for a thalassophobic like me
drowning never sounded so good

People are always so full
of themselves
but when you need to depict yourself
apart from all the valid reasonable
arguments
you just forget who you really are
you turn into a carrion &
your now cold dead eyes are the ones
in the crow's beak
its unsuccesful attempts to
taste your weaknesses
from inside out
it would never be able to chase you down
but now that you're a parting gift
welcome be the one
that will dissect you quick & harshly
they won't ever care
about what you were
or could be in life
your hopeless future could've come about
once or twice
but you tried hard enough to stop it
by giving yourself a lethal deadline
weren't you?

I know i'm not really myself
when i'm doing this
I'm not quite myself very often
to be honest
but I regret
every single time I wasn't there myself.
I hate this disease
i hate this disorder
and the things it makes me do
when I'm in an island
far away from myself
living in a reality
where stolen things are quite better
than my own
and the moon shines, bitter & anguished
because I stole its shine away
and put it on the star
that lingers in my stolen
rag heart.

I am what i am
I stay in my position until i can not
I am full of words inside me &
although you might think you have
you haven't seen anything like them before
I am full of stars & galaxies
and i'm here to tell you
you haven't been with anyone like me before
I live & i die many times a day
just to shine bright the next day
just to remind you
that i'm the one
who own myself
now & ever.

Do you ever hear yourself
begging for an embrace or
a shadowy surprise getting into the dim-lit room
you're in
for a whisper coming from
the back of your neck
to settle your nerves down
when you're sobbing so hopelessly
in your bed at night?

a pretty long time of nothingness

i miss the sight of blood
flowing out
of this body
as much as i miss
the safety & false brief relief
that used to lead me
to my own depths.