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Phil Lindsey Mar 2015
I see your bags all packed for leavin’
And I’m sure you have a reason
But there ain’t no reason I could understand.

You tell me you need freedom
And I wish I could believe ya
But I think your ‘freedom’ means another man.

So if freedom’s just a cover
And you’re leavin’ for another
Here’s my advice – I hope it makes some sense

You should compare the life your choosin’
With the one that you’ll be losin’
Cuz the grass ain’t always greener on the far side of the fence.

No the grass ain’t always greener on the far side of the fence –
Sometimes it’s a confusing shade of brown
Compare the life your choosin’
With the one that you’ll be losin’
Life might not be better on the other side of town.


Yeah, he’s probably real good lookin’
Tells you he just loves your cookin’
Takes you clubbin’ and goes dancin’ all night long.

But at night when you are sleepin’
Midnight memories come creepin’
Do you shed a tear when you hear our favorite song”

Think hard before you cut the cord,
Don’t choose a life you can’t afford
Don’t ever want you having no regrets.

Consider what you’re doin’,
And all the lives you’ll ruin
The grass might not be greener on the far side of the fence.

No the grass ain’t always greener on the far side of the fence –
Sometimes it’s a confusing shade of brown
Consider what you’re doin’,
And all the lives you’ll ruin
Life might not be better on the other side of town.


Well I guess that I’ll stop the lecture now
Cuz you ain’t listenin’ anyhow
There's nothing more that I can say or do.

I’ll help you haul your bags outside
That Cadillac must be your ride
I hope the driver takes good care of you.

And baby you can keep my key
Consider it a gift from me
I’ll go on livin’ in the present tense.

Then when I’m done with my friend Jack,
Most likely I won’t want you back
Cuz' I like the color green I got on my side of the fence.

Yeah I like the color green I got on my side of the fence
No matter what I'm gonna hold my ground
Then when I’m done with my friend Jack,
Most likely I won’t want you back
I like the color green I got on my side of the town.
pwl 2014
TD Rucker Jun 2012
There's a man with no face
amongst an empire of apes
that spill blood like fine wine
made of concord grapes
I carry the worlds weight
with enemies pursuein
but the king of the jungle
won't stop til I'm ruined
Now you can call this my sedition with semantics
or satanics toward the nation
but let me advocate this adverse scope.
And holla at my brothers who's down
and salvage hope.
we neglect our abilities
to comence to be
masters of our destiny
we choose to stay tantalllized by the streets
get lock up stay wishin we was free.
Ballisitics takin' away all our family
these anomalies
got us lookin stupid
forgetting we're not aboriginies
of this land oh man
we can never bow to the man
Choosin to bang
instead of abstain
from this
belligerant babble
the system rattles your cage
with rage
we anhiliate
assimilate
the emotions it produces
abstract thinkin causeing back lash
abysmal thoughts of how to get that fast cash
when cats dash past
we take everything
even all their back stash
but we tend to abnegate
the zenith
to which we are
entitled
archaic ways are the axiom  
so we need to absorb this alchemy
and abandom them
alliviate
this absentmindedness
and abtruse forces as our accomplices
There's a man with no face
amongst an empire of apes
that spill blood like fine wine
made of concord grapes
I carry the worlds weight
with enemies pursuein
but the king of the jungle
won't stop til I'm ruined
Jared Van Jun 2013
Yeah it's Jay, Mr. Self Saboteur,
Fill the bottle up thats what I got the bottle for,
Self fufillin' prophecies got me on the floor,
Drinkin' is the reason but it got me wantin' more,
Not a variety of sobriety when I'm shoppin' in the store,
Got me thinking what's the reason I'm coppin' all this for?
Jesus blood stains up on the sheets,
No Zzz's when I sleep,
All my cups filled up with alcoholic drinks,
So I'm up in that Anonymous,
Cup in hand, hungry hippopotamus,
Sayin' to the man, "I think we need a little Ciroc in us"
I've got a problem, why you think I'm stoppin' cuz?
My names Jay and the liquor's messin' me up,
Every night fellin' closer to Aaliyah,
Saw my reflection now I'm lookin' at the reaper,
Experiment with liquor so fill up my beaker!
Hand on the Bud Light,
******' with my love life,
Sippin' on the suds like,
Toast to the tough life!
This phenix burns,
Born in thorns with alcoholic horns,
Lookin' at the bottom of the bottle,
Askin' my self if my heart's this hollow,
What do I do? Toss it or swallow,
Well that is a problem for the Jay of tomorrow,
Tryin' to deal with the ills of my convictions,
Sippin' on the liquid of my sickenin' addiction,
Yeah ma, loosen up my inhibitions,
Binge drinkin' means no intermissions,
So welcome my beloved inebriation,
Cup to my mouth instead of conflict confrontation,
Sippin' on the liquid that is toxic to the nation,
Women gettin' twisted my ironic liberation,
If I drink too much I'ma keep it up,
Pinky finger up,
Worried my liver's not weak enough,
Speech slurred so I won't speak to much,
But my mouth's wide open talkin' greek and stuff,
Opps I made a mistake,
Trade Jack Daniels for tonights date,
Gotta live with the consequences that I hate,
Choosin' liquid over women that I try to sedate.
Seems like I'll never get them back,
Well I'll just have to find love within the cup that's in my lap,
So this is a toast to all the alcoholics,
Put up an empty cup, just a little symbolic,
Sacrifice love for a chick that's nymphonic,
And realize it was fine before the Hypnotic,
****...
Jeremy Betts Sep 2022
The hardest battles fought are against the chaos found within the rubble of the broken.
Any continuation of this experimentation on the human condition hangs on the theory that an upcomin' breath will allow itself to be taken
Gift or not, presently present solely due to the repeat of a heart beat, reminded constantly it's never a given
Many a complication with said blood pumpin' mechanism ribcaged in, to many components either broken or straight missin'
Naturally raisin' an interesting question, does life support support life or allow it to get one last minute jab in
Seems it's a personalization and ******* of the punishment fitted for the crime of lyin' about livin'
Seein' right through the Facebook filter projection, doom sets in without the monitor screens protection
Actin' like spoiled, undisciplined children, often throwin' a tantrum cause we're all on the spectrum
All of us? Yes, everyone.
A nonsensical state of frantic desperation overrides conviction, dignity the next to leave the station
No thought put into what's bein' said even, flippantly askin' for more calendar pages to be added in on the back end
Wildly missin' the irony of spendin' life in line for the next death bed to open, prayin' the priest is well spoken
Choosin' then to allow the soulless prayers to begin, hopin' to pull the wool over the eyes of the creator of all creation
He's up there laughin' and judgin' from heaven, he ain't sendin' help because it's entertainment first, then maybe fit in a lesson
Feels like bein' held in a hostage like situation through a self inflicted condition with a loved ones permission
Ignorin' the DNR written up to eliminate confusion and limit any guessin' 'bout what the dead is thinkin'
Wishin' they'd let go, knowin' they won't though, love can make the right decision impossible to determine
It was always a bogus mission, there's never been no mention of direction much less any talks about a realistic destination
An unorthodoxed tug 'o war, doin' both the pushin' and pullin', can't recall witnessin' a win, I only recognize losin'
The matrix is glitchin', the vale finally lifted as nightmares come to fruition, crowdin' an already distorted vision
Depraved of nutrition, lose sight of ones self in the fog of sleep deprivation
IT'S THE SLEEP THAT LETS THEN IN
In a never endin' hesitation, becomin' one with the comman background vegitation
A threat of slippin' into a comma is beginnin' to look like my very real and inevitable conclusion
The Illusion is crackin' and the illustration behind the fusade is to heavy for some to take in
And if I'm not mistaken it will only worsen for here and we're only here cause you took for granted what will now be taken
WHAT WHERE WE THINKIN'?

©2022
JVPC Sep 2010
you always made me beg for it
thought i was special when made me work for it
but now u spread your legs to the whole world
like them white wiggas and muthafuckin gayfishs
the fake *** muthafuckas hit it and quit it type riddas
buffalo wild wings muthafucka, laughin to the bank
cuz he hit the jackpot and went runnin from u, u *****
muthafuckin bros thought he was
but now i know that faulty is all it was
what the **** were u thinkin
choosin to ***** your friends ova
not thinkin bout nothin but yourself
whos gonna want u in the end
to think that "I"...
used to love you,
used to let u spend
used to hold your filthy hands
now i know it was just pretend
handed u stacks cuz i cared for you
made u dinners every night and i swore to you
that i would love you foreva
and now i'll let u know its my pleasure
to say ******* but now who u gonna run to
cuz in the end its only you
all by yourself...
so cliched but chillin with all your cats
is all that you'll ever have
and when i say cats
i really mean cats...meow *****
see when u called i came runnin
to make sure that you'd be okay
i see now its only a game u play
now that i know what i know
now i know your just another **
so bite your face off and slit your wrists
cuz the game of life is full of twists
u stupid *****, thought u were sav
i tried to give u the world to have
glad im not associated with u anymore
cuz to me now ur just a trifilin *****
BlakOps Feb 2012
My shadow creeps up the portals wooden frame
My knees shake, advising I brake.
My reality becomes obscured
Conjure an excuse, quick somethin’ absurd
Nothin’s comin’, the chains tiein’ me to home were frontin’,
Ropes pulling me into a sea of I know nothin’,
I'm pushin’ for peace
Slow down feet
The pool I'm jumpin’ into, infinity deep
I can't sleep,
Or eat
So I creep,
The decisions of past whippin’ me in the back
Lashes cuttin’ flesh of black
As soon as I cross that threshold no lookin’ back
They got a noose hangin’ for my neck
I feel its unbearable weight with every single step
I can't allow the calloused rope build regret
So I allow my mind to prep
I'm ready,
Ready to break it
Ready to break free
I’m choosin’ between life and death
Between hell or high water
I have little to barder
The price is set high
Everything I owned
Taken on the sly
So I'm left wonderin’ how and why
How can I disappear?
And
Why can't I stop it?
But to be honest I gotta drop it
At this point I'm at the brink
I'm only left to think
I got 10 steps to the beginnin’ and end
Bye, bye old friend
Time is all but of the essence
Seems like it will depend
Am I unworthy, don't matter currently
Sweatin’ buckets, **** it.
I done bit off my fingernails
Pulled out my hair
Ventured to the farthest reaches,
Of my mind
Trust me there ain’t much up there
But air.

The light of the day catches my eye
Sweat forms mixin’ in my cries
It reminds me I'm awake,
I got somethin’ to feel.


We froze
Dead silent Halt, finally.
A moment, we stole.
We weren't ready to let it all fall
Moments of past concentrate on a face
It seems I can't forget good ol’days
So the next life at this moment can only be brutal
I know nothing ‘bout it
I know the pain is too much I already can't tout it
I prayed to my gods
I prayed to all gods.
I prayed to anyone willin’ to carry my pain
Found out other felt much the same
So again I am left standin’

And you can believe and didn't plan it
I'm breakin’ out
My opportunity is now.
Critique is welcomed.
Anais Vionet Dec 2020
300 nights I’ve been here a-pacin’,
I’ve got clothes, all shiny and new!
This whole year, my time’s been a-wastin',
someday this endless virus will be through.

On the news, they say there’s a serum,
soon I’ll have to take one or two.
Crowded clubs, where music’s a-playin’,
I bet I can get into one or two.

There are boys, out there just for kissin',
and someday, I’ll kiss one or two.
I’ll find out, just what I’ve been missin',
I’ll bet I won’t get home 'til one or two.

There are guys, of nineteen or twenty,
and they know, just what to do.
Shiny toys, just waitin’ for choosin’,
maybe I’ll pick one... or two!
.
.
.
.
*ok, funny note. I post my poems on several websites and on Quora, several of my readers lobbied me to change the last line of this poem - to follow the "one or two" theme. So, in a way, the last line is "crowd sourced" - and I must say also much improved  =]
Thanks to those guys!
*tapping lacquered finger nails impatiently on the table*
Yea everybody that doubted us
I let the guns bust
I'm talking magnums to artillery cannons who's handin'?
Me the pressure I'll stretcher
Longer than a limousine heads I guillotine
Once they show they face miss the prison place beat the case
Cuz of all the franklins faces
Seen many tastes
Of life luxurious my foes furious
Got critics nervous cuz they know I be serious
Slap a rhyme til ya  delirious
Dangerous trust
Get away clean so **** the must
We stackin cream shatterin dreams
Lock the game like a snake bite
Grab it tight became a hustler overnight
While y'all overwrite with ya overbite
I keep it comin' machine guns lyrics
Like techs is hummin' stunnin'
Opponents til they see trinity visions
Easy decisions you against me
Lets be realistic
I'll make you a early news statistic
Hop off the biscuit
Unless you a chick cuz my ****
Only fits in a ****
All these haters rappin' ain't ****
I'll put em down like Jordan did the Knicks set the pick
My team we never fail and if we see jail will see bail
Countless enemies to sail ya going frail
My pockets never stale only swells
Shot guns shells
Crackin' brains once I set my aim
Verbal assassin so who's passin'?
Me up this is a hold up
Rap game I fold up grab a coca cola and a smile problem child
Since I got stuck in wild
Tears from my mothers when. I was in the womb soon
To come out a punish those whom
Had a problem with the way flip
My words aint script it's encrypt
Knowledge is power devour reign like a shower til the vary hour
My last breath death before dishonor feelin' like Conner
Terminators after me why cuz it's seems like they wanna Punish Me


Flip through tracks like an acrobat
True aristocrat f the democrats
We all about street stats cheat more than the Pats
Fools say they dogs but scream
Out like ***** cats imagine that?
Me loosin' who ya choosin'?
Me or them other phonies
Worshippers around me
Like I'm the black Madonna
Statue bless you guess whos?
Back again with the blacked Out benz with back tinted lens
We undercover lyrical smugglers
Heavy weight slugger I go for the juglar
Vein til every ounce of blood is drained simple and plain
Go against the grain
I got gangsters who pack the macks so don't turn ya back
Unless ya wanna get burned and turned
Over to the undertaker meet to maker
Word to the Anita Baker
Givin' the best flows I got
Like who shot?
Ya not Chris Wallace but chickas call me big poppa break em off proper
Shoot an 8ball in the bathroom stall
**** I'm fallin' like Denzel
Seen visions of hell as my brain sails
Into another dimension
Tainted reality living life bad as can be
Chainsawin' lyrics causin' massacres
In Texas don't none wanna plex with us
I'm from the 3rd ward born hard
Sniff out fraud
Fools snitchin' for a few grand large take another charge
Of the cannibus plantin' a fist
To adversary who tried to dissed
Dismissed know ya gettin' a kiss
Mothers bending over ya casket
No tears in the end come again
I seen colors blowing with the wind
I'm talkin blood and sin gin
Sippin' No slippin' rippin'
Styles with my vo-cals hit on the dial
If you suspect foul
Play makes for doomsday with the AK pray that I don't find you in a alley
Roamin' alone the dark zone
Death is a ransom
Why all this drama on me
**** it seems like they wanna Punish me?????????
listening to this new rap
makes me wanna take a nap
I wish I could slap
all these mumble rappers
backwards act awkward
cuz my guns call
out cowards
soon to get showered
by my bullets no protection
ya stiff as an *******
teaching lessons
hidden like a blessing
for those who guessin?
step back before. ya get hit
like a lumberjack
split ya like a crack
yea it's yosef
on a sneak attack
black in effect reject
what society sets
jet like a ski getting busy as a bee
I know ya don't like me
but I gives a ****
competition fronting
be prepare for the slam summer jam
at the bayou classic
spittin flawless with my magic
got ya stunned as voodoo who crew ?
could do what we do?
stay fry or better yet high
just giving up the real
knocking empire down
for mass appeal



prepare for the Armageddon
no more letting
up as I bruise up
the corrupt
makin slices
like cold cuts
like jelly in the ****
naw I ain't trying
to diss the ladies
but the ladies be playing games
with ya mind g
in society
I rep the **** and the **** I rep
watch my steps
so I don't fall
victim to the game or the system
hit em with a rhytmn
that they can't deny
got ya knot like in ties word to the wise
like smoke on the rise
ya know the degrees
getting hotter and hotter
smooth as Sinatra
break em off proper
once the keys tease
to ya mind I please .with these
lyrics hard for ya to clear it
once I steer it
in ya direction make a selection
who ya choosin
them wackos
or the true rap impresario intellectual
cuz I'm keepin' it real real
knockin flakes out
claimin they got mass appeal
See when you look at me
Tell me what you see
I bet you'll see the struggle in me
Enemies in envy
For no **** reason
Maybe its because .I'm still breathin'
Everyday its a ***** season
Hunt a brother shoot a brother
I'm confused cops makin' the news
But when my own **** they own
They pass the views
To world star
Ain't nothing but a trap
To see how ghetto you are
I look beyond that *******
Cuz I know the game
Done changed. I said it many a times
And when will we awake from the mentalities being capture
Lets kick back start a revolution
And inflict pain with catching laughter


Now I see that they don't like me
Critic me cuz I pity
The fool like Mr T my homies
Still roll with me on
The block packin' the glocks
It don't stop baby
My comraderie in position for these ******* to take a hittin'
Abusin' which side you choosin'?
The oppressor or be aggressor
Yes sir
I'll be the black Chavez
Pullin' up in my heavy chevy
Gunnin' with artillery
If I'm.stacked nice
Who could **** with me
Women to men joinin'
The revolution pistols is shootin'
Lightin' muthaphukka like it's Christmas check my diss list
Its goes from the president to the ******' ******* in the cabinet
White house ain't nothing but plantation
Different eras but same situations
I feel locked and shocked
Mentally and any
Got a problem with a slang my tools
Catch a slug a watch ya body drool
Naw don't hate cha it's just po nature
Simplistic skills targeted for termination
Out forms a new creation
Technicians replacing the common mechanism
Manual turns into machinery
Got **** how could this be such a falling society
Giving they hands to an unknown entity enemies be
Lurkin' spells circling minds gargling from the all this knowledge sparking
Off my brain cells **** I'm.broke physically but my spiritually
Made from much monetary seems folks quick to rush to the cemetery
I see the alcohol drugs education at a fall rise of oppressions
Keeps everyone guessin' while y'all stressing they signing lessons
Plan hope you innerstand demons put on this land
To confine everyone to a purpose failed at being a conformist
An opportunist look at as ludicrous but then again I planted a fist
Punching out bull hockey topics I'm a lost prophet
From.the tribe where we all get vibe and slide
Me five across the back
Of.my.hand let's break this plantation
Souls monetize to capitalize off the government's tax rise  
Trump ain't nothing but a mere delusion
He only represents the the confusion
Taught in the America only to be loosin' who ya choosin'
Is the devil or the Gods abusin'
Our every day instincts scared to blink
Cuz if I do they might come for you
And get the Kennedy ride
Or Malcolm X or Martin get the partin'
Split up yo anatomy off to the deaths amnity  
Not too many
Come back alive folks claim they real.but uncover jives

Embrace my Ology

Since I took the steps off wisdom it's hard for me to slip
Still spittin' fire from my mouth without burning my lip
Slow sips I take off the holy brew chilling with my crew
Me myself and I for my De La  soul I'm outta control
Institution growing swole far from bold mad men old
From the berretta that sails overseas fighting the enemy
Who got just as much melanin than me ya see they really black sons
Of the holy father I'm gettin' deja vu from these spiritual venues
That guide you each and everyday hard to look away
From all the slay soon to see world wars America living in horrors
Political correctness still manifesting problems in this society
It's just another focused tactic to make more slavery
While y'all fightin' over who's wrong or right they at the flight of taking more rights
See the deals made before the hands shake earthquake
Tryna to play God buts it's too late to shake the fate
Brimstone being casted soon to burn turn every.human into rubbles
Times is troubled I see the bullets coming ahead
Soon on fled deep into the mountain and still countin'
My spiritual gifts chillin' like.a King
Along with Moses Elijah and my beautiful Queen
It was 3:00 a.m. in Bowie Maryland in the year of our Lord, 1861.

A drum roll passed by in the night not more than a mile away, and Billy couldn’t tell whether it was coming from the Yanks or the Rebs. Both of Billy’s brothers had left home in the past two months.  His oldest brother Jeb having joined the Army of Northern Virginia, while his next oldest brother Seth was now fighting for the Union with Major General George G. Meade in the Army of the Potomac. Billy’s family was like a lot of other families in Maryland, and the Western Shore of Virginia, with some men choosing to fight for the North while many chose the South.

Billy was just about to turn sixteen and still had not chosen his side.  He had friends and family fighting for both and knew that the time was getting short for him to choose.  He couldn’t imagine fighting against either of his older brothers, but once he decided the possibility would definitely be there.  Billy pulled the bed covers over his head and thought back to a more pleasant time — a day when his two older brothers had taken him fishing in Mayo along the western shore of the Chesapeake Bay.

His brothers couldn’t have been more different.  Jeb was large and domineering with a personality that fit the profile of the typical soldier or warrior.  Seth was more studious and would rather have his nose stuck in a book than behind the sights of a Springfield Rifle Model 1861.  The 1861 was the most widely used rifle on both sides. The south called their version the Fayetteville Rifle, and Billy’s Dad had given his to Jeb just before he died last year.  Billy had never fired the big gun and had only carried it for his father and brother when they went on their weekly hunts for deer and small game.

Billy Finally Drifted Off To Sleep …

The next morning, his mother told him that Union soldiers had passed by in the night under the command of Colonel Elmer E. Ellsworth.  They were on their way to Alexandria Virginia to join with Colonel Orlando B. Wilcox in an attempt to retake Alexandria and drive the confederates out.  It was just too close to Washington D.C. and had to be secured. For several months confederate troops had been infiltrating Maryland and sightings had been reported from Hagerstown to Anne Arundel County. Billy wondered about the fighting that would take place later that week and hoped that wherever his brothers were engaged they were safe and out of harms way.

After breakfast, Billy decided to spend the day fishing along the Patuxent River just southeast of his home.  He rode their old Tennessee Walker George as his blue tick hound Alfie ran along side. It took Billy an hour to get to the river and he used the time to once again try and decide what the right thing was for him to do.  He had sympathies for both sides, and the decision in his mind was neither black nor white.  He wished that it was because then he could get this all over with and leave today. Billy was famous in his area for being able to get across the water. Whether it was a makeshift raft, dugout canoe, or just some drift lumber available, Billy had made it across long open stretches of the Chesapeake Bay — never once having been deterred.

He Was An Early Day Chesapeake Waterman

Billy returned home from fishing that day and found his house burned to the ground.  His mother was standing out front still in tears with her arms wrapped around Billy’s little sister Meg.  A rear-guard unit from Ellsworth’s column had gotten word that Billy’s brother Jeb was fighting for the South and just assumed that the entire family were southern sympathizers. Billy’s mother tried to tell the soldiers that her middle son was fighting with the Army of The Potomac.  No matter how hard she pleaded with the sergeant in charge, he evacuated all in the house (Billy’s Mother, Sister and Aunt Bess) and then covered the front porch in coal oil, lit it with a torch, and then just rode away. He never even turned around to watch it burn.

That Union Sergeant had now made Billy’s decision crystal clear, at least for the moment.  Once he got his mother, sister, and aunt resettled, he would make his way to Virginia and join with his older brother in the confederate cause. He remembered his brother Jeb telling him that the Confederate Soldiers had more respect, and he couldn’t imagine them doing to his family what the Union Army had just done.

It took Billy two weeks to get his Mother resettled with family up in Annapolis.  He then packed the little that remained of his belongings, loaded up old George, and said goodbye to the life he knew.  It would be a week’s ride to get past the Union Camps in Southern Maryland and Northern Virginia, and he knew he would have to stay in the tree line and travel at night.  If caught by the Yanks, his only chance of survival would be to join up with them, and he couldn’t imagine fighting for those who had just destroyed his home. His conviction to get past Fredericksburg was now determined and strong.

All Billy had to arm himself with was an 1860 percussion squirrel rifle that his brothers had bought him before going off to war.  It was only.36 caliber, but still gave Billy some feeling of security as he slowly passed through the trees in the dark. His plan was to hug the western shore of the bay, as far as Charlotte Hall, and then take two short ferry rides. His first would be across the Patuxent River and then one across the Potomac on his way to Fredericksburg.  He prayed and he hoped that the ferry’s he found were not under Union control.

Billy spent his first night in Churchton along the western shore. It was quiet and uneventful, and he was actually able to get a good night’s sleep.  He had run out of oats for George though, and in the morning needed to find an understanding farmer to help fortify his mount.  As he approached the town of Sunderland, he saw a farmer off to his right (West) tending to his fields.  Billy approached the farmer cautiously making sure he rode around in front of the farmer and not approaching from the rear.

The farmer said his name was Hawkins, and he told Billy there were oats over in the barn and two water troughs in front of the house.  He also said that if he was hungry there was a woman inside who would fix him something to eat.  He then told him that he could spend the night in his barn but since it was still early in the day, he said he was sure that Billy wanted to move on.

Billy thought it was strange that the man asked no other questions of him.  He seemed to accept Billy for all that he was at the moment — a young man riddled with uncertainty and doubt and on his way to a place he still wasn’t sure was right for him.  The look in the man’s eyes pointed Billy in the direction he now needed to go, and as he turned to thank him for his hospitality the man had already turned back to his plow.

In the barn were three large barrels of oats and five empty stalls. Two of the stalls looked like they had recently been slept in because there were two empty plates and one pair of socks still lying in the stall furthest to the left.  Billy fed George the oats and then walked outside.  Everything looked quiet in the house as he approached the front door.  He knocked twice, and a handsome looking woman about his mother’s age answered before he could knock a third time.  The woman’s name was Martha and as she invited Billy inside, she asked him when was the last time he had eaten?
Yesterday morning Ma’m, Billy said, as Martha prepared him some cold pork and cooked beans.  Billy was so hungry that he thought it was the best thing that he had ever tasted. Martha then told Billy to be careful in the woods because both union and rebel forces had been seen recently and there were stories of atrocities from both sides as they passed on their way.  Martha also said she had heard that Union forces had burned a farm up in Bowie a few weeks ago.  Billy stayed quiet and didn’t utter a word.

Billy Remained Quiet

After he finished his meal, Billy thanked Martha who had packed salt pork for him to take on his way.  Billy walked George to the water trough and waited as George drank.  He looked across the fields and he could sense what was coming.  This tranquil and pastoral scene was soon to be transformed into blood and gore as the epic struggle between North and South finished its first year. It was late fall in 1861 and Billy’s birthday was in two more weeks.  This was never the way he envisioned turning sixteen to be.

Billy thanked Martha, put the salted pork in his pouch, and remounted George. Martha said:  Whichever side you are riding to, may God be with you, young man.  Billy thought it was strange that she knew where he was heading without him telling.  He then also thought that he was probably not the first young traveler to stop at this farm for some kind words and sustenance. He rode back out in the field to thank the farmer, but when he got to the spot where he had met him before, the farmer was not there.  Billy wondered where he could have gone.  As he rode back down the cobbled dirt road, he noticed a sign at the end where it reconnected with the main road — Billett’s Farm. That wasn’t the name the farmer had told him when they were first introduced before.

Hawkins He Had Said

Billy worked his way towards Charlotte Hall.  From there he would head East to Pope’s Creek and try to get on the short ferry that would take him across the Potomac River and over to Virginia. Then Billy was sure he would finally be safe.  Tonight though, he only made it as far as Benedict Maryland, and he again needed to find secluded shelter for the night. Benedict was right along the banks of the Patuxent River where the farming was good, and the fishing was even better.

It was getting dark when Billy spotted what he was looking for.  There was a large farm up ahead with two large barns and three out buildings.  Billy sat inside the trees and waited for dark.  It was inside the outbuilding furthest to the east that he intended to stay the night.  As darkness covered the fields, Billy walked slowly towards the large shack.  He led George behind him by his lead and hoped that he would remain quiet.  George was an older horse, now fifteen, and seemed to always know what was required of him without asking.  Not that you can really ask a horse to do anything, but George did just seem to know.

Billy got to the outbuilding and put his ear to the back wall to see if he could hear anything from inside.  When he was sure it was safe, he walked around front to the door, opened it, and he and George quickly walked inside.  In the very dim moonlight, Billy could see that it was about 20’ X 20’ and had chopped wood stored against the back wall.  There were also two empty stalls and a loft up above about 10’ X 20.’  Billy decided to sleep downstairs in case he had to get away fast, and after tying George to the furthest back stall, he laid down in the stall to its right and fell fast asleep.
Billy doesn’t know how long he had been asleep, but all at once he heard the sound of clicking and could feel the cold hard press of steel against his left temple.  He woke up in a start and could see five men with lanterns standing over him in the stall.  As his eyes started to adjust, he noticed something strange.  Three of these five men were black.

Whatcha doin here boy, and where you headed, the biggest of the three black men asked him?  Billy knew that how he was to answer that question would probably determine whether he lived through the night. I’m headed to Virginia to try and find my older brother. Our farm was burned a few weeks ago and my mother and baby sister are now living with relatives.  I need to let my brother know, so he will know where to find us when the war is over.
I think this here boy’s fixin to join up with the Rebs, another of the black men shouted out.  Tell the truth boy, you’re headed to Richmond to sign up with old Jeff Davis ain’t you?  Billy lied and said he wasn’t sure of which side to fight for and that he had a brother fighting for each.  With that, the biggest of the three sat him on a barrel in the corner and began to talk again …
What you done tonight boy is decide to camp in a rural spot of the Underground Railroad.  You know what that is boy?  We have a real problem now because you knows where it’s at.  We can’t trust that you won’t tell nobody else and ruin other’s chances to get North and be free.  Billy just stared into the man’s face.  He had a strength mixed with kindness behind his eyes and for a reason Billy couldn’t understand, he felt safe in this man’s presence.

Son, we is makin our way over to Preston on the western shore where we catches a train to the North.  We have one more stop before there and that’s at the Hawkins place just thirty miles up the road.  Billy then knew why the stalls back at Martha’s barn had looked slept in.  He still wondered why the sign at the farm entrance had said Billett instead of Hawkins.  The black man then said: My names Lester, and those two men over there are brothers named Rayford and Link.  By now, the two white men were gone and only the four of them were left in the stall.

Since you say you haven’t made your mind up yet about which side to join, let me help you a little with your choosin.  Lester then went on to tell Billy that Rayford and Link had five other brothers and two sisters that were all killed while trying to escape to the North.  Not only were they killed, but they were tortured before being hanged just outside of Columbia South Carolina.  Lester then asked Rayford and Link to remove their shirts.  As they did, Lester took his lantern and shined it over both of their backs.  Both were totally covered with scars from the several lashings they had received on the plantation where they had worked back in South Carolina.  Lester said this was not unusual, and no man should be treated that way.  This was worse treatment than the slave owner would ever do to any of his animals.

Lester then said again: It’ll be a shame to have to **** you boy, but for the better good of all involved, I’ll do what I gots to do. With that, the three men walked outside, and Billy could hear them talking in hushed tones for what seemed like an hour.  Lester walked back inside alone and said: What’s your name son?  We’ve decided we're taking you with us up the road a piece.  You might come in handy if we need a hostage or someone with local knowledge of the area as we make our way t’wards Preston. Go back to sleep and we’ll wake you in an hour when it’s time to go.

Billy couldn’t sleep. It had been a long day of interrogation and darkness was again approaching.  He heard the men talking outside and from what they were saying, he realized they did all of their traveling at night hiding out in small barns and shacks like this during the light of day. He wondered now if he’d ever see home again.  He wondered even more about his previous decision to fight for the South.

In an hour, Lester came in and asked Billy if that was his horse in the stall next to him.  Billy said it was and Lester said: Get him outside, we’re going to load him with the chillens and then be on our way.  When Billy walked outside he saw eight other black people in addition to the three he had previously met.  It was a mother and father and five children all aged between three and eleven.  Lester hoisted the three smallest children up on George’s back, as the other two lined up to walk alongside.  They would make sure that none of the younger ones fell off as they maneuvered their way North through the trees at night.  The mother and father walked quietly behind, as the three large black men led the way with Link scouting up ahead for anything unforeseen.

Just before dawn, Billy recognized where they were.  They were at the end of that farm road he had just come down the day before, but the sign now read in faded letters Hawkins.  Billy looked back at the sign and he could see something written on the back.  As he squinted into the approaching sun, he could see the letters B-I-L-L-E-T-T written of the back of the board.  Billy was now more confused than ever.  Lester told them all to wait in the trees to the left of the farm road, as he took out three small rocks from his pants pocket. The sun was almost up and this was the most dangerous part of their day.

He approached the house slowly and threw the first stone onto the front porch roof — then followed by the second and then the third.  Without any lights being lit, the front door opened and Lester walked inside.  In less than a minute, he was back in the trees and said:  It now OK fo us to makes our way to the barn, where we’s gonna hide for the day.

After they were settled in the five empty stalls, Lester decided who would then take the first watch.  He needed to have two people on watch, one looking outside for approaching strangers and one watching Billy so he wouldn’t try to escape.  What Lester didn’t know was that Billy wasn’t sure he wanted to go anywhere right now and was starting to feel like he was more part of what was going on than any hostage or prisoner.

In another hour, Martha came in with two big baskets of food: Oh I see you have found my young friend Billy, I didn’t know that he worked for the road.  Lester told Martha that he didn’t, and he was still not sure of what to do with him.  Martha just looked down at Billy and smiled. I’m sure you’ll know the right thing to do Lester, and then she walked back outside toward the house. Lester told Billy that Martha was a staple on the Road to Preston and that without her, hundreds, maybe thousands of black slaves would now be dead between Virginia and Delaware.  He then told Billy that Martha was a widow, and both her husband and two sons had been killed recently at the Battle of Bull Run.  They had fought on the Confederate side, but Martha still had never agreed with slavery.  Her husband and sons hadn’t either, but they sympathized with everything else that the South was trying to do.

Billy’s head felt like it wanted to explode.  Here was a woman who had lost everything at the hands of Yankee soldiers and yet was still trying to help runaway slaves achieve freedom as they worked their way through Maryland.  Billy wanted to talk to Martha.  He also wondered who that man was in the field the previous morning when he had stopped to introduce himself.  He was sure at the time it had been Martha’s husband, but now Lester had just said that she was a widow. More than anything though, Billy wanted to talk to Martha!

Billy asked Lester when he returned from his watch if he could go see Martha inside the house.  Lester said: What fer boy, you’s be better off jus sittin quietly in this here barn. Billy told Lester that if he mentioned to Martha that he wanted to see her, he was sure she would know why and then agree to talk with him.  Lester said: I’ll think on it boy, now go get ya some sleep.  Oh by the way, did you get somethin to eat?  Matha’s biscuits are the best you’ll ever taste.  Billy said, Yes, and then tried to lie down and go to sleep.  His mind stayed restless though and he knew deep in his heart, and in a way he couldn’t explain, that Martha held the answer he was desperately in need of.

In about two more hours Martha returned with more food.  She wanted to dispense it among the children first, but three were still sleeping so she wrapped theirs and put it beside them where they lay.  After feeding the adults, she walked over to Billy and said: Would you help me carry the baskets back up to the house? Billy looked at Lester and he just nodded his head.  On the way back to the house Martha said: I understand you want to talk to me. I knew I should have talked with you before, but you were in such a hurry we never got the chance.  Let’s go inside and sit down while I prepare the final meal.

Martha then explained to Billy that she had been raised in Philadelphia.  She had met her husband while on a trip to Baltimore one summer to visit relatives.  Her husband had been working on a fishing boat docked in Londontown just south of Baltimore.  It was love at first sight, and they were married within three weeks.  Martha had only been back to Philadelphia twice since then to attend the funerals of both of her parents.  She then told Billy what a tragedy this new war was on the face of America … with brother fighting brother, and in some cases, fathers fighting their own sons. It not only divides us as a nation, but divides thousands of families, especially those along the Mason-Dixon line where our farm is located now.

She also told Billy her name was Billett, but they used Hawkins at night as the name of her Railway Stop along the Road. Hawkins was Martha’s maiden name and to her knowledge was not well known in these parts. Hawkins was also the name distributed throughout the South to runaway slaves who were trying to make their way North. Martha felt that if they were looking for someone in her area named Hawkins, they would have a hard time tracing it back to her.  The Courthouse that she and her husband had been married in burned down over fifteen years ago and all records of births, deaths, and marriages, had been consumed by that fire.

By reversing the sign at night to Hawkins, it allowed the runaway slaves to find her in the darkness while protecting her identity in the event that they were caught.  Under questioning, they might give up the name Hawkins while having no knowledge of the name Billett which in these parts was well known. Martha also told Billy that she had nothing left to lose now except her dignity and pride.  Her two sons and husband had been taken at Bull Run and now all she wanted was for the war to end and for those living imprisoned in slavery to be set free and released. Her dignity and pride forced her to try and do everything she could to help.

When Billy asked Martha … How did you know the right thing to do? she said: The right thing is already planted there deep inside you.  All that’s required is for you to be totally honest with yourself to know the answer.  Martha then turned back to her cooking.

Lester then walked into the kitchen and said: Martha Ma’m, what’s we gonna do wit dis boy?  Martha only looked at Billy and smiled as she said, Lester, this boy’s gonna do just fine.  Lester then looked at Billy and said: Somethin you wanta say to me son? Billy asked if he could go feed his horse and then come back in a few minutes.  Lester said that he could but not to take too long.

When Billy walked back into the barn, George was tied to a wall cleat in the far left corner.  He walked him out to the water trough in the dark and then back inside where he gave him another half- bucket of oats.  He looked in George’s eyes for that surety that George always had about him.  Just as he started to look away, George ****** up his head and looked to his left.  The youngest of the black children was walking toward George with something in her hand.  She was with her older sister, and she was carrying an apple — an apple for George. George took the apple from her hand as he nudged the side of her face with his nose.  Billy looked at the scene, and, in the moment’s revelation, knew instantly the right thing for him to do.

Billy went back inside where Lester and Martha were drinking coffee by the fire.  Billy told Lester that NOBODY knew these backwaters like he and his brothers. He also told Lester that by joining his cause he would never be faced with the possibility of meeting either of his brothers on the field of battle.  This seemed to strike a nerve with Lester who had a brother of his own fighting for the south somewhere in Louisiana.  In Louisiana, many of the black’s were free men and fought under General Nathan Bedford Forrest where they would comport themselves with honor and bravery throughout the entire war.

Billy then told Lester he had never agreed with slavery, and his father had always refused to own them.  This made the work harder on he and his brothers, and some of their neighbors ostracized them for their choice.  Billy said his father didn’t care and told him many times that … No man should ever own another or Lord over him and be able to tell him what he can or cannot do.

Lester then asked Billy what he knew about these backwaters.  Billy said he knew every creek and tributary along the Patuxent River and all the easiest places to get across and get across safely where no one could see.  Lester said they had a friendly ferry across the bay to Taylors Island, but many times the hardest part was getting across the Patuxent to where they were now.  From here, they would then decide whether to go across the bay to Preston or head further North to other friendly stops along the Road to Delaware. Billy said he would be most helpful along those stops further North and on this Western side of the bay as he knew the terrain so well.

For four more years Billy worked out of Martha’s farm hiding and transporting runaway slaves on their way North.  He would make occasional trips back to Bowie to fortify the barn that the Union soldiers had not burned when they torched his house that day.  His family’s barn would become the main Railroad Stop before taking those last steps to freedom that lay just 100 miles beyond in the free state of Delaware.

After reconstruction, Billy went on to become a lawyer and then a judge in Calvert County Maryland.  Martha had left Billy the farm in her will, and he now used it as a haven for black people who were freely emigrating from the south and needed a place to stay and rest before continuing on to the Industrial cities of the northeast.

When Martha was dying, Billy asked her who that mysterious farmer was that was out tending her field that morning when he first stopped by so many years ago? Martha said:Why don’t you know; that was my father, Ethan Hawkins. He worked that field every day since my husband and two boys were killed.  I’m surprised he let you see him.  I thought I was the only one who ever knew he was there.  But, but, but, your father died many years ago I thought.  Martha looked at Billy with those beautiful and gentle eyes and just smiled …

Seeing him that day had changed Billy and the direction
of his life forever, making what seemed like King
Solomon’s choice — the right and only one for him.


Kurt Philip Behm
Since God shedded his tears and flooded the atmosphere
My sins of my forefathers still here
I remember being one the tears
That fell down from the sky asking why
I was born to die and everyday I gotta stay high
I ain't choosin' sides committed to homicide
Deaths to foes who don't wanna ride
Soon to be under the ground like a tide
Water to ground strongest soldiers stomping around
What's thats sound? It's the Southside dumpin' on fools who wanna start somethin'
keep them heataz jumpin'
Now ya in a puddle of blood heart pumpin'
Trying not to crossover but I be the puttin' up the cross and you'll be over
The older and older
I get I realize life ain't about **** nothing but money pits and ***** ***** I love to stick never had a limp ****
So stay in your lane if you talking **** trick

My knuckle game somethin' insane with about a dime of piece of Mary Jane Straight to brain
Rolled up so I can swole up
My melanin got my thoughts shook like gelatin I make skeletons
Cross and bones if you interfere with the warfare zone
Huh my tactics are carefully selected from weapons thats soon to be ejected and injected
Into ya body like syringe ask the Lord why he had to die
No seconds left til my last breath
I'm heisting this game so I be the vengeful theft in the night
Refocused my sight third eye aligned now I'm takin' the blight despite
What my enemies think of me I'll remain a capital "G"
Ain't no fake in me much generosity to the military
Feel me ain't nothing to this life I'll die reckless
With a death angel around me as my necklace check it
So my time in life is respected
Back to the depths of Hell where many souls dwell well??
Yo I be mack impresario so don't take it personal
Lyrics full of arsenal feel the temperature rise slow
Got the girls temple it ain't that simple
If ya game is too lame to the ears of a dame
They'll put you to shame same ol same
Fools out here rappin' like they killing the game
But ain't no charges mack harder than El Debarge
They wanna stay with me lay with me easily
My words sharper than a marlin or swords
Through my vocals chords I'm toppin' billboards
Another number one single mix and mingle eating Pringles
Why y'all fake hustlers spend up all.of ya dough
Im laughing at the crib smokin' swishers on the patio
Love women but some of 'em hoes
Try to get you out of your clothes to exposed
Ya strategy but most brothers gotta weak mentality
While thinking they playaz but no?
Suckas messing up the **** game MJG and 8ball said the same thang
Things need to change folks just moving the same slang


Take lessons from a P I M P you'll see my legacy
Spread through out the **** halls of fame
No shame lay down the hardest mack game
It ain't about putting **** to they behind
Its about getting in their mind watch em grind
For you be the truest of the true watch red and blue
Cuz one time love to see us on a flat line in a sublime
State of mind I ain't trying to climb a wicked ladder
Cuz it's a on a stagger rhymes jagger no need for swagger
I'm only after my publishing chapter
Royalties so you gotta crown me
Pour up a glass of Hennessy no time for phonies
Rappin' on this four Tay beat mic in my hand greet
Soon to meet defeat hearing crowds feet
Stomp at the show front row girls throwin' ***** holes
All a brother knows I flows preach only what I know
So haters back back before ya wig get pushed back
I'm a chill as brother smooth as an undercover lover
Smother true playa for real just ask ya mother...



Now playaz standing in line hataz get behind
Me like Satan but can't tempt me or **** see
Spending too much money my game smoother than
Iceberg Slim like Jim got girls freakier than Lil Kim
******* make ya go back for more
Pass second on to the third you heard
While you shooting birds I'm watching the herds
Of women chillin' under cotton bed linen
Wifebeater fake playaz think they slick cheatas
But I be the fall back brother no other
Keeps it realer than I that's why she tells no lies
Got these other homies hypnotize
By her gleaming eyes and beautiful thick thighs
On a natural high
Like the blood stones so many clones
Out chea soon to disappear once I appear
From the rear see them drop tears as the smoke clears
This ain't a magic act most dont know how to act
When ***** right in front of them
Scared of losing position let her think she winning
Then you begin to see how she really loosin'?
That's why they always ending up choosin'
Me over the lames cuz I recognize a playaz game
Charles Sturies Jun 2017
Susan
You are a choosin'
the fusion
of scroogin'
and contusion
to send
me into
ecstasy
of an elasticity
that ends in electricity
or whether you even
remember me
and how I wanted
to introduce you
to tea
for two
on the front porch
of a southern home
with the fireflies out
on a southern night
1- a little to the beat of the Bob Dylan rockabilly song "Like a Rollin' Stone"

Charles Sturies
Qualyxian Quest Apr 2021
72
Schizophrenics and shamans
More than Western docs

It's racial and resistance
And beats against the clocks

The Kabbalah has 72
I'm still seeking Susan

I wonder if I'm winning
'Cause it looks like I am losin'

                  Is she choosin'?

— The End —