I dance alone and countlessly wonder
if you're as confused as I am
I want to fall in love again
I want to find your gaze
and feel violated and connected
and be confused about what it is you mean
and what you mean to me
it's all some sultry dream.
I want your kisses again
I want you in my dreams again.

I hate how my chest tightens when I see you I hate how my heart speeds up I hate how all the blood rushes to my cheeks I hate how your smile can make me happy in seconds I hate how you talk about her I hate your hands and how perfect they feel intertwined with mine I hate when your talking about your life and your eyes light up I hate when you run your hands through your hair I hate how cute you are I hate how you're all I think about I hate how you don't think of me I hate myself I hate you I hate how I don't hate you

I love you

                                                               r.n

I hear white noise in the evening gloom
Alone in my head as the wind blows
Then the stereo plays your song, quick and quiet
And it takes me to places nobody knows

You've always thought that no one listens, but I hear your music, I do
I'm listening to your lovely words, your midnight secrets
The things you're too afraid to say in the silence
The words inside that are dying to be set free

Then something tells me your song is about to end
But you don't deserve to fade out the way you always do
So please keep going, keep talking, don't leave
And I'll keep listening.

that feeling in the pit of your stomach as you raise your eyes to look at them, it's lethal

my love is like poison and the second upon exposure i'm left vulnerable but you're left affected forever, one step forward, a single blow to the lips and he has to open his eyes to see her face and remember this is real, she is real

it won't be movie love, it will be real love, and for that you must be warned - do not engage if you don't want after-*** cuddles and life contemplations, hot chocolate runs and holding hands without gloves since the heat from your hands are enough to warm the lack of oxygen reaching mine, late night laughter and cheesy dancing

do not engage if you don't want to let yourself fall in love, because it will happen slowly and if you realise when it's too late that you need to back out you need to know that like a bee who stings and dies, pushing me away from you after i've loved will cause me to be crippled not only by the weight of the falseness that i've been living in, but also the dense, crushing weight of my own love, of the letters and the kisses and the laughter

if you see me contemplate running after you when we say goodbye because i've always had a fear of departure, if you see my eyes light up when you walk into a room with an expression that can only be described as warmth and admiration, if you see my hand slowly make its way to yours in a desire to be held and comforted, if you see me love completely, depressingly, you need to stop me, because i'm warning you that if you don't i will get hurt and the pain of being locked out of my life forever will hurt you more in the months proceeding than it will hurt me as i learn to build myself up again for somebody else

you can fall in love with my lips, my humour, my dresses, my laughter, my smile, the emptiness of my eyes, the constant fear, the happiness when food comes, and anything else and everything else - but please, remember that it's lethal

it's lethal to love and to be loved, but it's the best poison i've ever really known

You put a bouquet
of yellow flowers
on the bathroom vanity.

Thank you.

They brighten my heart—
they lift my spirit.