i judged myself so harshly
burying deep memories within the archive
forcing myself to forget who I was
and focus on who I could be
but who I was is a fragment of who I am
diving in the archives of my mind
i forgave my younger self for the mistakes
for i was a child and faults are a given
i relieve my childhood from the catacombs of the past
and move forward together
hand in hand as a whole

thoughtless conversations with strangers
make my stomach churn deep down
am I now numb to love
empty flirts with unimportant figures
make a hole grow inside me
am I numb to love
tangling myself with haphazard acquaintances
leaves me walking home in the dark
am I now numb to love
my heart so craves the feeling of warmth
yet my thoughts wish to be alone
I wish to be free of this curse
free from being numb to love

do not be foolish again
I whisper to the beating sound in my chest
pressed against my lungs once again
it tells me you've lost your breath
do not fall let yourself get trapped in the same chaos
its a repetitive motion you know too well
do not let your self fall for another and fall back from another
you do not know love
you never knew love
the obsessions you hold to  
the fantasies you build
let them all go at once
save yourself
do not be foolish again

i pour my soul out
on paper to feel alive
but is that living?