stargazer

stargazer Nov 2018

gone

she had made so much of me
that when she left
i lost a piece of myself

she has been on my mind so much recently, and my heart aches with regret; i never told her how i felt.

#regret #gone #love #sorrow

stargazer Nov 2018

I never told her
How her laugh filled me up
Or how her smile made me shiver
How her voice made me weak
Or how her gaze made me quiver

I never told her
That she was my reason for living
Or that she made me feel worth something
That she made me want to wake up in the morning
Or that she slowed my turbulent thinking

I never told her
That I loved her

To the first girl that I ever loved. The regret still stabs me, even two years later.

#regret #of #*** #love #never #born

stargazer Nov 2018

Spectrum

I tremble with the feeling of a million
shattering emotions. They swallow
and crush and lift and destroy.
Too far out of my control,
taunting me, relentless.
I cannot contain
This feeling
That co-
urse
s
Thr
ough
my veins.
There is no tell
ing, what might be
come of me, the girl who
feels everything. One day I just
might burst. Not capable of handling
this spectrum of emotions that envelops me.

I feel, and I feel, and I feel

#feel

stargazer Nov 2018

Girls and Boys

This is the only thing
That I am not indecisive
Or unsure about

Don't make me second guess,
Because I will

I will overthink
And analyze
Until my brain is splattered on the wall

So let me be sure of this one thing
This one small thing

I know
For a very fact
In the deep recesses of my heart

I like girls and boys

I am not confused
Nor am I calling for attention

Let my love
Love how it wants

Let me love
Who I yearn to love

Love looses her beauty
When she is rigorously controlled

Let my love be beautiful

I guess this is my coming out poem....

Take it however you wish

#bisexual #love #gay #romance #girls #boys #girlsandboys

stargazer Nov 2018

Medication

13 pills
5 in the morning
8 in the evening

I have to swallow them
One by one
Just to stay sane

They catch in my throat
Choke my screams on their way out

Keep my tears at bay
Before they fall

They slow the voices
In their chatter

Keeping the anxiety
From grasping and pulling at my heart
And pooling in the pit of my stomach

Or...

At least they're supposed to.

But my screams
Still stain the air

I still hear voices
Bouncing back and forth
In my skull

My heart clenches
My stomach tightens
With the anxiety that is supposed to be gone

And still I swallow
8 pills each night
5 pills each morning

13 pills each day

I know that this sounds like a complaint, but really I'm just struggling to stay sane through all of these meds and their side-affects. Poetry helps.

#13 #pills #*** #day

stargazer Oct 2018

Oil on Water; Silk on Silk

Oil on water

Sliding over me
This slippery
Never-ending reality

Grasping at nothing
Downward cascading
Hardly even breathing

Silk on silk

Words die on my lips
Things falling from my fingertips
My world caught in apocalypse

Everything gliding away
With each passing day
Everything fades to grey

Sliding away

#caught #in #between #the #lines