.
     I stare down at the plate of toast and beans
     wondering why this was never part of my dreams.
     Looking for the future with an illusional pretence,
     hoping good apples will fall on my side of the fence.

And as the fork dances slow
around the legumes in spirals,
the tedium of a wasting life
bears the burden and scars
of missed opportunities in paralysis
and the colour of once bright lights
          glow black,
shining a shadow into the void
covering the bruises
that were once achievements of worth,
     now tender patches
          of failure.
I drop the fork ...

     … pushing away the plate and leaving food uneaten,
     my desire for its nutrition fought and beaten,
     Looking at the apple tree with sombre regret
     maybe its fruit will fall and save me yet.

And disappointment
is worse than anger,
it begins with the stench of loss
the nasal whiff of
what if …

And what if the little apple tree
drops all its fruit down to me?
Would I recognise fortune on my side
or fear the illusions and run to hide?


© Pagan Paul (17/02/18)

Dear music,
Thanks  for   always
clearing   my   head,
healing   my   heart,
and lifting my spirits.

It's  not  the  song  that
makes  you  emotional...
it'­s the people and things
that come to mind when
you hear it.

All it  takes is 1 song  to
      bring back 1000
                       memories.

One song ---
the lyrics, the melody, the mood ---
can take you back
to a moment in time
like nothing else can.

Each memory has a
soundtrack of it's own.

Music is life. That's why
our hearts have beats.

Never underestimate the healing power of listening to your favorite music on full blast while dancing around the house like an idiot.
                                                          ­                                  Jon York   2019