He looked at me
But did not see me
He could not feel me
He only saw what he wanted to see.

An object, a female
As if blood did not run through my veins
As if I can not feel hurt or shame
Almost not worthy to have my own name.

Have you ever been in love?
Horrible isn't it. You spend so much time building up this brick wall, this whole suit of armor so no one can hurt you then one day some stupid person comes along and slowly unbuilds this wall and you give them a piece of you they didn't even ask you to love them it just sort of happened because they were stupid and let you believe they cared, protected you from everything let you think you had a chance then one day they'll ignore you or forget you and it hurts like a splinter of glass being stabbed into your heart, it hurts not just in the mind or imagination but a soul-hurt a real gets inside you and rips you apart pain. I hate love

When you miss someone
So much it hurts
Like physically hurts
And it makes you cry
It *****
I miss you heaps

Its kinda sad really
When you can feel
One of your favorite people
Slowly slipping away from you
It's not as exciting now when you talk to them
It doesn't make you that happy anymore
The little things they do
Its kinda sad really
When you can feel them
Slipping out of your reach
Off on their own journey
Without you

Here I was overthinking everything
It's a bit selfish of me really
I need to expand my mind
Think of others
What they're doing
What may be masking their thoughts right now
You won't fall in love with another girl over there
I've been reading my journal today of old times with you
The memories we shared
The conversations we had
How you'd protect me and make sure I was safe
Never let me sleep until I was alright again
Solve my problems for me
Help me
Give me a hand with even little silly things
Help me see the light
Show me that it's not as bad as it may seem
Show me that sometimes my perspective isn't the only perspective and help me to see through other people's eyes
You've helped me with everything
And I'm eternally grateful
The way you look at me
The way you hug me
The way you've held my hand
The way you put your arms around me to keep me safe
I'm silly for ever forgetting that
Re reading these memories
Brought tears to my eyes
Happy tears
Because I finally realised
My mind is being silly
It's because I miss you
I overthink these things
Your extremely busy
And I forgot that
Good luck for your competition in an hour
You'll do great
Can't wait to see you again soon
And have a safe trip on Tuesday
Much love
:) x

You're 1473 miles away
It kinda hurts
You're over there and im over here
I'm missing you and
I probably haven't even crossed your mind once
I'm sitting writing listening to twenty one pilots
And you're there listening to rap and thinking about dance
I want to talk to you but you don't seem to want to as well
I'm here I'm not great but you have no idea cause it's the one thing I can't seem to tell you
Please don't fall in love with someone new
Please don't meet some hot new girl over there
It'll hurt so badly
I'm afraid of losing you
I told you I missed you and the boys
And all you could say was "Lolz"
What does that even mean
Then you say you "gotta bounce"
But your online for another two hours
You don't care
I was fooled that you actually did
But now you've just been treating me like one of your boys
I'm confused
Are you actually worth it anymore
I'm starting to wonder

My leg hurts :P
I still need physio
Ugh