I always imagined my future
with you
always imagined myself ending up
with you
always imagined my birthdays
with you
always imagined my travelings
with you
always imagined you in my graduation being so proud of me
always imagined us celebrating my
first job
and how proud you would be
always imagined you asking me to be your fiancé
with your sparkly brown eyes on your knees
always imagined us fighting over where to spend our honeymoon and dates
I would probably go to where you want to be
because I have a soft heart
only with you
always imagined our baby
little, chubby, and a mix of the best of you and me
always imagined you as a dad and my husband and my cozy home everyday
but that is all what u left when u left me..
You left me with my silly imagination and a never ending dream..

When did I stop trusting you?
I didn't even notice it.
When did I stop listening,
start thinking you were full of it?

Convinced I'd heard it all before,
read all the writing on the wall.
I'd smile, and nod, then close the door.
I won't believe you anymore.

Why did I stop trusting you?
I never even wanted to.
The sky, it just turned inside out
when I first lent my ear to doubt.

His "I love you" came swiftly.
Like the monsoon pouring down on a leaky roof
Those three words broke through my defences.
At first they were an ambrosia;
They sustained my life and our relationship.
At least for a short time.

Then "I love you" became an excuse;
For absences, and purpose-filled accidents.
And I ignored the warning signs, the flashing lights.
I pretended like "I love you" was enough...

...But it wasn't.
His "I love you"s were like band-aids on bullet wounds;
Like using play dough to fix cracks in concrete walls.
But I rationed our good memories,
I held on as tight as I could to our love
And watched as it slipped through my fingers.

His "I love you"s became poison,
That seeped deep into my bones,
And turned blue skies grey,
And turned light into darkness,
And slowly killed whatever semblance of love
I fooled myself into thinking we had left.