I really believe in the past few months, I've changed and grown more than I have my entire life. I guess it's not much of surprise with the whole college thing, but I didn't see it coming. I'm not the person I was my freshman year of high school, heck, I'm not even the person I was in August. Change is a weird thing, but despite what we think, life isn't meant to be constant. I've learned a lot about love and even more so, falling out of love. I always thought the quote "if you love someone, let them go" was a cliche, but I promise you it's not once you're actually faced with the decision yourself. After sharing so much of your life with another individual, having to let them go can be an incredibly hard thing... but sometimes in order to prosper and grow, you both have to be apart. It doesn't mean the love was lost or that you still don't actually love them, it just shows that what you two shared was bigger than the two of you and it should be left at that... love that can't be explained, what a beautiful thing, right? I've learned a hell of a lot about friendships and the kind of people you want in your life. My amount of friends isn't abundant, but the quality of my friends is. My friends at home and my friends at school are not one of the same, but I think that's why I enjoy them so much. They bring different things to my life. My friends at school, it's unreal. I've experienced so much with them in the little four months I've known them. I'll never forget that Sunday where our daily lives seemed so little, because She was almost gone. My friends at home really proved that distance doesn't change a thing... home is always where the heart is. Pain I've realized is something we are lucky to experience, because it's real. How lucky are we to experience raw emotion? Emotions that are those of our own. I was always ashamed to feel hurt, to cry, to feel pain, or just feel emotion at all... but now I see that I should have been embracing it a long time ago. Those of us who aren't afraid to show how we feel are the true heroes. We let others know that it is okay, it's a part of life. Maybe we should stop thinking being overly emotional is a bad thing, it's a gift almost. To feel for everything and everyone, not everyone gets to experience that kind of thing and it's beautiful, really. Embrace your feelings because another day here is never guaranteed. I've learned that I'm beautiful, despite what anyone tries to tell me. No, my body isn't what makes me beautiful. My mind is what does. My ability to turn words of nonsense into gentle verses of poetry tells you more than my appearance ever will. I've realized that I think in the flow of poetry and I don't think I'll ever going to be the same again. Is that the joy of being a writer? When a sentence you say sounds like it came out of a novel and you find yourself rhyming, without even giving it a second thought. The last few days of 2014 have felt longer than the entire year itself. The end of 2014 is a blur really, high school isn't something I like to give much of a second thought to... and as for starting my new adventure, college has been something for the books. Memories I'll never forget and people I want to be around when I'm one day married with little people who are half of me. These last few days have felt extremely significant and changed me without even meaning to. I've just realized how precious life is, how **** lucky we are to be standing here... Life is a bunch of little moments that are part of a bigger picture, they all set one another off. Every little thing matters. I've realized my words have the ability to change the world, maybe they already have? But you see, I'm just getting started. I'm just beginning to grow and mature. My journey has far more twists and turns and I don't know where I'll end up, but isn't that the wonder of life?

I've learned about self love
a lot in the past few months
and how to love the way
my thighs jiggle

I've learned about self love
a lot in the past few months
and how to appreciate
my thick eyebrows

I've learned about self love
a lot in the past few months
and to remember that my eyes
twinkle like no other

I've learned about self love
a lot in the past few months
and how to treat my body
like a temple

I've learned about self love
a lot in the past few months
and that everyone's definition of beauty
is different

I've learned about self love
a lot in the past few months
and how to accept
that I'll never fit society's standards
but that it's okay

I've learned that I'm beautiful
and that's the most important part
of all

A wise man I know once told me
a thing or two about death
we can spend a day in this world
or we can spend 85 years here
and somehow live the same life
when it comes down to it
it's not how much time we spend here
it's how we spend it
will you spend your life slaving away
or will you spend your life making sure the ones you love
know how widely you love them
an entire lifetime can be lived over duration of one night
time is all in our heads

What are the odds of finding someone -
who can finish your sentences -
who will let you cut in line -
who knows not to just lend a hand, or an ear when you need them to give you their spine -
who will keep every secret, save every letter, tell you how you really look
who will remember every single one of your birthdays -
without checking Facebook?
What are the odds of finding someone who knows your poetry by heart ?
I will always see you for the alley-oop.
I will always save you a seat.
I will always pick you to be my partner even though you are terrible at handball.
When the fire takes all you have, my home will be your home.
When you are old and can no longer remember my face, I will meet you for the first time again and again.
When they make fun of your accent, I will take you swimming because we all sound the same underwater.
When Ellis Island tries to erase your past, I will call you by your real name.
When they call your number for the draft, I will enlist to fight beside you.
And I will march with you from Selma to Montgomery and back as many times as it takes.
We will stand together against the horses and the dogs -
They could tell you how rare this is.
But they could tell you how rare this always is.
The chances are slim.
The cards are always stacked against you, the odds are always low.
But I have seen the best of you, and the worst of you, and I choose both.
I want to share every single one of your sunshines and save some for later.
I will tuck them into my pockets so I can give them back to you when the rains fall hard.
Love-
I want to be the mirror that reminds you to love yourself.
I want to be air in your lungs that reminds you to breathe easy.
When the walls come down -
when the thunder rumbles -
when nobody else is home, hold my hand -
and I promise -
I won't let go.

I was warned of the monsters
Under my bed
But I was never warned
Of the ones who could smile at you
And make you completely weak
The ones who say all the right things
At the right times
The ones who have curls in their hair that seem to have been perfectly sculpted by the
Gods
The ones who have eyes that are deep mysterious and hallow
Like the ocean
The ones who somehow can read you like
A book
The ones who tear you apart but build you up
At the same **** time
I was never warned of
You
The biggest monster of them all
You're not under my bed
Instead youre in my head
You're the monster that I'll never
Conquer

Don't fall for me
Don't fall in love with me
When you love me
you also love my
mishaps
flaws
mistakes
demons
I will over-analyze you
and every word you say
and every move you make
You'll see that I'm a mess
and majority of the time
I don't know what the hell is
going on
I'm a clutz and trip over my own
two feet
I'm needy and I'll often ask you if you seriously do
love me
My emotions are so big and wide that I have enough to go
around for everyone who doesn't give a ****
but if you decide to fall in love with me
regardless of all this
I'll write you poems so sweet
that they'll sound like melodies
I'll love you like the sun loves the moon
I'll care for you in a way that is so gentle and delicate
I will always be there
I'll be your rock
I'll love all the things you swear you hate about yourself
I'll make constellations out of your freckles
and a new galaxy will be found in your eyes
I'll find beauty in your flaws
and you'll wonder why you never loved yourself
in the way that
I love you

It's always the same
"How are you?"
But are the answers actually honest
Probably not
Ask the questions that matter
the ones that hurt
the ones that strike a feeling in the soul
"How did that scar get there?"
"Have you ever felt your life slip before your eyes?"
"Is a rock bottom a place you've been to?"
"Have you experienced love? What is it like?"
"Do you hurt or get hurt?"
"Is receiving or giving love more significant to you?"
"What does your past look like?"
"What moment were you most terrified at?"
"Do you know what it's like to have a broken heart?"
We're not here to beat
around the bush
Let's get in each other's minds
figure out why we hurt
where we've been
and what we had to go through to get here

To you
I was an object of
pure lust
I was never enough
to be worth your
affection

To you
It was about the
lace on my bra
and the size
of my *******

To you
I was like your *** toy
and you wanted to spend all your time
playing with me

To you
It was about my thighs
and focusing on what was
between them

To you
I was expected to be a woman of seduction
and spend all my time pleasing you

To you
It was about my long legs
and what it'd take for you
to be able to run your hands
up and down them

To you
It was never about anything more than
the ****** attraction
It didn't matter what I did
or how hard I tried
You would never love me

I once heard
that the way you love someone can actually
change their life
so how come my love didn't even leave a
dent
nor a single scratch
was it not enough
or were you just greedy
and not content with being loved by
just me