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4:03
Violet Jul 2017
4:03
I am hiding in the shadows waiting for the light of dawn


I am waiting in your bushes for the porch light to come on


I am peeking through your windows while you're lighting dinner candles


And I'm in your glove compartment as you pull the car door handle


I am hanging over your bed when you are wide awake and dreaming



In your infancy I watched you as you woke up red and screaming



I now watch you when you walk your dog and put away your clothes



You can't see me but I notice how you're starting to unfold



I have watched you gently untangle and unravel before my eyes



You've wasted away to nothing and at night I hear you cry



You can't fool me like the others I have seen this all before



You tell them that you're alright when you want to say much more



But your pride is keeping your tongue at bay but it cannot keep you forever



You've lasted for so long but I think it's time we got together



I am waiting in the bushes for your porch light to come on



But I'll be waiting for a while because you are already gone



At 4:03 this morning you took what mattered to you and fled



But what matters is your life was what you took with when you left
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Closing time
Violet Nov 2018
Closing time
The things I didn't think about in the moment. Post demise. We're off limits during this transition. Bumping into things. Chewing at my bottom lip by the frozen foods. I hear the buzzing of the coolers or maybe it's my own brain. Closing time.



My mind has started to remove patches of the memories as my unconscious paints them in a hue of nostalgia. This time, light blue. Glorified. Dignified. I start to lose touch with what actually happened and what I fabricated. My shoe sticks to a piece of gum on the floor.  Starting to lose sight of the reality and the fallacy. A concoction of words and timelines. Somewhere between the frozen peas and carrots. I start to wish I would've cherished you more. Memorized the palm of your hand and the curve of your spine.



I can still hear it. I'm sorry. So many times. Reverb.


"All we are is apologies and endings"


On the kitchen floor now. I stare at the walls now. I leave my door unlocked now. There's nothing I could lose in a break in that you haven't taken.



If you ever come back.



We can wrap ourselves in memories and I can turn off all the lights.



Stare up at the ceiling like we did on all those nights.



Don't have to tell me you'll be over I'd rather you just walk right in.



And tell me that you're here and that you'll never leave again.
Not really sure if this qualifies as poetry or not...
#love #sadness #depression #breakup #hurt #sad #dark
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Doubts
Violet Jul 2017
Doubts
Did you fall out of our love the way you'd fall out of a bed?

Did it happen really quickly like a hard blow to the head?

Did it happen in the night when you awoke from restless sleep?

Did it weigh just like a secret that was far too hard to keep?

I look back and feel I should have seen this coming all along

But I know I was afraid of losing all we had become

And now I feel like all the moment's that we shared are tinged with doubt

I just crumpled up our hopes and dreams and threw the ****** thing out

Cause it never seemed quite like you just to leave at moments glance

The way you talked it seemed as though our love had really stood a chance

And I guess this is the place where we should go our separate ways

But I left you twenty voicemails saying I need you to stay

But you never called me back and I don't think you ever will

All the promises we made and I am reeling from them still

It seems you fell out of our love and if I don't see you again

I only hope that you look back and see what came before the end
Continue reading...
False alarm
Violet Nov 2018
False alarm
And I'll keep curling my hair and wishing you cared and putting my love up for sale in the yard.



I'll keep sitting on my patio and wishing on cloud covered stars and pulling my knees under sweatshirts to make myself as small and unnoticeable as possible.



I'll keep wearing fingerless gloves and falling in love with things that only remind me of your smell your taste your eyes your mouth.



I'll keep getting up 2 hours after my alarm and blinking my dusty eyes as my sweaty palms grip your side of the mattress.



I'll keep doing all the things that make me me while you keep doing the things that make you too.



False alarms and ***** of yarn and self harm and sad guitars can't fill the void you left.



And I ask myself if I can live instead of just exist without you yet.
Continue reading...
Fire+water
Violet Jul 2017
Fire+water
my father said don't play with fire

And my mother said not in the rain

But my sister told me they were liars

And that parents just liked to complain

So I went out and jumped in the puddles

And I got myself all soaking wet

And I came inside looking like death had warmed over

My mother said "where have you been"

I told her that water was water

And I will play in it all that I want

She said that I had every right to

Just be sure that I dry myself off

But the rain soon became sort of tiresome

And the fire was tempting me more

As I stood in my soaking golashes

Looking at the firelight through the door

So slowly I slipped in the house

My clothes sticking straight to my skin

I knelt down in front of the fire

And started to reach my hand in

Just when it started to burn just a little

I was pulled by the scruff of my neck

As I realized that i was probably in trouble

My father, said "where have you been"

It took me a moment to gather my voice

And to find the words with which to speak

As I sat on the floor feeling sorry for myself

Picking at the holes in my jeans

I said water would always be water

It's cold and it's hot and it's wet

But the fire was something to fear altogether

And I think that I liked the rain best
Continue reading...
Here's to endings
Violet Jul 2018
Here's to endings
We ended just as quickly as we started as i recall



The moment i met you, my red hair, your tattoos, grabbing coffee and hoping for fall



I thought we had a chance but chances are I'm probably wrong



I should have listened to my gut saying you were lying all along



But i listened to my heart instead and ended up where i am now



Cutting my skin on the pieces of my shattered heart as it lays on the ground



You can't just block someone and act like what was there had never existed



The fact that you did though tells me from the start this whole thing was twisted



You had only one motive but I stayed devoted hoping someday you would come around



But now that I've lost you completely I'm seeing the signs I ignored somehow



I'm glad that we ended before we got started it leaves me nothing to remember



Except the moment I met you, my red hair, your tattoos on that afternoon in September
Continue reading...
Indebted
Violet Jul 2018
Indebted
The hardest feelings to process in this process nearly over


No longer am i looking to see if you're looking over my shoulder


The sound of your voice has nearly faded from those age old memories


We can't deny that we had good chemistry though, now can we?


The darkest places I was in is when you'd make your grand appearance


When I was thinking of ending it all your presence acted as interference


But a crutch is all you became in spite of my thinking it was something more


You're probably going about your life while I lose my **** on my living room floor


I did this all for you I hope you know that much is true



But you don't owe me anything if anything I'm indebted to you



  I'll leave a forwarding address below in case you should still care



And I'll keep opening my doors and messages even though I know no one is there
#love #hate #emo #dark #heartbreak #rhyme #hatred #sadness #feel #broken
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Miracle Drug
Violet Jul 2017
Miracle Drug
I am every bit of my sadness

I am every drop of my tears

I am what I said I was yesterday

I haven't changed much through the years

And I tried to be something much better

But much better was too hard to be

So I guess that I've failed you immensely

But there's one thing I want you to see

I've been wearing this mask for a while now

My makeup is starting to flake

I've awaited my chance for some time now

I don't know how much more I can take

My dearest you don't understand how

The sunshine can stay out for days

Then suddenly downpours take over

And I fall into all my old ways

But my comfort has never been sunshine

And my downfall has never been rain

And somehow I feel both of them sometimes

My thunderclouds mix with my flame

And you try to talk me out of feeling

But there's some things you just can't erase

I have worn out my welcome in numbness

So I'm going to cut right to the chase

That I guess what I'm saying is, sometimes

I don't need any miracle drugs

I am laying in bed and I'm thinking

What I really could use is a hug
Continue reading...
Our Fate
Violet Oct 2018
Our Fate
I think I understood the moment I felt that doubt in my mind


I think I understood when you left me alone here all those nights


I think I understood that i was being blindsided


I think I understood but I tried so hard to hide it


All the red flags waving in my face but i put my blinders on


I guess when you care that much about someone you're already too far gone


And in doing so i get to enjoy the product of my actions


I knew i was setting myself up for a fall but you made a **** good distraction


You filled the void so well and played your part without missing a beat


We put on quite a performance highlighted with passion and deceit


And now the crowd goes wild while the stage we set goes up in flames


After all the bows are taken though it's time to dole out the blame


Make sure we both get our fair share though to be fair there's plenty to go around


An extra helping of guilt wouldn't hurt since we're already going all out


Be sure to get your tickets to the show before it's much too late


A not to be missed performance compellingly morbid, entitled


"Our fate"
#love #hurt #sad #dark #rhyme #rhyming #heartbreak #sadness #darkness
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Shadows
Violet Jul 2017
Shadows
I watch the shadows falling on the sheets of this old bed


The shadows that have fallen on my life since you have left



An homage to the life I live since my life has come undone



I sit here drinking coffee with the rising of the sun



Light has become a reminder of a life I'll never have



I've spent so much time wasting time I never should have spent



It's a lesson learning living isn't living without love



and that love is something given when you feel like giving up



And if giving up was living for you then who was I to make you stay



But if time was feeling giving I would just want one more day



Just to take you in my arms and tell you all the things I didn't



Maybe that would've held you back from leaving both our stories unfinished



It's finished now but I don't think that you ever thought of this



The shadows in my world are what you're leaving in your midst
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Slivers
Violet Aug 2021
Slivers
When the moon cannot swallow your sadness

And the stars cannot shine through your fears

I do hope you look back on me fondly

Realizing it was me all those years

When you are left all by your lonesome

And remember the warmth of my hands

Know that what I gave you was little

But I was giving you all that I had
#memories #heartbreak #love #breakup #sadness #relationship #dark #moon #hopeless
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Underground
Violet Sep 2017
Underground
As you stand with a knife in your hand thinking how easy it would be to end it


I am reminded of just how I felt when the black clouds and darkness had finally descended


If I could part the seas of blackness that leave you drowning when you least expect


I could understand why you called out for help but then left me for hours on "read"


If I had the power to wrap my arms around you when the coldness takes you under arrest


If I could reach inside your mind and keep all the best things but leave out all the rest


If my words had the ability to cut through all the sorrow that's holding you captive


I'd destroy this phantom monster that takes away your joy and leaves you stranded


But I stand here simply watching the slow undoing of you and I'm helpless


Please hear me as I call to you I am telling you not to end this


Because I was just like you before I made the choice that has led me to where I am now


As you stand with a knife in your hand I am screaming your name from six feet underground
Continue reading...
Unidentified love.
Violet Jun 2018
Unidentified love.
I spend my hours tossed to the wayside wondering where you are



And christalmighty oh mercy it hurts the longer we're apart



Breaking my every bone would be easier than living without you



But the truth is that I've lied too much to ever tell the truth



I've taken all the cautions i can take and still I'm cautious



And the sight of your perfect body is enough to make me nauseous



I imagine what it's like to spend a night tangled in your bed



I'm standing in the frozen foods and this store is completely dead



These fantasies of you and me have left me bruised and beaten



Let's lose our heads and clothes tonight now that you have me defeated



The drink you're raising to your lips falls to the floor and shatters



We're wasted as we waste away the only thing that matters



Is it vain of me to think that this is love that we have started?



Or is there no more feeling than the first time that we parted?



I spend my hours tossed to the wayside I wonder where you are



I fear that we have ended before we had the chance to start
#love #relationship #people #hurt #heartbreak #rhyming #new #dark #mood #aesthetic
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Us
Violet Jul 2017
Us
It's the look upon my face when I have nothing left to hide

When I've stumbled through the words that hold the truth I keep inside

When I'm holding both your hands and we are running low on time

And we've taken it upon ourselves to act like that's alright

When I'm thinking you could use a shave and I should probably eat

And we're trying to piece together when's the next time we will meet

I won't act like this is a burden, that this hurts more than it heals

I'll make the most of every breath and question if this is real

I will walk away so slowly just to see you for one moment more

And I'll whisper that I love you as I slowly close the door

But I don't think that you heard me as my eyes cloud over with doubt

Or maybe I just stumbled over my words on my way out
Continue reading...
Voicemail
Violet Sep 2018
Voicemail
Just called to say I'm alive but I am living in your absence



Just called to say I'm fine and by fine I mean distracted



Distracted by the thought that we were never meant to be



That punch in the gut of a fact hit me this morning at half past three



Cause if we were meant to be then we sure as hell wouldn't be where we are now



Taking everything we had built up and burning it straight to the ground



I wonder if you ever think of me are your dreams splattered with my face



But that implies that I would've meant something to you in the first place



It's ******* how you told me I could call you and talk to you at any old time



Cause this voicemail will go unlistened to even though I can see you're online



It's fine I'll just keep looking for your car, your face, and a sign that you ever cared



Leave a message at the sound of my voice, please pick up I know you're still there
Idc how ****** this is I just felt like getting the pain out...
_
#emo #pain #hurt #heartbreak #sad #dark #rhyming #rhyme #love #darkness
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Weight
Violet Jul 2017
Weight
And somehow I know I am living even Though living has not been so great

And sometimes I think I was happier when I had lost all but half of my weight

And could not string the simplest sentence together or fuse all the thoughts in my head

And couldn't hold more than ten pounds in my hands and when sleeping, I looked as though dead.

When my fingers looked old and were covered in cracks like the sidewalks that I used to run

When my body was screaming in protest and lapsed Into habits that can't be undone

When silence is almost like sound in the dark And when sound becomes something you fear

And summer heat felt akin to freezing to death and the looks you get drive you to tears

I am breathing right now And my skin is not dry And my stomach is not filled with air

And the darkness is closing in tightly around And there's sounds but I know nothing's there

And somehow I know I am living right now even though living has not be so great

And I know that I gained back a part of myself When I let myself put on some weight
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— The End —