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Sep 30 · 20
I’m okay?
arthohos Sep 30
Is your heart okay?
Do you still crumble
When u sway?
Do u still cry
When it rains?
Do u still wish
you were dead?

Or

Did that change
Do u feel
Free?
Okay?
Fine at least?
Ja

****
You are okay.
Mar 2019 · 138
❤️
arthohos Mar 2019
Hi again
I hate you now
for all the days u made me cry
I hate you
for causing such a toxic vibe
and making me feel like a total lie
I hate you now
for the tears that crossed my face
begging you to dry them out
but you just replied
get your **** together now
I knew it was over when u didn’t hug my tears away
when u didn’t care about my tears
anymore
when you got sick of me being always sad
As if I can control that
As if my depression was something I chose
As if I chose to be that sad
As if it was something I can control
I hate you now
and I’m stronger now
I got up on my own
I dried my tears on my own
I saved myself
and you weren’t there to help me survive
but I survived
and I hate you now.
Feb 2019 · 71
Hi ex,
arthohos Feb 2019
Hi
Been a while
since
we cut each-other off
I miss you
I keep trying to forget
you
I keep trying to stop loving
you
I keep trying to convince myself that its over
I love you more than before
and I know you probably stopped
loving me
I see you with other girls  
I hope you are happy now
I hope you are happy that you are back to your old life
No more drama aya
No more crying aya
No more overly clingy aya
No more aya’s suffocative hugs
No more unstoppable I love you F.
No more messy hair and talks
Why would you miss all that right?
when you could just start fresh with someone new, I miss you, and if you do too then tell me, please.
Feb 2019 · 64
Honey
arthohos Feb 2019
Your hug
Your eyes
Your smile
Your laugh
Your grumpy face when u are mad
your everything
I miss you already
But
I had to leave
I had to leave
And I hope
one day you realize
What u did to me
Feb 2019 · 119
You
arthohos Feb 2019
You
You keep breaking me

and I keep forgiving you

You keep hurting me

and I keep holding you
Feb 2019 · 271
Daily mornings
arthohos Feb 2019
I woke up wanting you back
I woke up ready to do anything
to have you back
I woke up wanting you to be mine again
I woke up wishing you would have
stayed
you used to hug my sadness away
you used to carry my anxiety away
you used to tame my depression everyday
why did you leave?
was it necessary all that pain
do you feel sad too?
do u wake up everyday feeling empty too?
do you miss me?
do you miss my goofy self around you?
i miss you and I can’t deny
Feb 2019 · 89
12 am
arthohos Feb 2019
Dear 12 am,
Stop
My heart is suffering daily
Because of your daily reminder
of how things are messed up
my life is messed up
my thoughts are messed up
my moods are messed up
my home is messed up
and my heart
my heart is dead and scattered in pieces
I’m tired
and I can’t do life anymore
I’m tired of being too sad
I’m tired of having such a heavy dead heart
I’m tired
Feb 2019 · 172
LOVE
arthohos Feb 2019
I gave you my heart

my love
my excitements
my fears
my pains
and my trust..

We are apart

but
you still own me.
Jan 2019 · 111
Silly me
arthohos Jan 2019
I always imagined my future
with you
always imagined myself ending up
with you
always imagined my birthdays
with you
always imagined my travelings
with you
always imagined you in my graduation being so proud of me
always imagined us celebrating my
first job
and how proud you would be
always imagined you asking me to be your fiancé
with your sparkly brown eyes on your knees
always imagined us fighting over where to spend our honeymoon and dates
I would probably go to where you want to be
because I have a soft heart
only with you
always imagined our baby
little, chubby, and a mix of the best of you and me
always imagined you as a dad and my husband and my cozy home everyday
but that is all what u left when u left me..
You left me with my silly imagination and a never ending dream..
Dec 2018 · 497
Dear Me, don’t
arthohos Dec 2018
Don’t get too comfortable
Don’t let your shields down
Don’t
Don’t let him trick you
with his comforting beautiful eyes
Don’t let that smile fool you
Eventually
that comforting look
will fade away
These beautiful eyes
will avoid you
and that smile
that gorgeous smile
will stop chasing you

His comforting words will stop
and will be replaced with harming ones

He will be pain, only pain
and its too late to walk away.
to the love of my life
Dec 2018 · 61
Rip love
arthohos Dec 2018
I‘m starting to lose interest
I‘m starting to lose attachment
I‘m starting to lose the weight of loving you...
Because I tried,
I tried to keep you
I tried to gain you back
I tried to show you how much I love you
No one is too busy to show love and care.
Remember when you told me that?
You don’t love me, and I’m tired
You try, because I’m tired of crying
Dec 2018 · 263
Untitled
arthohos Dec 2018
I‘m emotionally
walking
away
from you.
You have stupidly
taken me
for granted, and I tried my best
to keep you
I crushed my ego to keep you
I..
I trusted you, and you ruined that.
I trusted you
thats just in the past now
Dec 2018 · 69
Love
arthohos Dec 2018
Today I realized
that he was a lie
I heard it all too clear today,
to him
I’m overly clingy
I ask for too much attention
I have issues,
And my favorite was that he doesn’t
miss me
why did he tell me before that he misses me if he was lying..
He crushed my heart
And made the pain go deeper and
deeper
But I need that pain, I need that pain
of realizing the truth to overshadow my love to him
Because he was a lie
Im not the love of his life
Im not a keeper to him
Im just a girl he enjoys emotionally
abusing.
Today I realized that he is just an ******* with a cold heart that will never deserve true love.
Dec 2018 · 300
Love
arthohos Dec 2018
You don’t deserve me
You don’t deserve my clingy self
You don’t deserve my always worried self
You don’t deserve my annoying calls
You don’t deserve my love.
8/12/2018
Dec 2018 · 68
I miss you
arthohos Dec 2018
You used to make me feel too special, when we started our relationship your eyes were always sparkly when they looked at me, you were always interested in the silly me, and the silly stuff I always seem to say, I enjoyed having you. You somehow fixed something in me, but you broke it now, because now you lost your interest in me, your eyes are bored and dull from me, you don’t even bother to look in my eyes anymore, you show interest in any one around us except me, I feel so left out around you, you now hate the silly stuff I say you tell me to stop talking..
I miss you. I miss old you. You are losing me and it breaks me.
Nov 2018 · 294
Dead love
arthohos Nov 2018
Please love me
like you used to
Please hold me
like before
Please
I miss you
I miss having the
warm you
Now
now you only make me
feel so sad
I only feel pain with you now.
Nov 2018 · 93
Not sober
arthohos Nov 2018
I try to hide my sadness  
I try to fix my feelings
I try to crash the pain
I try to hold my tears
I try to
but I always fail..
and I hope one day I can escape the darkness of my mind.
Nov 2018 · 80
Lover
arthohos Nov 2018
Dear you,
stop
Stop making your lover
feel bad about herself
stop making your lover
feel like she is not enough
and stop making your lover suffer because
you can’t relate to how she feels when you flirt with another and throw admiration glances to others
you make her feel so low
She wishes she could be prettier
Just so she could be enough
for YOU
She wishes she could have a better body and skin
Just to be enough
for you
She wishes she could be less disturbed
Just so you would stop taking breaks from her
She wishes she had a lot more things
To be enough  
For you
But you don’t care don’t you?
I wish I could tell him this.
Nov 2018 · 235
Lost you
arthohos Nov 2018
When I lost you
I lost a part of my soul
you broke something  

You fixed me and then
you shattered me.
Nov 2018 · 83
12/11/2018
arthohos Nov 2018
Today
my lover confessed
that he is unhappy,
panic attacks scrolled
under my skin
after hearing that.
Nov 2018 · 631
Foreign priority
arthohos Nov 2018
The meaning of this word
is foreign for me
I can’t really understand the
word priority?
Oh maybe because
I was never a priority
I was never a priority
I was never good enough
I was never loved enough
I was never hugged enough
I was never enough
I was never enough to be a priority that’s why I am a foreigner to that word.
Nov 2018 · 221
Distanced
arthohos Nov 2018
You are beside me, but not with me
   I can see you, but I can’t feel you
You are literally sitting beside me, but you’re so far away from me
          You are too close to me
        yet too far away.
Nov 2018 · 36
a break
arthohos Nov 2018
You decided a break
You centered my pain
You made it too clear
‘I need a break from you’
and the pain kept running inside me
and then you made it worse
‘Don’t talk to me’
I still can’t get over this
a piece of me broke when
you said that
I kept hoping that you will break the break
But you made it worse
You said hurtful stuff
And I always seem to digest hurtful words because that how i was raised
But it still hurts, being used to pain doesn’t make it any less painful
You keep hurting me
and I’m too attached to the warm you
To the one who hugged my pain away
But I can’t seem to find him anymore
You changed
and I miss you
Nov 2018 · 128
Comfort zone
arthohos Nov 2018
Dear comfort zone,
**** you
**** you comfort zone
**** you for being so warm
**** you for holding the pain
**** you for being the pain
**** you for being so safe
**** you for sewing the days
**** you for scratching the pain
**** you for causing the pain
**** you for not pushing me away
**** you for being here everyday
**** you.
Nov 2018 · 681
Ugly
arthohos Nov 2018
This is not a beautiful poem, because you never made me feel beautiful. This is how I feel: mostly blue(sad)mostly red(angry), and the yellow is the old me. Stained white is what I became because of you.
This is how I feel every time you break my soul, this is why I always feel down. Never up always down.
Nov 2018 · 145
True love
arthohos Nov 2018
You.
Its you.
I can feel it.
You are my comfort zone.
I feel so warm with you,
Just the idea of losing you
destroys me
You feel so right to me
I love you, you’re so in me
I’m so into you
I love you.
Please, stay.
Nov 2018 · 71
Daddy issues
arthohos Nov 2018
I blame you
I blame you for ruining all my relationships
Because I was always scared of ending up with a persona like you
I run away when I feel you in the person I’m loving
I ruin love
Because you taught me that love is just another word for pain
Love is just an excuse for abuse
Love is another word for getting doomed
dad I sincerely apologize but I will never forgive you.
and p.s I don’t like you
Nov 2018 · 61
“Used to”
arthohos Nov 2018
You used to be
my comfort zone
you used to be my getaway
you used to be my fav being
you used to be the highlight of the day
But thats just in the past now.
Now..
now you only make
me feel sad
You only shatter me with your cold eyes
you are not warm to me anymore
I miss you, but not now you
I miss the warm you
Because now I only feel more lonely with you

— The End —