten to know me
I'm sorry if this causes you pain
Call it selfish
Call it whatever you want
I'll call it "the solution to the problem I have become"
Goodbye my name is now "Dead"
Wish you the best of luck
Don't cry at my funeral
I don't want to drown in tears
Even in death
Might as well not show
The preacher man wont even be there
No one will come
News of my death
Will be music to a deaf society
My Obituary will just have my name, DOB, and DOD
Patrick Austin Jul 2019
To whom it may concern,

Today marks the one-year anniversary of my departure from the Navy. I have noticed a strong desire from the VA for transitional feedback. I feel that if you want to know what it is truly like to transition in the worst possible way I will share my story. Thanks for your time.

I would like to begin by telling you about my experience during service.

I joined the Navy in 2010 at age 27 to better support my growing family and wife of 5 years. To make this happen we had to put all our things in storage and rent out our house in Denver to convince the recruiters that we could financially support the shift into military life. Doing this was extremely difficult. The recruiters at the Aurora, Colorado office did very little to prepare me for joining. I lost my job shortly before gaining a contract at MEPS. Word had gotten around at work after months of me trying to join the Navy and my employer replaced me.

While taking care of a newborn and two year old son I broke my index toe and was delayed another 3 months before going to boot camp in August, even though it healed before I was originally supposed to leave in May. This forced us to move to Florida to stay with family until I could leave. This also was a huge stressor given that I was unemployed for almost 6 months. We sold our cars and cashed out our retirement funds to live with my in-laws. The recruiters at the Hollywood, Florida office were very helpful and made me feel much more ready. They took me to medical to ensure my toe was healed and trained me both physically and on the basics of military knowledge, which helped me, gain the rank of E-2 after boot camp. Boot camp was possibly the best part of my entire time in the Navy.

I attended sub training and eventually landed orders for Bremerton, Washington in March of 2011. This was great because most of our family was in NW Oregon. Adjusting to the crew of the USS Connecticut was very hard. I felt at age 28 that I was dealing with a bunch of boyish men who never learned how to be professional or kind. There were some exceptions but the culture was not healthy. I was assaulted and exposed to people’s violence and ****** aggression. I felt I had no voice and it was much like becoming a prisoner. As we settled into dry dock for the last 3 years of my first tour, I was glad to be home more.

I made efforts to be useful during this time; I did volunteer work, and aided the process of the ship’s overhaul. I was promoted to the rank of E-5 by three years in service. My career was going well but unfortunately going to dry dock is a career killer. I lacked many opportunities for training and felt fairly incapable of doing my job. This seemed to be the culture of most of the crew as well. My first E-7 was much different in the way he handled things than his replacement. The methods I used to complete tasks fell under scrutiny and my new E-7 took me to two NJP’s in 2014 and 2015, the last year I was on board. I felt singled out as many others had been doing things in the same ways. This was hard enough as I lost rank and had to go to shore duty with much less pay than expected. My wife had also had our third son by this time.

Each of our children were given a blanket diagnosis of autism by the child development specialist at Bremerton Naval Hospital, a TRICARE wonder. This sounded great to my wife who became more and more dependent on being a dependent, it opened the gates for a lot of free assistance. My wife did not have to work for ten years and this made her depressed and overweight, which trickled down to me and my morale at home or work.
Eventually my wife became more and more convinced of the need for the extra care of the ABA therapy and respite care provided by the Navy. She swore that she would leave me if I ever left the Navy. I figured she was just being dramatic. As she let herself go, we both fell into poor shape. I had a hard time with my weight and she became more mentally unstable. This home life greatly affected me in all aspects and did not help my work situation. The more appointments that my wife or boys had that I needed to help with, the more grief I got from my superiors. I feel this contributed to the ‘lesson’ I was taught, getting two NJP’s.

The doctors at the Naval Hospital also tried to treat my wife’s periodic depression with Prozac and other anti-anxiety medicine with little investigation. This only seemed to worsen her behavior in years to come. By 2018, we finally got a second opinion and found out that she has been Bipolar for years. The Prozac only made her even more manic and did little to help. She even left our Christian church and became Jewish, dragging our boys along into it. This unstable home situation greatly affected my work life in a negative way.

Shore duty in Bremerton was not much different as I was working on subs. The main difference was working with older retired Navy folks who were even more crass and horrible than the current enlisted co-workers I had worked with previously. I had a difficult time balancing the civilian work environment with the military pomp and circumstance that floated in the foreground. I gained the rank of E-5 back and left shore duty on great terms.
I was dreading going back to a sub as a Machinist Mate so I put in the work during shore duty to change jobs. I gained orders as a Logistics Specialist on subs, once again in Bremerton. I was to attend school in Mississippi for 6 weeks in 2018. At 35, I had just purchased a second home as we had lost our first home in Denver to a short sale because we could not afford to cover the rent and mortgage on military pay. My wife was also spending more than we could afford.

While in Mississippi, I gave a ride to my fellow/junior students and some of them later were caught with alcohol in the barracks. Because I had given them a ride earlier in the day, my name was brought into the story. Instead of taking my gesture of giving them a ride as a good deed, I was blamed for their choices that were made independently of me. I did not purchase alcohol or consume it. The NTTC command seemed to want a scandal and I went to a third NJP. This time I was not worried because I felt I had done nothing wrong. Things for me changed forever by the weeks and months I spent at NTTC in Meridian, Mississippi. I was treated like a monster and second class citizen and held captive from my family in Washington for 6 months.

I kept trying to fight the NJP but to no avail. Eventually I was recommended for a separation from service, as my appeals were denied. Looking back, I should have asked for a court martial because no proof is needed to punish someone during an NJP at the command level. This was even stated to me by one of the officers who sat at my separation board. It is all about what the O-6 feels like doing. Because I now had three NJP’s they could easily send me home but I opted to challenge this, but it only kept me there longer.

Gaining a JAG lawyer, I presented my case and was exonerated of the charges against me at NTTC. This unfortunately did not eliminate the third NJP from my record; it was just to make me feel better apparently because in the end they decided to separate me from service.

By this time, my family was in shambles. My wife who had just been diagnosed as Bipolar was not doing well and there was nothing I could do from so far away. I had no answer as to when I would even come home. Six months is a long time to be away for little or no reason. She could not understand the situation and felt I must have done something worse. It is as if she forgot who I was all of a sudden after 13 years of marriage. I could not wait to get home to start putting my life back together but I could not leave.
I was told I could not do TAPS or GPS in my home state of Washington. I had to take it all online with JKO as NTTC is limited on most things including GPS classes. JKO training for TAPS and GPS was a joke and it did not even work properly some of the time. I just wanted to get home.

I would have much rather transitioned in the place I would eventually be living and working. I was fine with getting out of the Navy by this time but my wife was not. Before I left Mississippi, I was struggling with money so bad that I had to borrow money from my father and take out a loan from Navy Federal just to stay afloat.

Unexpectedly, USAA insurance called me to ask about transitions and to my surprise, they were talking about divorce. My wife had called them and said we were separated. As I looked into her activities, I discovered she had been sleeping with some other sailor, ITS1 Jason Colbert at NCTAMS, Bangor Washington. I confronted him and his command but nothing was done about it. She now is still with him a year later and ITSCS Shinn apparently did not feel he should be given an NJP but that is not my problem anymore. I assumed my wife cheated and blew our money because of all the stress and that it was her condition that made her act out but even giving her the benefit of the doubt, she continued to stab me in the back by ignoring me and refusing to talk about things.
To make matters worse she filed for divorce and a restraining order on July 11th, so I had no place to return to once I left. I had to start gearing up for another legal battle right after another. The stress of this time caused me to lose 50lbs in only a couple months. I took up smoking as I was not allowed to leave base and fantasized about storming the gate to achieve suicide by police. Amazingly, I survived this difficult time away. I left NTTC on 27 July 2018 and had nothing to show for my eight years in service but regret.
I returned to a flurry of legal matters and had to sell my home and my ex-wife was able to gain primary custody of our boys as the court system is very biased towards women. I never once hit her or tried to hurt her but was treated like ****. I never wanted any of this and it makes me sick. Thankfully, friends from my old church took me in and let me stay for 6 months, close to rent free. Another church friend got me a job with a DOD contractor by September 1st. Even though I was taken care of, I felt the military did not one thing to aid in the process. In fact, they hindered my success. I did it all myself or with the help of my friends.

I now am happy to say that I met a neighbor of my church friends and we are now living together. She has taken care of me since most of my income now goes towards spousal support and child support. There is no way another person could have gone through this type of situation and come out of it as well as I did. This speaks to my character and probably all of the horrible situations I had to deal with in the military. I completely understand why vets become homeless and despondent. There has to be better ways to help vets. Family legal services would be a huge help to name one.

I would love to speak in more detail to another human being about what I can do to improve this from happening to someone else. I do not want to see more vague surveys and emails from the VA.

Thank You.
This felt like poetry when I read it to myself. Life can be so ugly but I am here to tell you that it will get better.
karen dannette Feb 2013
William Zemtseff   DOD: 10/14/2011

Captive by fear
Frozen in shock by your death
Missing your guidance
Wondering if you are truly at rest.

Did you get your wings back?
Can you soar in the sky?
You said you were my angel…
So, why did you have to die?
This poem is about an ex-boyfriend that killed himself.  He left a note saying that if he couldn't be with me, he wanted to die.  That is a lot of guilt for one person.  Very selfish, but I know it wasn't my fault.
The bastion of deep bellicosity begins, which would interview the strengths of benevolence in the ranks of Darius III. The Greek polis was reborn from Halleniká in the shady V, from the seventh necropolis of Messolonghi, with the equerry that was landed by thousands of ships that were from the date of Philip consolidating the Hetairoi that would be reborn again to fight this peremptory battle in the lower Macedonia, which brought the allied cavalry on titanic folds, which this time will be commanded by Vernarth with legionaries at their disposal, the very light weapons were made from the candid glow of the Katabasis universe, since the bags of the matron's guides went to the parapet in the unevenness of Skalá, very close to the Katabasis or vortex of the Diadochi, when they were abducted by Wonthelimar. The turkeys were already described and difficult to observe, and less to hear them, so the Matrona or Oikodéspoina would purify the little Messiah mentioned in the Apocalypse chapter twelve of Saint John the Apostle, to ascend to the Over Being and then receive the Trinitarian light as far away from the Hades or Katabasis that Wonthelimar would understand very well as a predecessor of the Ultramundis. Thus, the placenta of the Oikodéspoina would increase the free fall and the recovery of the crystallized space, in such a way that the maternal figure would give the first busilis of the outbreak of the Battle of Patmia, before she can rise to the surface with all the spilled blood. . Vernarth in the tent next to the panoply observed Lazarus permanently rising next to him, and all the burned doubts of winning or dying by the edge of destiny. Vernarth gathered the Phalanx formed into a soldiery ecosystem of men armed with the Faith of the Mashiach who had descended together in the rows of syntagmas, and of enough men who multiplied a hundredfold each time the Katabasis ascended to support others who made the Pivot in Hades. . The large-caliber metallic iron and bronze weapons with Xiphos, Dorus, Sarissas with hopes of winter who dressed in spring with Persephone who always carried them in the atrium of a Persephonic Hoplite. Assault turrets over forty Euclidean meters exceeded all the numerals of Pi, through the glasses towards the empire, where the shutters released huge oblations from the pulpit of the theater of tragedy that was rising from the stalls, inoffensive crossbows that would burn the missions of Zefian with the fourth Sagita, catapulting fences that in turn disintegrated into thick destructive ridges. In this instance, the Corinthian League became evanescent with more gangs with Thracian or Tribal troops, although they were foreigners, they joined the mercenaries. With the same figures of 42 thousand troops of Falangists, 5,500 of Cavalry, with some Hippies that Kanti and Alikantus arranged. The mercenaries and tribals fringed the 5,000 contingents in the ghostly spectrum, which made them almost impolitic, a Magento Calypso sea was joining the Thessalians that surpassed the armor of 1800. Vernarth while absorbed in the fabric of the stall saw a Lazarus as he walked barefoot, from where he still asked for help when he felt his feet begin to burn.

The colonnade escaped into the Argentinian waters of Selene that flowed outlined by the gloom of the draconian Persian hierarchy. They subdelegated a Satrap who would bind the components that would confront each other beyond the warning threshold of the Katabasis. The Persian countertops reigned in other adverse lands where Patmia was the law of the Trinitarian Decalogue, in the invocation of the On Being that departed from holy languages that were Christianized in holy oils that flowed through the fascinating musks of war won, and with weapons that would surpass physical forces, by resembling in Iranians that were ruled by the coppery ten thousand assets mediated by the Persian palfrey, and satrapies such as Bactriana and Sogdiana. Behold, those who were once thousands against thousands revived in the disquisitions of other reasons that were not obvious, before a mystery that becomes inapplicable but was noticed in the directive of the enmity of the nations, with their own human components making them of an Infant Mashiach, who really was in the wills that are perpetuated in the siege of continuing to be protected by his Oikodéspoina, which shielded him from all latent threats before an almighty who lavished on them in the fords of the mistakes of a past, and the glorification of eternal life. The spectral of sacrifice was outlined with the same base that emerges from a sensitive parchment, to be rewritten in Vernarth's Katabasis, applying sentimentalities corresponding to the fire wagon of the cremation of the nubile destinies, sacralizing the excessive intemperance of those who envision and they deteriorate in the middle of a ploy that has never been finite.

The Oikodéspoina took refuge in burdensome intraterrestrial lands, arguing that the lands would tremble and the crown of her head would fall to her feet with Selene, relieving herself of her troubles by humanity in the birth, which would be designed by the Kératas of Moshe similarly to seven more than they were replicated in the tertiary night of the red blood cells, who conferred with the Necromancers of Vernarth and Alexander the Great, that God self-climbed on his throne to watch the scene of the Katabasis on Patmos. The blades resounded with great and pristine sounds of angels that made them ring, for a quadruple duel of Hellenes and Persians, of God and Satan, adorning themselves with their appropriations and the authority of those who hold the staff of the Áullos Kósmos. The rams ran in terror through the mountains and the eagles mounted on the small golden hills, because the Messiah prayed to them night and day, because the hour of truth had descended from all heights in the quadruped rams, and the inhabitants of the earth would testify that there is no time to decide, for less time of what or who will survive among you, because as long as the ground plug exists, it will have to be done with open hands to the one who supports the sky after being born from a Gerakis, and of a river that makes of being a chamber with great sieges to awaken the inextricable king, who has to unite us and not divide us with his chalice loaded with Apoika wine, from where they are ****** on the hooves of Alikantus, when the men raised their hands to greet, and to confirm that they already had the Xiphos in their hands, to give birth in half the time of Kairós, who snatched the life of the snake in its ovule throughout the region of Dod Ecanese, being the faithful two-dimensional earthly sheet of the constellation of the Dragon with the twelve houses of the zodiac, trying to contravene the seals of divine light and the shed blood of the Savior.

The testimonies stated that Lazarus had already vanished from the Vernarth store after these visions of necromancy, after the Ekadashi confirmed the error of heavy material that would be taken for those who fly over the salvation of all the rest, and of all those who are dragged by the puffs that illuminate the uncertain empty spaces that remained to spread the Christian faith, for those who want to be swept away by their sleeplessness and survival of a Lazarus who has to grasp the staff of light, to scare away the red blood cells of the serpent that wounds with his spitting, and that he signs from his jaws imitating good intentions that are not infallible to exempt himself on the basement of Olympus, The dragon with the rune of a Basilisk trying to attack the vanguards of the Hoplites of Vernarth.
Katabasis
DC raw love Jan 2015
I have a dod named slim
A friendly frog in my yard
A bird that sings
And a yellow swing

My bushes are shrubs
All my trees are dead
I have a rickedy house
With a flower bed

My clothes are rags
My shoes there's none
But I do own a gun
Under a moon lit sun

I don't own a car
I walk to nowhere
All I do is make whiskey
And frolic for fun

My money comes from corn
I make things from copper
I hide in the woods
From those ***** old copers
Karijinbba Dec 2020
When a man one adores
shows up a call girl photo card,
make sure you love him more
then you love yourself,
to let such sweetheart
true love best lover go,
like I let mine fly off.
My king understood love by his woman's  jealousy dinamics
shown for him. I understood love
by the trusting self assured
non jealous attitude owned.
So, for this kind of lover.
Fight for his love do cry!
Instead of letting this jeweled king
go to his call girls like I did because
his joy and happiness
was above and beyoud my own.
iI turns out he had given me all his love in written prenuptial contract and had no love for no other queen or slave or call girl to give her he was telling me he was my true love
only mine after two decades!
Foolish me was amnesic and couldn't speak up about the plot of his ancient prenuptial was since he told me
he was married and to never
look back  then he cursed me
to hate him from afar and move on;
which I did, but I didn't choose right .
I fell victim of human predators.
because his lyrics deceived my naive soul in youth I did not tell him I loved him and I lost his love.
slowly but sureky he took his Kammazutra back but I had my own
and just like him my lover brain sixty nine I give to noone I haven't found one worthy to be loved. .
It's disastrous and very foolish.
As I observe a lifetime after,
we both adored each other
in our own well intentioned ways
interchangeably even but other
forces conspire dod to wreck us up.
  without wanting to or knowing how.
We both understood love
in different ways;
this interpretation was
both our downfall my demise was only silence for in my mouth lips and words I had my cure to his live enchantment and end eternal love.
His Karma had pledged
in his Rhett Buttler past life,
he would search world wide,
or buy love if he had to,
but he was going to be loved
only in his way.
So we both lived out our destiny
but life was never the same
ever again as that which
was between us we were identical within m, twin flanes twin souls

Without him physically
my existance was like a dream.
more often like a nightmare.
I lost everything,
and everyone I ever adore.
like a house if cards it came
tumbling all down and,
it materialized even here on HP
since then I learned to close doors
to disconnect say good bye
but to my twin no good bye
it's impossible.
I feel blessed and cursed.
all in all I found misery and pain.
~~~~~~~
By Karijinbba 1974-95 & on.
https://youtu.be/v2BPSy5qbXg
Nica Monet Nov 2019
30% of me said, pick up the knife
100% agreed to hold it up my jaw

50% of me said, grab the pills
10% said you'll get caught that won't work

60% of me said, drown yourself
25% said how?

75% of me said, grab a belt and go to a tree
50% thought it would be the quickest

80% of me said, slit ur wrist and DOD in your car
80% of me would do it

99% of me told myself to END it. begged to take my life. begged for one reason not to continue...

...yet 1% of me thought of all the faces of those I were to leave behind and my promise to them,
"I won't"
happy thanksgiving...
Ryan O'Leary Jan 2019
I don't believe in God
because his name is
missing an O in which
case he could be just
any old *** and that to
me is just another Sod
that's a Cod, whereas if
he was Mod or even a
Dod but not a Hod, which
is like a Pod, for brickies
labourers on their Tod,
it give him the Nod with
my fishing Rod, is that Odd?
Mateuš Conrad Apr 2020
to my detriment...
      
    (i) wouldn't have thought the concept
of orthography was alive and well
in the Victorian episode of
english history...

    but who can blame me...
after all... orthography simply became
a concern for "spelling mistakes"...
never mind the fact that...
   translating english into h'americana
can find yourself

obliterated - or rather: dumb-founded
at some examples of "unnecessary" letters...
e.g. colo(u)r...
             and i always thought that...
diacritical markers of distinction
were the prerequisites of claiming
orthography...

   i was wrong... so wrong in fact...

                                  +
                       B   I   L   S   T
                              U   M
                          P   S   H   I
                              S.   M.
                           A    R    K

i really didn't take more concern than
is usually necessary...
    Mr. Blotton...
                 said it was only...
   a failed sudoku crossword / pseudo-anagram...
neither: i hope...
              Mr. Stumps: the rock-"owner"
of Cobham...

              'bill stumps, his mark'...
ah yes... the orthography of a "missing" lambda...
but i would have to imagine...
as is the case:
sometimes the u precedes the o...
or the plague... or not really bothered but:
there is a clear difference
when the sound is the same...
can i infer a variation of meaning
from a "missing" L?
   bill... bill... there's the lesser william:
i.e. *****... and so **' come
the w mutated into a b?
lesser still: but of concern nonetheless:

how was **** arrived at from richard?
orthography...
when... all it takes is bil(l)?
                      a mammoth task...
esp. should there be a "missing" mam(m)oth
to begin with...
    it sounds as it reads but...
there's no "higher" reason to infer...
that a mamoth is not a mammoth...
unless: m'ah-moth...
                    but if it's orthographic:
it's also aesthetic to boot!
        a mamoth is not a mammoth because...
an ardvark is not an aardvark...
   and Aaron... and Aaron...
stutter? ah'aron...
                        stutter and a gem of timidity
when it comes to clicking: cccccook...
             bounce a riddle: not so... quick...
bry-dle...
                       the ridler & co. is not:
the riddler & co.
                                 but the added: D and so too:
added and not: ad(d)ed...
                      ad hoc...
                                       it was the year...
oh... i'm guessing 1997...
           the prodigy had released:
   more music for the jilted generation...
an event at the Victoria train station... terminal...
when OurPrice was still the sort of
tesco-metro of ****** megastores...

did i buy it? no no... i was still a "kid who'd
most probably **** their bed" when
en vouge came out with a single...
don't let go...                                 sold!

notion of orthography: furthered...
    pół - half...
           half of what?
   poow...
   literally... / missing from the L and...
' missing from the o...
               otherwise... pociecha: comforting...
punkt: point...
                     ah... this obscure of the most
obscure... under a russian umbrella...
  loitering blister of former life...

to boost concerns...
how am i to be sure that... e.e. cummings
was not... a welshman?
a cornwellian?
                  when reading:

       ygUDuh
             ydoan
                     yunnuhstan
          lidl yelluh bas

we could try... i'm pwetty pwetty     'ssured
that welsh is a protected language:
a u.n.e.s.c.o. heritage sight of: wriggles and lapping...
tongue: mind you...

hellish punctuation...
one of those: lesser arts...
          and all the space in the world:
escape from Alcatraz / the paragraph...

in velsh then!
       basic things: i eat coal...
                                   eh bwyta glo...
       roses are disgusting
              when rhymed:
           rhosod mae hatgasaf
                            pryd odli (fioledau)...
         come tomorrow:
   time will become the wind...
                       dewch yfory,
    amser ewyllys dod yn y gwynt...

gwynt - wind...
   ddaear - earth...
      dwr - water...
                tân - fire!

          that whole hazelnut of:
too many consonants from eastern europe...
yes: and so little in wales:
that Y had to, "sort of"... take on functions
of: why i... a llafariad?
         i.e. a voul... a vool...
                    an owl... a vowel...

Shakespeare? not now... not now...
  by the looks of it: no theatre... not ever...
thea-ter... you'd say: thea-ter...
but you'd write: thea-tre...
and then say: properly: anything
thea-trical...

               this of course is not...
something concerned with:    naws... nuance...
i must most certainly bring in some
welsh... to... for lack of a better... want...
that part of language most alive:
slang...
                      well... welsh for me will
have to... become a "sort of"... new shlang...

   it's wet it's gloomy... but to me it will be:
   gwlyb... otherwise: glib... and of course
cousin glum...
                    
   such is... what itself has allowed...
       and i: the hands that became a treason
to the body and the mind...
ventured to... satisfy...
                        these words... of origins
unknown...
               idle hands: hardly anything more
than idle words...
               how nature abhors a vacuum.
Mateuš Conrad Oct 2020
what's that "ally" phraseology - happy to keep tally... afraid of keeping grandma company? i think this is an insurgency comment... may i question a disbelief that... somehow... "somewhere": i.e. not this apparent here, or now... some of us want to use language with baggage associated with: a preservation of species-oids... could any dialogue be settled for entertaining the tease of: dodo-project? it's hardly a rouse according to extinction rebellion... esque...  some would tall it trolling: i much prefer teasing... i'm white and... i'll gladly bow out... could i inquire of white women? i could: but i won't... i have been amnesiac / anemic / anything in between... time has run out... i have no power to run out... i'm a schizophrenic: entertain that word as either supposedly or... fragrantly: bilingual / messippotanic: turkic *** grecian... alias... athena... i'm looking for an antagonism... would you allow yourself the designation of "white men" to russians? by the breadth and time most consummate... mother siberia is no afro-can... just asking... just asking... i appreciate time running out... i very much appreciate a solidarity with the dodo-project... i will gladly bow out... and leave my... ahem... fellow... whitey flesh for the breeding wombs... i can envision myself as both body and limb and ***** and frog and tadpole... i can most certainly see with my eyes a replica of a mongolian horde... invasion... tax evasion at the least... such staggering conclusion! it's clearly impossible to not find solace in petting a bad... i looked beyond that sort of giggle with dogs... alas... the leash... the muzzle... the overtly inquisitive stress for presentation i.q. like... nothing could ever be arrived on the personal... a debauchery of faking it... a debauchery of never making it... a debauchery of... i've had a vision of: a *******... it stresses a fine art assumption based in a critique of *******... i.e. a ******* involving two males and a female... i had to wonder: it's such a waste of space to find... at least one of the holes being neglected... don't you think? at the same time... concerning ***... so much of phellatio is lost to the engagement that... one would almost wish for a 3rd person "narrative" of a ******... women do acquire a rawness for ***... how i love toying with these words... i'm white but i'm teasing a russian sort of deliverance... out of this ideology of: corpus circumcised... corpus cuckolderly... egregiously! yes! time is running out! all the better for time! i will not be akin to those poor sods and grieving cough-loads to make... important... the beauty of Helen... that there was... such a diabolical act... as: the Trojan war... when the beauty of... eternally waning... had to arrived at reality's shackle... great... grit... berserker heaven! to reiterate... it's impossible to bundle up white men with russians... which i find mildly inconvenient... but hey... jenny-oh-jenny-neau... i'm just an extension of a concept of *****... i'm not going to be the next milk-motherly-monkey... dod-project beckons... i am gathering enough raindrops for: tears i will not shed... the wake of Aeschylus... the hell-breed has been dead for years and still... i am... too tired to invest in him personally: i have to heave a borrowed tongue: more competent than mine... in how best to grieve him.


p.s. no offence... the comment section on this website is as inquisitive as an oyster is to market fidgety frankenstein... sure... nice... parallel non-inquisitive... ergo: no frightening emotions to wrestle with! ooh! to play dialectics with! how can one... delve into... compensations of
commentary... when all one hears is adulation... or sycophancy... can we allow ourselves staging a mindless neutrality / nuance?
Nellie 55 Mar 2020
"His palms are sweaty"
"Knees weak, arms heavy"
"Had a dream I was king, woke up still king"
Just these few quotes kept me away from losing everything
Thank you Marshall
You my hero
I always was a huge fan
Like y'all don't understand
Him and I relate
I'd a done whatever it had to take
Watched my world break
Because some ***** decided to be fake
I'm a hit up the club
Maybe go to a after party
Cellphone off
Music load
**** dod i bring a charger
**** it I've got a spare in a toolbox
Just no charge block
Quick screens shut off
I'm ready
No ***** but my sweater ready
Rule the kingdom
I know i can be random
**** a beat
I just need a pen and blank sheet
Wrote down my own vibes
About to be revived

— The End —