Drifting carelessly in the sea of stars, wondering as I wander through the constellations of you.

Its unbearable, this pain. Another is coming, I tell myself as worn fingers grasped the bars, knuckles bleeding white as a test in fear. I tell myself that my will is unwavering. My resolve is that of Everest, unshakable. Nothing will move me. Woe be to the soul that boast in ignorance!  The wave seemed to speak in volumes, its sized and mass attempting to relinquish all hopes I had summoned. Suddenly, nothing felt concrete; solid in my hand’s embrace.

Then it unleashed it’s fury.

The initial sensation seemed to strike a blow to my very essence before rippling outward with the intent on leaving nothing in its wake. Mentally, spiritually, and physically stripped of all strength and filled with an agonizing torment that brought about the desires of eternal flames. My grip seemed to be pried from the bar and there I was, frozen in translation.  It was then I could hear them. At first it was faint voices, but soon they manifested into separate conscious each with their own opinion as if each ripple of the storm possessed  its own personality; speaking on its own accord.

And how they spoke! Vast in their opinion and intricate in their meaning, they spoke of everything! From my dreams and desires in both the light and the dark. Selfish wishes and Selfless sacrifices. But it was a pattern I noticed. Some were hurtful. Some were horrid. Some were cruel. As others were kind, thoughtful, and loving. Did I own these voices? Was I their creator? And if so, where were they going? It was then it struck me, willing my body to take action as I began to screaming soundlessly against my drowning agony.

My hands sought substance. Tangible. Anything to keep from being swept away in the sea of madness! Frantically I lashed and claws against the currents will. My will? Some broke shattered in my grasp, like reality breaking in response of an influx of emotion. Some passed through my digits and I could not grasp the meaning behind why. But atlas! A firm grip wrapped about a bar and my other hand aided resist being washed away. Soon it subsided and the currents grew still, tranquil in design. I found myself hugging those bars for understanding before I could feel the tremble once more.  

How long have I been here? I can’t remember. The struggle doesn’t allow for such luxuries. Will I ever be free? I’ve often sought freedom, nearly losing myself for my self-indulgence. The ideal that this may come to end would be nothing more than a lie. Since it all began, I’ve heard the voices of those that have ****** me to this hell and I can only wonder if they suffer as I do. Consciously or Unconsciously.

Wave after wave of relentless weight attempting to wash me away, knowing I am the key to breaking the levees and unleashing something horrid upon the land. At this point, no one would stand survive. Its becoming too much the bear and I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. Whether theses voices represent me or some others entities, they want to be heard and I am to key to it all. As another fades away after leaving maimed and battered, I reconstruct myself from my remains. My will still unwavering.

This smile can't express what my heart is trying to say.
The strum of these four beats resonates
and echos for all to see.
Everyone knows the rhythm,
understands the sound,
but only a few appreciates the music.
I've stumbled into the cadence
Faintly hearing the melody
And I find myself following it
In the hopes that I find you
Playing that symphony
To my heart.

Like falling stars
I watch my wishes dance along the skyline
And like post cards.
I address each one to you

I had a dream of moment, frozen in the depths of my mind like an movie on pause to cherish a moment that was so significant to me that I hadn't noticed.
She held me. The midst of all the chaos and playfulness, she held me. For those few moments I could hear the beating of the drum; the rhythm of her life pressed against my ear and what I found in that moment was irreplaceable.


Peace.

My thoughts had stilled, drowned out by the cadence of her heart, so delicate and precious that value of it is often obscured and taken for granted.

But not in this moment...

It was like being submerged in water with all that was happening around you muffled but the sound you needed to hear most and I would give anything to return back there. To experience that feeling again.
But I fear this time if it happens, I won't let her go.  I wouldn't want to let her go.

When I woke up, I awoke outside underneath the night's sky.
I watch humbly as the gentle breeze push the clouds, catching glimpses of her light through the veil
My heart swells with anticipation as eyes watch in awe of the coming moments
She is truly amazing, I say to myself as I am fall under her spell
The afternoon was already inspiring with its blazing array of colors that merged with the departure of the glorious sun
But her arrival stole the show and her presence reminds me of the beauty of the night.
The calm of city life and tranquil peace of its slumber
The soothing music of the wind as its sweeps the landscape, playing the keys of the leaves in a melody so relaxing that I feel my eyes become heavy
Paradise in the solace of midnight, the black canvas overhead with stars painting vivid pictures of worlds beyond
Allowing me to dream...
Allowing me to wonder...
Allowing me to sleep...
And as I close my eyes once more I see her and I smile warmly
As I remember this feeling
I said I wouldn't forget
She is truly amazing

Its snowing.
A calligraphy uniquely constructed in a moment of thought.
Millions of moments in the form of falling crystals in the radiance of the moon nigh, effortless dancing to embrace its new found home
Could my life be translated in such brilliance?
An arctic embrace of the soothing blanket envelops and holds me fondly, as a lover in intimacy.
Her gentle sway leaves me abstract; cradled in her *****.
Would one cherish my life so?
The breeze were like affectionate hands, caressing my features so delicately.
Though cold,
its intent resonated with a motherly warmth.
Will one love me so unconditionally?
Drifting down the endless sea of thoughts this night without purpose;
to swept away by its currents and ride the waves just above the surface in its guidance.

I hear the ghastly whispers of subconscious caress my mind with my regrets and my fears
Their ethereal hands stroke the strings of my conscious to play a melody that I do not recognize and I watch helplessly as my body dances flawlessly to the tune.
No matter how much I scream and struggle to break free of it influence, I am nothing more than prisoner, caged and stripped of power leaving my body immune to my will.
Are these me true thoughts? I ask myself as I gawk at the choices I am making, the words that I'm saying, and the people I'm breaking.
A voice answers my inquiry with a laugh. "I'm only doing what you cannot. Just sit back and relax, it will all be over soon."
"Who are you" I question, "Why have you not shown yourself?"
"Because I am you," the voice answered. "The part of you that you've kept at bay,"
"Caged like you are because you were afraid of what people might think. Might do if these thoughts were to ever reach the surface."
"But you can no longer hold me back."
"I have control now and watch I make things right"

I don’t think I’ve ever been so intrigued by a woman but so afraid to pursue.
How does one explain a drug that he has never taken?
An addiction that one has never experienced…

Sometimes I wish this feeling would be subdued…
But every time I’m around her I can feel her etching deepen
And withdraws are borderline deadly in her absence

My mind can’t escape her
Her smile
Her laugh
Her voice

And yet I want to resist
I can feel the fear wrap closely around me
Like a mother comforting a child from the rain

So I checked myself in
Though the doctors had no cure
Because there is no cure when you hearts yearns for love

My mind has been nothing more than a sea of unfiltered thoughts; waves of raging emotions and feelings that I am still dealing with despite the course of time that has swept the landscape and brought about change. My once barren battlefield littered with the remains of soldiers that died fighting for a lost cause had shifted into a empty plains with subtle signs of life emerging from ashes of the desert. Over time, the seasons brought about growth as the faint sound of the drum echoed in the distance. Trances of green and wildlife flourished into plains and forests.  Though it appeared beating normally, the cadence of my life drum beats in irregular patterns, seemingly unable to break the internal habit that has started long ago it was broken. It fails to function properly but it refuses to quit, recalling a time where those who heard it rejoiced. It continues to play despite being faced with the storms and violent winds that plague my mind when I see you. It plays when the rain floods the land whenever I call our memories. It even plays the same defective pattern when it clear skies and the sun is aboard. It played even when I demanded it to stop.

Why... after all this time... it still continues to string me along with the beat? It insist that I push forward while feeding me dreams and desires that I'm not even sure are my own. Thoughts of better days and heartfelt memories. Dreams of love and affection. Desires of raw passion and lust. Fantasies of someone that cherishes me as I cherish them.

Hope is music that heart plays. And though I am reminded of you each and every time I hear the beat, it plays to remind me that there is still something ahead. Experiences and memories just over the horizon. And for as long as it continues to play, I will always answer its call.

Consider for a moment that everything was true
That every bashful joke and coquettish compliments were a declaration
A means to accentuate how far my thoughts had fallen from grace
Into the expanse where the goddess Venus, Aphrodite, and Lilith reign
Nurturing this lustful appetite and fueling these flames of passion

Give me the choice that Pleasure and Virtue gave the mighty Hercules,
And I will always choose glory for hard work and dedication will always yield the best reward
Provide me with my twelve labors to prove my worth and virtue to you, my Goddess
Allow me to satiate this primal urges once my task is completed
Let me provide for you

For this appetite craves to explore the dominion of your body
Hands ravishing your flesh, entrancing through kneading and massaging
From your shoulders to your feet, spreading the warmth  equally throughout
Weary muscles and taut limbs, allowing you to relax and succumb to the feeling
Let me worship you

Awaiting patiently for your voice to slips between your succulent lips
The cries and moans of pleasure as I stimulate  all your of erogenous zones,
Strumming each of those strings to play of song of never before heard
Each note played with the passion and intensity of a man in heat
Let me please you

As for this ritual, allow my tongue to make my obeisance
Let it roam freely over the contours of your crown
Showing you that my devotion to you is absolute
And may you accept my act of reverence humbly
And lets those cries and screams of adoration echo in our sanctuary

Grant me permission to sacrifice my body at the altar in your name
As my final act of reverence,  let me give all of me to you
Allow me to sweat and cry out as I please you with my body
Each impassioned ****** as a testament to my unyielding devotion and uncompromising love
May I finished knowing that I have given my everything to you,
Happily

And I would do it all again in the next life
In the name of love… for you

Floating along the sea of thoughts, unwilling to reach out for fear of what I may grasp but desperately yearning to be anywhere but here.

I read your words slowly
Words that come from the depths of you
Words which shares your very heart and soul
That when spoken,
Is like a spell that allows you to be seen
To be heard… to be acknowledge
To be accepted by my heart as truth
And yet, I somehow crave more

I want to feel how you react to me
In the embrace of my arms, held tightly
Melting in the warmth of yours, held dearly
Hear the desperation in your tone when you call for me
And see the happiness in your eyes when you see me
As do I

To be able to weave such magic as you do
Conjure feelings and emotions
From the very depths of you
And make the most impractical of things
In this tumultuous dreamscape that we call love
The easiest to understand
To compel you to seek out my happiness
To find pleasure in my wonder
As I do yours,
Each and every day.