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ghost queen Jun 2021
Are you aware
what you write
is a confession
shouted to the world
welling from the depths
of your soul
personal emotional critical
ruthless
self analysis
too late to hide
it is written
and published
ghost queen Oct 2021
am i
in love

is this
what love
feels like

euphoric highs
suicidal lows

suffering withdrawal
anguish

craving you
like a drug

when you
are gone

elated
calm

only
when you’re here

and i’m in your arms
ghost queen Sep 2020
summer is fading
fall fast approaching
on the cusp of a new life
i pull out the sweaters
smelling of cedar
wishing you were here
so i could hold you near
ghost queen May 2020
you came into the room, whispered if i slept, slide into bed, curling up beside me, too afraid of being alone, needing to be held, laid your head upon my chest.

i wrapped you in my arms, made sure you felt safe, kissed your head, brushed your hair, reassured that daddy cares.
ghost queen Sep 2020
a damclean sword hanging over our heads
today the coronavirus
tomorrow climate change
ghost queen Feb 2020
i’ll never forget the first time we danced, at the social in august,
the heat and humidity of the summer night, intensified by the confines of the old wooden dance hall.

the music was electric, the crowd ecstatic when we locked eyes, and i asked you to dance. i took your hand, soft and moist, and led you to the middle of the dance floor.

surrounded by bodies, gyrating and spinning, i put my arm around you, pulled you near, pressing your body tightly against mine.

i held you in my arms, discovering, savoring the feel of your body, the wetness on your back, the earthiness of your scent.

i sensed the sensuality, the sexuality, the animal, inside you. never had i desired a woman as much as i desired you.
ghost queen Mar 2019
at what point in your life do you realize the futility of chasing the elusive

acknowledging all your past love stories are tragedies

stillborns, held briefly, remembered daily, for the rest of your life

to meet the paragon that matches your impossible list of requirements

the odds are against you, possible, just highly improbable

to find the unicorn on a merry-go-round of painted, wooden horses

mindlessly, repeating the cycle, searching for the one, in a universe of stars

how many times must you be pulverized in the online emotional meat grinder

craving the unconditional love, acknowledgment, validation of prince charming

to be kissed, caressed, cherished by the bad boy on the harley

romantic love is a dangerous illusion, a mirage in the desert, la fata morgana in your heart
#233 2019.04.15
ghost queen Jun 2021
deep
dark
malicious
melancholy
you complicate
distract
from having
a life
worth living
ghost queen Feb 2023
it’s unbearable
numbing and crushing
destroying
my will
to live
this darkness
surrounded by loneliness
ghost queen Apr 2021
fog of war
tears of grief

cloud my mind
as i let go

of your
dead hand
ghost queen Oct 2021
living on death row
sequestered in a cell
never dreaming
no more hoping
living between tests
and a doctor’s stethoscope
a positive result
and i am
a dead man walking
ghost queen Aug 2022
life
loses it meaning
when you know
there is no future

when we all pretend
we haven’t past
the point
of no return

hoping
everything
will go back to normal

why bother
life lust love
we’ve been given
a death sentence
ghost queen Jan 9
defeated by life
i walk towards Death
slowly
methodically
willingly
no longer afraid
as He reaches out
and embraces me
i sob in relief
as my fears
anxieties
and life
slowly fade away
ghost queen Jan 2022
run
fast
and far away
hide
and hope
the demons
don’t find
and crucify your ***
ghost queen Jun 2021
i have not come to take
but give

endure wait
it shall pass

find the shrine
of your youth

desolate soul
yearning for rebirth
ghost queen May 2021
is it time to walk away
when my writing has become
intellectual
technical
no longer visceral
devoid of passion
ghost queen Jan 2022
am i
important
to you
or am I
an extra
a diary character
a footnote
in your life
ghost queen Mar 3
how can i open up and trust
and make myself vulnerable
in this dangerous game of love
when the stakes are high
and lust is ephemeral as a day fading into night
how long will love last when everyone is disposable
and a replacement a swipe away
how much value do I have in your eyes
before and after we say, “i love you”
ghost queen Aug 2019
love is an illusion, a mirage, ephemeral, fragile, evaporating at the slightest hint of reality, hard to find, easy to receive, difficult to accept unconditionally, in a world of romantic reverie

i am most anxious, when in love, fear falling from grace, being rejected, abandoned by yet another, reinforcing my self perception of being ugly

love is what i most i desire, the one thing i can not get, won’t allow myself, knowing the price to play, the emotional toll to pay, in the aftermath

endlessly chasing a fairy tale, one day waking up bitter, as the reality is too harsh and arduous to endure

i feel, know, that i am disposable like a paper handkerchief, used once, i will be thrown away. i am temporary, short lived, a luxury at best, never really needed, knowing there is a long list of suitors, when you tire of me

how do i trust, intertwine, taste your tears, knowing this is momentary, a study in futility, i retreat from reality, create a fantasy, a perfect world on my screen, eschew the flesh and blood in front of me
ghost queen Oct 2023
I lie and distract myself
to avoid confronting the truth
and avoid the pain
that I am lonely and afraid
ghost queen Nov 2020
how do you do it
tame the beast within me
with a hand on my cheek
you ground me
center of my world
i’ll hold up the sky for you
my sweet soft doe-eyed girl
ghost queen Jan 29
it depresses me to realize that i’ve become one of the zombies shopping late at night in bleak, overly fluorescently lit, dingy yellow dollar store on the outskirt of small texas town.

i watch them shuffle around, talking to themselves, looking lost, swiveling their heads frantically, searching for cheap store brands to match their coupons and save what little social security money they live on so they can buy tobacco and alcohol.

who the **** am i to judge what makes a person happy when it’s hard to find and so temporary.
ghost queen Apr 22
i’m a donkey with an ice cream cone on my forehead pretending to be a unicorn
What Teresa M. said when she saw how beautiful Laura V. was.
ghost queen May 2019
death is coming, it is a dark point on the horizon
it will be here, sooner than expected, the planet is dying
why are you preparing for a future, the future
why are you denying it is happening, sticking your head in the sand
going about, living carefree, when your children will suffer, millions will die

do you need a quatrain, a burning bush, to see the horror racing towards us
nostradamus didn’t see it, but we did, like a slow train wreck
the air will burn your lungs, the oceans scald your flesh
by the time you react, you will have reached the point of no return
your children are an army of dead men walking
their bodies catching up to their environmental fate
it is too late to cry, it is time to die

what will we do, how will we choose, who lives, who perishes
your cozy lives will disintegrate in social chaos as individual fight for survival
our former rules and norms will vanish, as the strong and ruthless vanquish
you will witness horrors, etched into your mind, re-dreamt every night

scream and cry, it could have been avoid, such is the tragedy of the commons
complacency of the masses, mass graves of the innocent
gods will die, civilizations will fall, as you huddle, shaking in a dark corner
Darkness, by Lord Byron , 1816, year without a summer

https://hellopoetry.com/poem/3322429/pale-horse/
ghost queen Jun 2022
a dragonfly
set me off

i realized
i didn’t hear insects
didn’t see birds

just felt
the sun
searing
scorching
parching
the earth
dissecting
my body
sapping away
my will to live
ghost queen Mar 2021
dream
write
make me feel
what i see
in your eyes
ghost queen Sep 2021
the black box
called the mind
a byproduct
of physiology
dreams of love
a phantasm
of the heart
so two
can become
one
ghost queen Dec 2018
like a fool
i go to the well
hoping for water
knowing there is none

once, it was a spring
gushing from the ground
water sweet and pure

like a fool
i built a dam
to hold the water
and it spilled over

like a fool
i dug a hole
built a well
the water slowed
clouded and salted

the water ceased
the well dried
the spring died

like a fool
every morning
i go to the well
wishing, wishing there was water
ghost queen Nov 2021
what is it
you truly
seek
want
desire
from life

the dumb luck
of ***** meets egg
that made you
flesh and blood

self aware
conscious
of the brevity
of life
and the finality
of death

like a match
temporarily
lighting
keeping
the darkness
at bay

only to be
swallowed up
devouring
all that was created
when extinguished
ghost queen Apr 2022
it’s time

let go

accept

the inevitable

fall

willing

into the void

the blackness

the nothingness

of nonexistence
Two funerals in one month Mama Liz & Papa George
ghost queen Oct 2021
pyrrhic is this victory
love replaced with hate
you stood on a plinth
now lay in a grave
earth kisses sky
rage & wrath
of lightning & thunder
when breaking hearts
clash & collide
ghost queen Nov 2021
live it
feel it
put it on paper
edit it later
ghost queen Nov 2021
do you feel it
when we dance
in a closed embrace
the way I hold you
our bodies
as they move
saying so much
with so few words
ghost queen Nov 2020
i am finding it hard
to stay even keeled in this storm
not to drink
to numb the stress and anxiety away
or overeat and self medicate
when all i want is connection
and a sense of safety
ghost queen Oct 2020
channel it
express it
keep writing baby girl
because i feel it
ghost queen Aug 2021
existential crisis
extinct or extant
what comes next
remember snow
how about clouds
the IPCC says
it’s too late
we’re past
the point of no return
children cry
now it’s time
for all to die
Is anyone else afraid of climate change, and what it means for humanity?
ghost queen Aug 2021
i didn’t keep the gift
you gave me
the fairy tale yarn
you’d spun
i threw it away
when I woke
to the reality
that you’d left
shattering my heart
extinguishing my soul
ghost queen Oct 2021
meaning is a myth, reality an illusion
resigning to the black inescapable fatalism
accepting one’s fate is predetermined
or worse yet, accidental and serendipitous

we all know our end, the end is coming
our life, consciousness finite and limited
the moment when the light extinguishes
and we cease to exist
ghost queen Jan 2020
I’d burnt out of the city, the long hours, high pressure financial job; and the uptight, high strung, high maintenance girlfriend. I’d walked out and away from the mess that had been my life, and found this place, far from it all, where time slowed, almost crawled, where there were no expectations, no schedules, no rules. Life was lived minute-by-minute, never giving a thought to what had to be done tonight, tomorrow, or for that matter, ever

I’d flown in to the frenzied capital, rented a car, and made my way out of the beehive, towards the Caribbean coast, buying a map and following the road eastward, not knowing where I was going, or what I had in mind. I just wanted to get away, to be lost in the jungle.

I would know the place when i saw it. It would feel right, like rain on a warm afternoon. I reached the coast, drove south, stopping at every village and bar along the way. There were barely any tourist, not much to see, no white sandy beaches, no ancient ruins, just countless impoverished fishing villages and family run kitchens to feed the locals, the fishermen, and occasional daring tourists

Night was coming. I stopped at a village, found a kitchen by the shore, and ordered my usual, casado and una cerveza; my favorite. I asked the house mama for a room. She said they didn’t have rooms, only hammocks on the edge of the shore. I paid for the meal and a hammock. A girl took my hand and showed me to the hammock. The fisherman were already asleep in their hammocks, their boats shored, nets folded on the side, ready for their early morning foray into the turquoise sea.

I woke, gently, to the sun brightening in the sky. I sat up, feet hanging off the hammock barely touching the sand. I got up, walked to the kitchen and sat at a table in a make shift court yard, palm leaves shading me from the sun, swaying slowly to the warm sea breeze. The house mama brought me gallo pinto with cafe con leche. Nothing had ever tasted so good.

I got on the road, driving along the coast, to my left was an endless expanse of turquoise to the horizon, to my right, unbroken wall of jungle. I drove nonstop, till I got hungry and stopped at a village for gas and lunch. I walked into the trading post, and looked around. There were all sorts of supplies remote villagers and fisherman would need. On a whim, I bought a hammock, machete, water, canned goods, and beer, what I thought were all the essentials.

I pulled out my map. There were no towns along this section of the road, only the occasional village. I was going to find a stretch of beach, setup camp, and chill, gazing out to the horizon until the sun set.

I drove slow, checking out the beaches for a place to camp. The shore was a continuous, nondescript, pale brown, until i rounded a bend and the view opened up to a cove. Through the palms, I could see a black sand beach. Intrigued, I pulled the car to the side of the road, and hiked down to the beach.

It was surreal. A secluded cove, black sand, fallen trees in the surf, the bark worn away from the abrasive sanding, branches reaching into the sky as if pleading for help. It was beautiful and eerie. But underneath it, I had a sense of foreboding. I couldn't figure out why and let it go, as I had found my little piece of paradise.  

This was the spot I was looking for, far from the villages, secluded, isolated, unworldly. I unpacked my stuff, opened a beer, setup the hammock, and settled in, slowly, eventually, falling asleep.

I awoke at twilight. The temperature had cooled. If was comfortable, slightly balmy. The sun had set, the moon risen, hanging over the turquoise sea, casting a long reflection to the shore.

I looked out over the water, saw something, a shark, a dolphin, breaking the mirrored surface, probably hunting the shoals for food. I dismissed it, and thought twice about going for a swim.

I saw it again, this time close. I watched, curious, hoping to get a better view, when I saw a head, a human head, slowly bobbing up and down. I got out of my hammock, walked to the shore to get a closer look.

I looked out and saw eyes. The eyes of a woman looking intently back at me.  An uneasiness rose up inside of me. What was a lone woman doing in the water, in the evening, this far off the beaten path. She wasn’t thrashing, screaming, just bobbing in the water looking at me.

She disappeared under the water. I watched, waiting for her to reappear. Was she a scuba diver? She surfaced, this side of the break, half her head protruding from the water. I could see her hair, eyes, and nose. She wasn’t bobbing, but kneeling in the the water.

We stood there, looking at each other. I didn’t move, didn’t want to scare her away. She moved closer to shore. I got a better look at her. She had black hair, tanned skin, and big eyes, like those of a Japanese anime character. I blinked, not understanding or what to make of her eyes. I wanted to back away, get some distance between me and her, but I couldn't. I was frozen in place.  

She stood up, slowly, the water dripping down her hair, shoulders, chest. She was naked, tall, slim, with an hour glass figure and full, firm *******. She had the body of a goddess. She slowly walked up the beach, the full moon clearly visible behind her. I could see the rest of her, curved hips, long legs. She was a fantasy, walking out of my dreams into reality.

She walked up to me, stopped an arm’s length away. I looked into her eyes. They were big, beautiful, turquoise green, like the color of the sea behind her, even more unbelievable, were her pupils. They were vertical, like those of a cat.

Fear rose up in me. My gut told me to run. But another part of me was intrigued, worst, turned on, so I stayed, frozen in place. She had the beauty of a goddess, I was enthralled, I knew it. She knew it.  Her right hand slowly reached out to me, touching my cheek, gently. Her eyes looking into mine for a reaction. I was getting flushed. My heart raced. My breath fast, a mixture of fear and lust. She put her palm around the nap of my neck, pulled me slowly to her, tilting her head, and kissed me, softly, gently on the lips. I started kissing back, getting aroused. She put her arm across my small of my back and pulled me into her, my body pressed into hers. I could feel her softness, warmth, inviting, and comforting.

I put my hands on her hips, sliding down to cup her checks. She started to kiss me more aggressively, sliding her tongue in my mouth, ******* my lower lip into her mouth and biting down hard. I could feel the lust and passion in her kisses. I succumbed to her seduction.

She lowered me down gently on to the sand, straddling, kissing me ever more fervently. She started unbuttoning my shirt, then ripped it open. She slide off my shorts and mounted me, sliding down to bottom of the shaft, rocking back and forth, her hands pressed against my chest. Her moans were soft, spasmodic, as she tilted her head back. She increased the intensity of her rocking, her moans grew louder, more intense, more visceral.

Her beauty was intoxicating, her moans exciting, her every rock getting me closer, amplifying my arousal, till I came, convulsing in her arms, in ecstasy.

She rolled over, flipping me on top of her, making sure I was deep inside her, a slight smile of satisfaction on her lips.

She laid her head back onto the sand. I slide off and to her side her. She got up, looked me in the eyes, then started walking towards the water. I got up, chasing after her. She walked deeper into the surf. I followed.

When the water reached her waist, she dove in the an coming wave and disappeared. I expected her to surface, but she didn’t. I walked faster, then paddled, then dove after her. I swam out, beyond my footing, past the breakers. I treaded water looking for her. I swam out further, knowing the danger.

She reappeared, bobbing in the water, looking at me expressionless. Her eyes said everything, seducing me to her. I swam towards her, as she swam away, going further out to sea. The water got deeper, bluer, colder.

She stopped. I caught up to her. We floated looking at each other. She drifted into me. Kissed me. I put an arm around her waist and pressed her into me. I wanted her, to have her, forever. I knew she was magical, grasped that she was a mermaid. I didn’t care. I was oversensed, no longer thinking, just feeling. I wanted more of her.

We sank into the water, entwined, embracing, kissing. I couldn’t get enough. I needed air, but ignored it, preferring the euphoria of her body. The urgency to breath grew, becoming uncomfortable, then painful. I stopped kissing and let her go. She held on, tightening her arms around me. I pushed against her, trying to break free. My lungs caught fire, my mind panicked. I thrashed against her. Then all went black, my body relaxed. I went flaccid, as a peace came over me. She held on, as I convulsed, a final time, in her arms.
ghost queen Apr 2020
tired of fighting, of swimming upstream, for what purpose, to what end. is there a meaning, a vision to this haphazard existence. there is order in chaos, intricate fractals, when seen afar, but none exists in quantum world.

the cruelty to be given self awareness, told of free will, knowing it is an illusion. nudged along the way, by unseen forces. do you exist in this bubble of eternal expansion, in this realm of known physics. are you a vibration, a collection of strings, interacting subtly, in ten dimensions.

given a blank canvas, brushes, and paints, to draw anything, paralyzed by infinite choices, over come with fear, at the bifurcating possibilities,  how frightening, at events made permanent, mind blowing, the last refugee is in psychosis

when the horror is realized, a candle’s flame, when it dies, there is only darkness, hoping the soul is a drop, falling into a welcoming ocean
Part physics, part psychology, part Hinduism
ghost queen Mar 2021
i feel so much
take it in
too deep
i want to scream
with madness
and ecstasy
ghost queen Oct 2020
your voice so sweet and soft
a feminine lullaby
to tame the beast within
with girly girl ways
and doe eyes
dedicated to 0509
ghost queen Jun 2021
feral hearts
lost in the wilderness
where once there was
there is no more
ghost queen Oct 2021
0 & 1 is 1                my
1 & 1 is 2                love
2 & 1 is 3                for
3 & 2 is 5                you
5 & 3 is 8                is
8 & 5 is 13              eternal
13 & 8 is 21            boundless
21 & 13 is 34          immeasurable
34 & 21 is 55          limitless
55 & 34 is 89          incalculable
89 & 55 is 144        unconditional
∞                             ad infinitum
Nerdy math love
ghost queen May 2021
the last page
final chapter
close the cover
this story
is over
ghost queen Jan 2023
you realize
you’re aging
getting old
closer to dying
with every sunrise

fear takes hold
creeping into your mind
consuming your thoughts
i am no longer young
spry or vibrant

i feel helpless
hopeless
how long do i have
before the sun’s final set
ghost queen Nov 2023
“How do you prefer to dance Tango? Open or closed.” I asked, looking into her big brown eyes.

“Open,” she replied softly. “Which do you prefer?”

“Closed,” I said, opening up my arms, and letting her decide on the embrace.

At 5 foot 10, and with heels on, she stood even with me; she stepped forward, embracing me, chest to chest, as I wrapped my arms around her, surprised, but glad that she'd chosen the closed embrace, which told me so much about her. I had sensed, but now I knew. She was the quintessential follower: passionate and sensuous, surrendering herself unconditionally to her leader.

Her femininity and demureness, unconsciously and instinctively brought out an urge in me to protect. I held her, gently, lovingly, and slowly started to rock back and forth to the music, like a man rocking a baby.  

We started to dance and within seconds I felt it: the chemistry. Our bodies attuned, and we danced as one, losing ourselves in the melody.

Her hair brushed against my face, and I could smell her scent, earthy and delicate like rain.

We turned, and I held her tighter, feeling her softness, her ******* pressing against my chest. Who was she, mysteriously, coming out of nowhere, like an angel in the night?
ghost queen Dec 2023
I hold you in my arms
safe and warm
in the depths of a night
sitting by the fireplace
whispering “te quiero”
softly in your ear
kissing your lips
ever so tenderly
i lose myself
in your eyes
intoxicated
by your scent
the feel of your hair
against my face
how can i resist
your body
your heart
your soul
Laura
ghost queen May 2020
when i touched you
for the first time
held you gently
respectful and kind

pulled you near
face to face
feeling your breath
your body against mine

i brushed your hair
caressed your lips
you felt safe
that someone cared
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