You all look at me with those eyes.

Beads reflecting light—
illuminating expression.

Are there for me or for someone else?
Are you speaking to me?

Or do I cast your eyes for a reflection of myself?

Some may look at me offended, telling me to back off.
The others look and think to themselves or don’t think at all, just stare.

I wonder what you think of me when I don't force my impressions on you.

Misfired signals; the boat abandoned to the sea.

Has your soul ever been displayed,
Framed by thick wooden-glazed borders,
and set up in the gallery of another's life?

Can you say the painting of you
Beams with joy through heavy clouds,
Sliced by sharp shards of glass-like light?

If not, may you then brush-up yourself,
Quick blots of pink on sunken cheeks,
Lighten the shade under each eye?

Or will you draw the curtain,
Blind me to me, and you to you,
Pinch out the last flicker of fight?

In the wildest place,
my mouth stopped with stars,
I came to the end of words;
the parched mint, bitter
paper plank

where I lost my balance,
on one foot teetering
along that roadway where gold-
flashing fireflies stand effortlessly
on air

to send their fragile signal
out,
every night a nocturne
of one less
til I and the last firefly

danced alone
in the wildest place
sending our last ignition
out
to find our kind

or else fall quiet
and one
with the wild that
will neither be spelled
nor known.




©joyannjones June 2023

Mannequin-like people
Fake friends—
fake family.

Imitating my friends and families’ actions—
displaying them in a kiosk.

Indestructibility all because of their plastic bodies.
Still, their emotions and thoughts grabbed at whatever they wanted.

Sacrificing so much…
They are unwilling to accept what I have to offer.

Comforting myself in the sheets that they unraveled—

I cannot tell if they take me for granted or whether or not I should leave.

Addicted to you, yet you made the meaning salty.
Excuses — your cliques of words, spewed nothing but gunk.

Yet I respect your figure of speech.
As still as your mannequin-like body.

Can you respect me in the same way?
Not a command but a question.

In the meantime, time will tell.

By the end of the day, you are a part of the residual I left behind — a mannequin.

Fake friends—
Fake family.

Collaterally damaged.
I took damage to my system.

Using the grit of my finger nails to claw myself into a stable position.
Observing the impact through my palms.

My hands discolored—not bleach.
Discolored.

A damaged nervous system, navigating it like the amazon.
The goals I went to and from are all forgotten because of my accidental backpedaling.

Riding a bike backwards is inferior.
Only going farther away from your destination and all the way back to your shelter.

With all these task in hand…
The success ladder a loopy event.
Like climbing Jacobs Ladder but without the visions of angels and streams of light.

In a fallen state.**

Looking at friends and family—
Seeking guidance in their daily lives.

They struggle with losses they are too ashamed to
share all because of their psyche.

If I interact I am nosy.
If I complain I am stubborn.

I can't mind my own business because of our connections.
————————
I investigate relentlessly and ask nothing but questions.

In my own world…
I spend my time in a delirious state—
Some would describe it as a ticking time bomb.

Like trends that never end.
Better yet addictions.

Some days are like picnics with an abundance of food—
The rest of the week is comparable to dew coming as a signal to the crack of a thunderstorm, soaking everything in water.

I stretch my youth out in limbo.
A perfect pause for—
“The Scream.”

I writhe in my downfalls with droplets of rain devising my tears like water going through pipes.

I can say…

Many of you suffer the same way and are confused in your youth.

With feelings for one another.
Our sympathy does not support the struggles of being different.

As it is now…there is a distance between you and me.
And there is nothing more to do than wait for your brush to be revitalized.

Your strokes would radiate the board with colors, colors so vibrant they make a pedestrian walk back the second time.

Knowingly, I cannot watch over you….
So I will look you directly in the eyes as I will tell you this.