the lady has me temporarily off the bottle
and now the pecker stands up
better.
however, things change overnight--
instead of listening to Shostakovich and
Mozart through a smeared haze of smoke
the nights change, new
complexities:
we drive to Baskin-Robbins,
31 flavors:
Rocky Road, Bubble Gum, Apricot Ice, Strawberry
Cheesecake, Chocolate Mint...

we park outside and look at icecream
people
a very healthy and satisfied people,
nary a potential suicide in sight
(they probably even vote)
and I tell her
"what if the boys saw me go in there? suppose they
find out I'm going in for a walnut peach sundae?"
"come on, chicken," she laughs and we go in
and stand with the icecream people.
none of them are cursing or threatening
the clerks.
there seem to be no hangovers or
grievances.
I am alarmed at the placid and calm wave
that flows about. I feel like a ***** in a
beauty contest. we finally get our sundaes and
sit in the car and eat them.

I must admit they are quite good. a curious new
world. (all my friends tell me I am looking
better. "you're looking good, man, we thought you
were going to die there for a while...")
--those 4,500 dark nights, the jails, the
hospitals...

and later that night
there is use for the pecker, use for
love, and it is glorious,
long and true,
and afterwards we speak of easy things;
our heads by the open window with the moonlight
looking through, we sleep in each other's
arms.

the icecream people make me feel good,
inside and out.

ECHO
               e   c h   o


                                      e        c     h         o

Let me steal the moonlight from your hair
and bottle it

Let me get caught in the crossfire of your thoughts
and stay there

Let me intrude upon your late night musings
and become one

Let me borrow a few strings that make up your heart
and fortify them

Oh, the things I'd lay down, sacrifice, put away for you
If only you
let me

I grow tired of the way I look
and tired of the way I feel
regardless of your choices
what I felt seemed real

I gave a lot of time to you
I gave a lot of words
but everything I ever said
just always went unheard

I sang you all my love songs
and kissed away your fear
but you never reached out to me
cause you were never here

It wasn't your fault, so don't act like it was.
It isn't your problem, so don't act like it is.

And I'm not yours anymore...but don't automatically assume I hate you.

When rain hits my skin
that's already drenched in self loathing

I feel less like myself and more
like the girl I wish I was

loved and adored and simply covered
in warm wet kisses

maybe I just need to fall in love
with a real rainstorm

instead of the ones that fall
from the depths of my eyes

You are the rain falling from the sky,
Serenading yourself off the shingled roof.
Though I have shelter, walls and a ceiling,
You trickle your way through the cracks.

An empty room gathers dust;
Snow collects in corners of windows;
And my resistance to you
Suffers from your irresistibility.

You ask me not to wait for you

I've been waiting my entire life.

Mama says I'm too direct, that I say things too quickly. But what does it matter?

Maybe my entire life, all of these nineteen years, wasted in the poppies beyond the tall, tall fence...

Maybe, just maybe, I've been waiting, and I didn't even know. Maybe I was waiting- am still waiting- for you.