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Millie May 2023
My own person is healthy and courageous. My own person is self-aware and emotionally intelligent. He is growth-oriented, resourceful and positive.

My own person is supportive, thoughtful, kind and empathetic. My own person is ready to take accountability, communicate and work through things even when the going gets rough.

My own person desires to make me happy, chooses me and shows up for me. He is sure about me and healthily obsessed with me. My own person encourages and lifts me up when I’m at a low point.

My own person does not disappear when I need him. My own person protects me. He knows how to introspect, reflect and has a desire to be better.

My own person does not make me feel small or irrelevant. My own person is a secure place where I can feel at home. My own person is expressive. He is a source of light when I am in a dark place.

My own person is as sure about me as the sun rises and sets without our asking, with certainty; regardless of the weather, timezone or location.
I was thinking about the traits I'd love to have in a partner and put this together.
Millie Feb 2022
I honestly don't know why I'm still talking to you
And I honestly don't know why I'm entertaining you in my life.

I know for sure that I don't have despicable hatred for you  
And I know for sure that I'm not head over heels in love with you.

We're just friends.

Sometimes I get bored and I don't mind company.
I'm just a bit worried for weird dynamics because there’s that weird tension.

Well, I think you are good looking.

But there's not much I can do about it
And honestly there's not much that I want to happen.

Because that side is stressful
And you don’t make it easier.
Caught feelings for a friend
Millie May 2018
Dear papa,
you call me "daddy's girl" to the eyes of the world
and cut me off when I share my deep opinions
recycling your feel-good sources
your love is conditional
to how great I can make you feel

Dear mama,
you spell me out in your sour words
defining me with my shortcomings
you see your mistakes in me
calling me "a weak child with no guidance"
unaware that you have never shown real guidance

Dear lover,
you fail to show real emotions
to anything that is less than perfect
my imperfections threaten your ego
i am clearly invisible  
fighting through your lack of empathy

Dear self,
you have been buried deep into your mind
obsessing over the ways your dearests have failed you
despite the unconditional love you give
It is time to start recognising how you have failed yourself
and fight for your own peace
Taking each day at a time, fighting depression
Millie May 2018
Everything is fine
and everything is not
twelve hours
thats all it takes for this
merry-go-round to complete a trip

Now I am tired
Everywhere is calm
The toxins are taking over
Ethanol flowing through my veins
I can't make up a decent statement

It is finally over
I am weak
I can sleep
I feel peace
I hope I am stronger next time
drank a **** ton of ***** to calm an anxiety attack
  Apr 2018 Millie
Ann Beaver
If I could love
the limping
ugly
afraid
part of me
That I drag through the mud
and thorns

If I could let
the transparent
clawing
screaming
silhouette speak
Instead of kicking it
into the basement

If I could put
my deepest human essence
onto paper
for everyone to see

Then.
Then, I could be free.
Millie Apr 2018
Last week
I promised myself to practice self love
Wellness from inside out,
Why am I lying in bed?
Starving to death
Convincing myself I am not hungry

Last week
I promised myself to build hope
Think plans that make the future exciting,
Why do I not see past this moment?
Stuck in the present
Living each pain over and over again

Last week
I promised myself to have a little faith
To believe and trust in myself,
Why am I convinced that I am no good?
Weak and lazy
Waiting for the pain to go without trying

Last week
I ran a bath to slit my wrists
But the blade wasn't sharp enough.
I only scarred myself
Why is this feeling back
Without a sight of faith, hope or self love?
Millie Apr 2018
my life is tainted with toxicity
some, I can not run away from
others, I do not have the strength to
now, I just live each day at a time
not eager to see where this all leads
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