ESCAPING INTO THE MUSIC

"Time is what
we are given

in order to search
for happiness."

The window contained
the world

that was coming apart
as we spoke.

It held the storm
in place

as if we looked in on
another dimension.

Heaven glowered and
even the sky cowered.

Lightning tore the day apart
as if it were mere paper.

"The cancer has advised me
to pack up what time's left

collect whatever memories
I want to take with me."

The world in the window
was going over the top

pulling out all the stops
with cheap theatrical effects.

Enough to make one laugh
at the unreality of Reality.

The laughter made her
weaker.

She withdrew
inside herself

to where I could
neither know or follow her.



I put on the record
and she escapes into the music.

children play with lots of toys
that help them find their passion -
or what isn’t their passion -
a little girl may dress up dolls
and find a love of fashion design
or a little boy may play with cars
and dream about driving nascar.

alternatively
a little girl may play a game of operation
and decide she never wants to be a doctor
or a little boy may play on a sports team
and realize he never wants to be an athlete.

me? i’m not the little girl
finding her dreams or dislikes.
i’m the one being used by boys
to find what they don’t like in a girl.
i’m not a person to them, i’m a toy.
they use what they like,
critique my flaws,
and return me saying
i’m just not what they really wanted.
no concern for my emotions,
only worried about using me
until i’ve served my purpose
of helping them find
what they don’t want in a girl

I’m having a difficult time coping.
The **** is hitting the fan.
I know you wouldn’t understand.

I’m glad you’re coming.

Jealousy??
A myth!!
A way to hide the truth

Love??
An illusion!!
A way to live with fake

Hatred??
A mystery!!
That happens for the wrong person

What if Love and Hatred be interchanged.
I wold hate you till the end of my life!!

Have you ever felt
you loved someone that
you hated the person?

Have you ever felt
you knew everything that
you knew nothing?

Have you ever felt
the overwhelming happiness and grace that
you manifested signs of sadness?

Have you ever felt
the burning heart inside
though you are soaked outside?

Feeling feelings,
i do not fully understand
what they are
but they color the blank sheet of life –

I'm here sitting
alone,
the smell of coffee runs through
my veins,
some music i probably will forget
in a few years arguing with
the thought of you,

But I'm here,
I'm here,
writing about what's happening

pretty boring huh?

i call myself a poet
but i can't use high metaphors,

i call myself a poet
but i can't describe fully
how you make me feel

i call myself a poet

but what am i?

I'm just a kid
scared of life
finding new ways to cope
searching for someone to love,
desperate,
not holding unto my dreams
how can i choose with my mind
what's right for the heart to choose.

and you see?
don't you see?

don't worry i can't either

i can't see how great i am
i can't see how other people see me
i wish i could.

i want to believe this was a dream
or
a nightmare at that.

But at last.
I'm here wishing that in another life
i could be with you,
or
maybe in other deaths,

i crave your touch,
i crave you..
with coffee waking up my senses
like a kid in summer waking up early
to go play with his friends.

i wish things were different,
so i wouldn't have to wish.

And the longer I breathe
The weaker the passion becomes
The harder it is to take a step
The easier it is to imagine death