My head's a mess. It is. I've been compromised. I've been broken. Like a puzzle where none of the pieces match. None fit. I've realized mine never will either. Because someone has taken away a few and thrown in new ones. And I'm not even sure if I can blaim anyone else but myself. It's chaos. A mess. So I've given up. The fight is over. Leave me alone to curl in the dark corners of my bed. Please don't make me open my eyes. I don't want to see. If you try you will only risk getting your own puzzle shattered. That's what I am now. That's what I've become. The very essence of "you only want what you can't have". Reluctantly indifferent. My heart is off and the switch has stuck. Not wanting to be alone, but deserving it. I'm a safety hazard. Dangerous. I can make you fall in love with me. And that's what I crave. But I have forgotten how to love in return. You think I give and give and give. When all I really try to do is take, take, take to fill myself and switch my heart back on. If it's even there anymore, in the sinus of my chest. I can't tell. I can't feel it. So leave me alone to curl in the dark corners of my bed. Please don't make me open my eyes. I don't want to see what I've done.

Dear **** boys

Lies have become a custom to me.
I heard so many and told many more.
I take extra long showers now with boiling hot water, hoping to cleanse this skin.
Hoping to erase this sin.
I tell myself i'm over it but my heart still yearns
it still burns with a passion only you could ignite.
A blaze that's taken over my soul.
I feel trapped, stuck in a black hole.
I'm going no where im lost.
I tell myself i will never talk to him again.
I tell myself we can just be friends.
It's my fault, I'm the one to blaim.
I bought into it.
I ran like a moth to the flame.
And like a moth I got burned.
Dear **** boy

why am I so excited, my heart beats fast
I feel pleasure and fear at the same time.
I feel like i'm about to commit a crime.

Dear **** boy
When you said Netflix and chill
I was unaware there would be no Netflix .
Plus your definition of chill
doesn't seem to be adding up to my thesaurus.

Dear **** boy

Where have you gone
I've been calling and texting
but you still haven't picked up the phone.
When you said let's be friends was this a
signal for the end.
Dear **** boy what is heartbreak…
Don’t know here's the answer

loving you.

A girl lost her father to cancer
at eighteen.
Tell me what that means,
what that was good for.
Because she lost herself too that day and
she's not back yet.
She pleaded; dear sickness,
let him see me grow up first.
They got two weeks.
It's been one year,
seven months,
thirteen days,
eight hours.
So tell me who you are to say
she's not still broken.
When her mother was abused
and her boyfriend had a child
with someone new.
Tell me how she
should have seen it coming.
When she was interrogated about her
sexuality, and
in the papers they spoke of hellfire as
a cure for natural desire.
When her female friend
made fun of her weight
and she hit herself for believing it.
When her male friends
violated her at parties
even though she said
no.
Tell me how she
should have spoken up.
Tell me how she
should have been sober.
Limbs itching, nails scratching
until imagined flaws become real scars.
When she eventually confused
closeness,
***,
with love - her comfort in being
alone
dragged good people down with her.
Tell me how she was to blaim.

School kids are playful, there laughter is stunning.  Always jumping, always running.  School kids don't worry, I'll pick you up at 4:30, have fun till then because playtimes almost done.  Recess and homework don't mix at the most.  You can't blaim it on dog much longer.  But the school bell keeps ringing school kids keep playing.  Who's to show them whats right and wrong just yet.  They'll know for themselves in just a short while.  One day they'll grow up not knowing that it will show up, knocking at their door, knocking and waiting.  But school kids don't worry I'll pick you up at 4:30, good times and memories won't stay the same, iam sorry to say, we all have to grow up one day.

Did you forget that i Claimed it.... That once i did name it.... Took a picture and framed it... Now that is dead you can blaim it .... So your heart over here... that I took out of there....I wasn't tryin to give it back.... "I love you" was supose to be fact... But know I see your eyes.... and there tell me it was lies... All of the kisses and hugs.... the laughs and the loves....were just a simple way to get what you want....took what i had and now you want to be blunt...With all the layers of hate i still have your heart....and now that your gone you relize your still missing your most important part...not your arm not your leg...not you chest or your head...not your lips or your knees...nor you lungs that can breathe... but your falling apart...cuz you dont have your heart... Yeah you got wat you want...the correct texted and the font...but the page is not ready to read...because your still missing what you need...see i hold the ink...as your all out of sync...You cant find the smile...you havent seen in a while...cuz its still in my name...the one you dont claim...I know that you need it...and that your still looking for it....its just a shame that you forgot that i have it...

through a cordal smile,

still to know all the great while
they will not die in their dungeon
nor will they lack bread;
out of every circumstance learn to take part in the dance

the highways and byways lead me back to you
through every storm that approaches it is you
beg, borrowed & blue

let go of any free flowing ambition
to what you've been wishing
creatures of habit

the song remains the same
take part in the blaim game
to herald a response