I look like I'm not troubled.
Fact is, deep within, I'm in a ball, curled and doubled.
Inside of my Soul,
Piercing shrieks are all that are heard
The opacity of night is brighter than magnified light compared to the darkness that is so profound.
Within the Inside of my Soul,
To reach my demise is a wish upon a star,
of which is only a vague experience dreamt
.
Within the Inside of my Soul,
On the surface I may feel fine, traverse deeper... there, now you are where the madness is withheld. Further yet, and I know not what you shall find!
Within the Inside of my Soul,
This region is neither authored by my body nor my mind.
The Inside of my Soul,
Consistently it stirs for either omniscient peace,
or to end the constant turmoil and cease
Within the Inside of my soul,
I see no imminent release,
Within the Inside of my Soul,
As does the Sun, my Soul either rises or sets, yet it never rests... even when unseen
Within the Inside of my Soul,
As my heart beats the blood that constantly flows, So too never is there rest within,
The Inside Of My Soul!

-end-

Revised from Feb. 18th, 2009 which is as follows:

"Inside of my soul"(Original)

I look like I'm not troubled,
but the truth is, I'm in a ball, curled and doubled.
Inside of my soul,
only screams are heard and the night is light compared to the dark that is so thick with in the inside of my soul
death is a wish upon a star, of which is only dreamt, inside of my soul.
Yes, I might feel fine, go a little deeper, then you will reach my mind, there, now you are where my madness is withheld. but further still, I know not what you shall find.
Inside of my soul, this place is not under the control of my body or mind.
My soul, it constantly stirs for either peace or to one day cease.
I CANT GET A GRIP! So I pray for a release; Inside of my soul.
Like the sun, it either rises or sets, yet it never rests, even when unseen
Like the blood that flows from my heart to my body, there is no rest with in the
Inside of my Soul.

-end-

My musings always pun me through a wide range of vividly exulted grimaces. I think like an ***, act like an ***, assassan-ing a conjugal of my mind and soul. 'Why', my only friendly foe stares at me, giving out a roar of laughter as if I'm his slave. He seeks pleasures by caging me in his castle where beauty meets an imperfection, heart rejoices with brain, and imagination treats a trick. When I peek through the orifice, the wreckage of my wrong decisions welcome me gleefully. My devilish side gets overwhelmed by such a warm welcome. It asks for more cutting out the pinions of my angelic side.

Ah! Clipped wings-------No wings!

Soon, devilish side overthrows my angelic side usurping a ******* over me. It collapses my self-esteem, laying entwined in the arms of my ego. Ahh! I combat, show the feats of courage but, a mistake became a lifetime regret. I put off my veil of courage for a second to pacify myself. Now, I'm all naked from head to toe. In the mean time, my opponent injure me by an arrow of self-pity. I, I AM destroyeDD. No shelter. No armor. No cloak. I'm NOMore. I try to find a lost-me but lose a remaining part of me. I try more, I lose a part again. The more I try, the more I lose. Now, I'm physically a non-existent but my soul still wanders. My soul still pursues the answers. My soul is in desolation. My soul tries to comfort himself but stops as someone whispers,


'Great things never come from comfort zones'
(An unconcerned-illusionary-truth fooled my soul, Badass soul!)

Now, my soul wants to re-surrect in a way that he get his body again. My soul imagines the days when his gestures were heard by the body terming as ****** gestures. My soul enlivens his morale, wears a smile but, still seems incomplete. Once, my soul finds a body but can't find a place in it. It is preoccupied by another soul. When my soul asks for a companionship, it denies. My soul is not even in a state where it can make sly innuendos. He still feels those oblique marks, disparaging comments, shadowing hîs path. Those feels still make him sweating out bullets. My soul finds a body whose soul is longing to depart. My soul rejoices thinking that this is something what he wants. Soon, my soul houses in a ****** paradigm of a lady. My soul gives a new life to the lady. Her spirits are high, and confidence is a multiple of her spirits. My soul elates, leaving an olive branch. My soul befriends her body. She is a merry-go-lucky lady but her melancholy changed her. Her bewitching beauty is a plus to her nature. My soul remembers my ugly face and but still send positive vibes my way. After sometime, my soul gets busy with the lady and forgets me. I try to send him signals but he doesn't respond. I try more, still nudges from his side. I forget my soul too. When I feel lonely in my grave, I wander here and there. I try to befriend the people resting in other graves, I fail. All graves are scented with the perfumes of love, which their beloved spray on them.They are brimmed with the gags of laughter, murmurs of joys, and clicks of wonders. My heart still throbs for my soul, and I. over and over again.

[Verse 1]
Teach me how to love You
Show me how to trust You
More than with my words or with a song
No, it's not been easy
To live life down on my knees
But with faith I know I'll carry on

[Chorus 1]
There is more to see than with my eyes
But fear sometimes can leave me paralyzed
I realize that I'm not in control
Yet it is well with my soul

[Verse 2]
The enemy's against me
Arrows all around me
Never knew the fight would last so long
In seasons of depression
I plead for Your protection
Make me right, I'm tired of being wrong[Chorus 2]
Every time there's hope, it seems to die
And the voices all around me feed that lie
Everything I see tells me to let go
Yet it is well with my soul

[Refrain]
It is well (It is well)
With my soul (With my soul)
It is well, it is well with my soul
It is well (It is well)
With my soul (With my soul)
It is well, it is well with my soul

[Tag]
Soul, my soul, woooh, my soul
With my soul, my soul, woooh, it is well with my soul
With my soul, my soul, woooh, my soul, woooh

[Chorus 3]
This fight I'm in is not of flesh and blood
The weapons that I need are in Your love
Lord, don't You ever let me go
You make it well with my soul

[Refrain]
It is well (It is well)
With my soul (With my soul)
It is well, it is well with...

[Outro]
Soul, my soul, woooh, my soul

And if all the world's a stage
I'll always find myself

in the third act a nondescript
dot or blob on the backdrop

and if there are shadows
I'll choose the largest one

and move with it
my contribution to you

my gift

Whit Howland © 2020

Love not the empress curve of your cheek,
The many-storied, empty ziggurat of belief,
The man-handled, baked brick built so high,
Your grotty thighs are pasted with all your lovers,
Your lacquered heart is glazed by luminous grief,
Head-bearer of broken vases as your crown,
Filled with dry dust from liquid stars.

As night fades to dawn
Day breaks and the world carries on

When the sun lays his weary head to rest
Mother moon rises, to take a breath

Even as the stars dim away
And ready the skies for another day

Through it all, this much remains true....
My love for you

If you close your eyes tight
The tears take longer to fall

Breathe deep
Inhale.....exhale

There....the pain was never there at all

He was imperfect
He was young
She loved him
She was crazy
She wasn’t so pretty
He loved her

He had doubts
He had challenges
She loved him
She was naïve
She was carefree
He loved her

He was smart
He was cute
She loved him
She got brains
She had talent
He loved her

He lied
He cheated
She loved him
He became rude
He was difficult
She loved him

He was scared
He was reckless
She cared
He was arrogant
He was insensitive
She was hurt

He ignored her
He hurt her more
She became different
He cheated more
He cheated carelessly
She ignored him

He became scarce
He cut off ties
She survived
He was addicted
He was pitiful
She had empathy

He fell
She brought him up
He got sick
She nursed him to health
She slipped
He didn’t catch her
He got into trouble
She turned her back on him

He wanted her back
She didn’t
It was too late
She felt nothing for him

She was,
A diamond he got
She was,
A diamond he lost