"ava" poems
When I told my phsysical therapist that I'm a lesbian,
her answer was a question I did not ever expect;
"So... Are you a lesbian because you are disabled and you cannot get a boyfriend?"
I was speechless,
looking at the wall,
stunned. Holy ****
she did not just stereotype every single disabled homosexual to have ever existed.
I stammered no,
and I tried to explain that I have had boyfriends before,
it just wasn't my thing.
Looking back now I realise that,
I should not have explained anything because I don't ever need to explain anything about the people I love.
I have had a thing for girls,
since I was three,
and when I was three years old I did not notice my disability,
the way it's being noticed today.
And the absolute most heartbreaking thing about both my sexuality and my disability is,
that I still do not notice it as much as everybody else seems to do.
I can be the best girlfriend ever,
no matter what my sexuality is,
no matter how my body looks.
And don't get me wrong;
I like guys too. I think guys are wonderful.
If God had created Eve and Ava,
who would have brought me into this World?
I can get a boyfriend if I want one,
maybe someday I find the most amazing guy ever,
and I will not let my sexuality stand in my way.
But for now,
I am a disabled homosexual,
who decided to tell you about it.
And dear physical therapist:
I have never judged you,
not even when you told me you fell for a fat guy,
and now you're married.
So don't ask me if I'm only a lesbian,
due to the fact that I have a disability,
because guess what?
I'll have my disability no matter if,
the person I'm dating,
has a ***** or a ******
(e.k.j.)
Jan 1, 2016
Jan 1, 2016 at 2:24 PM UTC
My Doppelganger holds secret negotiations with my Avatar.
Slicing up the available territory by flipping a coin. Apparently,
I can see a me for myself if I happen to be in Somalia next Monday.
But that’s the Avator talking. Doppelganger is betting on Seattle.
I am eavesdropping, sitting around in my underwear. They
think I am unaware because I can’t see them, but they are
impossible without me.
Goethe, Shelley and John Donne are in the next apartment
huddled over some broken poems each had written on
the mirrors. No mistakes were made. No reflections.
They get to see themselves out of the corner of one eye,
for up to nine seconds which is like a lifetime to remember.
Yet the acrid smell of Neitzsche emanates from dark corners.
Sturm und Drang be ****** Neitzsche is convinced
no one has ever looked like him, but he does suggest
a parallel universe.
Abe Lincoln, a latecomer and unlikely participant, picks up a few pointers.
He knows full well that what he saw was not a reflection. And he rode that train
all the way from Pittsburg. All those windows...
And, yes, KA, the spirit double, the Egyptian Goddess, goes in **** as the
Greek Princess and shows up as Helen to tease Paris of Troy.
How can you not believe that? For Goddess sake, she helped end the Trojan War.
I have a lot of time on my hands. I don’t get out much.
Ava and Dopp came by just to let me know I’m still around.
Jan 4, 2014
Jan 4, 2014 at 4:57 PM UTC
I hold your life in my hands:
small squares of time, caught out of context.
Picture this! they say, tempting me to remember.
And I do.
I remember a chubby baby’s face, caught in heavy sepia tones.
My twin, ‘though of another generation.
Years later, Fujicolor would reveal our only real differences
in auburn hair
and emerald eyes
that I loved too well to envy.
An Ava Gardner look-alike,
who looked at me with a mommy’s eyes:
emerald eyes
that cried when I hurt
and sparked with a humor that never faltered.
I remember a strong-willed woman
holding a family together amid shattering dreams,
emerald eyes that grew jaded,
and a humor that colored your pain.
And I remember loving you --
‘though God knows liking you came hard!
Both of us strong-willed women
with nothing but a shade of hair and hue of eye to separate us.
That, and a lifetime of differing opinions.
And I remember holding your life in my hands
watching the light fade from your emerald eyes
and I’d give what’s left of life
to have more than their memory
and small squares of your life
to hold in my hands.
Jan 5, 2012
Jan 5, 2012 at 4:45 PM UTC
Her name is Ava,
An autistic girl who just needs love,
A beautiful angel sent to us,
From almighty God, up above.
She's in her own little world,
That is far from here,
What she doesn't know is that she's loved,
An innocent girl who lives in fear.
She may be aggressive at times,
Disobey the rules and cry,
But she can't help her actions,
We can only hope and try.
I can empathize with her,
I can cry like her as well,
But I will never see the world through Ava's eyes,
A girl with much to tell. :)
Jul 18, 2013
Jul 18, 2013 at 8:03 PM UTC
Once upon a time
As time was once upon us,
Would have you and I in love and to dream of
Although today, we are nothing more then...
Were before's
Way back then
Used to be's
But today just friends
Once upon a time
Ex-partners in crime
You keep yours &
Ill keep you in mind
But today though
Still just friends
Once before's
Way back when
Now nothing more
Then acquaintances
Agreed upon unanimously
Too,new beginnings
With two different ends
Never will be's
Ever again
Now just bad memories
Of an Ex-benificial friend
Yesterday's news
Last Months Blues
We're before's
Still no-more's
Weren't really even back then
Yet someone I catch myself still missing
My Ex-Selfie sharing ,best friend
AvA
May 16, 2018
May 16, 2018 at 8:55 PM UTC
Constellations settled high above us,
the endless night,
deep as the ocean.
The moon lies watching us
shedding light over the dense forest,
yawning, waiting for her brother to take over.
Misty vapors sit over us,
Our eyes shut, listening.
My casual garden of Eden
your fragrant strawberry gum,
clouded by the poison of your rude cigarette,
and the soft rose perfume you always wear.
Whispers of a breeze float by,
blowing hair over your gaunt cheeks.
When your patience is finally exhausted,
you sit up, your voice ripping the silence.
I hear your carefree tone,
but see a traveler in your eyes,
with the weight of the world,
resting on your shoulders.
The rotting facade strapped on each day,
cannot conceal just how much
you want to vanish,
endlessly searching for an escape,
longing to be a ghost.
But you pick up another cigarette
and breathe.
Sep 14, 2013
Sep 14, 2013 at 1:28 AM UTC
I knew a boy who came from the sea.
He traced my scares and kissed them.
He couldn't understand the pain that I had conquered up in my head.
He was the only one who had ever known the truth about me.
My therapist though I had made him up.
She couldn't grasp someone so graceful, and so magical could ever exist.
He did exist.
He existed more than I ever could.
I would let him read through my journals full of poems, and self harm.
And he would touch my arm, and leave burn marks.
I had four so far going up my wrist.
At night lying in the dark, the round burns on my wrist faintly glowed.
And when I traced over them his face flashed through my mind.
I would spend each day with him, but the moments we had to divid I will never forget.
I stand facing him, as he lifts his hand in front of my chest.
He smiles.
I start to smile back until a sharp pain rushes up my spine, and out my chest.
Everything gets bright, and my head goes dizzy.
It almost feels as if something is being pulled out from my chest.
Everything goes dark, and numb.
And after awhile I gasp for air, and open my eyes.
I'm alone again, as if it never happened.
As if I never was with him.
This is not new.
Dec 23, 2012
Dec 23, 2012 at 6:04 PM UTC
This happy land of Diemens, dogs and bush-walks,
Creative flurries, chats over beer, spag bol and chocolate.
Van trip, scoot down the coast,
Wander along the beach.
Talk of this and that, laugh
And put the world to rights.
Thrash out ideas, share some thoughts,
Wonder if living could be easier?
Two friends who shared a trip to the Beach twenty years back take stock;
And find that from start they had more in common than they knew.
Now seperated by ten thousand miles, A thousand quid and two days flying,
They're closer than they were
sat facing front in that old escort van.
Another chapter ends
Or begins
Or begins and ends.
I awake and think of boarding,
My plane.
I hadn't realised how simple it was
To just be,
To just exist side by side
With an old friend who you connect with.
No need for the usual preambles
Just straight to the core.
Don't waste time, because 20 years fit badly into five days.
And What happens if you click cancel....
before the download has finished?
I'm so reluctant to leave.
These days have been so easy and fun and blessed.
Brotherhood is hard to find
And when will I return?
A red light shines through my window
And appears on the wall across the room.
It blinks yellow and moves as the people opposite
Reverse from their drive
And head off to work.
The daylight outside is growing,
The rumble in the air is not traffic
But waves breaking on the shore
About fifty meters away.
Soon I'll get up, make tea
And we'll all go for a walk.
Me, my frind Toby, Pablo the happy staffie
And Ava the lucky foster dog,
Wandering care free along the beach
as the waves break around our feet.
A plane flies overhead. Taking the ****
Okay I know!
All things come to an end.
And this too shall pass.
It's just I haven't often wanted to stay this much.
It's so fun here,
And life outside can be a bit full on.
Oct 1, 2015
Oct 1, 2015 at 1:05 PM UTC
My eyes click clacked
To the cling clang
Of a bottle of *** hitting marble
Ava was sitting on the bar countertop
The boy with the glasses
Folded between her spider legs
Their teeth like piano keys playing one another
She ****** his shirt
Red maraschino
Pet his cheek with her
smooth leather palm
Stroked his hair with
Comb fingers
Bejeweled with silver rings
She stretched out her vowels like taffy when she spoke
Giggles stabbing themselves into the middle of her sentences.
“I️ like the way wine makes me feel”
She purred,
Swishing the words around in her mouth before she chased them down with
Pino Gris
I’d never seen this version of Ava.
Night velvet
Black cat
Skin sheets of raw silk.
She was slippery and evasive,
Like a mermaid
Hiding behind her hair and her scales and champagne,
Because
Inside
I️ knew
She wished the boy
With the glasses and the red shirt
Was her Brooklyn boy
So she kissed him with wine lips,
The force of disappointment and pain
Jul 17, 2018
Jul 17, 2018 at 10:46 PM UTC
AVA: drinking sriracha so that i can feel something
GRACE: *** how'd it go
AVA: not well
GRACE: *** ava u liar u r practically a genius
AVA: that's hilarious
AVA: sayS THE GIRL IN GENIUS MATH
GRACE: wish you were here
AVA: what???
GRACE: nvm, ignore me
GRACE: wrong person
GRACE: i'm sure ur test went fine
May 5, 2015
May 5, 2015 at 3:54 PM UTC
This body is to narrow to start the concrete picturesque poetry
As a marvelous bright sparkling spring into the pitch black marvel stone
My poems are shallow water running out of time climbing backwards
Shanti dances, Shakti watches, I ride the glossy magenta mountain byke Elementally through the potentially ***** city, gulping two little
flying spoons wwhhpp mhm
of
Brilliant IO Ag
Helth guarantieed on the nulth spelling positive not
Obtrusive politely declined skipped suggestive
Visually objective little pencil box down bellow
friend _ this is blank !
Absolutely! Absoulutely! A ****** stream of no perservatives no ***
Objecting flowery flunder opiates Words grow from
Barriers between insufficient gestures from human
Jazzy left ear leaving laments of sounds incapability to stay
Endlessly entwined and glued together as your soul loves
Tender tactile cats touch on your desperate desert sju++
Ave Gratias Plena Ava Gardner Avon Avion
My throat is not of a managment made suits suiting suitcases
I'm Tired Of Fraternities Or True Females Always Ends Well
Dec 10, 2015
Dec 10, 2015 at 3:37 PM UTC
Ava dwells on imperfections
Wishing an iron could be made
Perfect enough to smooth them out
Ava dreams in seven colors
If only to escape the void
If only to dance freely for a while
Ava doesn't flinch at the medication
She curls a lip and smiles
As she dangles feet in crystal waters
Ava misses her auburn hair,
But misses the salt of the ocean more
The one place she calls home
Ava possesses the courage
Of armies ten thousand strong
Yet, no one hears her battle cries
Ava's heartbeat may finally cease
Before sunrise, before breakfast
But her love won't fade anytime soon
.
Apr 20, 2018
Apr 20, 2018 at 11:24 PM UTC
Standing beneath black skies' hush,
cold rains' fall a stimulating touch
bringing rise to forbearance
forcing stormcells to pressured positions
above our expanse.
These words escape to nothing.
Thick air mixed in
with each vowel of smoke,
straining to glimpse beyond
those choked fragments.
I caught your shadow
skirting the edge of visions
and slipping past my bounds.
You were cloaked in millennia,
time soaked from downpours
seemingly lost of origins,
be they long past
or still forecast,
you were,
falling drops rolling
from silken hair
still bruised in memory,
forgoing present presentation
to reacquaint opportunity
with overlooked encounters.
Soaked to soul,
the ripples spread quick
stepping to the plane of...
...wait,
where are you...
when are we...
...will you be?..
...or have we been
lost in relativity
and escaping in
each word I breathe.
Comprehension critical,
compassionate clouds constantly
reminding of drowning you out,
professing this changing view
in hallowed hurricane whispers.
An angel you became,
living upon these grounds
your plague, living on,
earthly existence anathema,
each second foreword
another progression of
decreeing beating heart
a final concerto, Ava Maria
your soliloquy, serenading
dreams in a missing tongue,
with dying tone
and a pulse set out for loan.
Loneliness my investment,
appreciating until the light was blinding,
pain breaking anthems,
scaling back to feed off
what was left.
I missed our true nature until it was reflex,
illumination only brief glimpses of a passed future,
grief developing to timelines sutures,
bleeding blending was
and has,
with will be still the memory
I'm forced to foresee.
Broken in neutrality,
droplets still caressing the shadow
skirting the corner of my eye.
Your life was short,
I let us die far too young.
Consider it your sacrifice,
the reason for the crying clouds
whose pain soothes these brainstorms
vented through cigarette breaks
wasted pouring words
to howling winds.
Aug 29, 2012
Aug 29, 2012 at 6:06 PM UTC
Would you be my Ava Gardner
When I submit myself to the darkness?
The madness of my own racing thought theatre
In my mind
My own sacred sanctuary
lost
Somewhere between the ruminated past
And a catastrophized "way of the future"
Where I presently react
Would you ever bring me back?
Before bath times
And fetal positions
Back into the arms
of infinity, space and all in between
'Cause all I feel is scared anymore
Washing my mind clean with your cosmic touch
From a black hole back to star child
Whispering,
*You will emerge beyond The Phoenix and The Full Moon.
Just rise, My Sun*
Exploiting my inner madman
with all the right intentions
Little death in the dark
Reborn illuminated
*Way of the future
Way of the future
Way of the future...*
Jul 30, 2013
Jul 30, 2013 at 9:09 PM UTC
The storm in me
Is the conflict you cant see
Who i am, or am not
Supposed to be
The person i was,
Because and should be
Someone who was
Smart and strong
Needed and belonged
Confident without hesitation
A patriot of this great nation and
A loyal friend If ever you needed one
Today though some see me differently
They say im a
Disappointment with disabilities
Slowly ruining a reputation
A product of my environmental instabilities
Falling short of an expectation
But sometimes there's nothing you can do
When life interferes with predesitination
And redirects it down a path unsecurred and
Opened to translation.
Just as it did to me...
Now everyday is exactly the same
But completely different
I wish I could explain.
Who I was back then
Came to his end that beautiful day in May
And what was left
is what is now
A conflict that no one sees
The Storm inside of me.
AvA
Aug 13, 2018
Aug 13, 2018 at 11:30 PM UTC
and this morning, like most,
found you sprawled
out taking 3/4s of the
bed again. don’t get the wrong
idea, I am not complaining.
I’ll take a sliver at your side
over mountains of blankets,
pillows, alarm clocks and
emptiness. you can tell
my jealous mattress I prefer
to sleep on your floor
because 7 AM sunlight
will never look as good
as it does stretching over
your bare ******* shoulders,
belly. I lie with a thin
sheet between my knees
tucked between your
legs and a curtained window.
I think about kissing you
but I’ll wait until the
jade buried under your
eyelids come to
meet the morning on
it’s own terms. until
then…
Sep 21, 2016
Sep 21, 2016 at 6:16 PM UTC
one day everything falls apart. your hands and her promises and you heart. loving her turns into not sleeping. ever. that one day six months later when you finally saw her again and choking on not saying I love you before she left because you can't stand the thought of her not saying it back. the possibility. this ache. someone asks you what happened between the two of you and you say that even the continents came apart. they don't get it. you don't either. something breaks inside of you every time the wind blows and you smell her perfume. something harder than glass. they call this something hope. she knows where you live and she knows you never leave but she isn't coming back. make no mistake. there will be no surprise visits. no knock on your door at five a.m, no tear streaked hello's and no heartfelt I missed you's. no happy ending. no ending at all. just a belly full of whiskey and the last time she told you she loved you. her words feel like plagiarism in your ear. you wonder how her mother would feel about this. you wonder if her mother saw this coming a mile away. you wonder if her mother will always be right. you take another drink and wonder how this glass would sound as it breaks against your wall. the moment it leaves your hand you regret it. what a mess. all liquor and love sick and four a.m. the rorschach stains on this carpet from back when you were practicing for ava or evelyn or aiden. she picked the names. all the carpet cleaner in the world won't erase the memory. you wouldn't try even if it would. the empty chair theory doesn't soothe this broken heart of yours. nothing does. you pull another glass from the cupboard and see her lipstick stain on the edge. you imagine being small enough to jump from the top and landing hard enough to **** yourself but softly enough to not leave a stain. they would look at you and say, "I think this one was an accident." and they are wrong.
May 27, 2016
May 27, 2016 at 3:25 PM UTC
Sometimes I look at you and smile because I am so blessed.
Even right now at a time when I am the most stressed.
You come running while I'm in distress,
you hug me, lay your head down with your ear to my heart and listen to that pitter patter in my my chest. You wiped aways the rivers of sadness that flows from my eyes.
I Think God has sent you to me, my Angel in disguise.
You are Such a beautiful Surprise! God knew Exactly what he was doing when he created you in my whom. Such a beautiful spiritual being that blossoms and blooms
like flowers in the month of June.
He knew just what to bless me with and How Amazingly to do it.
You and I are a perfectly great fit. Because you and your brothers, I am a good mother and I cannot quit!
I'm forever grateful for the pleasure of just knowing you.
It's only been a year or two, so I Know This is just a Preview.
I wouldn't have a clue,
I honestly would be lost without you. But I want you to know no matter what, Mommy loves you Boo boo!
Sep 15, 2016
Sep 15, 2016 at 10:17 PM UTC
Miles and miles and miles away,
is a big lovely place we like to play,
we jump and bounce,
we we spin and ponce,
all in the middle row's house
Daisy,Zack,Seb and Fi,
we all wonder so dearly,
how they are such a fabulous family,
And we wonder in the middle row's house
Meanwhile downstairs the adults are all fine
until they start drinking sebastian's posh wine ,
suddenly everyones up and dancing,
their all drunk and some are prancing,
They drink in the middle rows house
Upstairs the kids play and play
Maybe they think it's the only way,
say play Ava say play
Everyone plays in the middle row's house
WE ALL LOVE THE MIDDLE ROWS
Oct 19, 2013
Oct 19, 2013 at 9:43 AM UTC
When the rain touches my face
It imitates my tears
It hides all my distaste
And all of my fears...
It hides when I'm missing you
And im feeling down
Or when I'm sad and blue
Cause you're not around...
It hides whom I want no one to see....
Me.
AvA
Jul 24, 2018
Jul 24, 2018 at 6:17 PM UTC
dear best friend,
thank you to the one who made my depressing life 10 times better
to the one who'd always listen to my endless rants
to the one who always understood me
to the one that i can talk to about anything
to the one that became my best friend in less than a week
to the one who accepted me
thank you Deanna
dear ex-best friend,
thank you to the one who stabbed my back and taught me i shouldnt trust everyone
to the one who made me let go the one i loved
to the one who attempted to change me
to the one who never loved me for me
to the one one who ripped everything away from me
to the one that i hate
thank you ava
Jun 6, 2018
Jun 6, 2018 at 3:57 PM UTC
Her name is Ava,
An autistic girl who just needs love,
A beautiful angel sent to us,
From almighty God, up above.
She's in her own little world,
That is far from here,
What she doesn't know is that she's loved,
An innocent girl who lives in fear.
She may be aggressive at times,
Disobey the rules and cry,
But she can't help her actions,
We can only hope and try.
I can empathize with her,
I can cry like her as well,
But I will never see the world through Ava's eyes,
A girl with much to tell.
Jul 20, 2013
Jul 20, 2013 at 3:45 PM UTC
Ava holds me tight in her delicate skinny arms,
And whisper perfectionin my ears.
Ava comes to me at night, she fills me with dreams and leaves a kiss in my mind.
She breaks into pieces, like a flower loess its Patals as winter arrives.
Lost I call out to her, not a whisper.
Somewhere between obsession and perfection I lost control.
All dreams were illusions, illusions which made me quietly bleed.
And now I walk a blurry path unsure and lost, where the only exit is death
.
As I slowly dig my grave, I sit and watch time fly by, as my soul run away, my existence begs for redemption, begs me not to give up, but I'm already far to gone.
Ava penetrates your mind and controls your life.
Ava is a liar
Jul 31, 2015
Jul 31, 2015 at 12:05 AM UTC