do you remember calling me up in the middle of the night asking me to help you find your childhood and how i would run to your house and how we would race to the playground where you would sit on the swing while i pushed you so hard that you would scream and laugh and exclaim about how heaven was in this very place

do you remember my weak lungs trying hard not to give up and my fragile arms growing tired and my hands with callouses and how i got tired after pushing you a hundred times

do you remember asking me why i kept pushing you when i felt so weak and tired and sleepy

and i told you that i kept pushing because the definition of my happiness was seeing you four feet up in the ground with your cheeks stretched and your teeth and gums exposed in the grandest laugh and that the feeling of my heart beating quickly was the greatest feeling of all

and do you remember when you asked me a week ago why i still stayed with you when you felt that everything was getting tiresome for me?

it's because i want to see your smile and your hands holding tight and because you are that ******* the swing and i would push you until you find your childhood or even if you never find it at all

i pretend i am fine but
i'm still in love

bruised skin
and yearning
for the feeling
of breathlessness
when your lips are
on mine
                                                                
let me drown
in your kisses
and eager hands

pretend that you love me
pretend that i'm her

and i'll pretend that she's you

let's just kiss
and spend the night
high on lust and
unforgivable fantasies

i would
do anything
to feel your
love

i'd steal all
the stars
and inject
their luster
in my veins
to know what
it would feel
like to be
adored by you

i would drown
myself in the
ocean and fill
my lungs with
its waves
because you
said you
fell in love
with the sea
and i would
like to have
the idea of
what it is
like to be
loved by you

please hold
my heart
in your hands
and listen to
its beating

because the silent
pattern bothers
me at night
when it wails
your name and
i can't do anything
to satisfy it's
insatiable craving

all i need is
to feel your love
for just a second
to put this
heart to rest

we try running away
when we can't even stand up

i want to fix you          

to kiss your scars
and heal your bruises,
to mend the broken ribs
that protect your
fragile glass heart

i want to see you
happy again

because i miss
that blush on
your face
and the lines
by your eyes
when you
smile

it pains me
so much
to not see
those lines
any more

and i so want
to fix you

but how can
i heal
someone who
is broken
beyond repair?

i guess,
i'll just stay
by your side,
silent and
ignoring the
fact that you
are one step
away from
goodbye

you left
and took
everything

yet you leave
your unwanted
things in my
messy room

your red lipstick
stains on my
white pillowcases
resemble blood
and flowing
heartbeats

your records
still play on
the radio
at 3 am
when i am
at my loneliest
and my insomnia
brings me
no dreams, 
only half-awake
nightmares

your image
is present
in every single
corner of my 
daydreams

and the wind
still whispers 
your poetry
into my
open windows
like an unending
symphonic
torture 

these ghost
memories have 
done nothing
but haunt me
of what could
have been

and we both
know these
poltergeists
will live
longer than
i will

because they
feed off of
my longing

and i know
i will still
love you
even past
death