Take time to know yourself
Find out about your life
Sit in the den and stay silent
Quiet.
You do not know
Who I am.
I am a Prophet he would say
And you’re mine
I'm all yours
But not whenever you want me
I'd reply
Taking dark selfies in a temple
Creepy rituals with the cult of the Tempili Orientis
Studying Bible names
His social script became mine
When I felt like I was losing my mind
a scripture
That repeats itself in mystic fables
Façades of King Solomon
persecuted by his existence
The script:
I take orders from pastors, aliens, angels, bible thumpers, avengers, excuses from sickness, while he spoke of the devil, talking for hours about ******* to thelema, bouts of depression
He was nowhere to be found.
Behind closed screen doors and
phone calls gone raw
The Elimination of Alive
Took over
Spoke of necrophilia
Casting spells by saying
‘that's hot’
“I miss you” but only ever saw me 1x3
To risk my need and call it yours
When you’re out $125, starving for a hit, no love or affection, beaten to a pulp, and emotionally marred
‘It’s hard to heal’
When his real fam goes by
A man named Sam
He would go with him everywhere
A false son
Playing the part
A spitting image of the dark
Left in a pool
of hypocrisy
This was nowhere.
Off the grid
Forever lost inside a universe
that fails so many.
Not everything can be saved.
He was born into modern day slavery
An absent mother and father
Trying so hard to make it
Money is all he wanted to make
And lost it with his words
Addiction
Tunnel vision
The drug is the delusion
that craves and prayers
Can’t afford
And yet how peculiar that I looked at everybody like they have 3 eyes blind
Feeling like I wanted to leave my body sometimes...
The lost souls out there
That got suckled in
She must know he said.
His script continued:
I am already gone
I had love somewhere
but impossible to keep
I'm so expired
You're a clown
I told her
But when I look in the mirror
All I see is the loneliness of a dead man buying and selling a dream that can only be found
In a man who is not me.
Begging for bread
The last drop of
pink moscato burns the roof of my mouth
Hot chocolate
Ice cold
And my emotions
Buried in mould
for over a decade
I’m Schizotypal
When I speak to her
I say I miss her but these suicidal thoughts
of death still tempt me
That's why I need Angels to protect me
Projecting who I believe I am
A rich one Flaming
A Rosicrucian Cross on my chest
Throbbing panting for salvation
“I am in the middle of nowhere losing everything that could have ever made me”.
He was other people.
And that is it’s own Hell
Learning from other people’s pain gives us the perspective to learn about ourselves and nothing can ever make up for that. Not everyone you meet will be for you, but that’s alright because the experience is not a sacrifice. It’s a lesson and it’s part of your journey towards a higher evolution of greatness and the vision you have for yourself and your people.
Do not put yourself down or dwell in guilt or shame for what you’ve been through or the not so good choices that you’ve made when it comes to your relationships with other people. Your growth is more significant and you’re better for it.
Keep striving and live the essence of who you truly are. Never deny it to anyone who tells you what they want you to hear. Words can only mean so much, but they are not enough. Your insides know what makes you come alive. Your mental health and your sanity come before anyone or anything and let no one take advantage of that. There are so many people affected by mental illness that aren’t even aware they have something that makes them behave in distorted ways. You are not at fault for their harm done. You are not at fault for their pain nor are you responsible for their words or behavior. Whether they can help it or not. Mental illness is a difficult phenomenon to pin down. Some know what they are doing and are conscious of their behavior while there are others who are not and believe that what they do or say especially tactics like manipulation and suffering are normal acts that don’t affect people negatively. Staying away from that is not something you should ever feel ashamed of or uncomfortable with because you don’t want to hurt the person and because you are naturally a compassionate empathetic human being. Do what you have to do for your own health and respect for your own life.
You are only responsible for your empathy and your own wellbeing.
Protect that. And the right people will surround you fluidly in the circle of your own magnetic faith. Your being, your health in all ways, and your self-love is the highest form of psychology you can gain. Never forget it. You’re worth it!
You want to use your experiences as a source of power rather than a source of shame.