1.     My house is the same size as his mother's bedroom.
2. He was the first to notice the colour of my eyes.
3. He kept his left hand on my thigh and steered with his right.
4. He drew a long breath and breathed out a smoke on my face
5. He said men should not hurt their wives.
6. He drove sober while I leaned back with a bottle of cider in my hand.
7. He asked why I was so sad.
8. He told me he and his mother never talked.
9. I liked the feel of his hand on my hair.
10. He stopped kissing and wanted to talk about it
11. I've tried so hard to keep my wrists clean.
12. He claimed he was not looking for ***.
13. He only wanted me for my body.
14. I was not ashamed of my nakedness.
15. He stopped when I said no.
16. I fumbled; I was only a ******.
17. He sobered up in the cold shower while I lay in his bed, waiting.
18. I thought I heard my mother's voice from the back of my head, asking me my whereabouts.
19. I was somebody's daughter.
20. He was somebody's son.
21. There was a drawing by his kid sister, with a caption: the best brother in the world.
22. I felt too ugly to be lying there.
23. For all my life. I've wanted a brother. Someone who would protect me. Someone who would fight for my mother, who would gently cup my ears in the midst of my father's violence.
24. He came back and kissed me again.
25. I touched him because I was lonely.
26. I did not stop him from making marks on my neck.
27. I wanted to give myself up. I did not care. I had no reason to keep my virginity. But I was somebody’s daughter, and I...I loved myself too much.
28. He faltered at the mention of her name. He loved her. It was all too familiar.
29. He wanted to know how long I was staying.
30. My flight was only in eight hours.
31. I felt angry at his dominance over every events of my life.
32. I did not know how to forgive him. He, who was supposed to be my lighthouse, my shade. He made it so hard for me to trust, too vulnerable, always playing on the safe side. He hurt me too much.
33. He fell asleep with his back turned against me. I wanted to reach out to be held. But I did not know how to please him.
34. I was supposed to feel safe under my father’s shadow.

They say there are more stars than grains of sand
and I hope that does not likewise apply to time
I sit, drop sand, count grains as seconds, and wait.

When Did The Shyness Come To Town?
Was it After
Or Before...

Taken Up in An Airplane
They Said
Some Sort of Space Craft

What I didn't tell them
Was that I had Become One of Them
Except for My Feet

When It Meant Leaving My Family
The Family of Man
I couldn't Do It

And Fought To Save The Soul that
Left Me During The Dark Ages
And The One
That Blew Away
During Nagisakii

Yes, I fought
Every Screaming Word that Came out
Sounded Like A Foreign Language
Nobody Did Come

They Heard The Screaming
The Shredding
In their Own Way

That was the End
Of the Second

Hair shiny, skin sparkling
Oh, how she knows
Lipstick alluring for lustful eyes,
Lipstick stained and smudged inside.
Often nobody realises, there are scars
When can her mask be removed, and just as adored?


26th October 2016

The kind of songs that sing words
Of deep meanings
Tearing your soul from your body
While repeatedly stabbing your heart
Over and over again
Making you feel more alive than you actually were
They make you cry of your existence
You become insignificant in the world
Yet all the intangible human emotions is so large and real
These are my favorite songs