you did not smash a guitar to
splinterings: That Night,
there weren’t enough iiiiii

watching:

six cigarettes later,
all packed,
tossed back,

....you meandered off...
a long pause...

LOST CAUSE




I too patiently waited out the fight
I too patiently weighed out the fight
I too patiently way out did the fight

weighted, I, too,
impatiently,
way out,
-wait-

FIGHT

I never asked for this, you know,
I just let it happen.

A whole,
altogether,
totally different, thing, than,
you know,
-asking for it-



a whole other story.


I didn’t
mean for it
to get this far
I only
allowed it to happen——
I only
held my arms

split open from
the rotten heat
of

March:
Hell Month of
Guttural Resurfacings

still the furnace on
,cranking, nauseating,

iron, leaden, air,
bulging, gray,
in the room we shared,

I only sometimes
(said no)
when you didn’t listen

...


((I never put my heart to fighting it))
(((I was complicit)))

I was melting, right here, finding every. thing.,
a little (too) bright,uneven,on the couch,
when you called me I felt my
throat tighten- breathed in-

your name on a screen.

                                thesecondtolastring

“It­’s all about timing.”

Red Night-
Dead Anger-

settle.
jaggedly,
unsteady:

“look out for
sharp corners”

(the tightest turns)

Remember? When I was *******?
You bit that hook

—even
dropped the line off
the side of

some ******* dinghy...


some inflatable **** *******
joke that I took...


Smile on my face as I

                         wait...
                         can’t you taste:
                                the blood?


notes of cherry blossom,
    a bearskin rug,

RAIN
+
——
+
++
PINE

you wish you
knew
where you
could walk off to

-to Night:
half-drunk-
staggering cigarettes-
slamming a-
streetlight
shimmering
view of
two-
sidewalks snaking-
who?-



what few
friends you
have are all sleeping
or dead
or in your own head
and all the bars close
too

soon...



(you
stop)


intentionless
on the edge of your
bed
with the final four
cigarettes

and that ******* song still in your head

HEY-
I’m going out.
It’s not too late.
Brianna’s house.
You know that’s safe.

Hey, I’m sorry I smell like cigarettes. I’m sorry my eyes are red. I know it’s later than we said and now you want me right now dead!

Hey, I’m sorry I went out. I wasn’t in my bed. You woke up in the middle of the night and thought that I was dead!!

Silence

all but for scorned Snow
                                and his
                                static
                      ­          pulse,
Thunder's shadow,

bearing fiercely
echoes of unspoken
echoes.

"Is there Any Thing?
Who dare?

Brave out the
cold." It is
long and,

owl-eyed, the Moon
cried its contest:
"Who? You?

Step forward,
into the deep,
White Night."

the scent of

“it’s 3AM.
My fingernails are long
***** clockwork
-unclipped-
oiled-jagged hands - I am,
                                     like time,
                                     spent

in a coffee shop, with a drink
you don’t like much
and, still, hours to ****.

No One Loves It
Who Isn’t
Anymore

calling
a ***** for
a life before “YOUR”



nervous nerves, us,



stomach ache
heart ache
more of the same old breaks

don’t you know how much I
love you I love you I
only want what I
think is best
for you I
really do know best I
will take care of everything honey I
promise you I
just want you to be happy I
just want you to behave

I’m sorry
I’m sorry
I’m sorry

She almost said

that’s a wild animal.
He doesn’t care that you think it’s cute.

Don’t touch him.
He is on fire in hot
                                                  pursuit
of suitor, taming
of the tamer
of cold sharp breaths
of air
of the polluter’s diluted self, aware


And, so, where are you when I am scared
or (alone)
((skeletal))
(((in need of repair)))?

lacking in tenderness while half-listening—doe-eyed—wanderous—confidently—
“Despair is a feral thing”
You set it

to the choral whispers of rotting,
on a golden-forest bedful of debris.

She’s not kissing
I’m not kidding
Do you think this is a joke
Die
Die
Die
Die die die die die
No one’s kissing
No one’s missing
No one’s opening their eyes

You know what I’m like

when I’m bored.

(I meant that, to be insulting
-Insinuating festering aggression,
and a girl you ****** 5 weeks ago.-)

If it’s not me,
it’s no one, and every one, and you

Alone in a full bed
with several jagged blankets
and a cat that’s almost dead.

I want everything
or nothing at all.

There. I said it.
Jealous and uncomfortable,
giving you the go ‘head.

a scarf wrangled around
my shoulders at 2am.

Paula would knock me out
Paula would slap me in the face
Paula would lock me me out
Paula would hit me on my face

I don’t know why I’m still here I cannot can’t see through my tears I’m lying on a bed that’s not mine crying through my our her fears

Paula would knock me out
Paula would slap me in the face
Paula would lock me out
She would she would she spit in my face

Jackie Did It
she “got out,”
un-alive

not sure where wrong was
but I know how the turn goes

crooked and awkward
standing in almost place
with a half flat wheel
and a broken face

it wasn’t my fault
it wasn’t my fault
it wasn’t my fault