Urmila: Favorites

Jun 2017 Urmila

Chronicle

Jun 2017 Urmila

ryn

If I was ever presented
with the impossible chance

To accurately chronicle
every subtle nuance

Measured against
the number of elapsing days

No ink would be enough
No hand could keep the pace

#hellopoetry107 #chronicle

Jun 2017 Urmila

please (don't) go away

Jun 2017 Urmila

chasing rain

please (don't) go away

i am fearful
of you,
who decided
you wanted to know me

and i am fearful
of me,
who is willing to hurt you,
so i can hurt myself.

i am afraid
when you stay,
because i know
you will leave soon.

and i am afraid
when you leave,
because i really wanted you
to stay

(my favorite dreams
are when you walk away from me,
because i know you will be happier
without me.

and my worst nightmares
are when you stay,
because i know
it’s only a matter of time.)

keep your distance
because i am scared of you
who will inevitably
hurt me
in the end

i do not deserve the you
who will build me up.

i only deserve myself,
who will continue to break me down.

—i am afraid of how much i need you

#selfhate #depression #dependence

Jun 2017 Urmila

To My Daughter Who I Will Never Meet

Jun 2017 Urmila

Fenix Flight

To My Daughter Who I Will Never Meet

Little Carole Jean
You were born to early
Only 20 weeks and 4 days into my pregnancy
Born without a heartbeat

I held you in my arms
So tiny so fragile
8.6oz and only 21 inches long
But so beautiful and pure

You had your daddy's long legs
And my annoying chin
Nine Perfect Baby fingers
And Your tiny feet so cute

I'm so sorry babygirl
That mommy couldn't protect you
I failed you little one
Please can you forgive me.

I see how Daddy cries for you
His eyes show how much he misses you
You were his world, his little princess

I miss you so much
I miss you growing inside me
Watching your daddy wrap his arms around my tummy
And say he is on protection duty

I wish I could have watched you grow up
I can picture you in my mind
Dark unruly red hair
And bright blue eyes like daddy

Your dad would have had to chase all the boys away

I wish I could wake up from this nightmare
And erase this whole last week
Look down and see my bellies small bump
Can I go back to when things were good?

Rest Easy Carole Jean
Be safe up there ok?
You have a whole lot of people to meet you there
And a whole lot of people still yet to come

I will see you again one day
Until then please be good.
I cant wait to hold you again
And I know Daddy can't either.

We will be a family again one day
Until then you are always in my heart.
I will NEVER forget you
I dont think I ever could

I love you daughter
And forever always will
You are with me for eternity

My little baby Carole Jean

My daughter Carole Jean was born 5/26/17. Weighting 8.6oz and only 21cm long. Born still but never the less Still born. I love you babygirl and Mommy always will

#still #born #pregnancy #loss #miscarraige #baby #daughter #child

May 2017 Urmila

What Keeps Me Up at Night

May 2017 Urmila

Sarah

What Keeps Me Up at Night

Here I am again
On the verge of tears
Quiet
I tell myself
That way nobody will hear
I pace the floor
My family is sleeping
But my mind is awake
Abuzz with insecurities
I tear myself apart
Somehow I find myself
Reaching for a blade
I haven’t done that in 4 days
I know it sounds crazy
But it was the longest I’d gone since March
I reset the clock
So now I wait
To be so broken again
All I can think of is destroying myself more

#i #broke #my #promise #again #and #feel #so #guilty

May 2017 Urmila

Of masks and costumes

May 2017 Urmila

galaxy of myths

Of masks and costumes

How many masks do I have in my collection
until someone realises something is off?

How long does the party go on until
everyone goes home, strips off
and sees that not everything is
as lovely, as majestic as how
the lights, decorations and music
made it out to be?

How many more superhero costumes
are made until they save me, from me?

-m.b

May 2017 Urmila

|| Beautiful ||

May 2017 Urmila

Ramsha

|| Beautiful ||

Do you see how see never look twice
Before crossing the road
Or how she holds those scissors
In her hands
As if wishing for them
To cut through her veins

Have you even heard her cry?
How her voice breaks?
Yet she makes a joke
And laughs as if nothing is wrong
Have you ever noticed?
How she never winces
If she gets hurt
How she never puts a bandage
On those cuts

Do you ever think?
Why she never sleeps at night
Why her poems rarely rhyme
How she cut her hair
Above her jaw line
How she says she doesn’t care
But when you leave, she sighs
Have ever seen?

How she never meets your eye
How she keeps smiling
Even when telling something
That’s not even happy
How she closes her eyes
For a bit too long

How she bites her lower lip
A bit too hard
How she no longer writes
Long paragraphs of love
On friendship and family
But all her poems
Have one thing in common
They’re sad In a way
That won’t make you cry
But will make you think
What’s wrong with this girl?

My dear,
Have you ever heard someone cry?
Without making a sound
Without shedding tears
Have even seen a wolf howling
For a moonless sky

__

Poem by Aditi Singh

May 2017 Urmila

Christmas in July

May 2017 Urmila

Mike Hauser

Christmas in July

Don't know what to say about it
With the warm breeze blowing by
But don't ever tend to doubt it
Feels like Christmas in July

I thought I'd lost you forever
And you were never coming back
But here I am on this beach of sand
With sugar plums dancing in my head

With the palm trees swaying peacefully
Down here in Cider Grove
It suddenly occurs to me
You're the only present that I want

As I watch you walk the shoreline
You and your picture perfect smile
Here as a reminder
Feels like Christmas in July

As you turn your gaze upon me
The ocean sparkles like lights on trees
That sets off the warmest glow
Of the holiday's in heat

At last count all I can think about
Is hanging my lucky stars
On the cider tree next to me
When it's clear that's where you are

At present like you never left
Once again here by my side
Opening up the love we have
Feels like Christmas in July

May 2017 Urmila

lost to love

May 2017 Urmila

nivek

lost to love

there is too much love
to sing of it

impossible to write

there is so much love

I am lost to it

so much love
wherever I go

love finds me