Exiled to dusk,
Fractions of the sun
Begin to lift away,
In concealment
We shudder,
Casting our reels
Into a pond of uncertainty,
Clock hands bend
With advancing shadow,
And speak of time
Only in past tense.

I so want everything
I ever felt for you
Preserved for posterity,
Even should forever
Be far less than
We imagined.

I wrote poems and sang songs to make the love I had more alive
Wrote endless passages tryina explain what my heart sang
I tried the best I could to make the words I said more meaningful
Stayed up at night tryina find ways to hold and touch you right
I paused every moment I had with you
shut the world out for there was you
I begged and I prayed that I find ways to love you right
asked for the strength to be there for you
I stayed even when my heart ached from the looks they gave you
Saw the thirst in their eyes whenever they looked at you
I knew some would know how to touch you and some, to hold you
But again, I knew neither would love you like I did
They had all the right words to say
Had all the right ways to feed you what you long desired
And I knew you'd easily fall for you stayed with me who couldn't
Even though you said I was all you needed, I knew you needed more
I saw how happy you got when with them, a happy I never saw reflect when with me
I know I sparked a certain happy in you but it was never as long
I still hope I could,
that I could love you just as you wish
But again, I'm still the same person if not better
And deep in my heart, my love whispers your name
Once more longing to keep you

come blissful paen, i revere you gloriously
you who sing to the snakes and calm the rages
of disease and artless silence
you who's hair is golden and who
leads nymphian dances through the forests
with your heavenly lyre
and who's words are haloed truths
pallas apollon, my father
my muse and i am his in his creation
i dream of you as the sun blazes
and sunflowers smile
my lord divine

About the girl in yellow


Not so long ago,
I met a friend of my own
We had a time of short
where we explained each other what we saw.

Grey or white buildings in the horizon she said
Endless night skies i replied
The gang of vagabonds blabbered about ***** and women inside
whilst the vagabond outside blabbered to a girl in ecstasy

Quarrels and intervals came along
Not for long but for eternity i thought
The way i missed it, i missed it like none other
They way i cried about it, i cried about it like none other

Then came the mystic fog
Blurred up the past even the future for both of us
but at present i had a lamp
for me the fog was clear

Then there came a time i stumbled upon a friend i thought was long lost
Now she meant something more
As i knew i saw her inner light
Now it reflected on me as to guide me in the nightstorm

A storm so dark and dusty
as i coughed and cried my lungs out, preaching to the all known for a better way out
The light, the inner one took me and put me aside as an irish selki

Now i see in a better state
Better worse or better good yet to find out
Nonetheless iam calm as i hear her whispers

Breeze in my hair
I exhale and inhale good air
Unpredicted lustful reactions in me as i hear each word.
Maybe of grief or of gold it tickles in all of me

When i dream i am her
I think like her
I move like her
I talk and i hug and i kiss like her to myself
Here, i am no different
theres no shame in being a feminine while masculine
I am the way i dreamt about you
The way i thought
About the girl in yellow.

he promised the moon,
he promised the stars,  
made the girl from Venus
love the guy from Mars

and he gave them to her,
all of these things--
a bright white dress,
a sparkling ring

but each moon has a dark side,
each star does die out,
forms a depthless blackhole
of crippling doubt

but calm nights like tonight makes me fear what tomorrow might bring.